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2022-12-07 - 1:25 p.m.

No lie I was happy to get an email the one social, business dev Christmas Party I sent an RSVP to that was to happen tonight was cancelled.

Too many folks at the bank sick.

I am tired today.
I am just as happy to not have to dress up and go anywhere! (Other than the Dr. Appt I took kid to.)

Back home and ready to finish up the analysis of picking my health insurer and scheduling my medical care today.
Those are today's goals.

I am also happy that I was scheduled for a follow up panel interview for a full time role for NEXT week rather than today! The first interviewer asked my availability today and the rest of this week and early next week.

I am happy it is Mon afternoon. After folks are into the swing of things, not too early in the day on a Mon. Better than Fri afternoon or Mon AM!
And better than today as I am getting tired!

Funny how the stats are showing Covid #s low yet I personally am hearing of those catching it. I think it is currently vastly underreported because people use at home tests, stay home til feel better, but I don't think the COVID reporting apps really took off.

I still have COVID WISE APP on my phone but never think of it either. I never look at it. I don't know if it was turned off or is still active and on - would have to check ( if think of it when I have phone in hand. ) I of course misplaced my phone ( this happens ALL THE TIME!)
This time I found it
sitting right in the recycle bin!
It rained last night too.
I had stopped at a 7 ELEVEN and picked up one of those really yummy Mangum Carmel Ice Cream bars after some volunteer work last night.
*Yeah I did have to go out after all! I was so happy to realize the one meeting was virtual til I soon remembered I had TWO conflicting volunteer commitments.
The rather dormant organization is trying to revive and it has a new President who called the meeting last night about a week ago. I didn't have much notice! I had already signed up to volunteer as board presence at the Arts org program happening.

So I did double duty. The Arts thing was in person and they really needed help EARLY as kids arrived and got checked in and to greet parents and make sure all had taken care of payment and if not help them out.

SO I just got there at 5:30 and then at 7 found a quiet corner (it is actually the costume room of the theater we were at last night !) where I logged in for the professional org meeting. There was a parent meeting going on which I was at for just a short time with the arts org families before leaving to take my call. I didn't have to drive home and be on time for my 7pm meeting. They really needed my help til around 6:30- so It worked out!
Then after that call ended I was able to go back and join the arts org folks and was able to chat with the board member who is taking over the grant writing/submission process as found a couple leads for her. BUT I ALSO Wanted to ask her about something.

We are grateful to have some new awesome volunteers that are enthusiastic and have time to help support that org. It does good work for the disabled kids and adults who engage in their programs.

The fact of the President of the Arts Org clearly being the one who does plain does not like me was very clear. I was bothered when we received a grant that came in thanks to a relationship and the work I did with a community foundation over past years. The community foundation knew of our org and what those foundations do are match donors with organizations needing support. I sent a thank you email and the President sent this rude email back saying I should not have emailed a response. IT was bizarre. WTF??? Why not?? I have been on this board since 2012 in some capacity and over years developed the relationship with that community foundation for our org but you don't want me to email back when the donation email came to My EMAIL AND HERS?? I freaking asked them to ADD HER as Point of contact to keep the President in the loop.
But her attempts to cut me out are still happening?? IT is so fucking weird.

This is the same person who decided not to like me YEARS Ago I overheard cursing about the other board member and adding me to her disdain. It was so fucking childish and bizarre. ( Cause I agreed with the other person and not her opinion?) Fucking years gone by and she is still carrying some disdain and dislike of me. No fucking idea what for really other than supported that other lady. I never will understand however; and this year I have gone out of my way to try to CONNECT with her. And she made effort too. She actually TALKED to me like a human and personably and I really appreciated her efforts this year. She acted FRIENDLY ( a first)
at the last meeting she did it again. And again it was related to the damn donation.

EVERY REGION has some sort of community foundation. The best tip for any non profit is to tap into them and develop a relationship by availing oneself of their offerings of trainings and support services. They are a great place to learn much! AND the more interested your org is in learning from them, the more likely they will understand your non profit mission and then they will think of your non profit if someone with money comes and says they want to support an org doing just what you do!

That is how much private funding happens.
So we randomly received a check for some money; and the email letting us know it was coming.

