2023-05-24 - 1:38 p.m.
Lo and behold
"I reviewed your submission for the position of Contract Specialist, XXXXXXXX-Direct Hire GS-12, with the Procurement and Contracts XXXXXXXXX
It was determined that you were among the best qualified for the position. Therefore, you were referred to the selecting official for consideration.
Thank you for your interest in employment with our organization."
I was in the running for a GS IDK, bona fide contract officer role in the past (GS 13 or 14?)
I felt validated recently when talking to someone who actually retired from same agency and asked when telling the story ( honestly I have not told the story - very select few. They don't typically know WHERE it was... typically were fam.. or close to me. But This person retired from same office.)
I felt very validate that the response was "NO you were not wrong; and good for you valuing yourself."
Cause as they agreed; the smuck was actually mysogostic and an asshole and made some judgement based solely on my refugee support work I was as he saw some "snowflake liberal" who was not fit to be working in service of the govt.
I mean political views between Democratic, Republican, whatever... are ALL AMERICAN and we all have as much love for this county as any other American and can have genuine desire to serve our nations' interest with integrity, dedication and honor
Keep damn politics out of it when it comes to doing a job well and working together, and hiring.
I mean procurement decisions are being held hostage again for some political agenda ;
I swear it is BS
I mean what does abortion, any civil right, have to do with economics and operations of govts? The answer SHOULD BE NONE
I mean really
Culture is indeed formed by values. Sure we will have differeing values making up our mixing pot of a ocuntry BUILT BY IMMIGRATION
BUT operationally we have to keep running. The sound business decisions needs to be made without the societal large issues impacting the functional ability. Seriously do you stop paying your household bills and stop supporting the mortgage when you don't agree with all the behaviors of your familly?
THINK HOW NONSENSICAL THAT IS
Cause not all are growing up to be who you want them to be, when you want them to be it
That would be a childlike tantrum of the parent abdigating all responsbiluty. IN a CONTROL MOVE that would be intended to compel compliance but most likely would implode stability and bring down the whole damn house.
That is what some of our members of congress act like.
And that was what that one dude I faced AFTER MONTHS Of going through hoops to be a the final point of a job offer acted like. It was something I never imagined til it happened.
His ego was huge and palapable and his disdain for me woman, with views different from his own, who DARED spend voluteer time with refugees ( he just kept fixating ont aht one thing- int he "Other volunteer work" listed.. I mean it was unbelievable how he disregarded the rest; disregarded ME with such anger it seemed to me... underneath coming out with disdain.)
So... in any case, I was pleased to get the email I am being referred. I applied for two fed roles recently after not considering the idea. I mean I do not want to commute to DC. I wanted to avoid that.
I considered in past a fed role only if not that far commute.
So the other (forget now even what agency) sent email from system NOT REFERRED as did not meet requirements.
I know exactly why-
which came first?
Its a hard barrier to get over.
I was like "WHAT????"
She said "YEAH As no one looks at the resume once in the job, and they train you anyway so it does not matter."
It matters TO ME.
So my thought was "Cest La Vie"; Amen; So be it: It is what it is... move on
There is enough good work to do out there. I just have to find it or MAKE The opportunities I want.
Create work if need be. That is what creative people do- so if have to I will do that!
Life coaching , teaching, training, etc.. "Consulting" sharing my expertise. Those are all about creativly selling SELF and making ones own work!
BUT I looked just for kicks. Found two roles I WOULD LIKE...
So even though the other sent me the not referred letter.
The second is one I would be delighted if they called. It would require commute to DC as for sure is on site.
Not remote like all the other work.
I could of course never SAY WHERE IT WAS and if hired then the talk of work on thus would be NADA
HECK For the pt work now I should be silent too. I mean I only talked ancillarilly about building my company.
But really I should just STOP NOW on that topic too. Now that the stress of it all starting up is over. The stress of the initial grrowing pains.
Heck if I landed this full time role undoubtedly I would have to quit the new part time job I just started. BUT it would be SO worth it.
Funny thing is the salary is not what I would make in the private sector but I am not motivated by salary. I am motivated by supporting good work truly aligned with my values.
*maybe 99%... come on.... LOL there is almost always SOMETHING...
But now I am a napper.
Go naps. All supportive of them.
The UDON noodles I cooked for lunch are taking me out. Seriously, my kids are tired all the time but they also live on ramen and udon. I find those TIRING to disgest. Like wiped out
In other news. the ob/gyn surgon told me at the follow up my uterine lining is thickened akin to a woman 3 mos pregnant.
So weird! She said it was hard for her to even find the IUD I had! It was like it was implanted too much- as the lining thickened and grew around it
I wonder if perhaps somehow at some point I was? And the thing is maybe a miscarraige? Maybe some funky weirdness of pregant WIth an IUD? ( My super power being ridiculous fertility? I joke about this- but seriously It was just WEiRD and Odd and took a couple tries and then surgury for the doc to succeed.
She basically cleaned out my uteruse a bit..
do got the tissue sample for biopsy.
And yet even though no cancer YEAH FOR THAT
excess tissue; and fibroids. I mean I have growing odd fibroids.
Sometimes they dissovle on own; sometimes not and can cause pain.
I wanted her clear professional asseessment and recommendation. She recommended that. She can't see WAITING to see what happens in this time when it is so darn hard to find a surgon to even care for women on Medicare/Medicaid.
She is on salary at the hospital one day a week and had the room on her schedule so why the heck NOT get this taken care of when can.
The wait and see is sound medically-
With the excessive heavy bleeding
and on occassion AT WORK while this was happening! I would go to work with extra clothing and be washing my slacks or dress or skirt in the bathroom sink.
It was crazy..
and when this happened at home it was easier. I won't forget when it happened in Buffalo any my guy there was so loving in helping care for me- and doing laundry and sensitive and patient.
I mean he was quite a great support and wonderful through that.
He said once "If that is not love, I don't know what is"
and I think that is a true statement. We love when we care for those in need due to any ailment.
I think it made me not judge him so harshly for the comments he has made over the years about OTHERS in his life he does not spend time with and when I asked I got the response of their illness made it hard...
I mean one gal he was besties with is disabled. I just never understood why he doesn't spend more time with her as they were like best friends for years. They are still friends but I felt like her disability is why he is distant and I found that sad. Then when he met this other gal, and went on a few dates and I was asking if it had potential he said something like
and I was just judgy ( in my head) thihnking SO the fuck what?? HELL people with cancer are not DEAD and they deserve to have relationshios ad be loved
and I was thinking So you are not going to keep seein her cause she might not beat it? how selfish..
Fucking love them anyway
How selfish to only want realtionship with the able bodied who are going to be able to go out with you all the teim.
I just dont' get it-
To me that is the ultimate narcissism
you love the idea of her meeting YOUR NEEDS
but that is not fucking love.
I know I judge harshly but think this is a fair judgement.
So at least when stuck in the guys world who won't allow himself to go out beyond it (really that is his own limitation) He was able to love and support me in my moment of need actual disabling consition when it happened IN HIS WORLD
even if he has been avoidant of such responsibilty that love would bring in his lifre
YEAH he is a lifelong batchelor for a reason. He gets sensitive about me thinking and saying he avoids commitment BUT DUH
It is nothing but truth.
But sometimes no matter how avoidant
He rose to the occassion.
Growth happens; whether we like it or not. Just like love happens; whether we seek it or not. Funny how that is.
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