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2023-03-01 - 3:18 p.m.


I don't want a microsoft account log in for any of my personal email.

So the software on the new computer is running Microsoft OFFICE 10

I can't even USE the new computer unless create a MS Office log in with an associated email.

I don't want to use that interface for my email.

I mean I prefer just to log in via web -

BUT the computer I bought in its SET UP did not even allow simple access to the internet without FIRST setting up a microsoft account.

The good news is I do already have one.
The bad news is that it is NOT a personal account.

AND the further bad news is- if I tried that log in under PERSONAL it did not work.

THE ONLY Options were:

PERSONAL ACCOUNT_ you have access and control of this computer OR

Log into an existing COMPANY ACCOUNT and the COMPANY has access and control of the computer.

I thought

I think in signing onto their system using their microsoft log in I had ALREADY Consented to work when on their systems NOT BEING PRIVATE.

read the small print folks

There is not thing as fucking privacy anymore when we all work from home on our own devices and some even are so comfortable to work on their phones- like little computers. (I refuse. I mean I got a SEPARATE CELL PHONE from my old employer. I just refuse to co mingle. It was used to confirm my idenity for access to all sorts of systems- so hell no that was not going to be MY PERSONAL number. And good thing as when they fired me and I cut off that cell phone I KNOW no one can even get into the sites cause they can't get past the two factor authentication set up.)


In any case it was a PIA

I am configuring the new computer while sitting in a medical office as one kid is at a Dr. Appt. One of the many specialists.

I honestly felt like good idea to configure my new work backup-

NEW computer intended to be a back up for my company.

BUT the one client has me in their system for email and use of applications and saving files in their shared drive etc... which is a secure system.

I like that actually.

Hell I don't want to save anyone else's confidential info on MY DEVICES

I LOVE shared drives I can just log into and work directly in frankly ( not everyone like that.Many prefere their own desktops- not me. Even though a bit cumbersome and clunky til get used to them I honestly prefer to work in a shared folder on a shared file that anyone can edit to add comments on etc in collaboration. GREAT TOOL BUT ONLY IF WHOLE TEAM HAS BUY IN AND ON BOARD WITH USING IT...

there are so many techie tools out there that fail as the folks at the top are clueless as to the skill set and interest of their work force actually learning and using them.

I mean this is not just an obvious problem in places like healthcare facilities-

Where there is a HUGE disconnect between the folks with big ideas
and the acutal worker bees who don't freaking have time for the level of CARE they give

let along have time to learn new skills of how to navigate some new funky computer program ( designed for so called efficiency but really that is BS as most often designed to collect DATA and MEASURE their performance by data analytics by those misguided enough to somehow think that ever works exceptionally well. It works in some places well but in other is an absolute fail.)

I should not complain as when I was in techie spaces where data analytics WAS USED I just SHONE.

It was evident I rocked it getting things done-
the # of deals negotiated and closed
# of Purchase Orders reviewed
# of Change orders processed
Revenue from contracts I managed
AMT of new business from the RFPs I reviewed and contributed on...

I mean I rocked it


It did not HELP ME

It made my coworkers what to get me the hell outta there as it was making them look bad..

So freaking just stop measuring folks for God's sake and accept that we all do our best and some are freaking lazy at times but so what... they might be the one that gets coffee and chats cheerfully and has added value of the Friday lunch hour outings being organized

and hell that all HAS GREAT VALUE in employee morale....

but instead companies will fire that person who made far less an hour and hire some high paid consultant fresh out of an MBA program at a school with presige to run a freaking large project on :

How to improve company culture and morale.


I have seen it happen.

And the social butterfly office gal who was trying to get credit for my work got fired...
and I was then hated...
*Cause did not know she did that.

I mean just leave well enough along folks.

I honeslty would have likely been happier had been oblivious to her stealing credit for my work I didn't fucking CARE to be honest

and she also had a fucking abusive husband. I mean I remember hearing of her asthma attack while he mocked her and did not want to help and accused her of being a drama queen

I mean she downplayed the story

but I was keen to pick up on abuse

and felt bad I never was able to really be a friend

Cause the kids got strep so we had to cancel when she invited us to get together with her little one

I mean I still think about how that company went to hell once there was the desire for proceess improvement
and data analytics
and care of profit over people

It went from fun and productive to toxic with everyone freaking paranoid

So when a friend talked of freakish weird work shit of someone complaining about him to a BOSS
IGNORING HIM and jumping to complain level up above
so he gets a warning from top down

It immediately triggered ME into I swear PTSD from toxic work culture
and I was likely in a freaking panic when said

"JOB HUNT NOW.. ... dont wait.... it will not get better"

Projecting my fears

I certainly was not the best listener

OK did not help him calm down. He said no to my offer to come pick him up and take him to the movies. ( My tax return came in! I have a rule: If I invite I TREAT. I don't send invites if I can't afford to pay)

I will likely end up paying off debt and have nothing left anyway so no harm in not having gone out...
Although I still may go to the movies one of these days by myself. There are a couple films would like to see after reading or hearing about them.