It was really bizarre to me that although the email announcing the donation was addressed to me ( As I was the former Marketing Director and in that role had attended a number of trainings, offerings of that community foundation and worked at that relationship for a few years... the thing is I just did it. I don't think I was great at giving really detailed Marketing Reports. I gave them verbally and gave an overview. I did not share EVERY Detail of work done- just results. I did not WRITE them in a report. I just DO things quietly and I don't always remember to tell someone every step. But the thing is when one is vested with a role and given a job to do I expect trust and confidence and not micromanaging. Its like whenever I did anything the now Pres (who used to be Secretary then Treasurer and heck I APPRECHIATE HER for she takes on those jobs!!), is just one of those people irritated she did not know my every move. It was really not necessary- I mean I had a freaking Committee at one point with something like 8 people actively doing marketing for that org. WE ROCKED It. I had said I was holding a meeting and invited folks to join the committee. They joined; we all collaborated- we got lots of shit done. But there was not another board member there and at some point they were freaked out there was this momentum happening that was NOT ABOUT THEM. OR did not INCLUDE THEM. WTF?? It was almost like after we rocked it the then board was... IDK not paying attention? And then freaked that they acted like they did not know what we were doing.
They were like "We have a twitter??"
WTF We had if for three years...
and they were just not ...well into that and it was discussed and approved but they forgot.
Cause they were not at our committee meetings and they were not satisfied with JUST RESULTS

It got tiring. I mean I love sitting at meetings and hearing them say shit like ( this year this happened a new board member speaking) "We could use Google analytics"
and I am like
" We pulled that a few years ago... its in the shared drive"
Lord give me patience is what I think when there is discussion of something like it is the best thing since sliced bread but it is something we have been doing FOR YEARS.
But then it is my deficiency in communication... but I wasn't the only one who spoke of this. (There was a guy on my committee.. a freaking pro web designer and they acted like after he left the web site was crappy. It was NOT. IT was GOOD. He used to pull google analytics and we would target marketing etc..)

so when they said "Maybe we could use Facebook Marketing" and I was like
"Umm... We have for years. It is currently linked to my Amex actually"
Lord have mercy
It was discussed and approved years ago back when I ran the FB marketing.

(HONESTLY FB has the BEST marketing tools out there. They are CHEAP and get a great return. They are easy to target to the audience you want.)

They never figured out when we had a show and they asked folks to raise hand those years "Who is here for the first time?"
and had ALOT Of hands raised it was FB Marketing. I did cause I talked with the folks during intermission. Folks without family in the show who came and loved it.
My one failing was this:
Back when I had a team of volunteers, I should have recruited someone to spend time on a Marketing Report for Board Meetings as I did not have time to get that done myself! DAMN I failed at INTERNAL COMMUNICATION While I was rocking EXTERNAL communication

and I realize that there was a problem with that NO DOUBT that I could have done better.

BUT It is just really irritating that years later- I mean get over it! YEARS later ( heck we went through another Marketing Director since me.... who resigned....)
YEARS After they were FREAKED by some marketing

OH YEAH it now comes to me.... marketing for an event by a TRANS PERSON

I did not make the connection then.
I forgot this
That was what it was all about all the time I am now sure.

See we had a board member who they all loved who rocked the role of ARTISTIC DIRECTOR

It was their pride to have a former participant, and autistic artist on the board. UNTIL that creative talented he became a she. I think now They is their preferred pronoun actually... they want to be seen for their talent and not seen for gender but present to the world very feminine. That person was accepted UNTIL They transitioned fully physically as well.
And that is really what this was about


The initial freak out was when I was supporting the event and knocked the marketing out of the park and it was a success!

See they first pushed the person OFF the board saying they wanted to support the persons creative work as an artist and wanted to produce their play. This is a playwriter. Our org put on their first play and they directed it. It was a smashing success. It was GOOD!! SUCH A GREAT SHOW. For a few years the org focused on producing original works by disabled artists. That was the work I thought was amazing and exciting.

But then the reneged on producing the show. The artist had already resigned as Artistic Director ( under the BS RUSE that as a board she should not be on the board and also be in the role of Director of a show produced by the board. SUCH BS. I mean we have paid production staff but there is not any constraint on that. ) I and a couple board members thought when they said "It is just not ready for production"
"Lets' do a reading of it then; a workshop of the work in progress."

See the thing is- the person they recruited to be NEW Marketing Director (to be )is a TRUE Theater person. Not just a mom of a disabled person. BIG difference... so she fully understand it is COMMON in theater to have readings of works in development! THOSE are fucking awesome bona fide events in and of themselves! Folks will show up to be present and see a workshopped version of a work in progress!
SO they voted down the production of the show and the Marketing director in place (cause they wanted to boot me) was SO enthusiastic and supported the idea of a workshop of development of the work.
Workshop it
allow folks to come watch
Get feedback-
interactive asking what they think.

