2023-04-18 - 9:43 a.m.
I have mentioned before
I am obsessed with reading Sean Thomas Doherty
I fell asleep, not listening to this interview ( again) but with the page loaded.
(I hate the intonation of the voice of the computer BTW I think I clicked it and just could not do it in that moment- could not hear that voice but was too tired to read and hear my own or imagine the speaker's).
I awoke late. Much later than expected.
Yes his poems are like that, the walking around the barrio and seeing the blue eyed dog and smelling the glue of the kids who are sniffing in in the allys, interspersed with statues of Our Lady and then coming back to create a party and break a pinata with the gleeful children who have been coming to a summer program for a month learning and playing joyfully.
I taught sewing classes there.
So funny this is the part of myself I somehow forgot.
I forgot I taught sewing classes.
And dresses. They each made a beautiful dress, shift style- simple, but lovely, and sewing by the new machines we had brought which were to be left there in the community center we started that the Nuns were to continue after we helped them set up the programs, and the collaboration of all in in their community was amazing. The community was going to keep it going.
I am adept at that labor; at that crafting.
and change the PDF into a word document and redline the hidden risks out of it.
Sure that is often fair. But sometimes not. So Amendments of agreements for those for whom a honeymoon phases is over are sometimes interesting. (I think of business relationships like that.. I mean some are build on trust and the trust is always there; then some want a prenup... or worst of all, even after the "I Do" demand a nuptial that late in the game! As if pretended to trust then once in the relationship show colors of having serious trust issues or of being untrustworthy. I mean to me there is this clear correlation of those who are most mistrustful having at times to be the one's you best be most wary of.... JUST SAYING.... I mean the "It takes one to know one" thing.... but I digress alot here... and all this parenthetical written the NEXT DAY When EDITING FOR SOME small thing.... some grammar construction error that was screaming to be fixed. I FIXED it but as I often do when editing, just keep writing. It's pure loquaciousness....in almost a vomiting of words without control.- SO back to YESTERDAY'S RANT after this parenthesis) Just because you know someone needs what you offer-
does not mean the person hiring you should accept some terms.
Smart folks ask for terms that value their labor; provide a promise.
I Get it. I honor this
language that creates promises that employers don't give, and SURE Maybe we should ALL ask for them
some of the asks are promises no smart employer gives.
I kinda hate the crafting of language I do is not protecting that one person's labor.
Its protecting the business owner.
SO AT LEAST I do it for the business owners who's BUSINESSESS Are in a way protecting labor by THEIR WORK
So I can be cheerful as my work done striking language giving someone more than the employer should agree to. (Cause NO JUST NO don't sneak in language that changes the termination clause of your existing Agreement so you CAN'T BE FIRED without MONTHS OF NOTICE. Sorry
I have been talking to my bestie up in Buffalo who runs her own company, the social worker. She is amazing
There HAS to be a balance. She has to be fiscally SOUND before giving away time and offering pro bono help to others.
AND is is possible she has trust of him but he is getting paid cash, more and not passing any share onto her? They are suppose to share profits. She has the license and the office
BUT I know she can get both paid clients and offer the probono AND that they should and CAN just go through hoops of Medicaid. It is a PIA but I am confident that with some help she can get through that hoop.
She is helping many people. So when I negotiate a contract for MY EMPLOYERS
I said no to many early on opportunities to wait til found someone I think is truly genuine and going good work, someone I admire
yeah I can put on the corporate hat and protect its interest.
The CEO of both companies I support are amazing and the work both companies do is transformative for our world.
She has done well.
Similar to me actually. If one of mine is not capable of work ever I need to be sure I have everything set up for ongoing support. That is critical when care for disabled family. My kids might all be independent; but then again possibly one will not be.
We BOTH have an autistic daughter...
He too has an autistic daughter
So I wrote to work out the disappointment I am not considered for a full time job leveraging the business skills in a business who's business is care for others.
It is hard to pivot
I am still trying to land the good paying job leveraging those skills I have honed. The management skills and love of leading teams. The joy of nurturing the professionalism of others
So back to the work of the niche I did find/ carve then create for myself.
as thinking of the ask of my friend
AS my friend, my beautiful NEW friend is MOVING
I thought at first "I can't do that."
But heck, it is lingering. If I don't land a full time role I still do have time for that.
I said "Maybe" about a month ago when the idea was first pitched.
I had to run an errand for my CHURCH which brought me to the non profit this friend has been volunteering running this program at. I showed up, not actually realizing it was THE DAY of the fashion show.
It was so amazing to see the dresses the teens had designed! I showed up right at the end for their party. There was food and mocktails and my dear friend! (I mean I was just at his house for dinner days before.)
It was so fun, how I was there just as I offered to go pick up materials for our church project the ladies organized.
And I happened upon it. I ran back home and BEGGED My teens to come and see this beautiful space, which has become a community center of sorts
What I would love to do actually -
Is the writing program I set up for the Arts Org which We cancelled for lack of sign ups!
I feel like I could curate a program like that THERE And perhaps we COULD Get sign ups.
Perhaps my business could just freaking sponsor it and make a donation if there are not enough sign ups to just pay the teacher.
We were going to pay her- but honestly not that much
I mean for what she offers.
I made the mistake of NOT signing up for her writing class myself! HECK Maybe if I signed up and did some recruitment, we could have filled it with MY FRIENDS. I wanted it for the population of the arts org- but there was not enough marketing (my bad) and not enough buy in I think of the board to be excited and help spread buzz and get on board with enthusiasm. It got cancelled when no one signed up. I also overestimated the teachers reach as I thought her NAME ONLY Would bring folks.
This is why I write
Today I had the vision of that program being birthed again. The seed of it started but never took off.
DAMN I was just TIRED after working yesterday.
My pay is not even $15 per hour for the new job. I don't even care as don't do this for the money. - 2023-04-28
Started new part time work in healthcare space cause it just was offered. I believe in saying YES when asked! ( for the most part) - 2023-04-27
Morning Pages to start off week. - 2023-04-24
Laughed so hard tonight - 2023-04-23
NOW I can sleep This must be what being Neurotic feels like SIGh... - 2023-04-20