2023-04-18 - 9:43 a.m.

I have mentioned before

I am obsessed with reading Sean Thomas Doherty

https://www.forbes.com/sites/mattsalyer/2022/10/01/the-dead-are-everywhere-telling-us-things-qa-with-poet-sean-thomas-dougherty/?sh=5a33286160fd

I fell asleep, not listening to this interview ( again) but with the page loaded.

(I hate the intonation of the voice of the computer BTW I think I clicked it and just could not do it in that moment- could not hear that voice but was too tired to read and hear my own or imagine the speaker's).

I awoke late. Much later than expected.
I had read the inbox of the work I have to do today, right before a Dogherty clip popped up on my phone- I mean I was not looking for it but clicked something , maybe his twitter, and then the computer algorithm shared some gem on youtube.I had looked at something OH My son's content- was listening to snippets of a beautiful speech and then oldest child's content! The poet, - I wanted to hear a reading, which I did- of my oldest, and up next was Sean Thomas Doherty just breaking open my heart then stitching it back together- pinata burst with joy in Mexico City by the schoolchildren that summer in the barrio.

Yes his poems are like that, the walking around the barrio and seeing the blue eyed dog and smelling the glue of the kids who are sniffing in in the allys, interspersed with statues of Our Lady and then coming back to create a party and break a pinata with the gleeful children who have been coming to a summer program for a month learning and playing joyfully.

I taught sewing classes there.

So funny this is the part of myself I somehow forgot.

I forgot I taught sewing classes.
The ladies wanted to make aprons as the practical first project. Their cooking in the impeccable swept dirt floor kitchens was their joy.

And dresses. They each made a beautiful dress, shift style- simple, but lovely, and sewing by the new machines we had brought which were to be left there in the community center we started that the Nuns were to continue after we helped them set up the programs, and the collaboration of all in in their community was amazing. The community was going to keep it going.

So opening the window of the link above, I fell asleep thinking of not this past memory (it comes to me now)- but fell asleep after hearing some poem but also the in box of work for today- of the mechanics and craft of creation of the contract from the ideas presented in a proposal; and awoke with my brain swirling about crafting the language of the contract amendment I will write today.

I am adept at that labor; at that crafting.
I can take a "proposal" which many would just sign and accept

and change the PDF into a word document and redline the hidden risks out of it.
There is a re-negotiation that happens after someone has done work for you.

Sure that is often fair. But sometimes not. So Amendments of agreements for those for whom a honeymoon phases is over are sometimes interesting. (I think of business relationships like that.. I mean some are build on trust and the trust is always there; then some want a prenup... or worst of all, even after the "I Do" demand a nuptial that late in the game! As if pretended to trust then once in the relationship show colors of having serious trust issues or of being untrustworthy. I mean to me there is this clear correlation of those who are most mistrustful having at times to be the one's you best be most wary of.... JUST SAYING.... I mean the "It takes one to know one" thing.... but I digress alot here... and all this parenthetical written the NEXT DAY When EDITING FOR SOME small thing.... some grammar construction error that was screaming to be fixed. I FIXED it but as I often do when editing, just keep writing. It's pure loquaciousness....in almost a vomiting of words without control.- SO back to YESTERDAY'S RANT after this parenthesis) Just because you know someone needs what you offer-

does not mean the person hiring you should accept some terms.

Smart folks ask for terms that value their labor; provide a promise.

I Get it. I honor this
but I also strike on behalf of the employer *or me and them! HA

language that creates promises that employers don't give, and SURE Maybe we should ALL ask for them

But sorry

some of the asks are promises no smart employer gives.

I kinda hate the crafting of language I do is not protecting that one person's labor.

Its protecting the business owner.

SO AT LEAST I do it for the business owners who's BUSINESSESS Are in a way protecting labor by THEIR WORK
Protecting health and
Protecting the Environment at a significant large level
EVEN IF they have to at first take care of themself and their own business JUST LIKE EVERY BUSINESS OWNER

So I can be cheerful as my work done striking language giving someone more than the employer should agree to. (Cause NO JUST NO don't sneak in language that changes the termination clause of your existing Agreement so you CAN'T BE FIRED without MONTHS OF NOTICE. Sorry
Some folks who are not performing quality work and meeting expectations NEED to be fired)

I have been talking to my bestie up in Buffalo who runs her own company, the social worker. She is amazing
BUT
she needs the coaching
the encouragement
that NO she CANNNOT let her contracted employee continue to see SO MANY CLIENTS for counseling sessions where they are paying only $15 or $20.

There HAS to be a balance. She has to be fiscally SOUND before giving away time and offering pro bono help to others.
She has to get PAID for the work of having him able to see clients under her tutelage somehow. (Social workers cannot PAY TO PLAY. They cannot pay a supervisor to get in the hours for licensing. BUT She has to run a profitable business too so somehow she has to figure out how to get this amazing man some paying clients!