Now I was clueless at the time the transphobic board members were trying to disassociate working with the trans gal. I did not get it. AT ALL
AND the board as a whole voted to do the workshop one Sat! AND I MARKETED IT.
And the director cast the readers.
And 30 people came out for it. It was a smashing success.
They workshopped it- reading was done, with feedback from actual THEATER community that SHOWED UP.

That was the last event that I marketed before the booted me and had the new person take over. I don't think this new person had any idea she was manipulated and that I had not WANTED To step down but was pushed out. She certainly did not know why. I like her very much ! I worked with her since but just stood down from organizing a team etc... ( She was at the meetings to check us out at the invite of those who were trying to push that trans gal off, and the other person off, and then I got added to their list.. but I saw through their manipulation. I am not going to be pushed around if I am passionate about something. And truth be told I AM PASSIONATE about disabled artists having forums for their work. I was excited by the direction of actual disabled playwriter having their work produced.)

SO back to the present. I guess it is continued discomfort not of my support of others that make that Pres uncomfortable but at my own family, my own support of LGBTQ Community since my family is in that community.
In any case,
Now a new gal is taking over GRANT WRITING and another helping with marketing.

The new folks are like "What is up with the awful inconsistent language of the web site -- I haven't managed the web site in YEARS and we had someone amazing do so but the board in recent years has not done a good job in some respects
AS in reviewing mission statement
and making sure all marketing materials- web site grant applications etc use the SAME LANGUAGE consistently

* I let go of caring and just do what I do cause I like the PROGRAMS and know they are valuable and I think it is important work

so don't care about the nonsense....
and have not looked at marketing language in years.. and yeah it is now all over the place...

I sit and decided to still be present and show up and volunteer with what they want or need me to do
and that's it.
I don't invest time worrying about what they don't want my help with etc..

So I have no hard feelings. I am so over being UPSET by the few who don't care for me as a person.

BUT it was upsetting in the moment at the Board meeting when they sang praises of the new person working on grants ( she just dug in ! She is gathering info to prepare a grant)
and said how she did so awesome as that donation came in.

I did quietly ask "Oh did she file a grant application? Did another grant come in? The community Foundation one was awesome as that was just awarded as they are aware of who we are! IT was not based on any application but they matched us with a donor. Did we get another as well?"

The response from the President was "No, she filed a grant application for that."

I was utterly confused at first. But realized- NO I am not...
I knew the President was WRONG.
I also knew the President KNEW she was wrong.

Back when we received the award, I called her on the fact when the award came in she tried to shut down MY Communication with the Community Foundation Executive Director. It made no fucking sense. I mean I and another board member ( and a third who since resigned) had been to a number of meetings together. There were three of us then two of us nurturing that relationship. First two, then one left and then the board recruited someone else for Marketing ( cause they did not like me supporting someone they pushed out who was trying to get them to be more professional and do things CORRECTLY.....They wanted to get rid of both of us. WHY Cause we were trying to give sound advise... but they took it personally!)

SO I got over feeling hurt about it and when she did that bullshit figured just pick up the phone and call to directly address it.

I did
I called and asked "Why did you say I should not email her in response? That doesn't really make sense since the award email was addressed to me based on the relationship I have nurtured with that org Is this personally because you don't want ME communicating on behalf of the board for some reason?"

I figured just have it out with her. Find out what the fuck was the problem she has with me.
So I had asked her directly..

But stupidly in the moment I BOUGHT IT when she LIED To me and said "Oh no, I just didn't want her to be inundated with a bunch of responses from everyone."

I had said "OH Good, I figured I would call as I took it as personal. I thought it was perhaps something I had done. GOOD! I am glad I called to clarify."

But I was a fool in that moment to take her response as GENUINE. I had in that moment forgot about the transphobia nonsense. ( I did not pick up on it until LATER in trying to figure out when I fell out of favor! At the time it was under the ruse of a misspelling in a piece of art used for the marketing but I know that was not it- as subsequent and past errors on OTHER's part are not critical!)

I got distracted from my rant which was good.

Cause the client I landed sent and email. We had a chat. They are sending an NDA then work!

