2023-05-20 - 6:15 a.m.

Prebuilt tip amts really annoy me.
I get it
But still

Damn I would have left a $4 tip but left $5
just a dollar differerence but it still bugs me cause one of these days I might leave zero tip ( since the amt I WANT is not possible with the damn app) intending to go back and do it manually and I might forget

The driver would get NO tip

Which I think also can happen out of folks being irritated that they are feeling their hand is forced; coerced into tipping.

I tell you I think folks would be MORE generous with tips without those prebuilt in fields.

I am sure someone did some behavioral analysis of this however.

AH YES Articles consistent it seems. It is very aggrevating and customers are irritated by this ( like me) but tips are up.

It is so funny as a friend ranted on this on FB a friend who has a huge following and I mean huge-
who writes their morning entry on FB
pretty regularly stream of conciousness

and their rant was not quite on the tipping but rather now that I think of it- on the irritation that everywhere you get the request to donate. At every darn transaction

I never found it irritating. So it surprises me now using Lyft to be this annoyed by the pre built in tip amts.

Thing is the guy last night got a big tip however cause the cost of the ride was lower than any other yet.

SCORE for him

Lower the cost of the ride
The Bigger the tip.

Seriously

I definately will hold to that. Since there has been an avg cost of my ride I get a sense of what it really SHOULD cost. I am basing this on the price before the app was artifically increasing it -
which I swear every fucking purchasing software algorithm does.
So was happy the ride was $13.99 last night. That is more like it. More reasonable. The ticking up to $22 was bugging me. So I finally figured out "Wait and Save" is the way to go rather than preschedule my ride. It is not worth it to get home 15 minutes earlier and pay $10 more! I was paying too much by using the preschedule feature.

If even I as One consumer go to buy the same damn thing again and again

Every damn app out there seems to suddently raise the price. Cause they know I WANT IT

That is apparent when using priceline. It was obvious years ago-

I would use different email addressess to go back on the app when not decisive cause found if I lingered over a decision and went back with the same email on the same app the price WENT UP
but if I logged in with a different email I could find the lower price again

I mean in that app it was like before point of purchase the more you linger and consider the more you lose as every time click it seems the item will go up in cost.

*Whether hotel room or plane tix-

I found that to be the case years ago.

I recently used Priceline and it is definately running on a diffrent sort of algorithm than it used to. Some new AI in there
It took me FOREVER to find the hotels CLOSEST to the airport in Orlando It was a real PIA to find the cheap hotel airport rooms

Of course the marketing for resorts was front and center.

I was glad found one as when we do fly to FL as a family we arrive late and so I don't want to drive to the shoreside town of my Dad late at night after the long day of travel so best get a room to crash that night and take the drive the next day.

Price paid for the cheap tix. Still worth it-

I am awake early cause heard my kid awake so wanted to get back the SNAP card I left for the kids to all go to the grocery store last week that the 20 yr old kid has not returned to me and is holding onto. This kid is basically an asshole.

Its like this kid wants me to kick them out. Does shit like not return the grocery card and acting controlling with it again. Fucked up behavior. Disrespectful and a power control move that is so fucked up I can't fathom how they even get some rush on that. Or how they think it a good idea in any way.

It is seriously messed up cause I got a letter - with that 20 yr olds name on it indicating if they don't get work for 20 hrs a week they will no longer be eligible for the food assistance.

The kid is on the account as my dependent.

And is not working.

Yeah there was a welfare to work program instituted back with Ronnie Reagan

Which basically impoversed disabled folks.

So many are not on SSDI

I just found out from my social worker friend she applied twice and got denied twice for her autistic kid.
I feel badly for her as her kid is undoubdetly challenged even though has been in college and working. She is really struggling.
But at least that kid is trying!

This kid of mine has no inclination to work. Says no to every suggestion. She is not even trying.

Honestly there is no way the job I am doing would be too hard for this kid.

The phone rings and you hear someone say "Can I have extension XXX " or the caller asked to speak to XXX and its freaking easy to look up the room extension. 6 times out of 10 that it rings its family who just need connecting to their loved one. The other 2 out of 10 its a pharmacy calling for the nurse or the hospital with an update calling for the nurse and I page them to pick up; hen the final 2 out of 10 I am going to guess are inquiry calls from folks checking out the place or a call for someone not in the building that can be sent to voicemail.
A damn easy job without any physical componant whatsoever. The kid with POTS, either kid with POTS could EASILY handle this.

I need to buy some plants to put in the back yard-
tomatoes
peppers
beans

They always do better when starter plants used. I did not start seed and have not started my own plants for years. A good six maybe? since I started seed and had a garden (maybe more?) I don't have the lights set up for that anymore like did in the past.

I got rid of all the grow lights
I just don't have room for clutter and things not being used. I don't think I even stored them in the attic

I don' recall getting rid of them but they are not here

Maybe my friend Robinhood LOL got rid of them for me.
Re=purposed to someone else who needed them after I stopped using them

I have no idea

But think I must have gotten rid of them myself years ago in cleaning up clutter.

