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2022-07-09 - 11:51 a.m.

OMG This job posting just came through my email!! I just want to capture this as although not interested in this work- cause looking for contract managment roles-

THIS is a perfect description of the role I took when I was the LEGAL SME pulling data requirements from contracts and under the direction of the program manager that hired me trained me to take over HER Role.

I had to be trained to learn how the requirements were written; how data was captured by the masking engineers and honestly it was super fun to learn. NO Freaking clue about database designs... HA Ha and No freaking technical skills prior but honestly this is the closest thing to that analyst job I have seen. SO just capturing as you know , I am still proud of the good work I did there. I am still proud of how quickly I was able to learn and be GOOD at that work. I think SOMEONE will have fun with this job! I can't however envision this work remote. I mean there was a software development team of-- heck a room full of developers; maybe 30? each working on a different problem; different part of the puzzle of the myriad requirements and parts of the design for the operations system. I would have to go consult with one on one thing; then go to consult with another and sit side by side at their computer reviewing code and finding where there was a tweak; then go to another -the data masking engineer and compare my spreasheet of the data capture of requirements ( actual legal langauge converted to data - thus masked-) in this conversation of what the word was that was going to show up as a data point in the system with a software coded formula in the system corresponding.... Alot of data comparison of the data I provided and then review of the system to ensure it was captured accurately. I mean I could NOT WALK into the job like the below NOW and rock it- would have to learn and remember what I learned and you know I don't KNOW This stuff but had been trained in a few weeks by my boss then RUN With it!! She taught me how to read teh code the developers used. I could find the data I was validating in the code and see if it was captured correctly.I knew NOTHING and she trained me and I worked with some amazing developers! It was SO MUCH FUN!! It was so collaborative. I then led the demos in which I showed the whole team each iteration of what was developed and how it worked. I was the person hand on showing the new items in the systems to the whole team. My boss was the Program Manager of a team of all these folks- the software developers, business folks, PMs etc... and she was training and grooming ME to take her role. The Director loved me and I think he was on board UNTIL Then he placed another gal to work with me
and honestly

He did that toxic parent thing!
The try to motivate by competing with someone else!


I was asking earlier if some do that fucked up shit to get people to perform.

HELL YEAH I know some do.
I think it is so fucked up.

OUR DIRECTOR did that. My boss at the time did not care for him at all and would warn me to watch out for him as he would not be loyal to anyone. He would be negative and backstab and she said she saw it time and time again. She said he would get abusive and go off on people...


She was right in the end of course. But its so interesting how that played out.
I observed he had that actual method of motivating by creating competition between people. NOT teamwork- but competition. I saw him do it repeatedly with other folks but then he did it with me.
And I was like
NAH this is not my core career plan- this is a learning moment to be a better contract manager later. This damn job pays less and is so chill ( it was!!! ) and I took it cause it was FUN and NOT stressful and truth be told even though NEW work for me in a way EASIER to learn something new and be engaged and not have the stress of being a perfectionist.Maybe that is why it seemed so easy and chill and not stressful- there was no expection of ME of being the expert! (Execpt the legal SME and that was easy with all my experience and training. I mean that was simple legal review. )

The ADHD brain THRIVES with the excitement of learning somehing new. But I do not thrive in overt competition. I only thrive if I go into a competion NOT CARING if I win, but go into doing somthign for the sheer fun of it. I can clean up in such competition then. But in order for me to really want to engage in competition and to WIN- I really have to WANT IT.
If I don't care I see no reason to then even expend energy. I just give up. I let the person who really wants it have it.
Its' not for me.

I retreated when there was a lady who worked there for years that REALLY WANTED THAT JOB.

What is funny to me is that same employee who was overtly competetive and wanted to climb the ladder,
who I actually liked as a person but for her being competetive with me

I noticed ( as connected on Linked IN) that her job title then was Sr. Business Analyst
and she really wanted to take over that role- so be it she got it..
and she then moved into

job of "Lead Associate" Office of Women and Inclusion

ha ha ha I actaully think that is a great thing as SHE is so smart perhaps she followed through and did something about the roll backs in the regulations that cut out the requirement of disabled being included in diversity hiring. ACTUALLY I just wrote of this on Linked IN. Hell I have been gone from there for a few years and it was an egregious Civil Rights roll back so I still think important to address.

