2023-01-15 - 12:11 p.m.

I started this day waking and having just 20 min before was supposed to be at church for Choir practice.

But felt need to take just a minute for self, so since so ad popped up for numerology somewhere I did quick google search for FREE numerology report and found one.

In a min pulled up this just for fun and saved it to read after church . So here goes:
Courtousy of numeology.astro-seek.com
Report for current period
Lifetime Report -
Life Path Number - 9

Character, possibilities:
These people are idealistic. They have an idealistic approach towards themselves and towards their surroundings. They will go on a journey that will help them gain experience and meet important people. They have a high level of mental energy and they are be able to handle all the difficulties and challenges. It is good if they become more devoted to their goals and become more sensitive and courageous. They are responsible. Sometimes they do not realize the depth of their wisdom. They have no need for high material security. Love, the truth and friendships are very important. They have a strong need to give much of themselves to others. At mature age they will sometimes experience unexpected success and the realization of big plans. Broad communication with the public or with people abroad; they learn easily.

Weaknesses, what should be learned:
Beware of the tendency to have delusions, be extremely emotional, and have moody and exaggerated reactions. Beware of tendency to emotional stress and mental excesses.

11
Birthday Number - 11th - Sensitivity
Character, possibilities:
These people are sensitive and intuitive. They are interested in the spiritual path. They are a charismatic person. They like other people. They are a daydreamer. They are diplomatic.
They have revolutionary thinking and authoritative behaviour. They have healing abilities. They are perfectionists. They like taking collective decisions.
They don't like sharing their feelings. They do not hurt others knowingly. It is important to maintain a balance between giving and receiving. Harmony is needed primarily at home. They need to rest every day. They rub their hands or bite their nails.

Weaknesses, what should be learned:
These people are stubborn, nasty, vulnerable and irritable. Misunderstandings may occur. They often get into a state of uncertainty. Sometimes they are dependent on others. Beware of anger and emotional outbursts. They are stubborn and selfish. They may be shallow and they may try to manipulate or confront others.

Arrow of Emotional Sensitivity
Empty Arrow 2-5-8 (Arrow of Emotional Sensitivity)
(Empty arrow is most commonly considered as a weakness, which creates challenges in your life. However it can be considered as a strength as well.)
These people are bright, generous and protective. They work with deep feeling. They are sensitive, helpful and erotic. They have deep feelings. They are vulnerable; they can be hurt by both words and deeds. They can forgive once, but not twice.

Arrow of Skepticism/Vision
Empty Arrow 3-5-7 (Arrow of Skepticism/Vision)
(Empty arrow is most commonly considered as a weakness, which creates challenges in your life. However it can be considered as a strength as well.)
These people are generous and perceptive. They are able to see so far ahead that some people consider it unusual. They use their intuition and can easily understand their dreams and premonitions. They have a high emotional strength and courage. They are able to endure a great ordeal before giving up her ideals. They have no doubt about how to act.

Report for current period
8
Personal Year 8- Personal Year until next birthday

Personal Year 8 brings time during which the person can, after changes in the past year, regain balance and peace, and capitalize on previously gained experience, understanding and strength. Eight is the number of karma and balance, so the success of this period depends on how successful the person was throughout his life until now. If he puts in a great deal of hard work, deliberation and good will, he will most likely get rewarded; if he was selfish and acted without respect and tolerance for others, he will get what he deserves. Karma is a chain of cause and effect - giving and taking, justice and injustice, action and reaction - which lasts until a natural balance is established and this balance remains unchanged. That's the key to life and its whole meaning.

Personal Year 8 may be creative and independent period during which a person achieves many things in many areas. If he can channel energy and strength of this year constructively he will not be limited in any way. But it is not easy; if it was so simple the number eight would not be called the number of balance. People have problems with energy, strength and power from the moment they were given free will, therefore they need patience and wisdom in order to keep their strength, which is in balance during this period.

