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2023-05-30 - 2:21 p.m.

I just completed my invoices ( which will be paid in a month) for my business and it is starting to concern me that the client I did a bunch of work for from NOV through March
just kinda dropped off in April and May.

In Feb the one VP said he would be working very closely with me and leveraging me ALOT.
We were working well together. I liked supporting him.

I THINK I made the mistake of oversharing. DAMN. Of just being authencially fully myself.

Not in any way that SHOULD BE BAD.

I mean he was using self deprechiating humor at times- felt like we developed a RAPPORT and it was SAFE to be self.

He would joke about his engineering brain and lack of finesse in social skills ( why he needed me to be the negotiator on the agreements.)

We were a good team. I did get work from the CEO in April directly. Then the same VP DID send me something to review in MAY,

SO I HOPE it is just a slow down as they are a small company and perhaps nothing in queue for them to need my support on just now as I already cleaned up all their templates and tightened up THEIR agreements. So now it is review when they get OTHER folks' contract. I suppose they also could be leveraging AI! HA HA The thing is they are a small. There is not a ROI for smalls to do that... you still need a smart person as alot of AI generated templates are truly crappy.
BUT this company is tech progressive. So who knows.
I just hope my honest ADHD unfiltered disclosure in that moment is not what played into the slow down of work sent my way.

My hosting service provider had a wonky issue going on with my security settings.
Back in Feb I think? March? Whenever-

I got messages the emails TO THIS CLIENT were not going through with msg to set up DKIM so my emails don't appear as SPAM. ( All other emaiks not impacted which was odd).

Whatever the DKIM security protocol is I had to work with my hosting services provider to resolve the issue.

The problem was that for a couple weeks there it persisted. IT DID suddently STOP occurring.

BUT in that time I MISSED an email from their operations director calling for a MEETING to set up a Diligence Review Project. I saw it a freaking week later in my SPAM folder. I apologize but did not hear back from her.

A couple other emails from them went to SPAM.

I supported one of the C level execs during those weeks , and the CEO by them temporarily emailing my OTHER PERSONAL email and we got it done.

This VP I most often supported had said "MAYBE we should issue you a company email "
I said "Sure if you like."

And you know I did resolve the funky issue. They kept sending me work.

What worries me is that on one call going over something with him I had to load a doc and it took me a minute- its like we were starting to work closely together and he had more visibility into my PROCESS

now I analyze content quickly
BUT I don't load docs and flip between them and systems quickly as my set up at home is simply a laptop. I just don't have room for external monitors AND I don't have the VOLUME OF WORK YET to have invested in such a set up. It has not been a constraint

BUT FOR perhaps my availability to him to work real time whenever he wanted.
I mean I was giving him REAL TIME support as HE was the negiator dealing with large companies.

He was getting me on the phone

NOW if I AM IN THAT SEAT as the negotiator and I have lead time to plan- HELL I WOULD be pulling out my 2nd and maybe even third monitor and have a whole set up so I can have:
the document being shared
and A place for me to see HISTORICAL DOCS/DEAL HISTORY for reference
while REAL TIME typing notes.

so I can seamlessly navigate and keep the conversation moving at a good pace with flow and no slow downs as folks are busy.

I think this guy is like my Ex. Husband, the engineer. Their brains move fast and they are super smart
BUT also judgemental of others once they think the others are not as smart as them.

I am hoping that is not the case.
BUT I feel like the work from this VP slowed down when he said
"You are a little flighty, eh?"
and I said " Ah many smart people are. TRUE I am at times; a bit ADHD"

and we were chatting and somehow about driving, and I said too much.
I said I could never take calls when driving- I was often talking to him while he is DRIVING as he has time to hop on the call and drill down into the weeds of the negotiation sticking points. I said I am not the best driver- my car is evidence of. ADHD is a challenge then, but as for the hyperfocus a gift as it makes me like getting geeking into things others find boring which is a great asset in my work.

So the thing is I was getting a good steady number of hours of work from them; and then it dropped off...

and I just think that I overshared and that sucks.

I should have said nothing to his calling me flightly.

It is so disappointing.

I trust too easily I guess.
I thought at first that after a couple months of billing an increase of hours maybe I was over their budget for such support and it was just a pull back as I had alot of hours in the prior few weeks/prior month.
It was not huge but a good 10 hr a week for a few weeks from them

The good news is that just as this client pulled back ANOTHER Client then leveraged me more! LOL
They started sending more work I I had a few 10 hr a week in a row with them.
That kinda slowed in the past few weeks; just as well since I had the surgury, started the new part time role and the car died! I mean I had enough going on. First couple times I bike commuted to the part time roles I was carrying my laptop to also log in and respond if any work came in. I quickly stopped realizing it is not good for my back and had light amt of work come in so did not need to bring the laptop with me to the part time job.

So I was really encouraged and VERY Appreciative that the CEO of the 2nd company HERSELF is actually ALSO ADHD and because she is now a very successful small business owner who supports 90 team members ( employees and some consultants 1099s like me), who just ROCKS her contracts
She is so smart!
I know when she sent me the first contract to review that it HAD to be one she ALREADY Signed. I mean I saw the dates. I did my review like I would any other.

I just today found the signed one when a mod came in so had to pull it-
NOW that she is really leveraging me. I LOVE THAT
that she just hired a few folks to support and PAYS THEM TO DO WORK which is really her test of skill , then DECIDES who to use moving forward.
She doesn't make people feel like they are competing, or puts them in a positition of putting in effort without valuing their time. She is subtle about it yet at the same time judges the quality of work to decide who she want on her team.


