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2023-06-16 - 9:12 a.m.

My kids are a PIA at times.

I just did some shopping for provisions via WalMart which should be delivered to our AirBNB today, most food items for which my SAVED SNAP card is used as payment
but oops one item ( small toothpaste) I did not notice not shipped right away! Says delivery by June 27th for that. OOPS, Hopefully it arrived much sooner. I might be able to just cancel that item actually which is a good idea.

I was trying to check that each item ordered could be filled but then went for some cheap off brand small travel toothpaste and did not check that ship by date.

Oh well.
Someone has toothpaste here. I did not pack a small travel one.

I will do the finger swipe thing , at the end of the tube from one of my kids.

I wanted coffee this AM which prompted me to just order some K cups. There is a Kurig, but you have to provide your own coffee pods.

I knew this last night as I took the kids shopping at Target for them to all get bathing wear. But I was too tired to shop then and they were focused on bathing suits and said they would not pick up any food when I asked them to grab just a bag of oranges for me. This is why a PIA. They couldn't do that one simple thing for me- as they said they don't want oranges. So I asked them to grab me a couple and they said "This is not a superTarget" and would not even go look to see if there were any. They just diregard anything they are not interested in; its disappointing.
We hit the beach tomorrow with my brother and his family and the crew here all needed bathing suits. Not one of them had one that fit.

It was storming something fierce, and started just as we arrived at the Target last night after a nice dinner with my brother and Dad. I just waited in the car once all three of them finally went into the store to shop and was happy for the time alone to connect via phone with Garfield. HA HA GARFIELD has popped up again as the psydoname. It just came out rather than Gandalf. He said when I mentioned that popped in my head "That works". I suppose I will interchange and use whichever name pops in my head at the time as thinking of and writing of him.

The kids were so exausted after travel it was hard to even get them up and at em to make it over there before it was too late.

My Dad is 90 and has a routine.

These kids acted like I am horrible as they were woken up by me being on one phone call. They were so dramatic acting like I woke them at some freaking unreasonable hour-
one saying "At 7AM mom you were loud"

I really like the connection of my phone to the car, as this conversation was happening while we were FINALLY driving to my Dads' and it was great to be able to provide a reality check and then and there, as all three were ganging up on me again- in the pack with the mantra "BAD MOTHER. YOU DON"T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US"
and then "You only love your other kids"

* that is the gist of the hurt.... I get it... it comes from trauma from abandonment from early childhood. (Oh and they actually SAY those things. Its so sad to me.)

Folks this is what happens when you pull a small child unwillfully away from their mother.

I mean I can still recall the youngest TERRIFIED and screaming when pulled from me in the initial separation.

Even as we arrived at the target the deep wounding was clear
One of the OLDER ones did not get out of the car to go shopping. She was AFRAID to leave the car and blurted out "I am waiting for you. I don't want you to ABANDON us here"

I mean really

The kid really had that FEAR

It was astounding.

I had to explain "I am just wanting to rest as I am TIRED. I am techinically recommended BED REST for two weeks post op.I am not in pain thanfully but there is a bit of soreness and I am suppose to not overdo it. So I am not going in until everyone ready for check out."

The whole interaction was fascinating. As this particular child over the past few days has demonstrated really poor listening skills and lots of confusion with plans which everyone else has clearly understood.

It was like the kid completely missed the conversation had with the other two siblings who I dropped off and who went in the store and who I said "Text me when ready to check out."

It was not just that interaction; but this kid also seemed excited to cook for us all and share a recipie they are proud of-
that is the day before-
but then yesterday acted like they had not AGREED to that and there was no plan.

It was just the oddest thing. We had a converstion with me, my one bro, this kid of mine and others were there.

The kid was TIRED yesterday and did not feel well so was not up to it.

I get that.

But what is a bit concerning is that instead of saying that, the kid was defensive and acted like there were no plans made and that I somehow had some idea without communicating.

My brother and other kid staying at my Dad's confirmed otherwise.
It was no biggie-
as I knew to IGNORE all their protestations when I shared the plan and said "We have a plan for dinner. My bro asked me to get one more piece of salmon as he has one already and the samoas."
When all three of them decided to announce then "I am not eating salmon."

It was just so odd. Fact is historically all of them Liked salmon. At least did when young.

I ignored them and stuck with the plan thankfully and my brother once again made us all an awesome dinner.

He has been a fantasic host and I have to say it was so nice to see how he and my Dad have a flow and routine and I think are both doing really well.

Serioulsy the house looked great. They are in a nice pattern.

They eat dinner at 5pm, and my bro is clearly doing a good job helping Dad.
Then Dad has his routine of watching news, then game shows-
Wheel of fortune and Jepordy, then some other tv perhaps

OF COURSE AT FULL BLAST ! HA HA My bro said he is good, he has his ear plugs. HA HA The accomodation for the typical "Those hearing aids don't do anything."

My mission is to find the hearing aids if possible.

Bro looking too. I told him they are finicky but I might be able to help.

But honestly the two of them get by and Dad does alright reading lips.

Apparently he does all right with assisting at Mass still.

It will be nice to go to church with him on Saturday. The 4pm vigil for sure as no hope of anyone here in my fam getting up early. MAYBE some of the kids will be willing to just go to see Grampa in action on Sat with me. But he is chill if they don't want to. He totally respects that.

I have said it before, my Dad is like Fred Rogers. No kidding. He has the same gentle kind mannerisms and old fashioned sensibility with no judgement of others.

He still dressed up in his dress slacks, nice shirt and shoes each day. He does have jeans and sneakers as we got him some eventually, but he wears them less often.

It almost surprised me to not see the blue cardigan with the worn elbow on him.

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