2022-11-03 - 10:12 a.m.
My kid is frustrating me.
The kid thinks I am wrong and there is not any way there are /were bedbugs here.
What is frustrating is I just said
I was basically saying "WASH EVERYTHIHNG That came from NYC!"
I said "Just listen to MY EXPERIENCE" Don't tell me I am wrong about what I experienced.
I fucking hate that more than anything.
I told about pulling out the sweater. The kids said " you know you are allergic to dust IT might just be the material of the sweater."
I honestly first saw black specks and wondered if I somehow got coffee grounds on my face when making coffee. That is what they looked the size of! I was SO CONFUSED and then looked at my sweater and then shook and rubbed the VERY WIDE SLEEVE and more fell out, and was like "OH shit!!"
YUP that is literally shit!
Main point is I will bring all can to the laundromat and wash the heck out of my sweaters and clothes stored on the shelf in my closet where I pulled that sweater from.
AND I do think I have a problem But I think it is contained to MY CLOSET.
So I am convinced it IS bed bugs but contained to that area and I have to be careful to mitigate and get rid of and not SPREAD.
The other possibility is that it is a new traveler from the NYC box from son. That would be WORSE as those clothes were just passed on to kids and are in other closets!
That sweater is in a bag in the freezer until go to the laundromat as no matter WHAT it is -
So this AM I awoke and went to the basement to continue to shop vac the rug and laundry room floor. ( My tenant was at work as she goes very early!)
Fortunately, after shutting off the water to the water heater and having drained a bit via the pressure release line ( which does drain water into the hole in the drain in the room thankfully)
there was not much new water. My tenant also may have vacuumed a bit this AM ( She would do that! She is this AMAZINGLY NICE PERSON who was SO Gracious and KIND about this!! )
I really am fortunate to have her as a tenant.
She was SO chill about it and helped me clean up the water as she came home and discovered it JUST AS I WAS finishing cooking some Chicken wings. I had marinated and baked them and was on the final step of BROIL so had to watch them.
Those do not broil quickly. Not like your cheese on the top of a dish or break which takes but two min...
No.. it felt excruciatingly long as I was broiling them ...thinking "just a couple minutes"
So it was at least 15 min if not 20 by the time I got away from the stove and headed downstairs.
She was so kind and came in and said "So sorry to bother you."
I mean her living space is flooded and she comes up graciously apologizing for interrupting my dinner!
I said "Don't apologize! I will finish this one thing and come right down"
So when came down I really thought at first it would be just a little more water-
BUT it was INCHES of water flooded.
And when looking at the water heater see indeed it Rusted right through.
Well kudos for timing anyway as the ticket already was in for the water heater.
And the guy did say ( now that I think of it) "You should replace that."
But when he said "should" he was not quite firm and committal.
I think my brain is dense sometimes
*He is so young and new HA HA
The vibe was to be protective of him and gentle and accept his working and doing his best from me HA HA
So I did say
But then we moved upstairs and he was going to LEAVE and then I said-
He really was going to leave without doing any work other than having assessed the water situation. Maybe that was his job- but he was never clear about that. ( He will learn better communication too in time! HA HA)
The communication was a fail I think with him
"Water heater, leaks, toilet leak"
Suppose rambling as anxious.
So I just cleaned the heck out of the box fan that was in my bedroom this summer ( the one came from my son't NYC stuff) as I am going to put it downstairs to blow air on the drying run.
I did see dead buggers in it! Of course that is normal to an extent ,right?
But also those tiny freaking black specks.
I had cleaned that fan when it came from my other kid not the one who's NYS stuff was moved here. AH I just recalled it was used fan from my kid-but NOT in my son's stuff from NYC! IT came from my college student who moved into her first apt and had the fan and no longer needs it as her apt has AC. So I took it and cleaned it them before use. So that kinda sucks to find those black specks in it a bit. Not alot- but some after pulling it out from being stored in the attic.
I do know our attic was an itchy space! I actually put off a flea bomb in the attic figuring that would kid buggers up there including mites. BUT the one thing those things do not kill is bed bugs!! So maybe some were in the attic?
I did find a TINY spot of rust colored staining near the back of my headboard-
Maybe it is a blessing I am freaking VERY allergic to them and my body is so reactive.
BUT Fuck yeah-
BUT when I read about signs those small black specks it fit the freaking bed bug descriptor. That was what was falling from the sweater I pulled out and wore!