Documentaries are my thing. All the Beauty and the Bloodshed on my list for a while now...

and yes it is still in at least one theater in an hour's drive. May take my car on that trip for the movie. (despite its sluggish nature)

But back to the disappointment of the set up of what I hoped to be a back up for all my company work.

It is not. hNot good for a back up. It is rather a $330 investment in work for ONE CLIENT.

CAUSE I am not using microsoft for any of my existing personal emails. HELL NO I don't want extra junk mail , ads etc...

No way is my personal email getting associated with a microsoft log in to use their t for work purposes.
Just won't do it.
And don't want spam at my company email which is pristine CLEAN and gets very little junk mail.

I want to KEEP it like that.

SO... the other option was LOG INTO Microsoft with a WORK email.

And I have the work log in- email given by company I support.

So the thing is when chose that you get msg:

- company will have full control of this device.


In this day and age when everyone working freaking remote I wonder how many know if you don't read carefully and agree to work remote and agree to use a company email and their software that you MOST OFTEN likely ALSO agree to monitoring on your own fucking device you bought.

I mean really?


So the fucking work computer I intended for all company business is now set up only for the one client.

I was doing work for them last week (or week before) and like I do- took a quick WRITING BREAK

I don't log time on the clock in which I am rambling here. NO this is my break. This is my mental health break.

BUT I swear I saw the FLASH that is typically indicative of a SCREEN CAPTURE

and I was like

did I just fuck up working for this client I really like cause they just got a glimpse of my freaking personal journal where I rant to be healthy?

HELL if anyone judges anyone by a journal God help us all...

Only the narcissists will be left.
They will then be the only ones getting hired! (HA HA)

The rest of us will just look nuts to them. (Ok just a bad joke.)

BUt seriously. I take security of information very seriously. I can't log in for one client on a device and allow them access if I have log in info for my OTHER clients and their stuff ever accessed on the same device. HELL NO

I mean I hope that I didn't already do that.

But since that client gave me access and it is exllicit may be monitored when access their systems-

well I just really DO need a separate computer to log into when do work for them.

End of story.

They have only sent very little work.. .like dabbled so far. Not much done yet but are ramping me up in their system. I hope they DO send me more work.

Just kinda disappointing as don't have redundancy for the OTHER client who actually DOES send me work turns out more often. (Still not as much as would be nice- but enough).

I wanted the back up computer cause there is somethign funky about my work email. Have no problem emailing and receiving email BUT FOR when the one company sends me work I swear it is going to spam. Makes no sense. OR TRASH like it was opened and deleted.

The other thing is that there was meeting on the calendar this AM ( for today) with one client. I then later opened the calendar and it was GONE. I mean like it was deleted from the calendar. (I did not delete it)
I mean WTF

I swear this is the crap that could make someone feel nuts. (And they would not be nuts, ) I am so detatched and emotionally non reactive..
I mean so USED To it

But it is a bit irritating to be in the space of having to find work arounds.

Then it makes ME SEEM FLIGHTY!!

I head... no lie.. the exact phrase from an engineer/CTO I support "You are a bit flighty"
but thankfully the next words out of his mouth were "like me. But alot of super smart people are"

I said to him "Yes suppose so... but hey I am not a software developer and my DKIM is messed up and needs to be reconfigured.... just takes me a bit to get it figured out but I will,,,, so yeah... and I have crappy slow internet so bear with me"

I had to apologize ( this was last week) I DID NOT See an email he sent. It was in my freaking TRASH or SPAM folder.

So you know.. considering this shit I don't mind one bit having a dedicated computer logging right into the system for the one client I support. I also think I may make a point of NEVER logging in FROM HOME

REALLY if being hacked

then it is my router that is suspect.

and I can simply work elsewhere.

That may be the best plan.

Go on adventures to work.

Back to the crap of traveling to work in secure locations.

Hell if I don't land a freaking full time job and need to ramp up my own business I suppose I could rent office space.

In a SKIFF ( is that the right word?? I forget now. There is a word for secure gov facilities that are freaking impenetrable. Hell I don't even care if none of my clients are govt. I know where I could rent space... for real. I bet I could easily make an offer to rent a desk and have an office I could work in without worry of a hacker. I mean I need to work in a space if a hacker dare penetrates they would go to jail.
That is not my kitchen table obviously)

YEAH I don't think it unlikely I am being fucked with,

NO that does not make me crazy,

I mean what are the fucking odds that the only emails going to my trash or spam are those sending me work

and not nonsense ones
SEE today I did log into the hosting panel for my web site
and my email config

and it was all set up correctly

DKIM there MX address ok
DNS config correct
SSL set up on web site for security

BUT yesterday when I was troubleshooting I got a nonsensical prompt to change the DNS site on my page. It would have taken my website down if I had done that.

