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2022-12-20 - 3:33 a.m.

OK I intended to sleep through the night.

What keeps you up at night?

*I fucking hate that question

Mainly cause I have heard it *flippantly* used in business context. You know what I mean? Maybe you don't-
so let me explain

Most often it is some white cis privledged expert at corporate communication in the really sharp suit he could afford to buy at Norstrom

who is so out of touch with much of the REST of the world

The kinda guy who cries in his coffee OR
downs sorrows over a few beers too many
JUST cause some hot gal won't sleep with him

But is the one given the spotlight at some corporate meeting

And thus

My own biases perhaps-

When the uttering of the *seeming* PLayful with a smile and cherry mannerism as if he was saying any old icebreker to help bonding- like* seemingly innocuous but designed to find out more about you * " What was your first job?" or "What is one thing no one here knows about you?"
as he says

"What keeps you up at night?"

Like its a great ICE BREAKER

IT just MAKES ME CRINGE . I don't cringe at the other icebrekers- I am all in for actual team building, actual truly getting to know your co-workers- if it is authentic.

BUT that question always hits wrong for me.

SO here goes- What keeps me up this night?

The offer of a $10K retainer to be sent NOW for work to be completed over 2023.

I said I saw no issue.

BUT THEN realized HEALTH CARE is the issue.

And this is ridiculous.
That I can't just say YES and be profitable cause I did not yet land a full time job that provides health insurance.

and funny I forgot this part until just now-- OH YEAH ME too... have medical needs that require health insurance.

Truth be told our providers billed $14K this year which is LOWER than I had expected the total medical care costs to be. But... uh yeah...

That 10K retainer would need to be held in ESCROW essentially so if I did not do the work and they wanted to end a relationship I would have to return unused portion.

YET I would have to under IRS CODE For LLCs
Report the check for retainer on the books the year received as profit

I mean it wouldn't be that much profit- sans expenses

BUT I would literally also be on the hook if I did not expend it.

SO I looked up some numbers

There is this: MEDICAID Qualification numbers for a family of 4 which I am- I have three dependents living in my household:

You may qualify if your monthly income is less than:


OK then.
Now back to bed.

I work today- in fact have to be up in a couple hours to be there at 7am. After I take care of the morning responsibilities ( deliver the newspapers to apts to those who get them- etc... )
I should have time to work on my budget.

I got the email asking me to send an invoice of $10,000 for work to be done in 2023.

That is such good news
but bittersweet that if I were profitable NOW my kid might lose the healthcare that is covering their medication that was had a $450 co pay on the insurance policy I had been paying for!!

I had another panel interview LAST Week and so hoped they would have contacted my by Friday to indicate if there was serious interest.
I know they were continuing interviewing during the week.

BUT I can presume I am not getting an offer. Too bad as I was really excited about this particular role.

I am sure they thought it would be too much work with my existing clients. I am sure it would NOT have been ( cause I have been in the exact role before.)

The thing is- I am completely honest and transparent.

Some people don't understand how someone would WANT to work as much as I actually LIKE TO DO

BUT I WANT TO DO IT FOR MY OWN COMPANY on TOP of a full time role that provides health insurance.

Ce la vie...

I sent the email indicating I prefer to bill for actuals and hold off as that would adversely impact me at this time.

I already sent it- rather than continue to worry about it.

I told them I would like to hold off til January.


Because the way it works at the end of the year, you report company profits AS INCOME

I can't have a 7K bump in income this year and maintain the health insurance plan JUST SET UP for my kid.

And My kid needs to GET TO WORK
and that is only going to happen if my kid is WELL through the treatment receiving.

That medication that is $450 a month when I Buy the marketplace policy

is now FREE when my kid is on Medicaid.

AND I realized the Medicaid was awarded based on my income. NOT my kid's actual disability status. The more I read you have to go through the SSI applicaiton
and my kid has never worked yet so it not eligible for SSI That is an insurance policy based on your work history and what you put into it. The kid has not worked yet. I have put in but my kids disability insurance if receives it will be pulled from my earnings history

I am better off booking the earnings for 2023 from this client IN 2023

AS either my income stays low from the few clients I have ( and tenant) and I can then maintain the medical supports for my kid via MEDICAID (and SNAP which make no mistake allows us to afford to buy healthier food cause we have the budget for it.)
OR I LAND A FULL TIME ROLE - which I keep trying for and interviewing for- WHICH HAS DECENT HEALTH CARE COVERAGE

Reminds me I need to ask my kid if they followed up with the DAR office where they did meet with a social worker. They went through the intake. They have to take the NEXT STEP-
I need to ask the kid what is up with that.

Cause last I checked the kid had an action item. I think they are procrastinating and need a reminder.

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