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2023-02-01 - 9:05 p.m.

Yeah my computer is connecting to my router. It had an issue today.

No worry as I just went to the library where I got some job hunting done, and once again re-filed the tax return.

It is the weirdest thing. The names of my dependants are written EXACTLY as they have been written in past years but I getting a REJECTION
and this time the basis is the name is not as it has been provided by Social Security Admin.

Not an exact match. The only thing I can figure is they implemented some process "improvement" , which again is geared toward fraud prevention which in actuality will affect millions of non fraudsters to a much greater extent than will ever catch and prevent fraud.

Seriously, one of those system "upgrades" great IN THEORY but which on one had vision, or actual user testing, to determine the ACTUALITY Of how it would affect MOST users.

I feel like few do realistic , valuable assessment of ROI. They fall for case studies which have too few #s and too limited scenarios in comparison to the ACTUAL usage and impact some "improvement " could make.

That is my guess.

OH SNAP a company I work for supported IRS and I LOVE that company. I just pray this was not their brainchild.

The change, whatever it is, that results , so far this year in my EIGHTH attempt at electronic filing.


But tomorrow is another day.

And despite that challenge it was just a blip and did not even feel like much of a frustration as I was focusing on OTHER things in between the moment of trying to file the taxes again ( a couple times.)
I had gone to the library and got some job hunting done. It was productive.
Then tried to file again, and it did not work- gave the rejection but I was non plussed by the small moment in an otherwise wonderful day.

See the difference when I DO NOT obsess and insist on finishing one thing but DO multi-task and allow myself to be busy with a number of things , for me?

I feel so much HEALTHIER and less stressed, worried or neurotic.

I mean the thing goes wrong and its like "So what? life goes on... will try later.... or tomorrow"
as I have OTHER productive things that are fulfilling to do in the meantime.

This attitude shift was direct result of the absolute JOY And DELIGHT

of today literally having the most wonderful working session, I mean a whole hour and a half
with a man who is seriously a very clearly talented director, creative, stylist....
I mean artist
who was so kind and joyfully invested his time in working with me.
He seemed delighted to do so.

I received LOTS of constructive criticism.

I also note that he CRIED at my delivery of one monologue and got the praise
" you got it!"

I mean it was clear he was moved at moments of the reading I did.

And he gave feedback and told me where to improve.

I mean it was so validating to deliver one of the pieces and hear his laughter in delight ( remember he did not KNOW the script like the folks currently in the show all did. The rest of them performed or directed the same show in the past! with exception of one other woman ( I think... ok maybe two... so that was an exaggeration. Three of the six, including me, are new to this now that I think of it. But I have not met one as she has been rehearsing during the week and I have been there on Saturdays only. So out of those I have met three out of the four others than me working on this have preformed it,or directed it, before. Some more than once.)

So to do the reading of all my parts to someone who was completely unfamiliar was super helpful.

It was nice to get some pointers and tips last night from my friend the comic.

But... THIS ... this was NEXT Level.

I mean not even next level.

This was like Pro.
I mean like a director from one of the finest conservatorys in the country as my personal acting coach AND then my STYLIST as well.

I have my props list.
We found in the thrift store I met him and we worked at THE PERFECT dress for one scene.

No spoilers but it is eggplant colored and a fabulous piece. I mean just screams the sensibility of the piece it is for. I feel like we could not have found something more perfect. '

It is also $19. Not expensive. I put it on hold and will pay for it and pick it up tomorrow.
I NEVER did this nor considered as it is so tacky. But it is the one time in my life I MIGHT consider that return policy "May return if tags on within 7 days."

Honestly will pay the mortgage and bills

If can't do that without the $19
(its again CLOSE DAMN IT. I paid medical bills yesterday- sent the checks in the mail as come on, can't let them linger TOO long before they go to collection. We were all caught up... but this is the thing with chronic illness. The person with the disabling condition kinda has to KEEP seeing the doctors you know. So yeah, in a month get a few more co pays.

I paid them. ( one was 70 days past due and if did not would have gone to collection! UGH Everyone is truing up the 2022 accounting for the year. I hope I mailed it and it gets there and posted in time and does not get sent to collection.)

The co pays were only $145 total. Not really alot- but when just making it ( even with my pay back of loan from my business to me!) Well... I thought would have SOME extra and have ZERO.
Ran all the numbers and it was short.

Just a bit. My company has to pay back MORE of the loan if can. I get paid again in a month for the invoice sent out. I think I can pay myself back a BIT MORE now...
knowing that client has been reliable in paying me.

So yeah I can make the bills ( will transfer a little, just a little more from business acct to personal now!)

And its not alot to spend but I tell you that $19 will be well spent.

It is bringing me such joy to be in this show.

We have to do things that bring us joy too! EVEN IF POOR

I think the myth that poor people should ONLY spend money on necessitites is nonsense. They should of course prioritize needs but to say it is wrong for the poor to only be stuck at the bottom rung of maslov's triangle is to say the poor can never really experience JOY in anything other than surviving.

Everyone deserved joy.

Hell if you can seriously find joy in just waking up each day and existing that is quite a gift. BUT most of us need a little something special once in a while

So for me it is the egplanty maroon dress that fits the part.

I also met the fabulous owners of the business I owe some volunteer work for. I felt like had to take care of business and commitments BEFORE went off and have fun! That is my work ethic
Work before the JOY! (Very puritanical , New England)

Also puritanical to find guilt in joy which I am trying not to do!

So before I went to meet the acting coach, I stopped by the office.

And I had been thinking of the older couple and their business honeslty almost like a burden of an OBLIGATION of work that I have to do. And It was like I was kinda putting it off as wanted to get my shit, my house in order before I gave my energy away. For some reason it felt like a BURDEN

I showed up

and realize just HOW FUN THEY ARE!! OMG This couple are so inspiring
and SHE is a hoot! I forgot she was herself a professional designer. I mean she ran an interior design firm, very successful in like Home and Garden, Architecture Digest etc... back in the day for high end clients...
and she LOVES to sew , which informed her work
and she did all this when single and a workaholic in love with her creative work BEFORE she married to give it up to run the construction company with her husband. (He had the company by himself and REALLY needed help to scale and grow.)

And it grew
and they have been doing this for 30 years together ( after his 10 solo ) or something like that..
I mean they are amazing.

So then after my working my lines with the acting coach, and job hunting, I was HUNGRY and tired

and my calendar shows the local business assocaition meet and greet.

And I show up and they were there. So after visiting with her this AM before rehearsal got to again enjoy their company.
It was so fun!
And met other lovely folks for actual networking. They said post about the show on their FB page and sites.

Some may come.

I met some really wonderful ladies from the town there. Great conversation with a few.
What a full day. SO FUN
OH and the owner (lady) of the construction company is bringing me some shit kicker Cowboy (Cowgirl) boots for one of the roles I am playing in the show.

This show is SO fun as it is women telling their stories. VERY Empowering. It is almost as therapeutic as writing.

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I am emotionally drained after this week. It was really pretty unexpected to be honest. BUT GOOD - 2023-02-03


I have to leave so not late. But read kids poem and took in each word this time. I didn't plan to. It was like a shock. Like I read one poem for the first time. Awakened to let it in. Somehow it was time. - 2023-02-03


Now ready for bed. Was about to sleep and teared up thinking how beautiful this is to have someone do something so thoughtful and just beautiful for me. - 2023-02-02


To bed after lovely day - 2023-02-02


Just one more read through... - 2023-02-01