And lettuce
I would like to plant some lettuce in the pots on the porch. Cause I am out of lettuce and I like to eat a damn salad for lunch.

I have not had good lettuce growing in my yard ever. The years it grew well were at the community garden. Swiss Chard also rocked there. But I did have a couple small heads in pots.

So I want to try again and see if can get some in the planters at least. My back yard is too shady but the porch gets sun so should be able to get some plants going even though I am starting late with them.
And even though traveling a bit over a week in June. I still want to throw some in and see what happens as I miss tremendously not having fresh veggies growing.

I was thinking of the grocery SNAP card as I woke and thought of my Saturday chores-

clean my bathroom and bedroom
Organized the paperwork and send to KIA HQ lady
grocery shopping

then thought- Oh Snap that bratty kid has the damn card still

I swear this kids is a PIA
I wanted the kids to all be able to go get what they like to eat to be content and feel like they have the food they want. I had already gone shopping but what I bought was fresh veggies and fruit and they acted like there was nothing they could eat in the house. So I figured let them go get what they wanted; which constituted crap junk food by my standards. I mean freaking Ramen! REALLY I swear the kids still think of that as a major food source and I don't get it. Just junk food- granola bars ya'll are not exactly healthy. Ice cream ... Ok they did buy decent food too but it is just heavy on snacks and premade- no meat or protein sources. I mean really the only chicken we had in the house was the stuff I had frozen. No other meat. I already had tofu and tempeh and eggs and beans and bread so was like what the hell do we need that I did not get? They act like when I shop there is NOTHING they can eat.

College grad was home for the one week after graduation so the three here were all hanging and went shopping and cooked together (Asian noodle dishes; lentils) and it was nice that they were hanging out so well (even if bit loud. Hope they were not too loud for my tenant! She has family stuff going on and her fam needs her so she has been going back and forth. I worry however cause she came back just that week for a couple days and then left but think it is just fine and she is staying with her kid. She has a kid she loves and spends time with when the Dad is not there but they also are navigating what works for her fam so its good she has her space here for many reasons but also good she shows up for her fam when they need her. I just hope she did not leave cause the kids were noisy that week! They really were noisier than when it is just the two of them. The one kid also never came upstairs to share the room with me but instead camped out in the living room. It was only a week so I let it be-
but it was a bit annoying again to have that living room turned into the bedroom by a kid who is nocturnal! I mean then when I was up during the day the visiting college grad would complain if I made even the slightest noise

Again messed up-
I was like "Go upstrairs to sleep"

and that kid said they did not have the energy. I swear these kids kill me

That one acted like it was too exauasting to be going back and forth to the upstairs bedroom as if an invalid when asked
but the day had a Dr. Appointment said could walk as it was not far; only about a 30 minute walk. (Was happy to hear that)

I had been telling the kid they could hop the bus and ride it as it actually does loop around to a stop not far from the Dr. office.

OR if they wanted I offered to order a lyft for the college kid to get to the Dr. for the TB test.

At least that kid walked. Their Dad then gave a ride on the Friday for the 2nd appt that week.

But it is so apparent these kids will use the excuse of their health when conveinient and find energy and ability when they want to.

So less worried about their physical health than their mental health; motivation; and that they act like assholes to me. I mean how did they get to be such assholes toward their mother?
Yeah I know....

It just stinks that the 20 yr old is so miserable.

I figure at some point the kid will move on and decide it is time to do something.
Get to school
work

I can't imagine the plan to go off to school in the Fall has any practicality to it and is going to be possible.

I mean if somehow the kid has some miracle way for that to happen-
like family help to get out there to the college

It would be a miracle if they made it through. I mean I don't see the kid working hard for anything. I have not seen the work ethic and effort needed in that kid.
I did see it in the one who just graduated. That kid worked hard at academics. Has few life skills otherwise but is learning them. They will be Ok and figure it out.

But the one here is continuing to isolate self and be influenced only by their on line social world which as we all know is all doom and gloom.I mean really- those who are socializing only on line are the complainers of the world. They are the lonely of the world. They are the ones needing a space to just vent ( like this) OR desire connection cause they are so hurt and many I think ARE angry and just need to let it out.

I think it is healthy for them to have such spaces of on line community. BUT it is NOT a place to develop a heathy sense of what the world is all about. Its freaking esacpism.
Or maybe it is? I mean perhaps my kid would not tell someone to shut up they don't wnat to talk to them if they popped into a room in a discord server

https://www.protocol.com/discord

Maybe my kid WILL learn some better social skills and DOES practice them when in discord
and on Reddit etc..

and perhaps the kid is just an asshole to me.

Which is the ultimate asshole move

Just an asshole to me and then will be one to anyone close to them but act normative and understand typical social rules of courteous to strangers

YEAH
That is what some abusers do apparently. Its like they have anger at their abuser and transfer it all onto the ones who love and care for them.

