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2023-06-15 - 1:18 p.m.

I cosigned a student loan for my now graduated senior; which the grad just paid off in full.

This kid is fiscally very responsible.

I never hesitated to sign loan paperwork for this one.

The bizarre thing is that I am seriously frugal and good with budgeting by my YOUNGEST Two kids are in this strange mindset of packing against me and being critical of my money mangement. It is so freaking strange.
The nonsenset they spew as the one took the EBT card ( with my permission at the time) but THEN did not return it.

I really thought after the college student came home that kid would be like "What the hell are you doing?"
to the off kilter, selfish sibling

BUT turns out the two younger ones convinced the college student too, somehow, in this weird belief
that I am irresponsible with money?
Don't provide food for them?
Shop frivolously?

So they don't have enough to eat

Its so strange to hear their rants from all three. They have this bizarre need to have control over that itty bitty bit of money in reality as they have nothing they are in control of when it comes to their own care and well being.

It is about control.

Just sad to see them do this.

I had not CUT off the card and ordered a new one ( which I simply could have done) as figuered the strange stance would not persist. I really thought it was but a moment, one bad day-
and after arguing that day and the kid not giving me the card back I LET IT GO
ASSUMING that another day the kid would be in their right mind and realize how fucked up it is, what they are doing
and give me the card when I needed it to go to the grocery store.

I instead got a "NO. Its the only money I have to provide food for me and my sister."

As if the kids ( now 18 and 20 keep in mind) are going to be STARVING if they did not hold onto that card.

So fucked up. I mean I buy NORMAL healthy provisions when I shop. Only recent change is my high cholestoral so I am avoiding red meat and myself eating no eggs BUT Buy them for them- BUT I also am not buying the baked goods that I used to get on the clearance rack. Less pumpkin or sweet potatoe pies ( they are like a staple in my home as they hit the clearance rack and we like them). Less dairy for me- but still getting it for them of course.

I just don't buy the saltly snacks they want. The Cheeze Its and JUNK FOOD which frankly I gave them the card to go get as its their healthy. I decided to not police their diets long ago ( as that dynamic is not psycologically healthy I think. I mean they are adults and have to be treated as adults and figure it out on their own how they want to live- what habits to cultivate as far as their diet. )
I don't buy the ICE CREAM they like in copious amounts.

Its just such a weird thing that this FOOD WAR is the big family battle.

So unhealthy and strange I think.

So here we are in FL and I was HAPPY when driving here to the town my Dad lives in in the rental car after we all rested in Orlando the first night, that the one kid- the 20 yr old who asked to stop to go to the bathroom, agreed to use the restroom at the local supermarket and also pick up some provisions for us.

I was pleased the kid did that shopping. That IS A HELP

BUT I was legit shocked that this AM the crew is all crashed out sleeping, I get it- they all have POTS and need to REST and RECOVER after the travel. Travel is taxing. We arrived in LATE at night- and they had to be up to check out by 11. The breakfast at the hotel ran til 10 I think- so they all got up around 10- as close to it as possible and three of them went to ate. Brought food back for the last sleeping one. We all got up, showered and dressed and gone by the check out time.

That check out time provided structure.

So I get it that today , after the first night in the AirBNB staying at after a lovely time at my Dad and bro's home here- where we DID enjoy a REALLY nice time playing a family game of scrabble that lasted hours-

They need to sleep and recover.

I get it.

I expected nothing different.

BUT I did expect that when I awoke, if the one stirred, when I asked "Hey give me the Ebt card so I can run to the store"
To NOT have a whole family argument over this again.

The kid is digging into position.

I just have to call and cut the fucking thing off and get a new one issued. A PIA

I will do that once home however. In the meantime I am WAITING for them all to be up and about and we can all go to the store together. It is just so fucking nuts as the one who has the card does not want to drink the water here.

The tap water is fine. I am drinking it no issue

BUT That kid does have MCAS so it very likely is a real reaction- I smelled a bit of chlorine in it last night.
Not as much as typical in My tap water at home to be honest. Not enough to give ME the itchy throat I get from my unfiltered tap water at home. To be honest I would not be surprised if there is a whole house filter on this as the water seems totally fine to me.

We landed a super nice AirBNB!

My Dad is 90.
He has his routines.
Dinner at 5
then the Tv shows-
Jepordy and Wheel of Fortune
Then he watches a show or movie ( dozing a bit for sure) OR BASEBALL when in season
and he goes to bed at 9pm.

The guy is like clockwork.

