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2023-06-22 - 10:58 a.m.

Two years post HS Graduation and no job yet my kid sent me a request to co-sign a student loan.


Hell no.

Show me you are willing to try to work.
Show me respect.

Don't STEAL my EBT card which is issued to me to provide for our household, which you kid are a dependant of then expect my financial help of a cosigner on a loan. You are not demonstrating TRUSTWORTHINESS. You are not demonstrating fiscal responsibility.

Additional show me some respect if you expect me to support you like that.


Then I would consider it. I mean serioulsy? This kid can verbally abuse me for two years and expect me to make MY finances riskier by taking on that kind of debt? HELL NO. If I wanted to take on edcuational debt at this point in life it would be for my own MFA. FOR ME to invest in MY discipline as a writer in a structured program that would help me learn HABITS I don't have. Learn SKILLS I don't have. I think that is a better investment of my hard earned money. I am done sacfrifiving self for my kids ( at least for my kids who are mistreating me). HELL I HAD TO SAY NO To cosidne a loan for this kid's SIBLING just a few years ago as I could not support that AND take out a loan for this kid's HS education to be finished. This kid had ZERO inclination to try to work and pay of that $5K that was needed just to finish high school. YES I understand chronic illness, but NO I DO NOT BUY the story this kid tells self that goes like this "I can't work, There are no jobs I could physically handle without harm to my body." THAT IS BULLSHIT


The kid also wants me to use my points to buy tix to go to school in Waahington State.


School in Bellingham but the kid wants a tix to Seattle.


Nah

That does not make sense.

School starts last week of Sept. If the kid wants my help I am happy to be the parent and go with kid to the SCHOOL

Flight to that city the SCHOOL is in. Accompany the young adult.

If they genuinely value a relationship with me and would like that support. HELL perhaps I would even buy the ticket to school for them without going WITH THEM to see them off. BUT The fact of the request coming for the kid to go to SEATTLE?? WHAT THE HELL They could be going to meet some trafficker. They act like I am the clueless one. I Think this is an emotionally immature and although an exceptionally bright young adult also very clearly NOT SMART when it comes to some things. I feel like they have some STUPID Plan to go meet a total stranger who may or may not really be an 18 yr old heading off to Bellingham WA. IF THE KID REALLY IS an 18 yr old incoming freshman- my kid can meet the roomie AT THE SCHOOL. NAH to going to run around Seattle with someone they did not meet before on my dime I am not going to hand over my kid , even one who is abusive and a PIA of late to me, to some potential dangerous situation. I don't trust it. I don't get a good feel from the REQUEST Without DETAILS. Fucking share me your plans, introduce me to your friend and let me do MY BACKGROUND CHECK before running off with them. JUST HELL NO Apparently the plan of being picked up by friend and driven across country that was an idea eight mos or more ago has been nixed. I frankly expected the whole go to school in WA state idea to be either nixed or on hold by now. I am supportive of it if my kid can realistically do it. BUT there is a fucking 44K DELTA from financial aid and cost last I checked. HELL NO I had to say no to co sign something like a $6K student loan. My one kid used freaking Credit cards and paid them back for something like $3 to 6K the last year. ( She should have gotten another student loan but I think got denied and needed a co signer. I was in no position to be one just then.)

But hell kid if you hate me and see me as your abuser ( and folks NAH I am 100% SURE I am NOT nor ever WAS this kid's abuser but it is some idea incubated and nurtured by the autism community on discord and twitter- cause NAH I never even used ABA with this autistic person. child of mine Nah. I worked in a place that CREATED DIFFFENT models and saw its abuse. I went in and started the change ....hell I was the teacher that pointed out the biting and kicking and fighting of the one student was cause he was forced to do shit he found miserable and changed the paradigm. I asked why the heck the adult students were being forced to do mind numbingly boring repetetive busy work with zero added value? Hell I would have been pulling my hair out and self injurious too if I were forced to do the ridiculous so called "jobs" they had these autistic persons do at first. It is not "volunteer work" if you don't want to do it and are forced to do it... even if your labor is for a non profit that does some good in the world. SO I wanted no part of that and when I was the teacher aide the student I worked with just STOPPED being forced to go do some so called "voluteer work" of vacuming weekly. I just pointed out DUH , he is losing it on days going there! Pretty obvious clear communication so how about we listen to him and stop making him do this? Basically I am proud my whole approach was NOT infantalizing adult autistic persons who had been infantalized their whole lives. SO it baffles me that my kid sees ME as the bad guy, the fall guy... we don't have a cat to kick so I am the one attacked. So sad.
Ah seeing Dr, now so have to stop writing.
Came back just to finish that final freaking thought. I was one of the ones who BROKE The ABA so called freaking therapies that WERE abusive to kids! I CHANGED the trajectory of not only the student I worked with BUT OTHERS and the lady who was an employee later became CEO and made MORE strides in the NON ABUSE of autistic persons. FUCK it was what we did. We saw BS and stopped it and introduced other ways. I had no idea that what I did was DIFFERENT as I just followed my gut. BUT THAT WHOLE AGENCY CHANGED OVER THE YEARS My kid demonizes me and has no clue what they are talking about and it gets disappointing.

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