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2023-06-20 - 9:48 a.m.

Today no work to do for any clients. I do have the one ONGOING project but as put in lots of hours yesterday am going to wait til next week to work on it further. I am pacing the time spent on systemizing organizing clean up ( or a thing that has not been cleaned up- well for something like two years! LOL Really. I cleaned up records and am caught up -almost- TO something like Jan /Feb now? Clearned and filed and cleaned up stuff from the prior 1.5 years?)

I mean I am really diligent with record retention myself. Others not so much. So once I work in a space I do a historical clean up of making sure PRIOR work done by others in that space is all SAVED in the official record repository. Getting there. Its always THERE somewhere... but a common thing is for some things to be in emails and not moved to an official repository. This is a problem in many companies actually.

(CLM and AI systems ARE good for this. But again not worth the money unless have a PERSON to monitor THEM and also have the VOLUME to justify them!)

Its so dang important- records retention. Cause never know when will have to find SOMETHING easily and need to know that it was SAVED and not stuck in someone's email.

This includes a certain amount of NAGGING
Being pushy.

I looked at my own job performance and realized the #1 thing I need to do BETTER in this particular space for this client is to



But I mean not in a pushy way. Perhaps be MORE DILIGENT in following up is the way to think about it. BE MORE ON TOP OF FOLLOW UP REGULARLY and not too patient waiting.

If asked to do something I do it- give the deliverable;
BUT then think of my piece as done.

That is most often NOT all that is needed. I need to take the EXTRA Step of FOLLOW UP to ensure the thing, whatever it is , is taken to the finish line. EVEN IF I AM NOT THE MAIN POINT PERSON. I have found as a supporting team player that the best team members have a knack for helping the point person responsible to GET IT DONE-- quietly , in the background. So yeah NOT Pushy so to speak, but GENTLE reminders.

I was good at this in a few spaces.

I see the pattern ( both of the last person in this role and one I need to NOT replicated and carry on...)

OF us ( both that person and ME)
DOing whatever is ASKED Of us TIMELY

BUT There then being some CONSTRAINT

A question
more information needed
a PART someone ELSE needs to work on ( as it is not our lane... a business judgement issue/call... not mine- or the past resource in this role)

So more information is RequesTed
or a part ASKED be done

THEN The thing just LINGERS

and there is not FOLLOW UP on the part of the other team members. NOT Cause they don't want to do it. BUT rather due to
a) time constraints
b) forgetting
c) Lack of really good PROJECT Management
d) or just no one is clearly in charge so no one wants to step on each others toes! LOL All are too Polite and all do their part and think done but there is some lingering thing and no one really knows it is there or who SHOULD take ownership! HA HA I suppose that is really c. -- a project management thing....

Sometimes PMs are in charge of so many things they can drop the ones not high on priority list. It is helpful if someone else can run with the less significant while they are getting the prioritzed ones done. Kinda tag team. Some PMs are good at delegating clearly. Others ask for help but don't CLEARLY make it known if they want someone to run with a thing- meaning also DECISION... So I find taking ownership and just getting it done most helpful UNLESS someone says stand down.
Its pretty much my role!! The trouble is I have been in Director roles where that is OBVIOUSLY my job to get shit done-BUT when in a "Techinical" more subordinate role and a "consultant" I first WAIT for clear delegation and hold back as don't want to do the work of actual leader, decisioner. etc... or director level calls when I am not an employee. SO I NEED the buy in of the employee leaders!

BUT THEN I figured out that some other key players are also part time. HA HA

That is the problem when use only consultants. Each is their own boss and works at their own direction and creates their own processes and each prioritizes. SO I think the main issue is this one company that I swear I love working with, and I think the other consultants ALSO love working with
as well the CEO is just such a GREAT person
and pays a good wage and is fair and treats all well

BUT We are all consultants
so that means the CEO is the ultimate decisioner.

And I think at times she NEEDS some of her advisors/consultants to just step up to plate and get things moving forward. So it is a matter of WHEN it is good judgement to do that and when it is best to defer.

When it is staying in my lane of MY ROLE To do that and move somethign along; and WHEN I need to wait for direction or punt a question to my immediate supervisor ( not CEO- although for sure the CEO BuT ALSO the other person(s) I am supporting) as the DECISION is not in my lane.

BUT C is where I believe I can shore up the gap to ensure I provide the best service I can. I can provide BETTER project management when anyting delegated to ME to support to bring things to a close. EVEN if someone ELSE has ownership of the thing and I am a supporting chracter helping THEM get it done. It means having the right balance of the reminders.