Your health will improve this year, your physical condition will get stronger, career prospects will become clearer and romantic relationships can achieve happy balance. Act honestly and you will see great success this year, but keep in mind that you need a lot of energy for showing kindness and for maintaining balanced mood. Communicate with others as much as possible and use your power wisely.

THAT's IT! Encouraging!

I was going to write about how the rest of the festival I attended went but tired now so that is a story for another day. It was another ADHD surprise adventure.
Just getting there and back required expending so much energy frankly that it is clear for me personally:

It was a BAD IDEA To sign up to volutneer that many hours to get in somewhere for free when I could not STAY ON SITE.
The effort to get anywhere not familiar and close is HARD for any ADHD person I believe. (Good news is that when it was ALL OVER- as I finished my final volunteer task someone told me there was an actual volunteer BREAK ROOM WITH FOOD! I was so happy to be fed well and then in there we had a nice 10 or 15 minutes chat- the 5 of us eating about-- ADHD!! One was a new Dr! Finished Med School in June! I knew she was knowledgeable so asked if she worked in the medical field. It was such a great conversation. I did not get personal. I mean not much at all other that to share for the others who don't know - that yes ADHD does have a significant affect on life due to increased stressors and also costs etc. One other fellow there is the one who said he was ADHD and told us to cut him off if he was oversharing! HA It was so funny as I had volunteered with him earlier and the gal and he and I who worked together then just setting a up a room and monitoring the event then cleaning it up all really bonded-
cause once set up we were allowed to participate and it was after all the intimacy workshop.

Well done as even with a bunch of strangers if you met a couple you got comfortable with then you could TALK About the topic of how to develop good communication about intimacy in your relationships. We all really engaged in discussion.

Funny thing is it reminded me of work trainings, or being an RA in college- authentic actual communication with folks you don't necessarily know well at all but kinda open up in serious conversation.

That particular workshop where we chatted we did not really engage in all the directed activity--
that was really a comfort level and how are you feeling thing. We also kinda kept doing our own thing (ha the two ADHD particpants and the other was a teacher!! We just made our own rules up. For real - it was so funny. In part as I think the three of us had trouble hearing the rules of the exercise and then had to just be creative.)
So we kinda ignored what the focus of that lecture was
(The 5 types of touch- except the teacher was taking notes! HA HA on her phone)

I mean we were ignoring- "Now try earth touch"
then " now try air touch"

It was actually a great workshop. The presenters would demonstrate each kind of touch and then the participants practiced on each other.

Some participants were intimate partners and they could do what they liked- and there were blankets to throw over the partner receiving the touch ( just in case they were very intimate for privacy).
But most people were literally with a stranger giving or receiving a back rub, head or arms etc.. a few lucky getting full body massages.

I was EXHASUSTED From the day before and had ZERO energy on Sat. I mean ZERO

My spoons gone.
Like GONE

Friday they were low and I thought it so ironic Friday of all things it was the intimacy workshop I was assigned. So then on SAT it was even FUNNIER and more ironic due to my exhaustion there was NO WAY For me to get there early at 8am.

So after the family obligations of chores at home were done ( I also figured keep my priorities and get that done cause frankly if I did not do them no one would. It feels so much better when the house is clean. Dishes done, floor vacuumed, my clean laundry put away...)

It is still a CLUTTERED MESS but at least CLEAN (organization and cleanliness two distinct things)

SO I decided I would get there when I get there. I was also really in quite a BAD MOOD and I realized ANNOYED that the guy I have been dating was not EXCITED to try to plan some time with me. What is that bullshit about? I Mean really.

I mean I know he had brought dates to this event as a date or he had in fact scoped to perhaps FIND a date at this event... he has dated women he met there.

So I know that is part of his excitement about this- like minded people all in once place and yeah its a great place if single I suppose if you looking to meet someone.

