2023-03-13 - 11:07 a.m.

ADHD moment of the day

Just a small one, but think it helpful to capture it just to offer empathy to others who deal with this; and understanding to others who thankfully do not have to deal with this.

These moments also could resonate with those with long term covid,

any dysautonomia or other immune condition that may cause brain fog
(Which honestly may be due to inflammation. True- chronic immune response causing infammation even in brains which kinda just sucks.

Oh Fun random fact told to me by kid- the autistic one who loves to reasarch and retain random facts the KETO diet is designed medically for those with epilepsy. It is high fat high protein and carbs avoided as for some reason carbs are implicated in the synape wackiness and other brain stuff causing seizures. Not sure why- but just recalled the random fact as my kid asked hy I bought items marketed as KETO. They said "That is medically designed for epiletics and the whole keto fad a bad idea if not an epileptic."
I know nothing about this but found the comment interesting nontheless and I WONDER if it has to do with inflammation reduction. Cause correlation with gluetn free diet resucing infammation ... and reducing carbs making many with other immune or dysatutonmia feel better )

So today's small moments ( which just means it takes LONGER to leave the house):

Trying to get to a 9AM commitment. Walked dog, had thought had all I needed to enjoy the walk then leave.

Bring dog back in and realized my cell phone is not on me. I have made a commitment to drive to pick someone up at their work to give them a ride ( person not currently driving). Someone from church that just needs a bit of help and support in getting life done.

*Not my story do don't tell other's stories here when can help it.
*ONLY COMMENT is I just hope the person gets over their pride to ask for help from FAMILY AND wish FAMILIES were not JUDGEMENTAL And ASSHOLES when their family members hit a hard time. I am happy to help but also feel like it is a shitty thing when there is someone with family not that far away who could help but a person for whatever reason does not have the realationship to be able to get support from their family who likely have far more means than our small church or me. BUT nonetheless of course I will help... but it just makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with people to offer only CONDITIONAL love.

* I mean I get it if someone is toxic or need healthy boundaries but I am helping someone I don't see as toxic and it just is strange to me when there might be others in the fam who could help but are not there. Maybe pride on the part of the person needing help? I have seen that too.

Folks should not let pride get in the way and create separation from their families. OR SHAME
But moreso the sense of not being accepted and being judged if not "successful" and meeting expectations of family. So yeah I suppose that answers the question itself-
if there is a toxic family one can't go to them when hit a rough patch as it is not emoitonally a safe place to be.

This is something I have encountered before.

BUT it is so awful to see. As sometimes a person will STAY in a shitty situation rather than leave as they are not strong enough to face their own family's judgement. That makes me sad.

* I think of a lady who wanted to leave an abusive parner. She wanted me to rent to her cheap but I could not afford to as have to provide for my family ( and I got the sense it was not life or death. She still lives with him.) When I asked why she did not move home and ask her parents to help her just short term to save some money she was honestly just too proud to let on they were right in their concerns about him. I don't get that... but all I could do for that lady was sit over a cup of tea and offer support once in a while as she continued to navigate a relationship that is abusive at times. I feel like in her case she and he have figured out how to not trigger each other and stay in this space of being housemates. No warmth. No shared things other that a dog they take turns walking. So just being her friend is the best I can do for her.

She did not really want help finding another place to move to. She is not comfortable taking risk of the unknown. Figures the known challenges are better than the unknown in her mind! I am pleased that gal has a better full time job at her own routine that she seems pretty content just now. She enjoys a long commute and honestly I think she doesn't mind she in is office Mon -Fri and gets to be gone and at peace in her daily work.

OH but I was not going to tell anyone else's story!
*yet just sorta did....

Well that is an OLD story.

So my story of today was just of the small moment of realizing I needed my phone before I left as the address where to pick up the gal who needs a ride is in my text. And of course I had to look for it-

so after the dog walk ran in and ran in the house and upstairs to look for it

and like a little kid coming in , of course I did not have any awareness, consiousness that I should have been mindful that it was raining last night and wet so my feet just trecked on the wet ground in the dog walk and may have picked up all sorts of gunk

and I ran in the house and upstairs to take the few minutes to locate my phone.

