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2022-12-07 - 6:59 p.m.

Darn, I did not get my appointment scheduled today. Not quite done with the task of evaluation of all the medical insurance offerings under Medicaid.
I was sidetracked.

But it was GOOD sidetracked.
I had a message from the new client and had to get set up in their company systems today.
That got done!

I just had a chat with my one kid and said "Funny I have another panel interview for a full time job but think I am not sure I will even take it now if I get an offer."

My kid said "you have antother client? That's great. Think about it, you just started your business and have two clients in four months. That's pretty good. They might recommend you word of mouth too."

That is true of other services which are not ongoing.
For the work I am doing folks are more protective and don't want competition trying to steal their labor.

HOWEVER The BEST Employers are the CONFIDENT ones who act out of confidence and faith and mutual support without such paranoia or fear informing them!

I think the last company I was at had a bit of fear there.

I get it... I think I understand where it came from.

It came from the same place the burst of energy and creativity came from that the one owner could leverage when he was feeling really ON...

I honestly get it.
He had his own issues.

They in a way were familiar.

I understand all too well.


see ourselves and understand those *thoughts* ( like for example the fleeting thought which I immediately knew was paranoia- " Did Anthem remove my abilty to pay cause I have filed a case of discrimination against them?" Was in fact not rational. I mean I knew it right after I thought it that there was really not much of a possibility of retaliation from them.)
I think the difference is some of us have thoughts but are better at impulse control and executive functioning to not really BELIEVE THEM

even if sometimes I spew them to share them HERE.

I capture them
with knowledge that is a moment of not being rational.

A FEAR Based moment.

I think the dude who fired me just had a moment, was reactive and then what was done was done.

The person I reported to supports him and does not check his reality perceptions. She protects her livlihood and income ( which is in a way ALSO fear based as she does not share when she might disagree with him)

BUT she might also agree with him...

and if so...well then the absolute irony of that lack of faith may perhaps be in fact that I would JOKE with the other co worker who got it that I sometimes had funny, irrational paranoia moments.

I mean we had a good repoire and I think she GOT ME
and I would joke sometimes at the funny initial fleeting weird thoughts I had....

I mean they Are funny to me!

BUT MAyBE even though my other buddy co worker thought funny, and she too had a quirky sense of humor and would quip sometimes...

maybe my boss did not find them so funny,

We were only in the office every other week one day a week. I tried to develop repoire with my co workers and felt like was successful.

Ce la vie
I think my boss and I got along fine.

Well that is past. I don't know why it is what came to mind now.

I got waylaid from finishing the task of evaluation of medical plans , picking one and then scheduling my medical appointment. So now THAT is on TOMORROW's TO do along with the WORK that is going to be sent to me to do.

YEAH I HAVE WORK! So happy for that!

And yeah... my kid is right. For a new business started; two bona fide clients landed in four month-- oh wait - it is FIVE Months!
STill, That is not bad! I am doing alright!
I will land more.

This one I think will be pretty substantive work, I mean more than the one item a couple times a month. I am going to guess the first client will send me one or two tasks a month. So that is not much at all. I am hoping this one sends me at least that weekly. Two or three items a week from them would be great.

YEAH it is still volume which I could support WITH a full time job.

The reason for full time is so I can contribute to a retirement fund! That is the kicker. If I get a high enough salary and am aggressive I can catch up to bolster my retirement fund that is lower than it is recommended for someone my age.

So yeah I need to land a full time job AND rock my business.

THAT has been my plan.

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