I guess I am just irritated he is always looking to meet someone That gets fucking old and offensive when dating.
And the whole open relationship means open so when I know there is something percolating with someone else with him I hate the fucking lack of communication
IN CONJUNCTION With RUDENESS when we were out last together.

So yeah I was pissed at him. I realized I was actually a bit angry about that and needed to vent. No I didn't want to vent to him just yet. Let him have his weekend to focus on his shit and let me process my FEELINGS on my own as truth be told it is all INSTINCT

And maybe I can or will enjoy seeing him and going out sometime. not interested any time too soon frankly. But you know he did ask if I wanted to catch a show at a theater in DC in coming weeks

And you know if we are clearly just casual that is fine- all is then fine and I just have to process MY FEELINGS and yeah will call out the fucking rudeness but not yet. Not til in person

So I needed to VENT not just here but a friend is helpful. I was so late but took the dog for a walk and was SO HAPPY I saw my neighbor's car home and knocked and got to bitch about how I was feeling to my friend/neighbor.

I was just so pissed about expending all this fucking energy to go into some festival where I had to do the ten hours of work and was exhausted and felt like an indentured servant as I was so DONE after the first night but HAD TO GO BACK cause if you don't put in the 10 hrs you have to PAY THE FESTIVAL TIX PRICE

which I cannot afford.

BUT YEAH I would go to that effort to spend time with a guy IN RELATIONSHIP WITH

but this guy clearly does not want a relationship
not of substance

Just a date once in a while

I mean if he loves this event so much and was into me he would have been EXCITED we could enjoy it together even for one hour!

But I was so damn exhausted I did not want to even be there.

OH yeah I was so negative at that point. And procrastinating. and thn it hit me I did not want to go.
and that I was RESENTING having to go.
And it was cause the guy dating was acting excited about going UNTIL
I told him I had signed up to volunteer and then he decided not to go.

It felt personal.

He also gave me these socks that say "Your killing my vibe" And I said
"So tell me about these"

I really thought maybe he was going to have a conversation honestly

I mean I had even said to him those words I think

That I wanted to RESPECT his SPACE as we are in an open dating relationship and I GET IT he is on the fucking prowl

BUT I don't want to SEE IT
I don't want to take that in.
and I don't want to box him in

I just wanted to go to the thing so WE COULD ENJOY some of the relationship building sessions

Cause we have been fucking sleeping together

so make it good

build some foundation

EVEN IF IT IS NOT PERMANT FIXURE
and is just a Summer love shack ( HA HA)

you still have to pay some attention and be attentive to what you DO Want together.

Maybe he doesn't know how to communicate. I am seriously befuddled.

So I had said I did not want to encroach on his thing- but I would volunteer during the day ( HE loves the night parties)

BUT I had an assumption he might want to do one thing with me- one session of all the offerings for a fun date

I mean there were all sorts of things-

Its like a funky artist fair with musicians, dancers, sessions for yoga, and acroyoga, and zouk dance , then spiritualist session learning about various wholistic health and all sorts of funky woo woo stuff.

I mean it can just be plain FUN to go and see the art ( they had vendors) and listen to the music and sit in on a yoga class.

SO I did NOT WANT TO GO I mean so much fucking energy to get there

I HAD ZERO ENERGY
but the fucking commitment.

So I stopped by my neighbor who LOVES YOGA thinking first maybe my friend would want to go and pay a drop in fee to come along.

Hell the dog walking and venting to friend made me feel better and I FINALLY Stopped procrastinating cause did not really want to do this thing

And went.

Now I did not lie that am a bit tired so will not tell the longer story of the adventure now. I only told the beginning of yesterday and some from day before and snippets of yesterday. The adventure part will be continued. I need a nap. I was home late and up early for church which was really fantastic this AM honestly. I was more excited about my pastor's semon and singing and the fact tomorrow my church is going to a MLK Celebration honestly than any of the experiences yesterday. I mean there were some OK- but church this AM felt so grounding, familiar and comforting. I am just so happy to be HOME TODAY.

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