Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2022-07-19 - 4:05 p.m.

OK no trip to DMV today. The kid was not ready to go. Older sibling said "you can't just expect someone to go do something last minute without a plan"

Oh yeah -
you can't expect an AUTISTIC person to go do anything that is not planned ahead and deviates from the comfort of the norm,


That was spoken by the kid NOT diagnosed who further said " People have to plan a couple days ahead to be ready and prepared."

I said "No not all. Some just go DO things. We have the checklist of documents needed to bring. They are in the safe deposit box and the bank. We could just get dressed to go out, go to the bank and get the document and JUST GO TO THE DMV. It does not have to be complicated and don't have to overthink it. Can just DO IT. That is what I do when I think of things I have to get done."

This older kid of mine said something about how that is the values of capitalism. Went on about conformity... etc...

Whatever they said made little sense practically speaking.

And I said "Yeah well we are in a world run by capitalism, so I best apply for a new job and try to land new clients EVERY DAY WHETHER I FEEL LIKE IT OR NOT IN the moment"
Life demands we do stuff DAILY Whether we FEEL LIKE IT OR NOT

The kid said something about how my other kid doesn't FEEL Like going now. I had said "What does how you FEEL have to do with it?
You have to learn to just DO regardless of how you FEEL in the moment. EVERY DAY we have to act and do things whether we FEEL like it or not."
I basically said
"Lets just GO whether you want to do it now or not as YOU DO have a goal of getting a license right? So If you have a goal you have to take steps to achieve it. "

Oh my God I am trying not to lose patience with these kids.
I think Thu morning I will just go get the kid's documents then AFTER the DR. Appointment drive right to DMV.

I swear that is the only way there are steps forward with these kids just now.
They get mad at me and don't want me to over parent but they are so STUCK in inertia and unable to even take any self-directed steps.
Their executive functioning skill and ability to plan seem SO SHOT just now.

This was in my in box.

The other kid then raised the topic of me having sent info on the rehabilitative services office again today. They were complaining I was being obnoxious to email that info to them. I said I did it as the kid just raised the issue and SAID they wanted to find work they COULD DO.
The kid then said "There is no work I can do now!"
I said "you don't know that- there are folks trained to give ideas to TRY OR to get you HELP If that is true."
OMG Get a social worker to help parse that question out already.

Then the older kid said something about how she did not think that her sibling should consider going to college yet. He said basically that considering the lack of energy and lack of ability to work any job he didn't think that they could handle college either.

The other kid said "I don't really have a choice" As this kid thinks the ONLY Work they could do requires a college degree. I think they think the only work they could do is computer work that PAYS exceptional so they can get paid a high rate per hour and work less hours. TRULY A great plan.

But this kid has to be realistic and learn to work despite the discomfort and lower paying jobs to earn what money can or will never be able to make it through college! I mean the reality is that if go ANYWHERE for college this kid will HAVE TO work to pay for it all. There is no cushion otherwise. There is not likely going to be scholarships to bridge gaps like the older siblings all got. Those are often based on PERSONALITY as well as talent and intelligence. They don't go to the anti-social autistic students!
Plain and simple. It is HARDER when neurodivergent with communication challenges.

SO I listened to this in my procrastination as there was not work to do for the one client AND
Kid did not want to run errands
AND the trying to navigate the on line filing for unemployment a fail again. I am now going to CALL The number and hope I get a person.

I DID switch back that piddly few dollars I earn a month from the part time job BACK to the 401K.. for the small amount it is I decided leave it as NET INCOME ZERO and make no mention of it.
AS honestly last year I think their NEW interface sucked. I DID Get one unemployment check then NONE and it DID coincide with me reporting that one tiny piddly check of earned income working the 2 damn days a week, SAT and Sunday every other week. It is six hours every week on Avg normally!

EVEN having picked up an extra shift here and there then it goes to 12 hrs one week and 6 the next for a LOW WAGE job.

The small amount would be a shitty reason to not get ANY UNEMPLOYMENT.

Since the law is report NET income I am better off not risking losing ALL unemployment because I make that NET the few hundred dollars.

It sucks as feels like gaming a system. But what it is is that the new freakin system designed to quickly accommodate the many unemployed due to COVID had some serious design flaws.

I realize if the payments ceased due to some hearing and talk with my old employer there would have had to have been a HEARING last time round. I would have had to be on that call for that investigator to inquire! The thing is they were SO short staffed and doing this all remote and they claims were up SO MUCH they rolled out the quick online and on phone truncated streamlined process

and I think I got one check but then when reported the job ( the longstanding tiny income from part time job) WEEK TWO- as I work EVERY OTHER week,
I think the system bumped me thinking employed.

SO I then did not get the $1300 a month I would have gotten. I mean that just sucks. My mortgage this time around is DEPENDANT on that payment these next couple months. UNTIL my college student goes back to school. THEN I can rent the basement again. I can't do that now. I don't have that as a backup til FALL.

I am in survivor mode.
SO I am following the LAW and I think it just SUCKS
but so be it...
leaving that damn few hundred dollars I WANT to have cash flow to pay my bills in the 401 K as if I pull it out I am likely to lose the unemployment benefits. THAT IS SHITTY

and I never believed people WOULD NOT WORK because they may lose benefits
BUT NOW I do believe it

Cause why would you take a job and work some shitty fast food resteraunt for $7.50 to even $15 per hour to risk then LOSING benefits and BECOMING HOMELESS???
That is the fucking reality for so many people

It sucks.

