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2022-07-19 - 9:14 a.m.

I am really tired today.
I should not be surprised as I was always really tired on the Monday after working both Sat and Sundays at the retirement community.
So working the past two days there it makes sense feeling that tiredness.

It is fun working there. They really apprechiate me. They say all the time ( I mean MULTIPLE employees and residents) that they wish I could be there all the time. They are genuine.
It is because I always listen to anyone's concern with full attention and then follow up -

NO matter what I Think of the issue.

The evening full time gal interjects her opinion into the requests of the residents at times. Like silly little things-
There is a scheduled time to put a movie on in the large activity room. When I am there I have no issue starting a movie ANYTIME a resident asks if the room is empty.

She won't do that. She follows the schedule! Its just those little things. I wouldn't have thought it was a problem but she said "you have to set boundaries with the residents. ITs too late to start a movie at 8"

MAKES me laugh as she clearly is treating the residents like children and also doing what is for HER convienience. I mean how hard is it for the direct care staff or even the resident who wants to watch a movie later to put the DVD away . ( yes we still play DVDs there! HA HA it is EASIER for old folks to pick their movie that way! It promotes their independence as Netflix is complicated for some of them).

Just those silly little things...
I think them silly.

They mean the world to the residents. To not be told "You saw that movie already. I will pick another you have not seen"

which she said to the one guy who LOVES to watch a movie every night. I just gently said to her as I was there when this conversation happened. "Hey, I have no problem if he wants to watch the same movie over and over- alot of folks find comfort in that"
*kids do it
* adults sometimes too!

I know MY TEEN does! I can't COUNT how many times my teens have watched Lord of the Rings. YES they STILL all sit together for a marathon some weekends.
Its something they do together!

And EVERY drive anywhere I listen to the soundtrack of that and Anastasia. IT doesn't matter my 17 year old has heard them both countless times. It gives her comfort and joy.
So she wants to listen to the same music over and over.

I think that is OK.
(to a degree- as long as also willing to try new things!)

That is just one super small thing- about why some of the residents apprechiate me. I treat them respecfully as the adults that they are.

Its weird to me how some infantalize older adults.
I don't get it.

So the work there is so interactive and not the kind of analysis and critical thinking I do when working with documents. Both different skills so distinct.
I get to interact SO MUCH MORE with people at the retirement community and I love that!

My favorite part is asking quesitons and then listeing to the stories that unfold.

One lady told me yesterday of her life with her husband and it was just so lovely to hear.

So after having slept on it; regardless of if it is selfish
I decided to NOT go switch the payment from my job at the retirement from going to a live check.

last time I got ONE unemployement check then they dropped me! I still think it was evil employer who just LIED about my separation from work.

BUT It COULD be that after week one I then did the thing of reporting I WORKED at the retirement community. It could be it then LOOKED Like I had a job!! Like I FOUND a job
and the stupid systems ( not a person reviewing it ) thought then I was employed and did not need help.

Like it didn't get it that the amt earned was so low comparative to the prior full time employment.

At the time I wondered if that was the glitch. Reporting that work then bumped me out of the system.

So since I read the rules- and you report NET NOT GROSS

It might make more sense to get the unemployment insurance ESTABLISHED at first without changing my net income by moving that $300 a month into live check - net income-
but leave it GROSS which is UNREPORTED
so I get the benefits established and started and get a couple checks AND THEN Switch it!!

I mean I don't want the system to be confused.

In the past there was no confusion. But in the past you could get a person on the phone to discuss your claim. When I was last unemployed it was just after COVID stared and they rolled out a new on line system and simplified APP in VA. The app seemed great at first until it suddently said I was ineligible.

I wrote a letter, sent the paper claim- a long list of all the places applied for jobs and when- everytihing detailed and heard NOTHING

I mean it was the black hole of them not getting back to me. Never acknowledging why they deemed me ineligible.

BUT if it was cause I changed that net income and on WEEK 2 reported earning - again of the $300
for the systme to think then I got a new job! DAMN
I don't want to risk that happening again.
CAuse no one ever got back to me so I don't know if it WAS a system mistake not knowing how to handle a small part time job
OR if it was that they talked to the old LYING COMPANY Who was screwing anyone from collecting unemployment payment cause all they care about is their bottom line.

I mean I heard from two other canned employees- who both were REALLY GOOD At their jobs!!

Hell not those same two; but one of them and one other HR person and I were the early birds. We were always the first three in the office and since that was the case I often would have a few minutes to grab a cup of coffee and just chat with those two HR folks.

The were also really repsonsive and quick to get work done well to support the line of business that they supported. It was sad to see they were let go; along with the really excellent operations manager.

The didn't want to promote him to CFO. He was not the right fit- I get that. But they could have let him go and not done him dirty by putting a paper before him to say he resigned and pressured him to sign it.

He landed a job quickly-they all did-
I mean in a month or two.

BUT still, it is the ethics of the company that suck. I hate seeing that. I am perhaps not as good at business as others because I won't compromise my ethics.

But then again, I think I am good at business! I don't see honesty as a limtiation. Maybe in some moments- but I think those are the things to let go of and not be tied to.
I have a philosophy degree, so I don't see things as black and white. I look at the larger picture and the ethics of how a decision impacts EVERYONE, not just the individual but those in their orbit and then the greater community-etc.

So this comes to mind as I watched a CFO I really admire be a whisteblower once.
He did so as he refused to cook the books.
I am glad he STILL has been successful in business!
For a time there he just kicked back and went back to graduate school to study organizational psychology and was his kids' Boy Scout Troop Leader.

He needed a break I think to re-set and re-evaluated and re-prioritize.
I think studying organizational ethics was grounding for him. It gave him a feeling of empowerment to know he could influence spaces and push for good.I think he needed to build his confidence again.
So it was good to see he jumped back into leadership roles.

I have never made that choice to be a whistleblower. I try to fix problems from within.
I push, I compel change, I ask questions. If I see something no kosher I find tools and ways to fix it. I compel fixing it.
But ultimately if I don't have ownership of it
I do let it go

But if it is something I can affect change in- I try my best. I don't fail to follow up and ask how it is going if there has been movement to fix it.

I am pleased if someone else fixes it as long as it is addressed! I mean if something is an integrity issue.

But the challenge I have is there are ALWAYS Moments in my work that expose something that could be done with greater integrity.

The issue of when ethical to fix interally OR when to whistleblow is a very complicated one.

Having studied philosophy-

honestly one looks at ALL The ramifications and consequences of any one decision

The decision at some point someone made without integrity

AND The choice as to whether exposing such has any value.

The value I SEE is if there is a current lack of crediblity or lack of integrity which May be addressed to then RESTORE integrity.

YES restoreing and pushing for integrity to exist IS VALUABLE.

BUT exposing the past lack of integrity is much more of a grey area.
As if can fix the problem and then everything is strong moving forward-

Why would one want to IMPLODE and pull out the foundation? IF can shore it up and make it secure moving forward??

I don't think it makes sense to be a whistelblower if one can FIX the shaky foundation.

UNLESS there is NOT cooperation of fixing the foundation and there is then risk of harm!!

The decisioning is all about weighing what harm is being done by the lack of integrity;

AND If not fixed What harm will continue to be done?

Will there be any remaining harm that warrants or justifies exposure of that vulnerability?

The answers are not always Black and White.

Grey is the color of much of business I think. That is kinda sad too! If in the past people were more in alignment with their personal ethics and their business choices- the ethical world of business would not have become muddied to be grey.

DamnI am tired.
I think I need a quick nap, then coffee then to attack my to do.Chamomile Lavender tea with my breakfast was not the best choice.

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