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2023-04-20 - 11:59 p.m.


I just figured it out.

cause my 20 yr old borrowed my car for a so called "therapy" appointment and was being super rude, self-centered, obnoxious , secretive and just a plain asshole

Basically the bratty not yet adulting person had ASKED me to borrow the car to go to an appointment.

This was some days ago ( last week)
and I inquired "What for"

Answer : "An appointment"

I actually first said "YES That time is good" but like 30 sec later said "But I will drive and drop you off."

The reason for that frankly was that I intended on having the YOUNGER kid- the 18 yr old with a learner's permit do the driving. Really just any excuse to have the younger one practice driving to get good at it.

(There are 40 hrs practice with a learner's permit in VA. I really thought my kids were the only one's who followed with PRECISION EVERY MINUTE of tracking practice time, but felt infinitely better when my friend said "Oh in our household we did that too! YES very seriously!" My friend looked appalled that I thought most people fudge or lie. I did say- "Well really I joke and say that I figure no one even read the small print and knew that requirement BUT MAYBE it is just ME as the ADHD mom. I mean we kinda joke about that as here I have SIX KIDS and it was not until the 4th that I was aware of the 40 hrs driving with permit requirement."

I mean seriously I did not know that prior to child #4 learning to drive! HECK My oldest two both learned on road trips. LONG road day trips-
The first one first drove when we took a drive from here in VA to Vermont where she was going to a school program.
My second one also first drove when we were heading somewhere off to his college for some reason (from here in VA? OR from Buffalo? I forget the circumstances of when he was with me driving to his college but it was dejau vu. I mean a road trip.... if not to his college some summer trip? The oldest two would come summers a bit...)

Neither of those two drove much. I mean it was years that passed from when the first two got learners permits and then finally took the driver test to be licensed. They were CITY KIDS! They took public transportation and rode bikes everywhere. They walked miles when needed to hop on buses . No kidding... I remember each of them telling of their days, and my oldest often would say things like "I had a therapy appointment so took a nice walk for about 40 minutes..." either before or after catching a bus.... as the therapist she found happened to be located off the beaten path.

Heck my son rode a bike to then put the bike on the bus and rode the bus to go to another suburban town when he was a young HS (or late middle school ?) Student to get to a summer volunteer position where he was the Assistant Director and Assistant teacher in a summer drama program here in VA.
HE was 15 at the time. Yeah... about to start high school. I was working at Verizon back then and had to leave early for work and I really wanted him to have something productive to do. He was all in with that plan as he was dedicated to acting and learning and progressing even back then. He already had focus and dedication! He already thought "I am going to be an actor. I don't need a back up plan as I am going to be successful at it."

SO the difference of personality between those older ones and the younger ones is just VAST.

I worry about the younger ones, but the 4th out of the 5th the most due to the very fact that kid acts so ANGRY And acts so BITTER and has animosity towards me. I mean it is a clear attitude of "Fuck you , Leave me Alone " and "Mind your own business."

SO the fact that today the kid TOOK My CAR
and ignored me saying I would drive and drop the kid off, and then pick them up when done-

but also made this big deal that they did not want me driving them as it was none of my business where their appointment was.
I mean that just made me suspicious.


I mean sure the 20 yr old is an adult. BUT
they typically have asked for a ride and not been secretive. So the being secretive seems like a red flag to me.

So the kid then just IGNORED me when I said "NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE THE CAR"

But has an actual set of keys
to finally mitgate my ADHD of misplacing them,

The kid basically STOLE ONE and is claiming it is "Their" key.
No fucking boundaries. NO RESPECT.

and went right outside and got in the car and turned it on. There I was outside the car talking through the closed window saying they were out of their damn mind to be so rude and impertinent. I was saying also
"I need to drop you off as I have an appointment myself I made. I can drop you off and go to mine then pick you up."

[ THAT WAS TRUE. IT was not planned prior to this AM- I DID FORGET about the kid's appointment when this AM had one of those funky ocular disturbances that has not happened to me in years! They used to happen with some frequency- YEARS AGO , along with the narcolepsy like idiopathic hypersomnia, and some hypoglycemic like instances and blood pressure drops and fainting-- all those symptoms which DISAPPEARED after the training for a marathon- weirdly yet almost miraculously, well felt like that in the descriptive way, not literally as felt more like I re-set my system somehow frankly! YUP the intense exercise CHANGED something! This makes sense to me regardless of cause being unknown and REASON that intense running suddenly kicked my system into WORKING More normally whereas it had not FOR YEARS - I mean LIKE EVER... unless that was correlation, and it was pre-menopause hormonal? NOT really sure... but if felt related to the running. I mean I still have not hit menopause... LATE onset of that so I can't imagine it was hormonal changes from that... Running seems to be it. I had this serious sleep disorder from youth on ! I mean I was sleeping during class in high school!
I don't recall earlier- but for the fact I was not paying attention when called on, but maybe the sleep disorder existed as a kid too and that caused the lack of attentiveness when called. I was often kinda out of it... I mean seriously...
as a student.