AND is is possible she has trust of him but he is getting paid cash, more and not passing any share onto her? They are suppose to share profits. She has the license and the office
and the insurance and overhead
I mean her expenses are more than her revenue in just now. That is not a worry AT FIRST. She started her business just a couple years ago. So I advised she has to shift to HER doing all the billing accepting payment and then PAYING HIM. ( He had been collecting payment and then passing on to her).
BUT
BUT... she has to turn a profit now.
AND SHE CAN
If both she and he don't only work in service of the poor. If they WANT To do that they need to incorporate as a non profit and get supporters.

BUT I know she can get both paid clients and offer the probono AND that they should and CAN just go through hoops of Medicaid. It is a PIA but I am confident that with some help she can get through that hoop.

She is helping many people. So when I negotiate a contract for MY EMPLOYERS
who I honestly hand picked in a very real way too...

I said no to many early on opportunities to wait til found someone I think is truly genuine and going good work, someone I admire

Well

yeah I can put on the corporate hat and protect its interest.

The CEO of both companies I support are amazing and the work both companies do is transformative for our world.

She has done well.
She bought a house rather than rent now seven years ago already I think!
She however is also setting up a trust and needs to be sure to be able to provide for HER disabled child.

Similar to me actually. If one of mine is not capable of work ever I need to be sure I have everything set up for ongoing support. That is critical when care for disabled family. My kids might all be independent; but then again possibly one will not be.

We BOTH have an autistic daughter...

Oh and again... another similarity why I am OBSESSED with reading Sean Thomas Dougherty

He too has an autistic daughter
and found good work to do every day in care of others
I mean fundamentally it is so hard to find more valuable, intrinsically valuable work
than the caretaking
the mopping of the floors and the changing of the sheets.

So I wrote to work out the disappointment I am not considered for a full time job leveraging the business skills in a business who's business is care for others.

It is hard to pivot
once at that space/place of business skills in other arenas

I am still trying to land the good paying job leveraging those skills I have honed. The management skills and love of leading teams. The joy of nurturing the professionalism of others
with caretaking
in service jobs of some sort.

So back to the work of the niche I did find/ carve then create for myself.
Which gives me this time to do this writing that somehow I just do...

as thinking of the ask of my friend
" Would you like to teach a sewing class?"
first it was "Would you like to teach crochet"?
as I said I used to do that...
oh but I dabbled very little..oh no I never did it MUCH HAVE ZERO SKILL
but then when I commented how fun it was that they had a class for teens to design their own dresses paired with senior sewists to make the vision come to fruition
I thought it a crazy idea
a lovely idea for someone else to take over this work , this passion of his

AS my friend, my beautiful NEW friend is MOVING

I thought at first "I can't do that."

But heck, it is lingering. If I don't land a full time role I still do have time for that.
Maybe after travel, I could help with a program later in summmer.

I said "Maybe" about a month ago when the idea was first pitched.

I had to run an errand for my CHURCH which brought me to the non profit this friend has been volunteering running this program at. I showed up, not actually realizing it was THE DAY of the fashion show.

It was so amazing to see the dresses the teens had designed! I showed up right at the end for their party. There was food and mocktails and my dear friend! (I mean I was just at his house for dinner days before.)
He talked of other things... I just never ASKED the date of the show. Its his WORK now, this passion... and we had arranged to get together AFTER most of the business of that was done. He was busy the past few weeks with that and another very large project.

It was so fun, how I was there just as I offered to go pick up materials for our church project the ladies organized.

And I happened upon it. I ran back home and BEGGED My teens to come and see this beautiful space, which has become a community center of sorts
where they are holding classes and events and welcoming the community in this beautiful arty space.

What I would love to do actually -
It just came to me

Is the writing program I set up for the Arts Org which We cancelled for lack of sign ups!

I feel like I could curate a program like that THERE And perhaps we COULD Get sign ups.

Perhaps my business could just freaking sponsor it and make a donation if there are not enough sign ups to just pay the teacher.
I mean I lined up this amazing woman to teach a class.

We were going to pay her- but honestly not that much

I mean for what she offers.
Fairly
But considering her resume. She is a five-time novelist, and teaches creative writing at colleges
and also a Drama Therapist and has extensive work in creative arts nurturing those who are disabled and neurodivergent.

I made the mistake of NOT signing up for her writing class myself! HECK Maybe if I signed up and did some recruitment, we could have filled it with MY FRIENDS. I wanted it for the population of the arts org- but there was not enough marketing (my bad) and not enough buy in I think of the board to be excited and help spread buzz and get on board with enthusiasm. It got cancelled when no one signed up. I also overestimated the teachers reach as I thought her NAME ONLY Would bring folks.

This is why I write
It is my therapy
Ideas generate, and percolate
and at times I remember part of who I am I forgot about. Time for writing allows that part of myself to emerge

Today I had the vision of that program being birthed again. The seed of it started but never took off.
OK Now to go to work and captured in writing the contract I literally found drafting in my head as waking up. HA HA It was so funny (that does not happen often.) I could see the intro language... could see the fix of what I glanced at last night that did not make sense and needs editing to be clearer.

DAMN I was just TIRED after working yesterday.
I came home and made a massive spinach calzone. I read and talked briefly with my bestie then went to bed and slept in, then wrote as somehow I just needed this.

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