I got this prompt and was like "THAT IS FUCKING WRONG"
cause I KNOW The server name my site is hosted on and it was prompting me to change it to something else.

SO I emailed tech support of my hosting service provider. I got this email back:


You do not have manage DNS / or change Name Servers (doing so will actual stop your domain from working/being pointed to hosting)

If you'd like to add any DNS records - you can do so inside your __XXXX________-> DNS Zone. While using hosting ___[company name]_______ domain is already automatically pointed to [ company name of email provider] emails.

[ COMPANY NAME ] Support Team "

Perhaps the only stupid thing I am doing is blocking out my hosting service provider and email provider names--- HA HA so I feel more secure and less likely to be hacked.. HA HA HA

I mean that is freaking silly considering the nonsensical pop up prompting me to do something that would have

I mean I think I could have already been hacked??


I just document.

I mean someday maybe someone who wants to use freaking data analytics for good could track abused women and see what percentage are contintued to be hacked in their lives and how often....
and if there is risk of future harm ...

what are the stats...


FUCK that looking at everything as sign of mental illness and track how many report

"I think I am being hacked"

actually possibly ARE

I still think of that woman who LOST HER JOB after 20 plus years as she reported she thought someone was hacking her computer at her workplace.

They addressed it by assuming mental illness

and THEN she lost her security clearance

and THEN she got fired

And to this day I want to know if anyone did any data analytics in that case.
I still fucking remember her name.

It is seared into my brain.


and her story will go with me to my grave

but I just hope to hell she is doing ok and was not experiencing hardship because no one but me believed her and thought she should be offered support.

My suggestion was "Has anyone referred her to the EAP program for support?"

* And I did say- to looks of horror actually "What if she IS being hacked? Did anyone check her computer for keystroke programs (that are not intentionally internally placed) or other activity?"


I had friends in the SOC and NOC where I worked. They actually did check my computer regularly. And you know what.. it was so great as when I was in that one job it gave me such comfort to know that SOMEONE knew the reality.

I would take screen capture and jot notes and would WALK down to the SOC and chat with the engineers.

And guess what. They Did find shit. and it was mitigated.
There was no sign of SECURITY BREACH Or vulnerability of the work.. It was fortuitous a next door neightbor just HAPPENED to work at that SOC...

what are the odds..

I mean


I swear I get tired of nonsense but it typically doesn't get to me. I tend to ignore it

BUT For when have time to kill

and I guess also THIS made me think of some of the past shit I went through:

A TEACHER WAS UNLAWFULLY ARRESTED and the local cops came in wearing riot gear , on a no knock warrant in the middle of the night
to drag her out of her bed

into the station to be booked

and the charges were dropped and she was awarded 5 million dollars in a recent case seeking justice

BUT that will never make up for her loss of her CAREER

I mean what the fuck. Another woman treated poorly based on suspicion that was unfounded.

The press loves to sensationalize and make all sorts of suggestions.

I suppose reading her story that was posted last night put me in a foul mood.

Cause of the comments.

I mean YES it happens more than many know.
The nonsense news stories exaggerating and getting facts wrong. The fake news for clicks and money making ads

I was on the end of that bs when there was a real story no one knew.

So I don't know why I did it but reading her story I wanted to see what the hell is still out there of the FAKE NEWs

of my story
of my experience

and it just put me in a fowl mood to read one fuking judge's comment when he recused himself from my case ( in the case of being ARRESTED for my disabled ADHD kids being a few minutes late for school)

that he recused himself because when he was on the bench in a prior case I questioned the integrity of the "prosecutor" and something like "I don't want to be on the bench if she doesn;t like the outcome of the case...."

OH that was such BS To read. FIRST OF ALL it was the freaking contracts law case of arguing over the NUTPTIAL agreement which my ex husband ( then husband) had me sign the morning after he pulled me out of the house dragging me BY MY HAIR when I was eight months pregnant, and then threw me in the car and took me for a drive on a long back country road in the middle of nowhere and yanked me out of the car and THREW ME IN A DITCH and screamed "YOU ARE GOING TO SIGN THE NUPTIAL OR I AM LEAVING YOU HERE"
and he would not let me get back in the car until I assented to meet HIS Attorney and sign at 8am the next morning.

