2023-02-10 - 10:47 a.m.

FUCKING A

when missed an old dear friend
who was my roommate for a time

and did a search of his name

to have the NEWS ARTICLE of his MOTHER'S MURDER from domestic violence pop up

cause now folks archive old news stories on the internet.

My friend did share his story with his close friends.

It was horriffic.

He watched his father stab his mother to death. In one act he and his brother lost both their parents.

It was bad enough that when I did a search for his name FIRST his FATHER'S NAME Showed up

and his father is living in the burbs.

I mean of the city he lived in.

Now in his 70s

His father was a young man Had his kid at 18

I mean the gut wrenching reality of growing up with your Dad in Jail for having murdered your mother IN FRONT OF YOU.

My friend was alright

He overcame it.

His younger brother struggled with addiction and he was a help to him. I hope his younger brother overcame that.

My friend was smart and creative and funny

And a super roommate. We had such fun

I hated that someone swiped the photos from my albums of him.. I know it was not him

I mean what person in my life begrudged my gay bestie? He was a gay man. What lover of mine was jealous, or girlfriend of mine was in love with him to steal the pictures of him? (I never will know. It was just weird. YES We did have one friend I think that WAS in love with him. It happens.)

I can still envision the photo of the cake he made and decorated on my birthday when he surprised me with our friends from work all coming over.

He painted with icing my image in a sexy red dress. It was super fabulous.

We used to go dancing at the gay clubs in the city. He and my bestie and his boyfriend.

We had SUCH fun times.

( I never caught on that my bestie may have been gay to... at least non binary.... She had a relationship with a woman in a couple more years from then. Only then when she told me of that relationship

But even then I think I never really GOT It
I mean it was just very matter of fact
the acceptance that the two of them acted like giddy teen school girls

I think I didn't catch on FULLY That they were IN LOVE

EVEN when it was in front of my eyes.

So funny

Like I never thought of her friend as her girlfriend.)

It took years for that to sink in.

And years later to try to figure out why she lost contact with me. Just GHOSTED me when I got married.

SIGH...

Oh well at least it was not racism as I thought might have been the case. (Though I do think that was her mother's issue).

I don't think it was hers.

Such great times we had. Along with my fab fun roommate those years in my early 20s.

My new friend with a similar ENERGY

and truth be told kinda also same physical ... I mean body type... and well.... hair ( or lack thereof! HA)

just somehow ... having that gay guy friend who is so creative and fun and inspiring

The way my roomie was all those years ago

MY roomie who grieved my pregnancy

honestly because he admitted it would CHANGE THINGS for our friendship

It was the funniest and most real thing and kinda wonderful that we went for a long walk together in the park to PROCESS this reality of me being pregnant

And I was telling HIM it was going to be OK

HA HA
Like He was in the greater shock and fear of the changes

He was like "You can't be my bestie that if still single when 40 can be my fall back"

HA HA

We used to joke about that. How if still single at 40 we would just get married. I mean we were so compatible as housemates and had so much FUN when lived together.

Oh an of course
He was an aloholic.

OF course

My type... right?

He would come home and drink his six pack in his room quietly and go to sleep.

I mean it never was disruptive to ME
and not real visible.

And I could accept that and let him walk his path and figure it out.

I recall when he had the most FABULOUS boyfriend. When they fell in love and how much fun they both were and just how wonderful their relationship was, how balanced. They were together last I was in touch

and of course we lost touch.

He lost touch with ALL our close friends.

I forget but think the boyfriend must have stopped being in his life at some point. We both moved on. He moved out and he bought a FABULOUS house and I visited and loved seeing the process of rennovation and decoration he was loving doing.

He threw himself into that house design.

He found the freaking ORIGINAL Mantle- carved ornate wood, via a scap sheet somehow hours outside of the city being sold. It was this crazy and miraculous story and it did not surprise me in the least.

Heck I used to know where he lived.

BUT He moved.

He moved after some kid was MURDERED on his front porch.

I don't know that they ever caught the killer or know the circumstances but I know it threw him tremendously for a loop.

I ran into him going to church of all things. He was not a churchgoer but after that happened it made him question everthing and seek God.

I just wondered where he is and how he is doing. Last I knew he went on to study architecture. He was working at a university teaching I think, as a student teacher in a grad program. I can see him happy as a professor somewhere.

Teaching students and being creative and inpiring them. I can see him with fabulous partner, and going home to a cozy meticulously decorated house. OR going home alone to his cat. YES I imagine he would have a cat! (HA HA)
and drinking his six pack before bed and a falling asleep and waking up to have energy and enthusiasm and bring joy to students the next day and inspire them to create something beautiful.

The juxtaposition of such powerful energy to engage and inspire others to create balancing the darkness he is trying to forget and rise above.

Is it always some trauma that has impored greatness? Some depth of depair to be overocome that informs those who arise more than the rest of us?
Because they HAVE TO?
As necessity to balance out the evil encountered?

But then when the healing finally happiness

they find the peach of balanec
normalcy
routine and the everday

and seek the simple things n life

Suppose once they outrun their past. Have run from it and through it and away from it again enough to finally be free.

I just hope he is free of the pain and hold of it.

Finding the article was a gut wrenching surprise today.
I hope he never does a search to see it.

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