Workplaces SHOULD NOT be rolling back protections for disabled workers; or those who are any minority, or LGBTQ who do a good job; OR a religious person who wants to be authentically themself at work- I don't care WHAT their religion- let a person take time for self as long as it is not infringing on others! So she is in that group! I noticed this before but until today it did not occur to me I could CONTINUE to ensure that company addresses the issue! I figured the lawsuit compelled some change and left it at that... BUT I KNOW this truly capable nice person who cares who is working in that goup now. Maybe SHE can affect change in a gentle and positve way and take up the work I WANTED To do there too!
Maybe she in fact will be happy to do so. I can let her know what I noticed and tried to address and maybe internally she can effective now CHANGE IT- as she works in that actual internal group for the company where they are responsible for diversity hiring policy!

She too was in the ERG for invisible inclusion. I actually truly like this lady. She was smart, ambitious, motivated and a really good genuine person of integrity. She was also competetive and a little insecure cause would do stuff like brag about the Director and VPs she knew and worked with...and I realized at some point the folks she was kinda braggin about were those she worked with LONG AGO....
Kinda name dropping and trying to align herself with that job title level...

I don't really give a fuck about titles.
I only care to receive such job with a title as I am a single mom and the only way I CAN afford to support my family WITHOUT a tenant is to keep freaking moving up in roles

They pay more.
Title's pay more.
Cause you are carrying RISK and fiduciary responsibily so are compensated for that. When an AGENT of a company you are compensated for that.

So here is the job posting as it just made me feel good to read it and realize even if when I left that job I liked because of Politics- Because I pushed them to NOT roll back civil rights gains of protections for disabled in their particular workplace-

and even if I embarassed their then acting Director of Women and Inclusion-

I STILL enjoyed the overall experience and don't feel bitterness. I get it- I made a bunch of folks feel self protectionist and hurt their egos and pride. They felt vulnerable. HELL They were vulnerable-
they were responsible for rolling back civil right policy. In a tangible way.

Inattention and being dismissive can cause great harm.
Someone got rid of me out of self preservation and self protection.
I get it...
So here it is:
YES this was closest description to the job I had that I have EVER seen!!

"Specialized Technical Analyst for a contract lasting through 12/29/2023, working with an insurance company in Milwaukee, WI. Work may be 100% remote.

Technology-facing role, accountable for working with database owners and enterprise quality teams to understand the requirements for their test data, including the impact of corporate standards and data dependencies, and documenting special requirements. Also accountable for working with data masking engineers to implement special requirements and new regulatory requirement, and with data governance team to centralize metadata.

Augmenting current project management team of five PMs and Client, heavy interaction with larger program team of about 25, including DBAs, QC and engineers, and with database owners and SMEs across the organization.

What are the must haves for this role?
Strong written and verbal communication skills.
Experience working with database engineers and developers and familiarity with database designs across different database technologies.
Skilled at data analysis and requirements gathering.

What are the nice to haves for this role?
Ability to work on a wide range of highly specialized/cutting edge technologies such as enterprise solutions, system integration, technical architecture, business intelligence, infrastructure, technology research, new technology development, etc.
Ability to learn on the fly and deliver designs/solutions quickly."

The recruiter was just astounded when I rocked that role. I was Proud.
I still am.

I just need to remember that as I am FEELING this emotional state of being depressed , I mean very physical state of such- like could cry, and low energy, and just such SADNESS
So I have to look at the good. I have to look at even the tough moments, the challenges, the past times let go in a job, fired. out of someone's fear-

and recall I am CAPABLE.
Recall in past I overcame MY FEAR
Yes it helps to know I am resiliant. I am a fighter. I will master whatever I need to succedd and provide for this family.
I will rise to the next occassion and rise to perform at the next level.
But.. it is OK to need this rest and need this self affirmation...

and need this rest..

YEs to rest and re-charge, and ramble and write as it is what I need to process this emotion and heal.
Then go perform, rock it,
and do it all again.

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