2022-08-29 - 8:08 p.m.
I have not been writing the morning pages as diligently. Just have been tired and then when get up it is time to go do something.
This weekend I had a nice run. It was not planned really as I had some pains in my leg, and I think after wearing heels at work a couple days some shin aches. (Getting too old for regular wearing of heels!)
It happened at the end of a long day. I forget the day, and I forget why I was exhausted. But my body was exhausted and I sat down to rest; then got up just to bring the dog outside with me to the mailbox to get my mail. Coming back it was like the leg just gave out. I didnt' fall; but felt it give way and shifted my weight. It had a sharp pain and was weak ,which is why I am feeling like it was a nuropathy thing.
So if that same muscle could be moved side to side but not front to back maybe it was nerve related?
On Sat morning I awoke and there was pain on the BOTTOM of my feet.
I mean soles
I did have the blood pressure drops , the ocular distrubances over the years, the narcolepsy like sleep disorder (idopathic hypersomnia) and all other sorts of weird symptoms. Some of which I thought were explained by gluecose intolerence based on all I read- (self diagnosis!) but I never got any doctor to TEST for that. They just gave me the glucose test once to test for diabetes.
But for years I felt like EVEN THOUGH my body was not testing for diabetes there was this confluence of symptoms almost the same as a prediabetic or diabetc.
The thing I have been missing is the exercise piece.
I was just afraid to go run thinking what if my legs give out?
Somehow the idea of taking my bike out seemed less risk and less stress on my legs. So I finally got my bike out from under the porch where it was stored to get ready to ride it.
WELL all that powerwashing of the porch basically soaked my bike, then rusted the heck out of the chain. SO I started to clean the chain. I was getting ready to ride and almost done when the doorbell rang unexpectedly. It was a good thing the dog barking alerted me to that as I would not have noticed otherwise!
Wondering who the heck that was, I went to find out it was the church food pantry giving my family another helpful delivery! I had called them when provisions were pretty much gone *But for a few leftovers in the fridge! They usually schedule a time and this time the lady I spoke with had not mentioned that ( think she just forgot to ask if Sat morn was good!). I had gone shopping the week before for a few essentials: milk and bread. Then went again and finally picked up the cheese for us to make a pizza with the crust that was frozen sitting in the freezer for months! (OH the pizza we ordered was honestly REALLY disappointing that day! Ours came out WAY Better!). But I called for some more food help as every penny has to go to the mortgage payment and honestly that is all that is left that I can afford to pay for just now!( Waiting on my next paycheck from the retirement community to pay the mortgage actually. It will be soon enough. Got an email that my Dental Insurance was cancelled for non payment! Ce la vie... I saw a dentist once this year and got a cleaning. She told me I had four small cavities that she wanted to fill and I said Not yet.. I was going to get them done in August but now will wait til I can afford to! I wasn't going to get them done anyway even with the insurance. I had brought my kid in this year for a cleaning and also had the kid's cavities filled so it was good we both got our teeth taken care of for the most part. My cavities are tiny- but I think she is a good dentist. Its not like they are hurting me- The last dentist saw them and said "Wait and see" and told me sometimes there is this calcification that happens and a tiny cavity can resolve itself! Interesting.. Lucky no pain or issues.)
My kids Dad irritates me when he plays dumb. I sent him an email with a copy of the invoice of the bill due to the Allergist for the copayments for the youngest (who just turned 18). He is so difficult as he can't just read the whole email like a normal person would do ( Which has all the invoicing clearly articulated). He has to play games and play dumb and write back stupidly
* I had already run the numbers and asked him exactly for his share.
I can't ask him for anything without him playing dumb then delaying with the stupidest emails back and forth then my favorite , the typical condescending
Most people would get an email like the one I sent asking
by just sending the freaking money somehow. He has to have nonsense emails back and forth and ignored the copied invoice with all the dates and total bill included in the first email.
Its just such a game to him. Posturing. Making moves and vollying back and forth like its chess.
He is basically a cheap bastard that can't simply have cut a check or used venmo to help pay his kid's co-pays for allergy shots received since Spring.
A month later- two appointments a week continued of her immunotherapy and the bill of course is now even more.
I should not be surprised by his game playing.
Unless he really does not read and is not as smart as I thought.
Just a vent as normal people don't have to have such bizarre communication. He has sent three emails since my simple ask he help pay the bill ( which was copied into the email with dates of service and details)
One with the assinine comment "I'd appreciate getting asked in advance about doctors appointments for non emergency visits" as if this was never discussed, or as if it was so outlandish to take this kid to treat asthma and allergies to an allergist. He is just such an asshole. I did, on the rare fucking occassion I got him on the phone, ask him if HE would take the youngest for her allergy shots when she did spend a few weeks visiting him. We discussed she was going in for the treatment. So for him to act like he had no clue is disingenuous bullshit
So fucking weird and it is so old and tiring.