BUT my choices were to either to call the cops and report the stolen car

OR just wait and hour (a bit more ) for the kid to go to their therapy and then come home and address the issue of their behavior.

I just waited. Truth be told I am so used to this kid's nonsense that once the kid left just went right back to work and stayed focused on the contract I was working on to get as much of it done as possible when logged off with enough time to quickly hop on my bike ( the extra one here! The one I paid to get fixed!), and ride over to MY Doctor to get a quick check up.

ALL good- My doc thinks it was an ocular migrane. I don't get headaches when this happens but she said she has heard of that happening before SANS headaches. But the wavey lines of light and ocular distortion is a type of migraine, most often accompanied by headaches but occassionaly not . She was so quick- a nurse checked my blood sugar and it was fine. She checked BP and did a basic exam and told me to take folic acid, Vitamin B 12 and be diligent about my iorn supplement. She looked at all the recent lab work and I talked to her about the other health issues and she said that it is hard to even find an OB GYN right now.

She also asked if I have dry eyes and mentioned some particular drops that are good ( forget what those are but written down somewhere).

SO I am pretty sure the kid really is in therapy and that is a positive step.

AND YES the kid did come right home.

when the kid returned I then took my car to go join a friend at a drum circle invited to that started at 6:30-
( half hour late! Cause my kid got home at around then, or shortly before so I was not ready to leave until 6:30)
and I had a lovely time drumming.
I mean I come home chill and relaxed. HUNGRY
that was the main concern I had-

BUT.. BUT...

I was taking my things out of my car to bring them into the house, and I had put my wallet and phone in the middle counsole.

And there in the counsole, right under my wallet and phone-
on top of a few other business cards


One of those ones from a hotel room.

And I was like

I mean what the hell

And was sure at first that was no damn therapy appointment .

Sure my kid is 20.

But it was the acting suspicious
and the being secretive
that freaked the fuck out of me and made me worry.

That and the fact this kid has a plan to move cross coutry and the very reacent reality check and dissapointment that the college they got into on the west coast DID NOT give a penny of financial aid other than a couple thousand doallars in work study.

There is a $44 K difference in tuition and this kid says they are STILL Planning on moving to go to that college and will "Take out loans"

I have said
" You are not going to be APPROVED for that much in loans; If you want a loan you best get a job and start working quickly."

This kid acts like they are too disabled; too ill with their chronic ailments ( Which yes are real) to work ( and NO it is BS that can't work. That is in the kid's head for sure- and I say that as the whole rest of the damn family has the same ailments and the rest of us have worked ... I mean sure it is HARD but life is freaking hard and you just push through those moments- you can't GIVE UP
or try to find some seemingly easy way out

or some EASY MONEY

SO that was my FEAR

Fear of having some dead kid who did something stupid frankly.

Trafficking a real thing

and my kid has acted like I am paranoid ( in the past) when talked of being careful and not trusting folks you meet on line etc...

and the kids whole social world with few exceptions ( a couple HS friends thankfully they see once in a while)- IS ON LINE. DISCORD

I mean the worst nightmare of a parent possibly - is a kid disappearing as they go off with some rando
or someone they THINK They know

So yeah that is my fear.

And I do have a good freind who buried her two beautiful daughters this year. I mean her kids were older- well same ages sorta as my oldest two. Drug Addiction and Alcohol Addiciton did them in.

I am not worried about drug usage but about doing soimething STUPID
* I mean not worried my kid would WANT to use drugs. I see no signs of that.

But one never knows. I mean kids hide shit from their parents ALL THE TIME

BUT.... I actually did confront my kid

I asked "Is this yours? Did you leave this in my car?"

And they said "NO" and they said it is likely mine. They said "You just traveled to Buffalo"
but as I said "I stayed with my friend and can't recall the last time I stayed in a Hilton Hotel"

I mean I was 99% SURE that my kid left that in my car. I was at that point thinking that was some BULLSHIT about going to a "therapy" appointment

til the kid said "It's not mine. But if it were it would be none of your business."

My kid is just like that ALL THE TIME-
Its their attitude of late
so honestly it was irritating but did not make me MORE WORRIED-

But then I was seriously wracking my brain

thinking "Where did I see a HILTON key when it surprised me? Cause I was staying at a hotel but it was not a Hilton and I think the place had a Hilton logo on the door key card? "

I was trying to recall... but had that memory...