WATCH MAID to get a bit of a sense of this reality.

OK more Seth Perler for teens and young adults with ADHD- this resonates with me! ( It just started playing in the background) GET OUT OF THE FUCKING VICTIM MENTALITY!!

And I leave you with that as I call to file for unemployment then look for the next job to apply for.

My goal is at least one job application in per day.

I learned not to be MORE Aggressive than that when applying for unemployment as you HAVE To apply for two or three a week, And if apply for TOO MANY ( like 10 one week that are decent) then the next week sometimes you have to apply for SHITTY jobs that you wouldn't' really even want to take- to play that fucking game. I HATE playing games. BUT I have done that when there were no viable ACTUAL jobs open that I had not already applied to! (That is what happens if over vigilant in applying!)

In other news-
who the fuck designed some of these spell check programs?

I mean really-
I was in correspondence with a potential client and was in my new business email.

I typed what I swear was a decent email. I checked it I THOUGHT
then I hit send and there were TWO misspellings. One looked not like a typo but an AUTOCORRECT to--
a french word!

Honestly it looks so sloppy.


My clear concise email changed from what I TYPED to nonsense.

One less potential client.

I was rushing as was sending that email while manning the reception desk at about 8AM at work at the retirement community. That is what I get for multitasking on that job!

So here is the epic fail
"The rate I will work at varies depending on the level of responsibity and subject matter expertive being leveraged for the role."

WFT? I am a decent speller overall. I am a decent touch typist overall ( I think? AM I REALLY THAT BAD?? Maybe? Maybe I don't have a realistic view of my accuracy or lack thereof on a first draft. It is a problem in emails for sure. AND an ADHD trait to have a more positive self perception than one's actual reality!)
The dropped letter L in that one word!! then the switch from "expertise" to "expertive" ? I do think expertive is an actual French word! It's like there was a spell check change to some French word I don't even know. Thay typo just makes no sense and is clearly not a slip of the hand to the character next to the intended s, so it makes me wonder how the fuck that happened. I swear I PROOFREAD The email. So was appalled when I later read it to see how sloppy it was.

I need to look at the spell check config on my new email! Maybe it is reviewing for French too? AND I need to SLOW DOWN

I am going to call THAT my ADHD Moment of the week and hope it is the WORST of this week. And I am going to move on and try again to find the next viable opportunity for work that meets my family's needs.

So this- Seth Perler on stop being a victim.

and onto the process of CALLING the VA unemployment office. I have no choice but to bite the bullet and humble myself to do this for the time being. Sucks though it does.
That and freaking snap. We need to eat. My kids need to eat. We have a few provisions left. Tons of canned chicken, frozen chicken, and chick peas! HA HA Some ground pork in the freezer I will thaw. Pasta. We can have that with sauce- I have canned tomoates.
We will eat.
I make bread in the bread machine as we have flour and yeast and some milk left. One kid begged to go to the store to buy butter for the fresh bread and I said "go ahead- hell its not much to ask for! So butter and since out house is 81degrees those ice popsicals to help cool down. There is a Chicken soup stock in the fridge I will heat for dinner and thow some noodles in. Not optimal for an 81degree house but it will do.

I am happy I can cook at least. There is always homemade soup , biscuits, and bread.

I see how poor people have shitty diets however as fresh produce is expensive and in certain food deserts in both cities and rural areas it is hard to find but for what is grown right there locally.
This year I didn't have the extra income in the early Spring to plant a garden ( and no one wanted to help with one anyway last year so I gave it up at the community garden!)
I don't have enough sun in my backyard. So peppers and tomato plants given to me by my winery owner friend now are super appreciated. They are both finally starting to flower and look like they might yield some fruit. I swear the lack of pollinators is obvious and WEIRD.
I wonder about having had extermination services to manage the ant problem. ITs like this whole street is on top of massive any colonies it seems! Carpenter ants, termites, those sugar ants have all been battled since I bought this house.

The neighbors all talk of how the ongoing battle with the ants is real.

OK enough procrastinating. I just have to get on the phone and sit on hold and hope I get a person to file my unemployment claim.

I hope I can file from the first week I had a drop in income. But they may only let me file from TODAY as today I am calling. Will see.

But my official part time employment ended last Friday. (Thu as I took off Friday weeks before to move my kid!)

I really wanted to earnestly look for work before filing. I hoped would not NEED To.

I honestly hoped would land something.
I had a couple preliminary interviews. But nothing moved forward as of yet. At least a few preliminary- so that was something.
Obviously since did not hear back from the job pitched for they are not interested ( but I am not going to write it off as possibility yet... maybe the hiring manager on vacation? Maybe they will call this week? I know unless the company calls to interview me further they have no interest. I won't even make the short list if they don't call to interview me!)

But at least it was good the recruiter was impressed and thought me a good fit.

It is REALLY hard to job hunt when your confidence is shaken. But doing my best.

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!

YEAH I actually got a direct deposit from part time job! - 2022-07-21


I found a gov role I would like in a city I enjoy!! Will try for any possibility - 2022-07-20


IRS update- they are working to get through the 11.2 million UNPROCESSED CLAIMS! DAMN - 2022-07-20


Realized today how much I enjoy MY TIME in the mornings at home - 2022-07-20


YEAH got a VA Unemployment rep on the phone to help me! - 2022-07-19