I am just disappointed as I really do like supporting the other company. They are doing really important, meaningful work. I like the CEO who has such a great personality and is this amazing person. The other dude I HOPE is not being judgy and abelist. Cause I do like the rapport and just hope this is venting fears and it is just coincidence.

BUT... I don't know... he sent me only one contract this month. ONE.

I was doing alot of support for him directly. It is such a change and sudden so I feel like that had to have impacted his view of me.

It has happened so many times before.

Part of it is that folks are happy when they see the REALLY SOLID GOOD FINAL PRODUCT.

But they get nervous when they see the messy PROCESS of how the ADHD person works.
It is NOT linear (often).

I am pretty disciplined so my work is pretty linear and organized as have been doing this a long time. I am not at all LINEAR in how I approach my time OTHERWISE. BUT I expend the energy to do things really methodically in my work.

I mean I love check lists.
And process
and routine
I have task lists and love checking them off.
I filed things IMMEDIATELY So they don't get lost.
Love a good organizational system and communicate so others also know what the heck is going on with records management.
I make Excel sheets and document where I put things so there is a way to find them again SIX MONTHS or TWO YEARS From now.

I pretty much rock this.
Heck if people use CLM systems I am the one that has set them up and trained others in learning how to do it and then take over records management. (The young fellow was so funny as nervous about handling a call without me once and I encouraged him and mentored him and knew he would do fine then transitioned to him being point person after a bit.)
I elevate others by collarboration and working together.

(OK sometimes that works against me but I don't care. If others are cut throat its their game to win. I don't play games like that with coworkers I just do my job well.)

So all this to vent. I just hope the one VP is not ableist.
Cause that is all it is when there is someone who really apprechiated and gave kudos on my work who then SUDDENLY shifts view so dramatically upon hearing ADHD is part of who I am.

It has happened distinctly a few times.
It was NOT related to the quality of my work which is done well and timely.

I have been busy so didn't really think about this until TODAY when preparing the invoice to send out.

OH and a friend is selling me her old Volvo.

Its actually a better car for my business to buy. It has the advanatge of being a vehical that does not say "low budget"
but says "luxury".

I mean you attact clients based on how they perceive you. This is why having the Prada shoes and the Gucci purse ( Of course I bought 2nd hand! LOL) were IMPORTANT when I was trecking into DC to work with the female attorneys there who judge and somehow think expensice is always better.

The image for my work has to be of successful; polished; QUALITY.

Not low budget hit or miss WalMart Special, not even Target-
Hell I want to be the botique Nordstrom of contract management services.

My friend asked my budget then told me she would sell me the car for $3900.

I ran blue book and its worth WAY MORE. I said "I want you to get the value out of it. Honestly if you park it and try to sell it for more and get it I am good with that; but then if it doesn't move sell it to me. I want you to do what is good for YOU TOO."

She has two old volvos and is getting rid of both to get a newer model. Her Dad and her brother are BOTH Volvo mechanics. One is his car and he doesn't go anywhere himself anymore. He dad worked for the dealer as a mechanic for 30 years then retired and tinkers and he kept my old car- that V70 wagon so called totaled on the road for 4 more years.

Its a good deal.
I have the local mechanics at hand.
AND its a nice looking car.

Her dad is older and might not drive but honestly he can still fix a car and loves to tinker. He rebuild the whole front end of my totaled car.The one funny thing was the handle to open the hood he just fashioned a hook out of a coat hanger! It was so funny but WORKED as the latch was broken and just not worth money to pay for a new one.

I still remember the wonder of his rebuilding my front end for $800 at the time!

So I think this will work out good! Its alot of money for my business to spend but think worth it causeI can then get around to work with intention on business development which I need to do. I need to kick it up.
Go to the local business association meetings/events/ hob nob etc.

I had a bit of work today but slept in as it was so weird I had insomina ( which I NEVER HAVE) after taking Aleve. Either that or pain in my knee which was hurting me.
One of the two was keeping me awake

I finally fell asleep around 4ish I figure. I had cleaned the house very motivated a my bestie was coming over for dinner and to spend time here. We enjoyed a nice walk with the dog and two neighbors we are both friendly with.
That was nice.
It was just SO GOOD to have her company and we had a really nice evening eating the meal and chilling.
I was energized to clean more than otherwise, I didn't think I had the energy and was not going to- and was going to just have her over in the "chaotic good" mess of my home but then around 6 started straightening and it was amazing what I could get done in an hour.
It was really great to see her. We might connect again after work tonight but I am really tired so not sure up for much.
I might just crash with her where she is staying tonight at her daughers' if wecomed- but I might want to just come home cause did not sleep well last night and want to wake earlier to be on for work as needed.(My work)

Logistically connnecting with friend to get the car; asked ebay seller to just pay pal me the depost back ....he is trying go go through ebay to cancel the transation ( it cleared already and I know they have a whole process. Go through them it will be over 45 days before I see that refund. I will file the dispute resolution if I have to but if he is OK just sending me the $300 back I swear that would be easiest.)
I have to get an insurance policy set up.

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ADHD Moment of the week - 2023-05-31


ADHD Moment of the week - 2023-05-31


WHEW yeah work came in. - 2023-05-31


Holding off on car, even the nice Volvo. - 2023-05-30


Seller called Ebay and took care of refund! - 2023-05-30