He gets up around 6:30 ( or used to at latest)

and he WALKS

We were all sitting there visiting and my Dad just kinda outta the blue gets up,
and goes outside
and I peek out and he waves
as he was going on his afternoon walk.

He moves fast for a 90 yr old.
Agile and in good overall shape.

Has the old person shuffle occassionally- moving slowly for sure.
But then he goes outside on his walking path of sidewalk in the neighborhood and he takes off for his walk at his steady pace.

Gets his cardio a couple times a day.

He told us he has a form of lukemia- excess lymphcytes which his Dr. Said is such that it might impact him by the time he is 100.

Excess lymphocytes which basically cause this rash like dark patches on his skin
BUT he has the same oncologist my mother had for years.
The same one who ALSO traveled to LOURDES with my parents ! (HA HA I kinda love that) one year on a trip.

Who said honestly " You are going to live to be 100; and this won't even bother you til then."

So honestly my Dad is not concerned; no pain whatsoever from it.

He looked great and was in good spirits and cognitively good. The only real challenge is the typical hearing loss which as my bro says
is familiar as he plays the TV loud
and won't wear the hearing aids he spent thousands on "That don't work."

I told my brother they likely need servicing. That the problem with hearing aids is they are difficult to maintain , there is learning curve to them- they might be the ones with that little part that has to be regularly cleaned and also replaced and swapped out and it takes patience and fine motor skills to do that.

He is not necessarily a PATIENT man for some things.

I think he just doesn't ask for help and could use help with that. So that is my mission for the week
to see if can find and service the hearing aids.

My bro said "He might have just lost them"

That is possible too. It happens.

He is doing great and can hear well enough when you are a bit louder, or can read lips so he gets by.

He still is serving as a Deacon and goes to church and gives his sermons and assists at Mass.

You don't have to hear well when you are the one giving the message! ( HA HA)

He stopped volunteer work at the hospital as said "That is for younger people to do"
He used to , for years, visit the hospitals and the nursing homes in the area and bring communion and visit for his church.

I will never forget how this impacted his awareness of LGBTQ issues as through the years he ministered to so many , and met many lesbian or gay couples along the way at their end of life hospice care. He worked with Alzheimers association as well. Heck he was on their board for a bit.

He shared he perspective after really witnessing the love of some long term couples that Love is Love is Love
and yes, Even CATHOLICS come in not only all shapes, sizes, races and gender- but also all gender identies and sexual identities
and having prayed with and ministered and witnessed the faith of these folks who were different
he could not see them as any less catholic, and less worthy of demonstration of their faith or living in society as anyone else.

He was always uniquivocally accepting of my kids. My oldest bro called to check in on us this AM and see how our travels and the visit with Dad went and asked
"how was Dad? Any problem with misgenedering or anything"

I said "No, Dad has never had any issue with that. He has always been supportive"

My bro seemed surprised.
I think my brothers just never talked to Dad about these things whereas I had done so perhaps 20 yrs ago, maybe 30 yrs now? Whenever it was when he was baptizing my lesbian cousin's children.
I asked about his views THEN as thought it was beautiful then how he embraced my cousin's family.
Which is why when my gay brother was going to go off and get married without TELLING My parents at first I went off on him and said he was being foolish and of course our parents would want to celebrate with him!

Heck the vidoe of my Dad then MARRYING My bro and his husband is one of the most beautiful family memories.

*I had a kid graduating so could not make it.

OK anyway
Hope these sleeping folks wake soon as despite the nonsense over the shopping-

ONCE they are awake, we do all have to go do the grocery shopping ( apparently together! HA HA ... I at least get to just drive and wait in the car which honestly I do not mind. Hell I am recovering and I am suppose to rest and take it easy. Being on vavation here with my family is indeed the BEST thing for me post op. I have little to do BUT sit in bed and rest after sleeping in until the POTSIES all are functional! 2pm seems to be the time.. its that now... so any minute...)

The recent college grad is excited to make Samoas for us tonight.

He had a friend give him the recipie. I love that! Its one of the things I used to make ( the kid may not have recalled that- but I made them for these kids and distinctly recall that kid LOVED them way back when.)
I like the Moosewood Cookbook recipie.

The kid is proud to share a recipie from an Indian Friend who's parents run a catering business.

I can't wait! Excited about this.

So am letting go of the drama. For this trip will let the controller nutty kid do the shopping. When back can deal with the odd control issue and cut off the card and get a new one sent.

Just seems a stupid thing to fight about. So very dumb but for me it is the principle of it that I can't let this kid think it OK in any way. I am shocked that they all do not see how fucked up that behavior is.

