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2022-12-20 - 6:09 p.m.

Ah no work emails of new work, Just the one item in queue which I will review tonight or else tomorrow. It is not a rush, so can turn it around a few days after sent to me no problem.

The company of course was FINE with me just billing for work completed.
I totally understand their ask.

LOTS of lawyers REQUIRE retainers. It is really common, but used when you don't have trust you are going to be paid.

I trust they will pay me and need income flow reflecting actuals- so UNTIL I hit a threshold of making SUBSTANTIALLY MORE
and can afford a meaningful health care plan for my family ( one that covered the meds my kid needs) I am in no position to accept a retainer which would show up as earned income this year.

I figured best check just in case any work communication came in. Somehow I have good instinct and did not expect to see anything in queue.I was correct, just the THANK you for project deliverable sent yesterday to the one client nd the email clarifying will keep payment agreement as is. I will invoice and be paid after work completed. WHEW
That was the last thing I could possibly procrastinate and check on since still full of drywall dust. I mean either hop in tub and clean up or Suck up the fact I did my best and it really does have to be just good enough and done this point so I can clean the living room and decorate for Christmas
KNOWING IT STILL IS BETTER Than the holes in the wall

and honestly it was not worth haggling with either the idiot plumber who cut the ceiling stupidly ( or his company)- after having to harangue them to do a decent COMPLETE job on the water heater replacement
OR American Home shield who sent them
and if I argued with perhaps would take accountability eventually?

Hell no... I think they won't without somehow giving me a quote of how I have to pay some amt to get it done... which will be market value anyway. I mean I see how they work.

It is just not freaking worth it.

I don't have energy to deal with them. They come to do a job and if it has two or three parts they do one half assed and BREAK something in the process.

I just hope the guy at the one company who said "I am going to be using you alot! Your help is terrific! " really means it and DOES keep sending me work! I need the work. I really like what they are doing in the world with their company. It is so gratifying and I am thrilled to support them. (Can't of course talk about it but just to say it is really interesting and I think valuable - not in economic sense, but in the social good sense! They HELP PEOPLE in this world! There is HUGE benefit to society from what the company does! AND it is not one of the ones that is ethically questionable. I mean what a great thing to believe in a company and its mission without worry if I can fully support ALL They do. I unequivocally support what this company does 100%.

SO I am happy about that and can rest easy tonight. I have enough income coming in in JAN to pay my bills ( I think? It will be the first month of realized actual gain of the full month rent from my tenant!)

OH and I have to JOB HUNT this week for a Full time job still. Yup there's that. Since did not hear back from the panel interview had last Mon. That is not looking good so on to the next possibility.
I know it is the fact of the consulting that makes folks not want to hire me full time. The last role interviewed for was a ONE person dept. I really would like that to be honest. It works for me cause I can work whatever hours work for me and schedule items to be delivered during business hours. Not that would matter as when full time I get into working all the darn time anyway~ BUT still.... nice to have the option if I hit a mentally foggy moment here or there and need a mid afternoon break then pick up the work again later for a couple hrs.

Well, whatever is meant to be is meant to be.

I am rather sure of that.
Cause think about it. I had no PLAN to TRY TO get Medicaid cause it would be the best health care coverage out there for my chronically ill kid.

When you apply for purchasing a marketplace app they screen for it.

AND I initially applied by the paper application when I DID intend to apply for SNAP after months of unemployment and relying on the local food pantries and the lady asked if I wanted to apply. Figured why not since income was low! It started to feel like- damn if I have to call the food pantry at the one church every freaking month I best just apply for SNAP.


"God works in mysterious ways " said my boss at the retirement community. Maybe.

The universe
whatever your conception of something greater than ourselves is
IT JUST FEELS LIKE that is a reality that someone is truly looking out for us. I believe that.

Cause honestly I would never have WANTED or ASPIRED To be in the situation in now. YET it ODDLY IS meeting needs in this weird way better than when I was working butt off in a couple jobs while trying to increase income and stability of my own clients. The idea of my company was ON TOP of the other job for MORE stability not this less stability

and heck who would guess LESS stability would follow if I earn less income- that is the mirage, that the more you work or the higher paying your job is the better your quality of life will be.
Cause with food stamps we have better food. We are not food insecure and were at times.
And we have better healthcare. So it is a fascinating thing to me that despite the stressors of scrambling each month and of course getting help with family - with the food stamps and Medicaid our quality of life JUST INCREASED. That is crazy but true. *Depends on how measure quality of life!

With Medicaid I should be able to get the procedure my OBGYN ordered that is needed and my kid is getting meds.

OK rambling and repeating... DONE NOW.
I will not write more until Living room done and the Christmas Tree is up!!

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I am feeling relaxed as almost ready. FEEL ready and confident can GET IT DONE and have house in order!! - 2022-12-24


Back to work after today's writing break - 2022-12-22


AH an improvement! Progress-- I will celebrate it as it will help SOMEONE - 2022-12-21


I with the kids were like elves and would just decorate the living room and clean it up. I want to emerge to find it done!! There is a tree needing to be assembled. That is a puzzle they might like. - 2022-12-21


Good News! Another random grant from my PAST work on the Community Foundation relationship maintained. - 2022-12-20