So "I questioned integrity of the prosecutor"? THAT JUDGE KNEW DAMN WELL THERE WAS NO PROSECUTOR IN A CONTRACTS CASE. That was spin to make me look like I was in a criminal case - that case he was on the bench for was the case of the nuptial

AND The judge ALSO destroyed all the records in some fucking motion so called to destroy old cases to clean up and preserve room

I have an article from the same time frame of how proud the court was of their new buiding to house their historical files. But they were sure to destroy my file. Along with the evidence of abuse.

The attorney in question LIED on the stand in that case. I was PRO SE and cross examined him. I asked the same question in two different ways- hell much like they do on .. A BAR EXAM or ... A PERSONALITY TEST... just tweaking how phrased. Of course a number of questions in between.. I was excellent at cross examining and basically he got CAUGHT in a LIE.

The intent was not to question his integrity ( that just was clear. I did not have to attack his integtity at all, as he did that himself without my help). The intent was to make it clear it was a LIE that I had counsel with me at that meeting and it was a LIE I agreed to sign that nuptial under any condition other than extreme duress after threat on my life.

The court argued that even if my husband threatened me at 1am- to 3 am that was not 8am when I signed. Really That was their rationale. there was not a SMOKING GUN to my head that there was a picture of or I could bring in.

In other words
they also said
they did not find my testimony credible

Here is the beginning words of the article found today... I wanted to capture the quote of the crooked judge

"..........appeared once again in court today, only to have the judge recuse himself.
.......42, of.... was found guilty Feb. 29 of three counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, Class 2 misdemeanors and ordered to pay a $1,000 fine for each of her three children. She was also ordered to pay $3,000 in court fees...."

Well lucky I can't read the rest of the shitty article unless I pay today. My free views already exausted.
I have paid out far too much for this nonsense. ( Over $100,000 in legal fees over the years of the protracted divorce and subsequent ongoing nonsense cases brought forth to ruin my credibilty as the narcissist abuser had to make it seem there is no truth to the ugly vile things he really did.)

BUT that is the BS that shows up first when someone runs a google of MY NAME

So no wonder I make it through good interviews to then not get an offer.

HR runs the background

and reads shit like that.

It is still freaking out there.

SO this week I was glad to see the teacher wrongfully arrested and publicly humilated has her dignity of her win and a $5million dollar verdict.

I had dignity restored knowing that in the VA Supreme court Appelate Case won I protected other imperfect parents from being demonized

Parents with disabilities
Parents of kids with disabilities

Neurodivergent who have trouble at times being on time to the minute

from being CRIMINALIZED if their kids are late to school, from being accused of "contributing to delinquency of youth"
when kids are late to class.

Such parents deserve dignity and for schools to demonstrate respect in their interaction with their children and them.

They deserve support and encouragement and help. They deserve for their imperfect kids to be educated.

My vidication came through my perseverence and continued hard work and not giving up.

I am tired sure. But I keep on working. Keep on hustling.

And I know my value.

It just shook me a bit to read that and to have some real flashback moments. It has been a long time since that happened thankfully. But it does happen.

Funny the computer shit does not upset me. But reading the story of that woman upset me terribly.

Ah but such is life.. life goes on and tomorrow is another day.

I will go home after this medical appointment proud I at least DID continue keeping on working hard to be successful.

Proud today set up a computer to know I can securely and reliably support the one client and that they can not have visibility into the work of the others.

OH and did send invoices today for last month.

So yea got some work done.

And confirmed there is no problem on the end of my hosting or email providers or on the part of the configuration and set up of those accounts. AT ALL.

ALL is working correctly.

So yeah

Got that troubleshooting done.
* Hope the problems do not recurr. Cause ther could be somethign their tech support is missing. I mean, see, there is always the possibility there is a tech glitch. I always do believe that. Which is why don't freak out... cause it will eventually be found and fixed is my theory OR if a hack the person will get bored quick enough. Really my work is not very exciting. A few NDAs and agreements are not going to sustain anyones interest in fucking around. No return for such risk. Why bother??

I am writing alot cause in our rush to make it of course I forgot the books I had intended to bring. They were in my bag but it was too bulky adding two computers so figured would get this set up done and took them out. I did not realize the set up would be done so quickly and I would be sitting here killing time.

But I do feel better. Having vented. I mean I read those things found ostensibly about ME that are soooo..
off base...


so I sit here as the kid who was late, who now has dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system gets their annual testing done.

This year we are turning down some of the tests.

We got a paper with five tests that may not be covered by insurnance. A quick google shows Medicaid does not cover biofeedback. (Shame as that can help POTS when trauma informed its manifestation)

I told my kid- don't sign it; deny service of those tests this year. The kid is doing OK. I can't afford the $1000 plus in additional testing. The Doctor can do the exam and run tests that Medicaid WILL cover. Most are tests. Biofeedback is treatment. But at $240 the kid who doesn't like biofeedback can skip it. ( I think it worth trying but not when I don't have the money for it.)

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