Until then... will just finish and let go of this nonsense. I am not feeling upset anymore but figure let it go by writing...

Enough about the fact that some bitch can't even be gracious enough to be appreciative of the fact whether she likes me of not I developed a relationship with a community foundation that just sent the org we both have love for money.

I mean sad for her she can't easily overcome her *feelings* about me to work together.

I do kinda feel bad the new board member was befuddled and confused saying how our messaging is all over the place and that I did NOT PUSH for the revamp of mission statement at the annual board meeting. NO
I sent and email to the Chair asking to add to the agenda:
1. Conversation about the LANGAUGE used for speaking to and about disabled folks ( this beautiful org is full of lovely people but they were 20 yrs behind * HAS BEEN FIXED !YEAH That discussion went OK... not where I wanted it to go but in the right direction and an improvement... almost there... I need to get others on the board educated and they can then pitch the idea of the use of language that is ACTUALLY used to day by the disabled community themselves. But its a win!!)

2. REVIEW of the Mission Statement

OOPS WE had the one conversation
but not the 2nd. The point of the first was the inconsistent language and the criticism of me when in marketing I WAS INCONSISTENT

ACCEPTED Criticism
I heard it from my oldest when sought her help on marketing ( she is kinda a guru... she does it for a living! She helped me see YES the criticism of me was VALID if I was changing the messaging without buy in and agreement. I mean I was just sending freaking tweets or IG to tell about events but I had long ago shifted away from the language disabled find offensive. Disabled, in particular autistic persons themselves HATE The nonsense of "person with autism" They are like "I am fucking autistic, stop apologizing for it by dancing around and saying shit like "differently abled" instead of "Disabled" as if disabled is a problem..._

SO I did feel badly that at our annual board meeting I didn't CONTINUE to push forward for movement on the 2nd thing I asked for on the agenda:

Mission Statement.

OOPS YEAH I knew it needed revamping and then we should have officially VOTED on a new one
and THEN we should have made effort to update all MARKETING materials.


But I was no longer in charge of marketing.
Could have pushed that point but did not.

CE La vie

I just kinda feel bad as the person now handling grants said everything is so inconsistent .

I know our web page was up to date a few years back. Then there was a change; we stopped an affiliation with a larger national org and I think that affiliation was not removed from web site.. oops... again I was not in charge and could have reviewed but did not.

NO one reviewed it I guess but the person handling it.

SO this is the problem with this board. In the past when there is any mistake like this people just POINT FINGERS as if it is the person handling the web site's fault.

The web site manager is not in charge of content! THE WHOLE BOARD Is in charge of messaging.
And they have not been good at taking care of that

simply as they do a bang up job of program management

BUT they have ONLY VOLUNTEERS for the other functions. I have said for years- a board of this size needs to start hiring some pros.

Its the only answer.

But until then... piece meal.. volunteers will each do what we can. And it will be good enough albeit imperfect.

But hope the challenges don't scare away the new person taking this on now.
She seemed frustrated already. UH OH

Maybe I should not have asked- see she was not at the last board meeting in which the Pres was giving kudos for her great work.
But I did- cause I thought maybe I got it wrong.... maybe I misunderstood

but no she did affirm "no I haven't sent in any grant applications yet"

and I said "OH OK- so the one that came in was just from the existing relationship. That is the thing- everyone thought it was not worth doing the Give Choose Campaign as the foundation gets a cut and we get such a small amount from that; BUT it is not about that- its about maintaining a relationships with that org! That sponsoring org has relationships with donors. So it is worth doing EVEN IF on that day we get just a couple hundred dollars."

She said something like "OH No! I don't want to take credit- I can clarify at the next meeting"
I responded "Don't bother. I don't need credit- let them think it was you and give you credit- that might be a good thing! Leverage that. I just want you to know that the community foundation is an awesome resource cause they don't necessarily understand the value in Give choose and it is not that day itself- but the grants like this that they will just give us if we maintain the relationship."

My job done. She gets it.

So now to send her to resources I found as she is geared up to send out some grant applications and I came across another really good local one.

She can run with it or not... I passed the baton on this responsibility long ago. As I told her, I am happy to help her out however if she wants to work together I can do what anyone asks of me. Happy to be of service.

This board is not keen on development of new works and that is fine. But what they do is valuable so I did feel like it was fun to show up and help for a bit. It was worth my time, as it was energizing to me to see the excitement of the kids all show up for the program they are in.

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