We will shop at Target as folks need swim wear too. Nice pool at my Dad's. The beach is nearby and of course we have to go visit it.

Hell if I were not in recovery I would have explored here all day as they slept. BUT I am sore still.

Not in pain. No, it is not pain. I don't need meds. JUST SORE
which I think is distinctly different.

I am feeling the soreness in my belly area and just want to lie still and rest when can so I don't overdo it. I had assistance throught the airport which was very helpful! Wheelchair and my kids carried my bags.

I had been moving quiet a bit to get the laundry and dishes and housework done as EVEN BEFORE TRAVEL my kids did not step up to plate.

That is disappointing too. But they refused to do anything different. They do wash their own laundry when they feel like it BUT I DID NOT WANT IT SITTING

I mean when gone for a week I was not going to have wet towels thown in the hamper and yes these kids are still not mature enough to care or are rather too self centered sadly to care about this and take care of it just because I asked and it is important to me.

They really are selfish. I can't pretend otherwise.

Brains of them are like younger teens- said it before-
I just don't have the energy myself to do other than take care of what I see needs doing
and I guess I don't have inclination to argue with them. Seems pointless and not worth the energy.

SO the one is STILL talking of going out West to college in the Fall. Says taking out loans.

Oh that is where this post began!
Happy the one kid PAID In full the loan I cosigned.

The other kid is still planning on taking out loans. I wish them luck getting them. I know I am not cosigning for this kid who will not work and who doesn't help around the house and who digs into their disability as the only thing that identifes who they are.

That kid is not getting my cosign as I am not convinced they have the skills to :
a) succeed in college based on maturity level and work ethic OR
b) will have the motivation and desire to WORK to earn to pay off their debt.

I am not seeing the charcater traits I would need to see to cosign a loan.

I DID see the character traits in all four of my older children.

I saw GRIT
I saw AMBITION but moreso


I swear even without the other traits- if someone is willing to learn and has a positive attidude I think they will go far. EVEN if they don't have grit and might give up at times. With a positive attitide they will bounce back and do something else- even if gave up cause something was too hard. Grit is great but some are not that resiliant AND THEY CAN STILL DO OK taking a less risky path if they are willing to learn with enthusiasm. If they are at least open to possibilities and not stuck in negativity and fixed thinking.

I just see the one kid so ridid in thought and so inflexible that I can see it will be a challnege.

I just can't risk my financial stabiblity long term on something that would potentially undermine MY ability to help support this kid to be honst. I mean long term I do see this kid succeeding ANYWAY
But I will not go into a financial hole in their proces of figuring it out if they are not ready yet to succeed in school,

I hava advised community college for two years then transfer. A much more sound option for one hwo has neither been at school full time or been able to work for years.

I mean be realistic!

This kid is asleep. If you can't wake up before 2pm you are not going to be able to succeed in college. If you could not wake up for a 10 AM interview to land a job that requires
SITTING and answering the occassional phone ringing and greeting the occassional visitor AFTER HOURS when the bueinss office is CLOSED

you are not ready to succeed in college.

If you can't do your dishes rather than leave them in the sink for days you are not ready to be in communal living with others.

If you soak the bathroom floor after every shower and don't clean it up and thow your wet towels in a hampter where they would mold and stink if sompeone else did not pick them up

WELL you are not ready for communal living and will NOT be successful in getting along with others in college.

If you can't regulate your tone of voice, and when get angry still will PUSH someone

well you are not only not ready to go off to college; but if you do go off you might land with an assault charge.

*The kid PUSHED me hard, out of the bathroom, as I was entering to respond to something they asked...or entering to ask them to do something? I forget? Maybe my request was to put the liner in the hamper? after the hamper was dry and I was going to point out the DAMP Spot at the bottom in response to the WHy did I tough the stuff in there?

My response was that it is a communal bathroom in my home and I have every right to ensure health of my home and they left wet things in the hamper AGAIN...
and I need them to be mindful of this...

whatever I was saying , doing, I was SHOVED with a big push out of the room I was about to enter

I am just disappointed this kid has not improved self in the past year or two. AT ALL from my perspective.

I see being stuck in the SAME PLACE.

Small baby steps but then regression. Like did get a liscense . but then still has a moment of abusiveness-
not real progress toward independence YET.

OK I suppose small steps and better than TWO years ago mentally... I have to acknowledge that. Two years ago they were more surly and unhappy.

but just not as much as I hoped for them.

Enough rambling. I think I hear someone stirring and we might get going soon.

Hope so as if we are going to go and the other kid is to cook we really need to start that at 4pm AT DAd's
cause he has a schedule we should honor and not disrupt.

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