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2023-01-30 - 2:05 p.m.


Just commented on how doing math
learning math
not avoiding math is intergal to moving forward in life.


I just got a W2 that is flat out WRONG

as in WAY OFF.

The company that I was an employee of that fired me and then made me a 1099 SHOULD Send me two docs.

Both the W2 ( with my social security #)

the 1099 form ( with the EIN as I registered my company with the IRS with an EIN. Simply as it is now a sole propietorship however I wanted to set it up as an LLC whihc could LATER add MEMBERS. As honestly if I landed a contract for certain folks ( like the one former co worker with 33 yrs FBI background who offered to collab on proposals) I would just Make others actual MEMBERS of the LLC with ownership - if they want to legit do the business development work.

Can't have 51% ownership to other than woman for small women owned. but I would give equity interest to other members if there was serious commitment to collab.

And that guy was interested ( is interested ) as a nice potential retirement gig job for him.

So I get this freaking W2 ( as if employee) with the EIN Number

and way more income that earned as 1099.

If its the actuals of what really earned as W2 hell I made lot less than the prior six months. ( They did reduce work and hours I was supporting them if I recall around April. So really only three mos 33 avg hrs week then dropped to 20 or even less) so the shocking LOW value if this is the W2 may be real.

Well if that is the case I have NO WORRY about having to pay back ANYTHING for health care. Certainly eligible for the tax incentive help with my premium for healthcare I purchased on the market.

BUT this seems just OFF.

Like hours missing?

I have to run numbers.

YUP That is the task of the day obviously.
getting a later start than wanted but will run numbers first to see what is up ( as well as contract to

OH WAIT I Am a fucking idiot

well leaving my error in rambling reaction


My social security is correct.

It is just fucking shockingly low.

I made all of freaking $32,000 working part time through half the year. YEAH I knew when I took that job it was quite a drop. I mean I guess its about right. I had figured could JUST GET BY here in the fucking most expensive county with $65 K a year had I not only retained that job for HALF the year and cut that in half- but honestly not without incurring some debt even had I not lost that job. Cause it really costs MORE for my family with the medical bills. I was choosing to go into a little bit of credit card debt thinking short term. Thinking I would have retained that job and by now ALSO picked up clients.

I intended on working at that role for years ( so I thought ) with mainly it for just a couple years just to get the kids to and from appointments etc...
and to get them taken care of health wise before picking up more substantial work. I mean there was NO WAY I could have shuttled them to all those specialists once realized the youngest was chronically ill too and in need of the extensive testing to confirm. ( Past two years... really... maybe more? With this drop in income?)

I mean so I lost my job AFTER already having drop in income for that flexibly when I was dependent on it.

OK so considering the big picture the amount of family debt is not THAT BAD considering I needed this time OFF to meet family needs.


Just depressing in a way.

the good news in job hunting I get to say my current rate $100 per hour.

That is literally what I get from my clients.

So I raised the bar of my worth when do enter back into full time.

So all the moves I made were long term STRATEGIC.

No bad ones.

This is just the short term painful GROWTH phase. Honestly starting own business (EVEN AT A LOSS) can in fact be one of the best investments.

Folks are vapid.
Not that smart
They judge role and title FAR MORE Than they should.

Its lots of BS

I mean I did even MORE work with greater responsibility and directly interfaced as primary point person for more clients on their gov contracts in the prior role than in the one titled Contract Director.

Is such BS what makes one seem worthy of the high paying job.

Think I will land it.

Just have to keep trying.

The W2 is freaking motivating.

So yeah.

Now will do the math.

Likely will be astounded , like the financial planner who worked with me back when I worked at Verizon. She ran the numbers
she did the calculations on the TYPICAL family "reasonable" expenses for living here. ( Think white privalege)
She was astounded.
I told her my goal was to buy a house.

She said "I am running the numbers and see only one option. I recommend you file bankruptcy"

I said "Hell no, I am going to buy a house. I will pay off the debt and buy in 5 years."


Secret power of not buying into consumerism AT ALL.

I mean the last tangible I bought for myself was the thrift store $10 leather shoes found for the 40s themed fun party *peep toe with a bow, I got to go to (playing dress up!) last month, $5 for blue tights ( a total find! they are thick!), and $5 for LEATHER Gloves- kid soft leather I could not resist.

$20 on tangibles
Another maybe $120 total or so on Christmas gifts for the family.

other than that? Plumbing supplies?

Tangibles... I can't freaking recall the last time. Maybe it was Nina Simone's' album BALTIMORE that I bought in 2021 pre Christmas when DC friends and I were enjoying a lovely Baltimore visit. ( This is the kind of fucked up things the DC Guy does I find offensive. He will tell me about places and experiences he had that he had WITH ME with NO memory I was there. Makes me feel my presence was an accessory and time with me not the point of the outing. He tells me about actual past DATES on occasion. I am like WTF? But maybe his memory is just fried and I should not judge... BE present in the moment and let it pass.. let go of ego.)

OH NO I bought myself a long sleeved T of Women Director's at the Middleburg Film Festival.

Yeah that was it. The mugs and journals from there. One for me, one for DC guy (saved til Christmas. I knew then it would be a nice Christmas gift- and you know maybe a memory aide? Remember something WE did together?)


but its like in a year I spend about $50 on THINGS I like but don't need.

DAMN it is fucking georgous outside today.

But have to get the math done!!!

OK, is this possibly ADHD procrastination?

The warm afternoon after a nice dog walk ( when read tax return!) is motivating to get the heck off this machine. Go get shit done and get a swim /walk in then hit the math project. I can do it when sun sets, right? And still get a most done today?

First-to stop by the office of the local folks that I owe a visit. The development group. YEAH Procrastinating that too I guess. Cause I really wanted last week to study lines and be creative and get that stuff done and did not want to forget the surgery to schedule. ( A FAIL GAVE UP for now. will get other shit done and try again another time.)

OK the business owner said come by last week of Jan. I am technically not late, not really, right?

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- - 2023-01-31


OK So feeling good paid bills today too, Medical co pays done for kids. Onto next chore. - 2023-01-31


Can't imaging being disabled with YOUNG kids responsible for. - 2023-01-31


Tired as was up late but worth it as I JUST Filed my TAX return! Feel like get my shit done before giving away free labor. Will FINALLY visit the local business ( after a nap and dog walk) - 2023-01-31


Yeah taxes done!! - 2023-01-31