I had taken a pile of a FEW CARDS that were in the console. UNDER The hotel card- to make me more convinced something was awry
A business card of a guy
Random unknown guy
Latino name, project manager for a AirConditioning and Heating company

They were other seemingly random, old cards that were definitely mine under those two: A couple of my own business cards ( sure makes sense to have those there! If I need to hand one out!), Card from the Hearing Specialist I recently called to make an a follow up appointment for the other kid, An artist teacher who taught a painting class I attended at the public library about a month ago, Banker card handed to me when I was at the bank by a dude working there trying to sell business services, Card for local farm I bought produce from months ago, I mean back in late FALL, that hires neurodiverse ( cause this same 20 yr old saw an ad for a weekend job on a farm and seemed interested in a moment til realized hard to get there. It was weekends only which is why the kid was interested as felt can work part time- just not more than a couple days a week and the kid was interested as having grown up on a family farm the work is FAMILIAR. This made NO SENSE To me as there is the mantra not enough energy to work at the grocery store across the street. NO BUS there and I work every other weekend so transportation made that not a realistic job- it was 35 minutes in the other direction from where I work.)

So seeing those cards... then It hit me-
so back to the
I just figured it out." Moment

I mean I was convinced this man was some predator... but my kid being 20,,, an adult... hard to protect adult kids from stupidity...

THAT card DID get handed to me. WAY back when... I was getting quotes for the broken AC.
I did have one company come out and the guy gave me a card with a completely different company name. I am rather sure that was THAT card. I never called that company but I think I called another that used him as a subcontractor was the story (I will keep this card just in case need to really check that out further... but think that it THAT CARD)
the Hilton Card if I recall correctly WAS indeed one I never returned.

I think in typical fashion I returned one, but not both cards when my older kid and I went to NYC to see Hadestown on Jan 3rd.

FUCK I was ready to hire a Private Investigator and trail my kid, and was wracking my brain thinking 'Whose car can I borrow so next time there is an appointment I can scope out the two Hilton properties in the adjacent town to see if MY BORROWED CAR is in the lot?" ( REALLY Was thinking of this as an option if my kid were to start any unusual outings)

I mean that was where my brain was going. I was not going to let my kid be an idiot.
BUT there are those other cards... going back months til FALL...
from the stop at the Farmer's Market to buy lettuce and broccoli
Heck I recall it clearly. I saw what literally looked like the ghost of a lady who passed. It was her daughter- but I did not know that from afar, and swore I saw her ghost. Maybe I did- maybe she was there next to her daughter- as it certainly looked like her standing there ....and her daughter was sitting when I got closer (not standing in the spot I saw the figure clear as day of her recently deceased mother).. So that was FALL
and the pricing of AC last summer...early summer (June)

I think I likely pulled all these cards out of my wallet recently, or out of the glove compartment where they were shoved

the Hilton card which was given to me at the Millennium in NYC.


So yeah
I figured it out.
I ran a search "Is Millenium owned by Hilton?" NO BUT... they were, and the key oddly said Hilton on it.

My other kid has been doing great driving! BUT ... not so great at parking. She hit a parked car in the lot we were in yesterday after running errands! There were not even any other cars around!
She just spaced and accidentally hit the accelerator rather than brake when going in reverse.

I figured out that she needs to practice driving in reverse. That will be the next driving practice I will take her on! I need to take her to the good, empty church parking lot that is good for practice and have her drive BACKWARDS- IN REVERSE for a good length of time. If she can circle backwards driving only in reverse for a long time I think she will get it!
Felt bad for the kid!

Think when I had to pull out my insurance card I likely then uncovered all those random cards that I think had to have been stuffed in the glove compartment.


Oh- and my kid is going to therapy. That is good right?

just in case...the dude's name on the card ( which I am rather sure was handed to me. BUT JUST IN CASE) is not going to be forgotten by me. I am going to take note of it.

I also just NOW realized that is not where that came from. It came from a SPOTIFY SPOT that I purchased which was at a HILTON PROPERTY


I guess that explains why I felt compelled to write until 1:30 AM. YUP

It was the parking pass. I paid on Spotify and had to check in at the Arlington Concierge
where they gave a HOTEL CARD which then swiped to get out of the parking garage.


Why can't fucking teens/young adults just be respectful?


NOW I can go to sleep. This kid is killing me with worry... cause they say they are going to move cross county without a plan; without money; it is stressing me

That and the one going off to ASIA who also seems clueless about the cost of housing.

I need to sleep and be rested to work and earn as much money as I can to help these kids out. BRATTY Though they can be. They are still mine and I still love them and from all I read it is not uncommon to have absolutely miserable children at times during these awful adolescent years ( which in our age I swear is extended! We have a delay of growth of this whole generation it seems, exasperated by a number of factors, a regression or being stuck in childhood not just for my youngest kids but others too) , some of whom grow into decent adults one might like again. I can be hopeful for that day to come at least.

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