2023-04-30 - 12:06 p.m.
I have finally acquiesed and set up a new USA JOBS account to job hunt for a full time fed role.
I had been thought all but the final signing of paperwork for a job YEARS AGO.
I was so disgusted and disappointed at the final HR person's dealing with me- and how he seemed so dang disdainful and well
THEN he did a bait and switch on the role tile and salary.
It was unbelieveable
and I asked the one question when he asked "Any questions?"
"How does your agency vet for narcissism?"
He was so condescending.
Fuck that, it was downright agressive in response to his agressiveness in this final meeting which was the salary negotiation.
I think I JUST FIGURED OUT what the hell was going on.
It turns out that when I set up the USA JOBS using an email I RARELY USE ( which makes sense as junk mail goes to it- any system emails etc and you know JOB HUNTING results in TONS Of spam once you are out there...)
the system FOUND my old account.
I had another with ANOTHER email in more recent years. THat one they CONSOLIDATED with my new company SAM ACCOUNT. (Yes my company is registered in SAM.)
SO because my consulting company, tied to me, and my personal email I have used in RECENT years are now all LINKED ( in the infinate wisdom of the feds--- they CONSOLIDATED login from a bunch of systems into the one NEW so called IMPROVED SAM system...)
I was not able to pull up usajobs and do a hunt using the email I have more oft used in recent years. It was just giving me MY BUSINESS
you can not access the site on a DIFFERENT DEVICE.
Just ridiculous amounts of docs to review
I mean nearly impossible to do on a little phone. I close windows inadvertedly etc..
it is just not feasible.
so yeah that is the constraint on my company being successful in finding work for others.I mean I look at FED MINE etc... but navigating in SAM SUCKS
and will UNTIL I actually DELETE and RE- start
WHICH .... having worked in operations....
I am REALLY Skeptial of doing. I mean last I knew there were systems contraints in MANY Systems that if you delete a data point you can't reintroduce that SAME data point.
I am in SAM
and I am NOT going to mess with that!!
I CAN pull up RFPs in SAM on the public computer- as they are Public...
BUT I can't do it when logged into mY SAM acct!
If I ever saw a perfect fit for anyone in my world I would figure out how to get the proposal all prepared and saved in a drive somewhere so I COULD upload and submit it BY THE LITTLE ANDROID
motivated by the fact as driving home last night
My CAR darn near stopped. It did not
BUT it was sputtering
It kinda did- but for moving very slowly as I sputtered to the side of the road
popped the hood
and yeah the oil was dangerously low
Miraculously I did not seize the engine
I KNOW I have to add oil periodially as it is running super hot
My mechanic did wonders getting this thing ACTUALLY Driving like a NORMAL car-- well for a couple of months at least
But then it started its slow down and the engine protective limp mode kicked in again *(a couple weeks ago)
BUT I forgot I NEED to check and ADD oil.
and it was able to drive
I left it on side of road, caught a ride from the kind soul (who was out stopping at Chick Filet- but hey he was indeed actually a good Christian who stopped to help a stranger).
I was so relieved that after waking at 6:30, and taking my dog for the walk the several blocks to where the car was parked- IT STARTED and I drove it home.
This would be a BAD Week to have the car die. NOT YET... it is not yet time... a bit more on hospice car care please...
I will get it to work tonight
three to four a week used to be the avg, and it HAS gone down but yeah it is a four appointmen week,....
( YEAH One is therapy of the 20 yr old! SIGH I know as the kid says "none of your business" but I tell ya all, if that kid is happier and healthier I AM SURE I WILL BE HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER .... being on the other side of abuse of a miserable peson sucks. These kids' STILL have their moments.. which they don't recognize are fucked up. Like it was pretty fucked up the way they went off on me when in reorganization of the kitchen they discovered some candy I bought and stashed so I would have nice gifts to give if invited anywhere at Christmas time AND OR ON CHRISTMAS could bring it out for our family to celebrate. They found some Clearance Godiva and a bag of the Niagra Chocolates and actually the RECIPT in the bag. They circled all the chocolate bought (on DEC 6th to be exact. I just pulled the crumpled receipt to actually read it- curious. The kid was ranting about how I spent $50 on chocolate and that was IRRESPONSBILE....