But not cc ing the whole darn team
just the person who needs to get their piece of puzzle done.

There is an art to this.

It includes:

a) KNOWING EACH PERSON you work with. This is where in office interaction is superior. BUT when remote this is where making a phone call helps!

seriously We seem to forget that option at times! HA HA

BUT if that does not work then IM

Basically it means figuring out WHAT means of communication works for EACH Team member.

I honestly think I am going to get a whiteboard and map out what works and figure out what each team member prefers and intentionally try to use THEIR method of communication. It starts by ASKING THEM how they best want to communicate.

One suggested a weekely touch base (as I support her) but then she cancels and does not reschedule. I can try to schedule. But I opted to just move forward with the obvious clean up project needed as My DIRECT BOSS gave the go ahead and I report directly to that person first and foremost. I did not do it ALL at once, but a little at a time. I mean in part out of deference ( to not make anyone else look bad. Kinda mindful of that.) AND also in part as while I am inclined to just want to get the whole thing done AT ONCE that would mean over the weekly hrs the CEO wants to support me. It would be a BLIP of lots of hours ONE WEEK ONLY to knock the whole thing off- would be my preference BUT I am spacing it out.... a bit at a time

And since started am about 60% done with historic clean up. Almost there. Figure this kinda was lingering a long time so even though I feel like my progress is slower than I would like it is still progress.

All this rambling as I WILL NOT work more on the project today EVEN THOUGH I WOULD LOVE TO.

It can wait til NEXT MON for me to dedicate time to it again.
Monday and Friday have always been my work on lingering boring project days! The busy work! The email clean up, the filing, the records retention piece!

One tip:

Capture every significant EMAIL communication in a PDF and save in a file if there are any hot potatoes that might bubble up for a company.


I mean if your company EVER gets a letter from any lawyer, or notice on something that bubbles up you want to ALREADY have all the related history in ONE FILE PROACTIVELY.
SAVED AND DATED REAL TIME to show events captured WHEN they occurred.

This should be done on an ongoing basis for ANYTHING that potentially could ever be questioned.
Its a matter of discipline.

Think like the HR person who is trying to fire you! HA HA You know how once someone decides they don't like your being vocal speaking up for the dude in the office who was mistreated by his yelling abusive boss? (HA That happened to me. Man my co worker was treated like shit by one boss and It got so loud and abusive I COULD HEAR the yelling and berating and belitting him unprofessionally from closed office doors so yeah I went to HR to report how demoralizing and down right ABUSIVE it sounded TO ME.) Think of how the HR person (or boss reported for being an abusive asshole to an employee) with CONSTRUCT a paper trail- INVENT ONE
every time you are one minute late for a zoom call
or document the one time out of 100 your FORGET to report work hrs on a project in the official HR system....

and for actual REAL ISSUES
like the actual real employee who did not send in the delievearble say... of functional code to do X which he was hired to do....
and the PM had to reject the LATE WORK and RESEND the same rather clear requirements.... just say for example,,,,

BE SURE that EVERY ONE OF THOSE PM EMAILS is SAVED in the file so that when you DO NOT extend an option to renew the software developers contract
(cause his work was shitty and your company needed to hire someone else)-

YEAH be SURE EVERY DAMN EMAIL correspondence from that PM is freaking SAVED and CAPTURED in ONE FOLDER

So if the dude later comes back to question you have the actual history.

I tell you the sad reality is that in business, just like I observed in the Immigration arena
the folks who are HONEST and forthright and have integrity
are the LAST to DOCUMENT Their work. They are the LAST to document all the things they do RIGHT.
SO you have to ALSO document ALL THE THINGS DONE RIGHT.

Its like only the sheisters think to create the paper trail for the mirages they create to be decitfaul and meet some agenda that is questionable of ethics.

I mean really.

That boss was threatened.
So she found reason to get rid of me rather than face her own deficieincy way back when.

A big part of my job in the corporate world is to make sure the ETHICAL PLAYERS ALSO create paper trails, ALSO do the due diligence to capture WHAT THEY DO RIGHT.

When they have actual security protocols that they test them and document them. That when they have good quality work it is documented and captured. When there is a REAL quality of work issue it too is captured.

My job is to capture REALITY

cause the sheisters of the world are expert at capturing INVENTED NON REALITIES

So the honest people have to be on top of it to capture their ongping GOOD WORK and GOOD PROCESSESS
so the processess are really clearly mapped out
and clear
and easy to follow and can be audited and checked for efficeincy and pracitcality.

