2022-07-02 - 12:15 p.m.

I realized it was really too late for Zumba this morning after walking Bellatrix.
I took her for a really brief walk in order to go but as the clock read 8:45 ( how did that much time pass?) I just then hydrated really well, put on some suncreen and then took her for a run.

I did not run too far, or too fast, but did enjoy my neighborhood loop. It felt so great to get out there and move!
I came inside afterwards and kept moving and got my house cleaned. Laundry, dishes , floors, cleaned a bathroom (one on main level).

Then the the fridge and at 10 am the local church run food pantry came with groceries.

My one kid was awake and happy to help unload and organize. It felt so fabulous, and they gave us tons of fresh produce which we will enjoy! I mean its funny how there are so many things we normally would not buy which are a treat. Like the really good pound of Deli Ham from the one store deli which as $12.99 a pound is just something I never buy. Or THREE packages of raspberries. Sure, we had to pick out the couple of bad ones in each, but more than 3/4 are good! I look forward to a salad with those in it. The youngest loves those and will eat a whole package herself. (I often do buy them when in season and she often will eat them! As a picky eater who doesn't like so much, I am happy she enjoys them.)

SO the big win is that I am laundering all the super stinky clothes of the oldest living here. This kid moved back from college and his room which was empty when he was at school was cleaned and I used it for guests. He came back and since back the room has smelled like a locker room!
I have told him he HAS to go through all the clothes brought back as I was sure the stink was coming from stuff BROUGHT back that had not been washed. He insisted he did that.

My house my rules

If there is a funky stale BO NASTY SMELL in your room and you don't get rid of it eventually I will.

I respect boundaries but for pulling sheets and blankets to wash and giving clothing the smell test when it gets too much and emanates from your space!!

SO YEAH!! Two of the inhabitants went to visit Dad last night. I have no idea when they are coming back but I am jazzed I changed the sheets of their beds and pillows and washed them AND I went on the reconnaissance mission to discover the source of the stink in one room!
INDEED as suspected, it was clothing in a suitcase never yet opened., and a bag with clothing moved from college not yet hung up and some was ripe!

When I picked him up from college he was getting laundry out of a macine and out that in one suitcase.

He does his own laundry of course BUT I think he wears something one time and thinks it fine to wear again. Now that is FINE if one BATHES regularly and uses DEODERANT

I can't for the life of me convince this kid he needs to bathe more and wash better. Its so frustrating. ALL the siblings are joining in telling him he needs to take better self care and that HE STINKS.

Maybe he will get it! He has a friend that comes and hangs out with him. Its so annoying to the rest of us.

So success! That room IS NOT stinking of BO like a nasty locker room anymore. The upstairs room of the teen likewise is in good shape. I did not touch the clothes in the hamper that the kids are each going to launder themselves. They DO do their own laundry but I swear they would never change those sheets!! I can't figure out WHY they would let sheets go for months and months without it bothering them. But when gone I take advantage. I will fold the no longer stinky clothing and put it back.

One suit jacket is going to the cleaners. It is the one worn for choir concerts. I mean come on you best be kind and not stinky when performing with others!!

It is so good to be home to have TIME to do this today! I just love a Saturday when I am home and can fully devote it to chores frankly. It feels so good to get my house cleaned.

And YES today I am feeling better! Felt better yesterday than the day before. I still have lingering sadness but that is pretty normal.

When the church folks asked if I wanted them to pray with them for anything, really what had come to mind was to pray for Art. So that is what we did. I didn't articulate the prayer, the nice lady did. She just said what came to her. She prayed for his growth that he receives strength from God to learn to grow in areas he needs, be responsible and take care of what he need to, and to learn what he needs to change so that he can have healthy relationships with others in time when he is ready.

Pretty good prayer from a random faith filled stranger who knows literally nothing about him.
Yes I do hope that for him. I hope he can overcome his disappointments and act and move forward to better himself. I know I am going to do so for myself (I always do). For me one of the measures of a relationship is : Is this relationship creating more joy in my life and helping me the best person I can be? Am I having enriched experiences with the person? IF SO GREAT
That does not mean some touch moments may not be present. But the overall- If there is more of a drain on energy and happiness and doing what one needs to do to better self and family
then the relationship is NOT WORKING FOR YOU.
Good relationships help you to achieve the goals you aspire to achieve. Good relationships are loving and supportive and ADD to your life by then introducing other good things you may not have thought of. Of course you need to make ROOM for those things.BUT that does not mean sacrificing your self, your growth and your progress only in the interest of the other or the shared relationship! It has to support YOU too.
That was not happening for me in the relationship with Art. Notwithstanding the abusive controlling behaviors that cropped up; it was like he wanted me to help him to be the best HE could be, but he was not offering support of ME in any way. He literally did not want to come to my home. I had to cajole him and convince him after a few month of spending time with him out or at his place. When I did bring him here it was not a postive experience for my family or him. There was tension and he said some things my one kid found offensive (and frankly I agreed with my kid in the moment!) That all played into me knowing this is not the man for me. I mean I have had other people spend time with my kids and it is not always perfect. There have been moments too... when my kid was difficult and also a time when my guy friend in Buffalo was not the most mature in responding to my kid ( now this is going back years) being difficult. But in that five-year relationship of seeing my Buffalo guy that happened ONCE and we all hung out together with my kids MULTIPLE TIMES.
I mean once in five years a moment of tension and not the best interaction. BUT the other half dozen times- at graduation of one kid we all traveled for up in NY years ago; and visits to (Heck six years ago? five? My oldest child's college graduation- ) multiple trips with the family to Buffalo, when he visited here, he always got along really good with all my kids. He likes, genuinely likes my kids and is not judgmental of them.
I have a diverse LGBTQ family.
I can't have a relationship with anyone who is not comfortable with that.

I think Art was avoiding being here as he was having issues with who my family is TODAY.
That just doesn't work for me. My dating life is separate from my family for sure UNLESS and UNTIL there is someone with whom I might consider a long-term commitment. Art was so insistent on making that a goal from the get-go- that he didn't even allow us to enjoy a casual dating relationship and grow into anything more. Its like he tried to push that before developing a foundation in the relationship.

Heck #1 dating tip: Don't move too fast or pressure the other person to move too fast.
That will NEVER go well for you.

So I enjoyed one of those nice catch up conversations with my guy friend in Buffalo. He had me laughing telling me about the gal he has been flirting with who is expressing interest in him. He said something which I found tremendously funny
"I am a little worried. She might be just a little TOO Italian for me."

My Buffalo guy friend is 50% Sicilain.

HA HA I think that cracked me up when he told me that some years back. Well better than actual Neanderthal! (And yes Art did find THAT in his geneology which is pretty funny. Ok then he is who he is. Do wish him well)

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