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2023-01-26 - 9:21 a.m.

Morning reading

This is just odd to me. I feel like high stress and high cortisol levels perhaps reason in conjunction with routine perimenopause hormonal changes?

But the oddity is that this typically does not happen in women who have had lots of kids. The stenotic cervix ( closed)
and low progesterone
are more often found in women who have not had children. (Think because those factors affect ability to conceive).

I suppose for me this is just again body reaction to stress and trauma which was happening to me in my life AS or AFTER I had the kids-
not before.

Feel like the stress and high cortisone affect progesterone to me; along with Normal Menopause. Just having higher levels of stress cortisol response over some later years.

I also really do think that it was not my imagination that there was a correlation that the heaviest bleeding EVER was when I was visiting and staying in Buffalo at my guy's home who is a smoker. I just kept feeling like my body always reacts poorly to any second hand smoke in a number of ways-
asthma being one,
but an overall immune response kicking in-
inflammation etc.

And I felt like for some reason the excessive hemorrhaging like bleeding ( that sure has been heavy since but not like that- I mean it was really bad) , was exasperated by being around even second hand smoke.

I feel like the body KNOWS when it is reacting to a particular thing. Only thing I could find was that yeah, progesterone levels are found to be low in women who are SMOKERS.
I am going to suggest even second hand exposure can affect progesterone levels.

Just quit smoking ya'll

Do it for yourself and your loved ones.

AH- Research shows YES second hand smoke affects "endometrial angiogenesis" From what I am reading that is the ability of the uterus to thicken when needed for implantation -fertility- but then ALSO for cells to stop continuing to thicken and grow and for them to SHED when needed as well.

There are just a few other studies that were done in YOUNGER Women ( in china!) that show increased menstral discomfort, symptoms among women exposed to second hand smoke compare to those without that exposure.

BUT there are being studies done
and yes this one postulates that exposure to 2nd hand smoke affects progesterone. I felt it. I mean I never had such reaction before or since, even though did have later excessive bleeding moments. Nothing like that first one that July two years ago thankfully. Honestly my Buffalo guy was the SWEETEST in helping care for me during that. He is a gem when it comes to being a caretaker of others frankly! DESPITE his own lack of SELF CARE. That is quite the paradox. He is the friend always there for others. He steps up to plate to help other's through difficult moments and does not shy away from being present and helping them. I think of the many friends he offered support to over the years.

OK last article as at least there are studies being done.

Enough of that. The Surgeon office said they did not yet see the fax, but they have a system where the fax is sent to an email and then routed. So it was en route perhaps?

The receptionist had not yet seen it when I called. But she ALSO Was about to go home so perhaps had a couple things to wrap up so just wanted to wait until today when she had TIME to tend to it. (I can respect and understand that. She answered the phone when I called with only 15 min left of the office opening! I get it that maybe their process is for the Dr. to review the incoming fax health history first before scheduling an appointment.)

AH ready to walk the dog.
The surgon office receptionist said they would call to schedule once she sees the faxed records.

I just kinda want to get that scheduled before I go off and focus on OTHER things today to be frank. This is an ADHD Management thing. To get something done to completion I have to avoid distraction. When there is something LINGERING that has not gotten done...

like getting into this darn next step of a procedure....
I feel like the only way to get it done
*and not forget and let it go for who knows how long

is really to STOP doing ALL OTHER THINGS

and just FOCUS and yes even obsess on it and only it-
the thing to be done

until achieved.

Funny now that I think of it when I studied for the BAR exam that was my tactic. HA HA It never worked then. I mean I don't know how many days, weeks, in the aggregate YEARS I literally spent doing nothing but every day STUDYING Virginia Law for that exam.

I still think it is not lack of KNOWELDGE that was the challenge in passing it. It was more like now what I recognize as POTS

the lack of my BODY cooperating in functioning on demand 100% of the time during so called *normal* business hours of 9-5.

Its so ironic as after a certain age? (hormonal?) OR After the intense exercise ( running regularly when I trained for the marathon?) SOMETHIHNG SHIFTED And I STOPPED having that excessive daytime sleepiness (diagnosed as sleep disorder idiopathic hypersomnia); and it was like my body RESET and I suddenly could function.

I also stopped working full time to reduce stress and get actual rest my body needed.

That did wonders.

Having adequate normal rest without constant on the go adrenaline- state of heightened awareness and the high stress of "invented" emergencies of work environments.

I mean finding the employers of recent years was so integral to my health. Seriously moving from the high pace and pressure of Verizon Business to work at the local deli and as receptionist at the Assisted Living then transitioning back to a well paid job which was at Fannie Mae all were great moves for my health.

Heck those years when I worked Deli and Receptionist and I BIKED from one job to the other were some of the healthiest! I did not even carry health insurance then and didn't even worry about it. I was biking back and forth from one town ( about 11 miles away) three times a week. It was so lovely! This is what is often described as the nicest part of the bike trail by many avid cyclists- and I happen to live right here.

I mean the culture at Fannie Mae was SO CHILL compared to Verizon Business or even the high pace non stop of the Giant Deli. It was like suddenly had to learn how to NOT be in a constant state of anxiety and hyperactivated nervous system. I will never forget the one co-worker who quit as he could not handle the slowed down pace of work! HA HA

I literally went from there to EVEN SLOWER with my last actual W2 job.