AND The truth is that it succedded as these past years I DID NOT go to court to adjust and seek child support once no one wanted to live with him anymore.
I mean it was a nice thing I thought that two of the kids did go visit with him for two weeks this summer. I thought that was GREAT for their relationship since none of them wanted to live with him or be around him for quite a while.
He is just such an asshole.
It makes me wish I had fucking taken him to court for child support when I could.
Some dudes are paying freaking Alimony when they had their wives stay home with kids instead of working ( which I did for years!! I mean I did just the part time immigration consulting work.)
Just made me think of my neighbor and friend Faucci- Wonder how he is?
I think he has finally settled into being happy in his realtionship with his non commital girlfriend. Hell time has passed! Its almost seven year now I think for them! I can't believe its been three since I became friends with him. His biggest anxiety was his fear of his girlfriend not really loving him and not really being willing to commit. But the thing is, she had ten years of $10 K A month in alimony from her ex husband (a tax attorney- a partner in a firm so he could afford to continue to support his kids in the lifestyle they were used to. HE moved out and she staying in the family home with the kids and they still go to the private school they had been in etc...) So Fauci's girlfriend was not even going to consider remarriage until that 10 yr mark.
It is just so fascinating to me to see OTHER People handle divorce with actual CARE and CONCERN for each other even though they know the marriage is over , that they can be respectful and in some cases even freinds to a degree.
Anyway.. Fauci seemed so much more content and not as anxious and just all around HEALTHIER when I enjoyed swimming with him once this summer ( maybe a month ago now?) It was so nice to see! He also respected my boundaries better! *(and those of his own relationship)
I did stop by , with the dog, and said NO to the drink to see what he has done to his house that he has fixed up and made his own. It looked fantastic and it was so nice to see ! That was his marital home so I think it was so much better for him to make it his own. He ripped out the carpets and put in lovely hardwood floors. New kitchen cabinets, modern lighting fixtures, new art on the wall, new furniture.
I would love to see if he has plans for the holiday and if not maybe convince him to get that canoe out on the water.
In other news the basement, now that the college student is back to school, was cleared out (almost!) today to get it ready to rent.
There is alot of light for a basement apt. There is a nice wood fireplace down there.
So I will soon enough have a new basement dweller! This time paying rent. It is already weird not to have the college student here with us. We actually already miss him.
So when break comes this year the living room couch will be his space!
I typically list my basement funished or unfurnished then see what manifests.
So if someone needs furnished it is set up now nicely. The realtor liked it!
I bet some of it is clothes of the college student! I will stash in the hall closet for him.
I have so much stuff still in this house in storage for my son the actor who's roomies dropped it off when he let go of the NYC apt. My oldest visited and we shipped much to him and she took much back to her place as he told her to take what she wanted! The furnishing in the basement actually came from him! The basement apartment is really nice as except for one desk that was mine and the small couch I bought intending to replace the old one up in the living room- the rest of the stuff was from his NYC apt! There is a beauiful table with Asian scene painted on it that was in the office of his manager who re-did the office and was getting rid of the old furniture. There is an accompanying beautiful wood carved side table with an Asian motif as well. I have these lovely stools he had bought (Which work great as a couple are short and the slip right under the small round table. They can be tucked away when not in use and pulled out when needed which is great in a smaller space.)
I went ahead and bought a bedding set for it as the room was for a while a nice guest room! HA HA I didn't really expect to have to rent the space again. I had that guest room set up so nicely. Hmm..I recall one guest only... HA HA
I took a break from writing to walk Bellatrix. When I got up my legs were SO STIFF. That is when the pain happens! It is just a stiffness really, like my muscles get bound up. Then when I stand the bottom of my feet hurt.
So I was really active and got quite a workout!
The disappointment I have is this:
Time for bed!I am tired and flipped so many letters just typing htem backwards or out of order if you like to call it hat- in a dyslexic is type of pattern. * Ha fixed most but left just one! HA
Phase of fixing house stuff. - 2022-09-02
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De cluttering and tossing out what I can! NEED to make space. - 2022-08-30
My to do. Was job hunting so just writing here on computer as think it through - 2022-08-30
Another liscensed driver in the house! And my friend lost her 2nd daughter. JUST HEARTBROKEN - 2022-08-30