"Rusty or reddish stains on bed sheets or mattresses caused by bed bugs being crushed", from my research will see if you have bed bugs and
"Dark spots (about this size: •), which are bed bug excrement and may bleed on the fabric like a marker would."
So the freaking ANNOYING THING is that I was Only itchy a few days ago after put on the sweater
I first noticed itching on the back of my neck.
But last night I felt BITES behind one knee and in one elbow. I mean only those two spots but indeed there is irritation and itchy bumps- tiny in those two spots.
DAMN I was so bummed and annoyed.
I mean I JUST cleaned the heck out of my room. I JUST washed my sheets and dusted/cleaned the bed frame and ran the vacuum in the room.
The worst part is that when I wore that damn sweater it was for just a couple hours. BUT I was HOME so in that couple hours I may have gone upstairs to my room and SAT on my FRESHLY Cleaned linens of my bed.
I mean I just washed them ALL.
I finally am getting over that (there are two darn spots that still did not completely heal on my skin as those would get itchy and I think at night I would scratch them - but there are NO OTHERS from the lingering poison ivy that was lasting months!! I mean I caught it over and over kept getting reexosed as it was sOMEWHERE... on my guitar... I weeded again and must have touched it again.. on my tools... I was washing EVERYING with tecnu and it was really just a matter of time and multiple laundering of clothing and sheets before EVERY bit of the oil I was so sensitive to was GONE.
If I sat on that bed with my sweater that would explain the bites last night. Rambling but cause just can't beleive it...
I was wearing short PJ pants up to the knee- so make sense I got bit where exposed at the back of knee; and a short sleeve PJ shirt.
I will vacume and go wash the heck out of everything AGAIN.
And buy another freaking good upright.
But my kid best not utter that I am being paranoid.
That fucking makes me angry.
I mean I know what real paranoia is.
This rambling is nothing other than HEALTHY VENTING and letting go of anxiety as I process this current challenge. Cause I like to write and it is outlandishly sloppy and raw and unedited and self-serving therapy for me and I can't imagine anyone would read this long when its stream of consciousness BABBLE.
Yes I babble as this serves me in some way.
Occasionally I release in other ways. A poem. A song sung in head during a walk scrawled on paper.
But I felt really CALLED OUT by a recent tweet of Anais Mitchell
She said something like "journaling is the basic starting point"
I have to look it up to recall her language; but it was dissing of journaling I felt
I did not get the sense of her writing meaning it essential
But I felt called out
I can't draw or paint at least I think I can't , I haven't tried in a while although after seeing an amazing OWL a couple weeks ago tried to sketch it to then paint it. The sketch was so disappointingly bad I did not yet finish, But I will.
I have ideas and start but don't follow through.
Work shit is easy to do when for someone else!
This is the shift I have been trying to achieve. Motivation to work FOR ME to serve the intersts of those thing I find valuable
Not just the almighty dollar.
To create art.
That is the vision
And it can't be just rambling in this journal. I have to move into confidence of trying to create more stories. Yes they will be bad at first! Upon reread I heavily edited the last written. It was rather AWFUL once reread after stepping away from the moment of inspiration.
It just feeds the soul in a different way when one puts that energy into a creation.
I also get in flow when doing work on a contract for SOMEONE ELSE'S business ventures.
SO I do need both,
But no I will never make MONEY creating.
Art never will either despite his talent and efforts cause he GAVE UP and he turns down work and he thinks he is too good for the local community
He refuses to be undervalued but he will never grow in value if he is not doing the work regardless of pay.
I don't get fed spiritually for it for me to be moved with passion to do that work. So that feels like only worth it IF PAID WELL as then it is a concrete trade off of my time.
Honestly I would RATHER have a low wage job I enjoy more than work as a contract manager for less that the value of my years experience and education because I don't really I suppose WANT to do that but HAVE to
Even if it means today just vacuuming my flooded basement area.
Happy to be honest not working in an office when this happened.
The fan should be dry by now. So going to put it back together and take it downstairs and run the vacuum again to dry that rug. I took the screws out and took the fan apart to clean every nook! I ran parts that could under water. Glad I did as am NOT going to let any buggers migrate to the basement!!
- - 2022-11-09
a knowing - 2022-11-08
What a lovely day! Working !!! YEAH - 2022-11-08
STILL NO HOT WATER HEATER and turns out The plumber assigned apparently trying to not fix it. - 2022-11-07
Bummer the main specialist for my kid does not take our insurance. - 2022-11-04