They said "That was our FOOD MONEY! You bought it with SNAP"
I said- "YEAH cause I am good with money so was not going into debt for Christmas gifts as you would be surprised many actually do! I stayed in my budget and intentionally got what I could since did not have CASH FLOW"
it was like deja Vu Of their FATHER who would rant if I bought a freaking CHOCALATE BAR I mean he was crazy weird and controlling. Fighting over non-essential purchases when he was a freaking loaded rich man. I mean LITERALLY RICH and controlling and anxious if money spent on any non-essentials.
It is so bizarre.
The kid said "YOU have food issues. Hiding food"
WHAT?? I said NO It was intended to be a SURPRISE PRESENT
They are so broken.
I mean it is such a trauma response to not be able to celebrate at all. To not even be able to enjoy a bit of the extra candy I bought.
YET they can get junk food all the time and don't see the distinction because the items I bought are considered expensive ( in theory the "brand name").
It is so weird.
You know the office gift? Back in the day of white elephant Christmas parties? Food items , or wine or liquor are always some of the most coveted items...
someone here has food issues, but no it ain't me-
I do however HIDE Christmas gifts. That is a tradition of many. I do have a habit of finding hidden gifts in my closet, or in a drawer MONTHS or YEARS later sometimes! I like to buy personal gifts so if see something that reminds me of someone will pick it up and save it.
I still have this dragon diffuser I bought for my bestie, but then she decided to MOVE and purge her life of all her stuff.
let it go an move on.
I was SO HAPPY When I saw the chocolate they discovered ! That was in the AM before they were awake yesterday; and so surprised by their condemnation of me. BUT I should not be.
OH but that is not even what compelled me to write this AM.
It was completing a USA Job application ( those are a project in and of themselves) which will not allow an upload or submittal of a resume but insists on the actual crafting a resume with references of who was boss and phone numbers for each prior job. Can say NO don't call....
I mean except if currently employed....
I know which ones are by nature avoidant and will never take the call. I know which ones will and will say good things ( yes there are a couple).
BUT most of the managers I direct reported are no longer in the roles and no longer with the companies I worked at anyway.
That ended up being good. I put the VP who I did great work for in one job- and the boss who left was tough on me but he liked my work supporting his business so that is in my favor that she moved on. I am SURE he will also remember the same things I am vividly recalling: the time I advised we did not meet requirements of the proposal ASK I was trying to get her to understand a technical narrative was also needed every time you submit pricing You can't just give the feds your cost without full explanation of what the hell everything means on your quote.
( OH but you can if you have a COR or CO who will accept that... HA HA And I a sure that in the past SHE COULD.. which was why she advised just submit it. I am also sure there was a surprise for her that there was a COR/CO CHANGE... and a new one was going to actually follow the rules).
She gave me an excel "quote" to submit in response to a proposal and I sent back inquiry
She sent back
I called a team meeting with the Project lead- the VP actually, and his tecnical team who DO THE WORK
We created it.
She got super upset at my audacity; but hell she was busy and there was an actual deadline (Not artificial) I was doing damndest we meet.
*Keep in mind this was the actual Contracts Director I direct reported to.
OF COUSE we got an email BACK JUST LIKE I EXPECTED which could have been avoided
BUT ALSO have to submit HOW justify the pricing int he market. What research did you do? How did you set these prices"
Its a thing...
It was something
moments like that
So yeah It was clear why she was quick to turn from liking me to not. I did not EMBARASS Her
I just thought she forgot the darn thing and I thought the company actually would be less concerned about her ego ( or rather thought she would be less concerned about how she looked in a moment! I mean she made ONE mistake! SHE ROCKED SO MANY OHTER THINGS and I have to say I LEARNED SO MCU FROM HER but I blew it then apparently... by actually being correct in what was needed.)
It was just sad to see that moment blow up
so the competition was on
And they both decimated me.