AH, Sad that ended but I am so hoping at this phase the next thing is even better. That was such a good fit. But I only biked to work there two or three times tops. It was not a BAD ride- but it was not a good ride either. The bike commute to the Assisted Living place is really nice. It takes me on just a couple roads- the ones from home to the trail and then from the trail to the facility is a NICE RIDE. A road without lots of traffic. It also has a nice trail ( although I stay of that trail abutting the road in the residential neighborhood as it is in my mind for pedestrians and not safe to ride on if any walkers!) But there is so little traffic taking that road through a residential part of town is a nice ride on a bike.

In contrast when I bike commuted to my last job, there is a LONG part of the route on a busier road. Its not a BAD road- not crazy busy, also primarily residential, but it is just LONG. A Long ride on road. I prefer long rides on trails with just a few road treks But the only way to get to that office was lots of road riding. Where the office itself is there IS more traffic. Not tons but it definitely entailed riding the bike IN traffic which is not optimal to make a regular bike commute.

SO yeah all this to say , not feeling it for any of the three job prospects worked on, interviewed with HR persons ( first level interviews only) this week.

I am not feeling it for any of these.

What I am feeling is that there will be a job that manifests that is in bike commute distance when it is really time for me to be transitioning back to full time ( or more regular) work. Maybe it will not be full time. Maybe it will be like the last role ( although it ended up being full time by legal definition! IT was avg of 33 hrs per week! They ended up needing the support .)

I was bummed that owner was kinda impulsive. The firing me was kinda dumb I think ( and I think some of his other cohorts agree. They told me they were blindsided , not consulted , and not even told why. Because the why made little logical sense- he was being paranoid and impulsive. I get it.)

Cest la vie.

I guess still just meant to be home.
Cause nothing this week seems promising. Two recruiters were SO Excited and hopeful at first. I played along, going with the "hell if meant to do this so be it" attitude of positivity. Both were seemingly crushed at the hiring managers dismissal of my resume it seems. The one wanted to argue and push back and was way more offended than me at the feedback of not enough technical contract management experience.

I just found it funny in a way.

And a sign perhaps not yet ready for a full time job as perhaps this is the time for continued care of health with the gift of insurance that came my way.

Will see.
I was starting to think the kids don't want My help anymore so this time home to be present to help THEM perhaps is coming to an end soon. I figured I need not linger being present if they are not ready for the next step and don't want my help now. They can move on when ready. But if they are not ready it is time for me to move into my next step as then my presence is no help to them. I pulled back from working out of the home, and pulled back from working as many hours as typical in order to faciliate their health needs. The good news is the need for medical appointments is done! (I mean not completely. But need for various specialists,testing etc... running all over the place three times a week at least for various doctors IS DONE!! )

The kids are medically stable! They KNOW all their medical issues and are treating the ones opt to. ( I can't make them address what they don't want to.)

The best news is the one local doctor is GOOD. Seeing one Doctor for care of various issues is working for one so there are two specialists that kid doesn't have to travel to see anymore. That is a HUGE improvement in quality of life- not driving all over, and in quality of care I think too because one doctor is looking at it all ( and is a good doctor! Not expert in certain areas but the kid's health is improved so honestly if there were a need could always drive to go back to the EXPERTs. But the initial assessment and diagnosis and prescription of experts can be LEVERAGED now with the primary continuing the care plan with prescriptions the experts initially prescribed. The primary doctor can now continue that care and monitor and pull in the experts AS NEEDED. SO GREAT !

*There is a follow up with the one specialist in March and then AFTER That the kid sees another- but its down to TWO specialists instead of SIX Plus the primary. I mean that is something.,,, I mean this kid had EIGHT different doctors they had to see in recent years. Down to four. ( and two of the four only a couple times a year now).

So funny I wrote that paragraph and had to edit for accuracy a few times as I kept recalling another dr.. ("Oh wait, forgot the gastroentologist... oh and the dermatologist...etc). The above did not include eyes or ears! HA Sheesh.. I never did get one to an ENT.

Oh yeah
That is the last and final thing for the kids

Still on my TO DO

One may have deviated septum ( Dad does) and an ENT can screen for that. Treatment of allergies was the first step to see if that resolved nighttime snoring and breathing issues. First treat asthma and allergies and reduce inflammation and THEN go to an ENT to take a look at the breathing, anatomy etc.

OK so that is now on my TO DO now that the kid has gone through immunotherapy and the asthma and allergies are abated.

I forgot about that. Hell and PT if I can find one that is a specialist for POTS folks and if I can get the kids to go.

OK so perhaps there IS More I can do for the kids here medically. YEAH PT

I would love that for myself again too so I can get back into an exercise routine. I was going to try anyway but I keep overdoing it when I do exercise then have to rest and my recovery time is longer than it used to be. There is a shoulder issue from swimming too hard- and too long. I have a tendency to overdo it. Honestly if I could afford a personal trainer I have heard SUCH GOOD THINGS about working with one as an older person when exercising.

OK so that is what I can do as I wait for my schedule to happen.

Find ENT for the one kid.

I will also get dressed and visit the local business I owe some contract review to. I just have been putting that off this week cause REALLY WANTED The surgery scheduled before dove into that project. I just want to BE HERE when they call!! Feel like it is so close to getting done! ( IF they don't call in a couple hours I will call them again today!)

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