I KNEW it was not far... had it earlier..

It always seems like an extended period of time to find anything, even when hiding in plain sight! It was on my dresser.
I grabbed it to run back downstairs...

not truth be told I DID think "Should I take off my sneakers" But thought "No I am late... that takes to long"
so there was that fleeting thought

a concious DECISION NOT TO

BUT NOT the common sense thought "let me see if they are dirty" or even thinking of possible mud

I came down to see the tracked , REALLY WET muddy prints on the tile floor and then the carpet going in the living room and up the stairs

I kinda just shrugged and thought "Well I will be motivated to carpet clean again."

And left.

So the thing I was to do was cancelled for this AM.

Back home doing stuff and now need my wallet.
Was in flow. Have to go search for my wallet before can "Get it done".

One task is the moving of money from my PERSONAL account to business account and I had for some reason no luck using my bank card from personal account on Thu and Fri.

Think perhaps since I sent a couple thousand out to my one family to pay back loan and made large payment on credit card the thousands in transactions over a couple days resulted in ANOTHER block on my card from my credit union!

They periodically will do that. Kinda overzelous fraud protection discovered when at a checkout or in moment of a transaction.

Really annoying. It happened Thu when getting gas and then when getting the cup of tea and muffin at the one lovely cafe I stopped at. (My "Artist Date" treat to self of a moment of peace. Honestly took the loveliest photo of that cafe with warm wood and gentle curtains and the late afternoon sunlight softtly straming in creating peaceful shadows. It was such a lovely space.")

I bought toillet paper and other sundries at my local market and had to pay later the day; and then forgot about the card not working and on Friday morning went in with my car to get an emissions inspection ( passed!)-

so for all those transactions got stuck and used my business credit card.

$78 total need to move from personal account back to the business account for NON business expenses! (Yes I am a stickler.. really can't justify my car expenses, even gas...and certainly not my cafe stop as business expenses!)

Its the little annoyances that take time. Like why is the business account NO LONGER linked to either of my personal accounts for an easy transfer? I have done that before but for some reason not currently linked so have to do it again.

Sigh...

and somewhere my wallet is here... Not sure where.. a jacket, a backpack, a bag... pants pockets..
a shelf...
Life with ADHD.

My flow interrupted. I have to call my bank and strighted on why can't use that card.

With ADHD the little things take longer cause of the time to find the stuff needed to get it done.
Some get frustrated and overwealmed and anxious and just give up, or distracted and start doing other things and do not follow through. ( I just have "detours" - like the 10 min or so of writing which for me prevents anxiety! It helps me RELEASE it and laugh and not be frustrated. I helps me have clarity I think.)

Such is life...

Oh one last thing before I get back to the "getting it done" of finances today (I also need to go pay my business tax. And yes I am late!! UGH Town business tax was due March 1. I threw the letter on my desk along with that letter about the failed emissions and read them BOTH in full AFTER March 1 on a day of bill paying and taking care of paperwork. OOPS... I just did not want to FORGET to true up my accounts so don't co -mingle business and personal before finish that accounting from last year of "receipts" and go pay tax on it.)

* I will add this to my business calendar as a TO DO for next year so it is on time next year! I already paid the COUNTY Property Taxes! * PSA PEEPS EVEN IF THE AMT IS ZERO ALWAYS FILE That is a common mistake some make- failure to file even when the amt is ZERO!! That will screw you later on if you try to get official small business or veteran or minority business owned status.

I am trying to take care of all the business operations nitty gritty as think it is about time to start actually really working hard to business develop and find more clients as opposed to looking for a full time job. That has not manifest perhaps as my heart is not in it. I realized I really don't WANT to work full time. I get TIRED and burned out and am not as healthy when work full time. I PREFER To remain involved in community , to have time and space to do other things.

So I really WANT To pick up a couple more well paid clients and not have to work for someone else.

I need to just jump in more with that and bake the cake rather than think of my business as the icing on the cake of other work.
Why not build it from scratch and make it better than the box recipies out there? I know I can do that!!
I just have to get energized and excited and be more active than passive coasting content with status quo.
OK back to work.

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