What is funny is that it only occurred to me there was no mistake on her part, except perhaps her mistake in thinking I would not know what was deficient in the response. It never occurred to me UNTIL NOW That she wanted me to fail; that she EXPECTED to throw ME under the bus and get me out of her way! HA HA
Her sudden claim I was not inputting my time daily. ( It was so funny My stats were higher than the GOAL she set for me on a PIP)
Whatever,.... people can act ugly if they feel desperation.
Some fear losing a job so acutely it makes them feel desperate. They need stable employment to feel... well Stable,
I am so glad I don't FEEL THAT.
So I don't like feeling TIED and BEHOLDEN OR COMMITTED to a full time job such that I have a DEPENDENCY ON IT.
I think that is why I have been reluctant, and kinda ambivalent abotu really looking for a full time role.
And truth be told it was a bit of panic at the thought of my car dying that made me thing-
There is a stabilty in hving that
and I don't have the cash on hand to outright buy a car.
Only way I Could cash on hand is if the COMPANY bought a car! WHICH is hardly justifiable.
OR IS IT justifiable?
I mean to do business develipement I HAVE To get places.
CAn I tale the bus? or a Bike? to those places?
I honestly do have some BD events I need to hit up. I have to do this as if do not land full time I NEED to seriously pound the pavement and pick up more busines.s
SO that is a LEGIT interest.
But to buy a car for the company?
It would be for company use. Which would be complicated. I thikn if I do that for real I could not even LET my OBNOXOUS 20 yr old even know.
That is sad but true.
I had a computer that was here, donated. my older son's old college macbook.
I told the 20 yr old I was setting it up as company propery and gave kid USE OF IT
FOR TECH SUPPPORT to help me with ONE THING.
THAT WAS IT
But never finished. AND took the computer.
Not getting a reference from me.
It is kinda sad to me.
to be independent.
Heck that application that wants the whole darn work history and names...
BUT they might not go back that far...
it made me think of the one gal I also used to work at who is on there. The Facilities Manager I tried to connect ART with when he said he wanted to get into that work.
He was so mysogonistic he said he was not calling some young gal for professional advice. I was like WHAT THE HELL? do you wnat mentorship and to learn how to get there-
He was such an asshole
His true colors came out
young and pretty
I swear she is now in her 30s
He is an asshole.
Have to let some folks go and move on and yeah.... just don't look back,
I just wanted to say how I never before read ALL SIXTEEN of the POSITIVE REVIEWS and KUDOS she has on her Linked in for her amazing work as a Facilities Manager.
She ROCKS IT.
So... anyway... putting in a couple resumes on USA JOBS
And also other full time contract manager jobs in the area. There are always a few. As well as contract director roles.
I am going to head to work EARLY this afternoon.. JUST IN CASE. If the car dies again will catch an Uber or Lyft and have it towed to the mechanic.
BUT it DID Make it home and is running. I think the added oil solved that short term issue and did no further damage. I think it is just back in driving in LIMP mode to PROTECT the engine from overheating and seizing.
I think this week I will pull the service records and file a safety complaint with NIST or all the times it would not accelerate over 35 MPH on the highway ( or whatever they are called National Traffic Hiway safety or some such)
I can send the letter from the VA dept of Environmental Safety! That should do... even thought we got it serviced to get through the emissions. The testing was JUST at the safe level but HIGH for some measurment....on the cusp but PASSING.
I read the emissions report this AM and realized it. One the cusp...
I also read emissions CARFAX reports on a couple cars out there in the 5K cash range.
Problem is the only cars could get for cash will ALL have these emissions issues.
YEAH LOOKS LIKE THE LOCAL KIA DEALER is going to be accountable PROVIDED HQ is! - 2023-05-03
Medical Screening reminded me watch diet! - 2023-05-03
Wow New client I believe! - 2023-05-03
My earnings for today's PT work- zero! - 2023-04-30
Job Hunting for Full Time AGAIN Cause do think WILL HAVE TO BUY A CAR SOON! So will need to increase income. - 2023-04-30