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2022-06-26 - 9:48 a.m.

Was on FB and saw a photo my friend Jane posted of a lady who was a dear friend to her.

The interesting thing is this lady is a sweet older lady who allowed June to camp in her yard and live there for a while when June found herself in between jobs and homeless as a single mom.

The show MAID was so good in capturing life for the working poor who can not afford housing.

June has navigated her life as a woman without a college education working as housekeeper or care provider, nanny or elder care for the 18 years it took her to raise her remakably wonderful daughter.

Her daughter is really awesome. I just wished she would have gone off to college- as her mother also wished she did.
My friend even saved every penny to send her kid to live in a New England town to go to a wonderful prep school. It was a boarding/day school that she knew of from her youth and she knew that if a resident of that small town that the students living there got to attend that school for free as it served the public school students ( The very few that actually lived there in the tiny town) along with the paying boarding students who came from all over.

How my friend knew of this is a mystery to me as I know June went to HS here in VA and then in Arizona to finish as she lived with an Aunt. I think she in between attended that school ?? Not clear on the story and how she was there a bit and when there became the young mom.

BUT June wanted the best opportunities she could offer her daughter and she thought that the education there would serve her better than the public school here to open up possibilities.

She and her daughter lived with me for periods; but then there was that time frame when she was living with the older lady who embraced us all and was literally like a surrogate grandmother to my kids and I and a real blessing of a friend in our lives.

June lived in the lovely lady's home who agreed to have my kids go there after school.

I had released June from my employ full time and she found another situation as my youngest was going to be in school full time. It made more sense for June to get another well paying full time job and see if she could help me out part time ( for both of us single moms - to increase income for each of us!)

So that was what we did- not expecting the full day kindergarden to be cut from budget so then the kindergardener needing to be picked up mid day rather than hours later with the older kids.

This lovely lady was so accomodating as June took the new job with her and she was so gracious about her going back and forth and bringing my kids there. I initially hired another lady to pick up the youngest

(She got treated TERRIBLy by the school at the time. I mean it was literally crazy how they treated this kind former teacher I had hired. I hired a woman who had five or more years experience as a teacher in another state who had moved here. She wanted part time and I met her at church. That is another story altogether as there was a woman treating me, and June and then also this lady HORRIFFICALLY such that she was in tears and quit as it was emotionally traumatic for her! June then continued to help and picked up my youngest with the blessing of her new employer who grew into this wonderful friend to us all over the years. In fact June's daughter then later became her care provider for seven MORE years after teh years that June lived and work there. During that time her daughter bought a house with a partner and drove back and forth having grown up and started her own life. She blossomed into a beautiful independent young woman we who even helped in the tiniest miniscual way in her growth path, make us all so proud! She did live with me in my home for times! Even for one period in which June was no longer under my employ, nor her- but she needed a home to live in while working and becoming independent. I basically offered my basement to her for a time as she was such a pleasure and she was welcomed as long as needed.

Its amazing how mean some can be and how odd and unbelieveable it feels - surreal at the time as until recent such ugliness was so hidden it was like others couldn't fathom it was real. I am convinced this was racist as the particular lady was there at the little school when my oldest two were there and the ugliness of my treatment coincided with my oldest announding "I'm black" but that is a different chapter - point being it was years later and the vitrol of racism was so trememdously UGLY In the treatement of me, anyone in my world, including my youngest child when she entered kindergarden at that same school. MY youngest still has fond memories of her elementary school as she does not remember that. I don't think she really has memory that is... and she did in fact end up living with Dad half time and we had a court order I could not MOVE with my kids.)

I still don't claim to know what is best for kids.
To be forced to mainatain relationships with an abuser parent in hopes there is not continued abuse and in hopes that the relationship can heal
OR To be removed from an abusive parent in hopes that the child can heal through healthy relationship with others.


I am speaking to the question of FOR KIDS

NO CONTACT whatsoever

CONTACT with an abuser PARENT that is somehow ensured to be safe.

I don't really know the answer as to what makes kids heal and helps them be as good as they can possibly be after such trauma.