I kinda LOVE making process maps and writiing both policy and procedureres. I LOVE PROCESS IMPROVEMENT

I first do baseline clean up and capture the current state. Then look to see what can be improved in MY WORK Flow.

Such fun stuff. ALL MY CLIENTS are on board with this kind of ongoing self reflection and improvement AS COMPANIES.

That makes them great places to work.

I just have to be OK when NOT working! HA HA

And shift gears to find something else to dig into- until next week.

So hard to stop and shift gears. BUT I CAN DO IT

While healing I did judge not a good idea to pick up the guitar. Playing guitar is actually Very PHYSICALLY demanding of the muscles that I need to have immobile and rest.

So this week I wished could be noodleing with the guitar.

I am taking a month hiatus and miss it. I just don't want to tear the incisions healing. The thing is I know when I get the smallest cut on my toe, or leg or anywhere it heals MUCH SLOWER than it used to!

This is an aging thing aware of.

I feel like I did something by not resting enough. I mean the spotting happening. Not dark like it was day before yesterday- but light blood. But I feel like my urine looks like there may be blood IN IT which is not a good sign.

So I need to be really diligent in DOING NOTHING.


I look forward to doing NOTHING but for only sitting the very few hours I am scheduled to work next week.

In hindsight I wish I had taken off work for honestly two more weeks. I wish I could have come to FL POST OP for a FULL two to even three weeks. Cause here is is EASIER to DO NOTHING.

I feel seriously blessed to be honest to have met a man who I fell for who seems to also have fallen for me. I mean the timing of it is perfect but I don't think current circumstances HAVE ANYTHING To do with us digging each other.

I hope not.

He just ALSO happens to be just so
I don't know how else to say it-
but perfectly ACCEPTiNG of me and my whole world.

I mean like genuinely. Like there is this complete comfort and resonance

BUT For if he offers to help with something in my responsiblity that makes me set a boundary. And I know it is normal for him to offer. Like for him to offer to drive me to and from Dr. and offer for me to rest at his home. I get skittish of shifting my responsibilities or accepting too much help.

Or when he was happy to hear I could work and said "It will be fun to find great places for you to work from"

and I felt like that was crossing a boundary. Like my work is not his domain.. And I get paranoid- or lacking trust
or cautious
and think

Hell no
I don't want to log into any work systems anywhere but My HOME

but that is ridiculous as if there were anyone vested in what I happen to be supporting MY HOME would be LESS SECURE in theory than anywhere else. right?

I mean hell if someone wants to spy on you they can.

I need not fucking worry
All the work I support is after all A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD for fucks sake!

Every damn RFP is published in SAM
Every damn award to a company is ANNOUNCED

but for a few and I don't touch those

so what the hell do I have to be PARANOID or PROTECTIVE About:?

But I get REALLy squirrley when it comes to my work.

Like that is not a domain for anyone else to even venture to touch , even so remote in conversation. I mean I can write GENERALLY About it here.

But if anyone in my world is CLOSE to me they best stay the fuck away from my work business or I just won't trust them

YEAH I have issues.

I get it why the one CEO did fire my ass when I started my company. I UNDERTSAND his paranoia!! HA HA
* hell he fired me cause I said as much I think and that freaked the fuck out of him JUST AS MUCH as he was worried about my knowing HIS company proprietary info. Can't tell you HOW many recruiters called for jobs I said NO I can't consider as would violate the NDA with that company... it happened freaking weekly.

I recognized his PTSD hypersensitivity and hyper protective spirit.
He just did not trust me once I was set up as well in SAM.

I recognize hypomania and even mania when I see it.. HA HA PTSD will kick those in for some. Vets are among the list of those who those things happen to.

Truth is I don't want to compete with anyone. I just want to find work for the few older capable folks, like my freaking older bro for goodness sake!, who are not done working yet - oh wait make that bros PLURAL Seriously
my one bro who was a bank VP is now working a deli counter.
Funny he has the SAME Gap job I had between corporate jobs. He inteviwes for VP or BANK MANAGER regularly but at some point just had to work at what was available local as he hangs in FL helping family.

YEAH GET TO SEE HIM TODAY as its his day off.
But yeah
I just started my own company to find some good people work.

The one CEO I was most inpired by ends her stand up meetings EVERY DAY with the mantra
"Lets go create jobs people!"

I love her spirit of service of others.
She is so dedicated to service and helping others and was my inspiration. Her energy is unmatchable. I could never do the things she did/does BUT if I do even a tenth of what she has done I would be successful! SERIOUSLY

That would be enough.

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