I think it comes down to holding onto anger
Cause the kid has a victim mentality

And why does one feel a sense of entitlement when they view themself as a victim?
That is the part that makes little sense to me

https://www.mentalhelp.net/anger/victimization-and-abuse/

Its just a challenge as hope this kid gets over it and starts to be respectful and accept love without attack. Without abuse.
Cause at some point they have to just stop

or won't be welcomed here anymore.

Maybe they know that and that is why they have not left. Maybe that is why they don't go get a job
or go off to school

Terrified of actaully having to be on their own

and not having confidence they can do it.

Just complete avoidance and holding onto childhood longer.

That is what it feels like the two youngest are doing.

Just avoiding adulthood

Clinging to childhood.

It so weird to me.

I figure give them a bit of time and space was fine-
compassionate
loving

But at this point it is now coming on a year since they both graduated.

So both need to have a plan. Both need jobs.

I darn well tried to hold their hands through an interview

had either of them come along.

Seriously there is no reason that either of them could not be in this job I am now holding.

Hell the one almost seemed excited
and was interested for a moment..... but then was not motivated enough to get butt out of bed the next morning when the interview was scheduled.

I feel like I have to push both of them more perhaps. I have not been as proactive in pushing them as I could be I suppose. I think I can offer more help in more ways than I have thus far. Bring home applicaitons
Look more actively and present possibilities.

I don't think I have done that much at all- more like I leave them alone and figure they will work it out. But after a year they are not working much of anything out.

Still no jobs and not taking classes either.

SIGH so back to my TO DO of Saturday chores:

Clean bathroom; bedroom
paperwork 4 car
pay bills
then grocery shop.

I left the damn SNAP card in one spot for access and expected it to be put back in same spot for my use. I mean what the fuck is the kid asking me what I need it for? The fucking nerve

What the hell
The last thing they said was they were nausause as just took three salt tabs so were lying down. I had heard them up and moving about which is why got up to go get the damn card.
I told them to put it back where I left it.

The asshole kid was moving around - I heard that ( so honestly think perhaps they were looking for it?) THEN they took the salt tabs....

they likely were being honest about being nauseaus.
I have a strong feeling teh card is mispalace in their room btu they have not the heart to be honest about it ( cause they cricitxe me when I misplace things)
so I am going to wait... for its return.....

BUT this time I swear I am not going to let it be accessible. I mean what the hell. This is the 2nd time this kid is withholding it from me. I let it go the first time thinking the kid was off their rocker but did not expect that behavor to be repeated. Really cause it was so freaking odd and over the top weird and so nonsensical.

I just won't let that kid shop again. They can do without their snacks but for the ones I buy,

Act like a child , get treated like a child.

Oh and one other errand- head to the post office to mail gift to the 21 yr old soon to be 22, oh wait- its 23!
Darn time flys.
Yeah the oldest of these four kids with psycho control freak Dad who grew up with an abusive controlling mother is 23 that never went into therapy so just transferred his intense anger exposively when frustrated on those he loved was born in 2000.

Hey at least that kid goes ( or went to therapy)
Not sure if the one who is being control freak and disrespectful and acting entitled is still going...
if it was intent to ACTUALLY go to therapy OR
just a couple of obligatory sessions required for ongoing medical care but really does not give a crap about parsing out how to handle their fucked up childhood.

I mean sure some parts of it were fucked up.

But I am so losing empathy. I have less by each day for this kid's abuse towards me.
I did not leave an abusive huband for my kids to grow up to be abusive to me. The plan was to leave the abusive husband to carve out a safe and peaceful nurtuting home for my kids to safely be AND for ME as well to safely ENJOY.

I am glad I am enjoying my home again, I mean Spring always helps. Spending time in the back yard and on my back porch and realizing it is a nice spot helps.

Just watching a TV show I like and sitting on my couch and enjoying that relaxing time alone in my living room helps.

It helps when the living room is not being used as a bedroom overtaken by anyone else. So yeah I have to admit it was nice when the college grad went back to school for this one last mini mester of the final project.
The prior time they came home and shared my bedroom with me I actually enjoyed their presence here MORE cause on that occassion they slept in the bedroom and did not take over the living room. I could stil USE my living room.

Its crazy how these kids are so unaware of being intrusive. They are of course welcome to use the living room but what I find intrusive is when they act like I AM not welcome as have overtaken it! That was what happened this time and hell no, that is not acceptable. I thought the kid outgrew that behavior of the past- so it was disappointing to see it re-surface. I made the mistake of not carrying their bags upstairs. Next time they come here I will carry the bags up and make it crystal CLEAR that they are not to take over the living room.

but now I am just rambling and repeating... ha and I guess using the computer the way many do ... avoiding chores HA HA

so enough bitching and up and at em.

I want to clean my living room and kitchen too so I feel comfortable and enjoy it. The youngest is gone for the weekend so with only one other who is sleeping today I can really get the house cleaned without anyone else in the way.

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