I am happy that my friend, friend to many and really acquaintence to me-

but that is true enough still my friend

and one of the few I don't mind naming her as he is literally a public figure in this area. ( I mean known and beloved BY HUNDREDS through his amazing work as a music therapist)

has his one man show that is playing at Capital Fringe dealing with his abusive upbringing and the healing and forgiveness that was in his life path.

Meatballs and Music
Go see it or whatever resonates with you if you are in the DC area.

Feed your soul by taking time for yourself to hear a story which does make your heart sing.

Stories of overcoming trauma do make my heart sing.

Stories of forgiveness and love.

Stories of resiliance and those brave enough to stand and fight when someone NEEDS To to change injustices.

So this week I saw To Kill a Mockingbird at The Kennedy Center.

It is the last of the Artist Way Date tix for the ending season which I bought for myself as my own Christmas gift when my DAD sent me money as a Christmas Gift.

So it really was a gift from my DAD that I was able to do that.

IT seemed so indulgent at the time.
Now it also seemed necessary.

That reminded me who I am.

The last line of Calpernia was everything in the show. I can't recall the words exactly and don't believe in spoilers..
but Calpernia for me was a central figure in the show and she received thunderous applause after delivery of her final powerful line in the rewrite, in which she calls out truth.

Darn, I had my coffee and wrote and its late for church already!!

My mantra: Show up anyway.
Was SO GLAD yesterday I did so for Zumba. The dog always needs walking RIGHT when its time to go of course, and I just can't say no... not to physical needs of the dog which of course manifest when I want to leave. (HA HA... Its like the dog is smarter than me?? Maybe?? behavior mod??)
The exercise WAS SO THERAPUTIC !! I SO NEEDED That and felt so much more balanced afterwards. I got in a whole 50 min of exercise which would not have happened if I worried about showing up late! AND I got a BIG welcome when the teacher noticed I was there from him and the small group. They are SO welcoming. NEXT time I will try again to get up EARLIER and be on time. (This was a last minute decision as I happened to naturally be rested and awake early enough to go. Honestly sleeping until my body wakes has been more of a priority many Saturday mornings as it is the only day I CAN let my body do that. BUT I can go to be EARLIER on a Friday night and set an alarm to have that same need for sleep met! )

I am going to sneak off to church... ha... hide leaving from Bellatrix... as I DID let her out and she spent time in the yard this AM. I think she is FINALLY Staying in the back yard!
I spent $350 on a containment system. It was not effective.

BUT FINALLY she encountered SOMETHING in the woods that scared the heck out her and seems to have learned fear.

Not that I should celebrate that, but it is ironic in its way. She came back one day after being outside and galavanting STinKING SO BADLY

It was really awful.

I am sure she enountered some creature. She has been reticent to go out in the backyard even. I had to accompany her a few times to overcome her fear.
This morning she did go and hang our in the yard and indeed seems to be going only to the place I have been training her to go. She seems to finally not want to run under the fence and go off exploring.

It is a bit sad to see her happy joyful adventurous spirit thwarted by having encountered fear. So disappointing I could not train her by only positive reinforcement to want to stay and play in the yard. ( Heck not, the treats and toys were no match for adventures until she got a fright!)

She stuck SO BADLY I guess either she was rolling in scat , maybe deer then saw such MASSIVE creature up close?
OR was sprayed by some animal?? (IT smelled more like dung than spray- at least not that of a skunk. But do other animals spray? Cats? I heard the CRYING scraming cat like sounds that I swear are cayote in the woods just day or two earlier ( this happens in EARLY AM mating? -- maybe she saw one of those screeching I think cat family creature of some sort? CATS? Something that sounds like a cry of a baby crossed with cry of terror but maybe extacy of overwelming pleasure scream of animal in heat?? NOT Sure WHAT that is but it sound so terrifying) OR she encountered a fat racoon?

Whatever it was-
She is humbled and I don't have to worry about her running to the neighbor's house and bark and insigate her dogs.

(Church on line today... YEs....loggin in now in my PJs.. just that kinda day I have decided.)

Time to listen and grateful that my pastor speaks to what is relevant today.

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