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2023-06-04 - 12:37 p.m.

I listened to church on line.
I sent message on the few social platforms Gandalf had any presence to be found.

Linked IN
Who checks Linked IN with any regularity?

No one I would really be intereted in spending time with, Come on now.

Or Twitter daily?

Again, not my generation.

(OK unless obsessed by a great poet and check his content... but even then, daily? NAH)

So not likely the msg will get to Gandalf for months using that.

I am not really in any great rush. KNOW he could call me in months and that would be ok



WOULD Like to not lose touch cause my phone is MIA until it is found.

I was really thinking to show up unannouned at his home would be not cool. It feels like a boundary for me I am not real comfortable crossing.

I think of how he said he had one song he wanted to play and listen to as we did finally kiss at sunset-
after we came back and laid and cuddled and kissed.

And there is NOTHING in this man that gives me any sense of BS player AT ALL. NO he is so very different. And I believe sincere.

And the song he played for me, he said- its just been stuck in his head since we were dancing in the living room as we each picked tunes then my bestie switched up and changed the vibe by next pick of a song from Les Mis
and it was this sad, sad song...

she was like "That's not the version I remembered and wanted!"

IT was the ACTUAL clip... I forget the song, but the dramatic image where the girl's hair is shaved off as she enters the sorta underworld of London of sorts. What was funny is Les Mis was on my mind so I wanted to share the clip of my son singing a song from there found once.
BUT that was an audition piece I am sure he meant only for the casting agent to see. I found it once , serendipity? just a search when he put it up

AND it was STILL OUT THERE a year or more later and I played it that 2nd time and it was amazing. I LOVE that clip
and I wanted to hear it. Red and Black?.. I forget ...

BUT instead I found the Little Shop clip which was so fun since June had traveled with me to Buffalo for that show 13 years ago! She was so excited to see that clip. What was fun for me is Gandalf was familiar with the show- it took him a few minutes to place what show the song was from ( as he was in the kitchen when the beginning started, but he recalled it after a few minutes.)

So Gandalf said
as we kissed after the sunrise walk, and cuddled and sat there waiting for the moment for me to get up and ready for work-

"There is one song I want to play"
"and you can blame your son: and the he corrected"

"no not really" ... and hesitated...then said "its been in my head all yesterday"

and he played Suddenly Seymore.

He made it clear he is delighted to have met me, enjoys the vibe and connection and energy and looks forward to slowly getting to know each other- and savoring every moment. He does not want to rush but was so direct in intention.

He would like to develop a relationship.

Very clear.

Not ambiguous.,vid:xl_YEVDnN-Y

OK in listening I know I can just show up to at least give my home number.
YES that won't be a crossing of boundaries considering the circumstances.

And no rush really- cause I could do that before work if get it together today. Or some day when riding next.
Still not sure if I should bike to work today or call for a ride.
Wanted to slow down and reflect.

And ended up listening to this.
Its pretty clear what his thoughts and intentions are.

I know this man is a genius I mean like a literal one. I always fall for brilliant men. I read the Linked in comments... others saying such and that it is not hyperbole.
I was also reading there is some name for the actual person who falls in love with smart people because they hold that as one of the highest values. Sapiosexuality.
That is not me,
but I do like an intelligent man
and am reminding myself this man is brilliant
but not seeing flags of controlling but the opposite in a way.

There is a vulnerability in him
that I felt like a bad person could take advantage of, I would , if not interested in him, like with my co worker friend, feel this instinct honestly to counsel and advise not to give his heart away naively! HA HA that is if he fell for a user. I am not a user but when he made it clear how he loves to support others and he is so generous I worried if he is one that can be taken advantage of.

BUt that was my only instinct, to want to protect against him being used by others that cropped up in me within our conversations we had. It flashed , appeared, just once-
that he is one who some women would take advantage of because he is so giving.

YET he had not had many relationships and maybe avoided them because he is not comfortable with women often, and when he did have relationships there were issues so they did not work out but as he said he valued each for the things he learned.

I mean he had 4 or 5 That is not NONE...but far less than most I think who are our age. He is just a bit older than me.
It was funny he asked only one question about my past relationships; and it was in the context of him speaking of his- why they did not work out. He asked what was the biggest age difference for me, of dating a YOUNGER person

He was saying that this gal was really into him but he found the age difference to be a challenge and he was not interested.

He said she was seventeen years younger than him when I had asked I believe. Then he posed the question

and I said "sixteen.. oh wait, I think seventeen"
I was doing the math

I realize I was wrong.
Young lover had a recent birthday! I should not have forgotten but in fact I did in that moment.

I remembered him as 36
BUT that was a couple years ago ( maybe a few)
I don;t know how old he is Not that it matters. It was not important. Just kinda wondering now when someone else asked me the question so trying to find it just to have the knowledge.

He also has very little digital footprint

one small profile somewhere that describes what he does and this " who wants to see everyone treating themselves and each other better than they do".
YES that is him, the photogroher, writer, poet artist who is a sensitive soul and really cares about others.

Not sure can find this in time as have to leave... bothering me I was wrong and first thought 16 yrs then added a yr when meant to subtract I think? (H HA HA not sure the math error in the moment of conversaion- but was thinking he had a bd so let me add a year HA- yeah that was it- I added rather than subtract the year...I am clearly not a genius! )
Cause I was thinking it was also 17yrs younger and indicated such. (It should not bother me so much to have been WRONG on that! but it is for some reason. Likely my kid's acting like whenever there is a misstatement it is this actual act of lying! I argue some people are just not that smart and make mistakes so you have to give them grace and intention is required for lying! They are so linear in thinking at times they don' t see grey with can be a challenge. I swear the perfectionism starts to get to anyone after a while and I see it has affected me when I get obsessed about fixing some little insignificant thing I should just let go and stop chasing down!
Its so funny to me that I in a quick search his older sister and HER age pop up! BUT not his and the age is clearly wrong as it says she is 34 and that is off...
Ok I give up. I have to just guess. I think he said he was 36? (Two years ago?)

He must be 38 or 39 by now. Its more like 15 yrs I think? IDK

Not very important.
Time to leave for work.

Thinking of birthdays , I want to know Gandalf's BD.

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Phone found. Just need to arrange to get it back. - 2023-06-05