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2023-06-29 - 9:43 a.m.

Gandalf just commented as we sit here this AM in his house how I have been such a disruptor in a good way.
He also commented this is not sustainable or healthy- which of course we know-
this cacooning
on our own little island of sorts for this week.

I did go back and forth to home and did a few things:
Laundry- which I picked up and brought to his house and got done;
Dishes ( I could not stop in my home and NOT help out by doing dishes if there were any there)
I specifically stopped in Tue night, the night before trash pickup to bring out the trash and did the routine Tue chores. I discinfected all the bathrooms, gathered trash and recyles and placed to curb.
It was so funny how QUICKLY I got the chores done.

I felt good- did not overdo it. In part as after I STARTED To I was able to call Gandalf and have him pick me up rather than hop off the bus CARRYING the laundry bag. I did manage to carry the one bag of laundry to the busstop near home and hopped on the bus then realized my plan of walking to his house with it was a bad idea. He was sweet and just came to pick me up once he was off a business call.

The wonderful thing is that it just so happens that his home is literally blocks away from a stop on the very bus that connects to my neighborhood. Its remarkable!
When I first met and connected with him and then lost my phone and my bestie ALSO had just lost her phone ( really) and I knew she was to head back to CA imminently
well it was a very real possibility that we would not have connected. I mean we just had not exchanged numbers. We had talked of a date. He asked if he could take me out the next week. BUT SOMEHOW in both our neurodivergent brains it did not occur to either of us to actually get each others contact information!

THE ADHD moment of that week for sure!

SO when I came back into town the following week, as had to stop into the Kia dealer and see what was going on with the car I then saw the MURAL in town which is at the end of Gandalf's street!

AND noticed the bus was driving down the street passing the very park where we had walked and shared our first kiss the weekend prior.

It was not that long after that soulful connection after talking almost all night long. We did sleep just a few hours (or tried). We had spent the night getting to know each other but Gandalf did not kiss me until we work to get up and take a walk to watch the sunrise.

Yesterday Gandalf suggested I borrow his car so that I could drive home and bring the completed laundry bag and take care of whatever errands I needed. It made it easier to drive over to the Kia dealer and talk to them.

The bad news about the KIA is that there IS documentation that they tested for the very thing that is wrong with the car at 150,000 something miles and show it PASSED The test.
The notation was written with an ACRONYM
which the service rep working with ( who is the one who has been honest with me I trust the gut on this and apprechiate he was helping me by requesting the warranty repair to begin with).

I forget now BCT Bearing Clearnce Test? PASSED

I think that is what it said

What is crazy is that was at the OTHER Dealer where I told them the story and how it was BS that THIS dealer in town kept saying nothing was wrong when there is obviously something seriously wrong.
The paperwork also showed they recommended I spend a couple hundred to replace the knock sensor which I refused to do

*Cause I knew it was not the sensor that was the problem.

BUT When I went to that dealer they are the ones who were telling me literally it would be dangerous for me to drive the freaking car AND who were ALSO pushing me to upgrade and just let it go and get a new car. They were as bad as the local dealer as they told me "your engine is shot; its beyond warranty and the car is likely going to break down"

The acted like the car would not drive at all

and I knew that was BS cause I was ALREADY driving with the same darn thing going on for a while by then.

MAIN POINT HERE They were Catastrophizing and using these fear tactics to try to push me to buy a freaking new car
trade that one in ( this is 2019 I think)

So I guess the fact I got four more years out of the car is the win I need to be pleased with.

The local guy said having found that it is clear that will be the reason that HQ will not cover the engine ( as that documentation shows the problem -again after warranty up; and my refusal to do recommended service).

SO I need to Pull my Title and get ready to contact the car auctioners and sell the damn car-
and stop paying insurance on it.

This wonderful week with Gandalf may have been unsustainable to replicate in the long run- and we both know that, but the bubble of an anomoly has been just so wonderful and the timing could not have been better. I had the week in Fl where I was able to actually have bed rest then get up and walk a bit and go to dinner with my Dad and whole family- all six of my children! My oldest son brought his wonderful girlfriend as well. It was just such an incredible time and I am so happy we enjoyed our time together.

THEN I returned home to basically just come spend this week with Gandalf caring for me and resting and further healing when not back at work. I did have alot of work that first weekend back and it was so wonderful to have his care.

I have a light work load for clients this week; as far as deliverables. That gives me time today to work on one project of clean up, organization for the one client a bit. Almost done with that ongoing project.

I could go home now- imminently , as Gandalf has a medical appointment.

This man is so freaking incredible.

We both are getting STD tested and sharing results. YEAH! an older man , meaning a man MY AGE who is actually sexually responsible and open! I had scheduled a Dr. Appt on Tue and got that done. (The nurse practicioner I see is so wonderful! We had a great chat about dating, as often it is the younger men who GET IT. She is my age and her last boyfriend was 12 years younger than her but she like me agrees there are just other things that make it hard to have a relationship with a man that much younger work. Since she was STD testing me and I was speaking of my relationship, she said "I think it OK to have this conversation" prefacing her sharing with me talking about HER dating experience. I tell you she works all the time so has a hard time meeting people and said she went to a recent concert and was just shocked at how many people hit on her! She said there were guys like out of the woodwork hitting on her and she was so surprised the crowd was OUR AGE ! LOL She is a beautiful woman ! I think I commented be prepared as you will find guys AND gals flirting with you... ha ... seriously she will and she has not been out much . Old fashioned gal who as she said is working all the time! She loved hearing my love story. )

This man is by far the best lover,and that is while we have been tempering and holding back- well just blowing my mind frankly. We feel like teenagers! HA HA
There is value in taking it slow and savoring the build up. Gandalf may not have had many relationships with women in his life, just a few- he just has not really been that interested in more than a couple women to be honest. Not for lack of opportunity. But he idenfifies as Demisexual and honeslty I could not have a better gift than that is is me he has found captured his heart. He did enjoy a couple relationships, but honestly because he had not met anyone he was into enough to make it work changing his world. YET he is not hesitant to have me be a complete disruptor in his world in the best possible way.

So the absolute delightful surprise for me is just how physically compatibile we are, sexually compatible we are.
He is evidence that folks worry too damn much about sex. I mean when the relationship is right it is so freaking EASY , the natural touch and exploration of each other. Even without intercourse as honestly following doctors orders and general post op medical advice-
it is blowing my mind
that in this time I really had expected to have time ALONE , I have found this companion/lover/ partner.
Against all odds.

I mean neither of us were LOOKING actively for a partner.
BOTH were very accepting of being alone.
He did have a goal of focusing energy on his relationships and finding companionship. But he was hoping for friendship, someone to enjoy shared interests and really did not expect to find THIS complete kind of resonating on all levels with interest of the more.

I love that Gandalf has a Vision Board with GOALS. HE has all his projects and goals mapped out.

He also is the ADHD brilliant brain. He gets things done at the last minute. The ADHD habit of doing all the other stupid little shit and clearing what can before focus on the most important project resonates with me! HA HA I mean watching him work is so familiar.

He is good at his job. He has been in a stable job for 16 years with the same company and is rather senior. Its incredible to see his humility and watch his brilliance frankly.

I have found a genius man ( which is one thing I truly am attracted to) who is HUMBLE and kind and such a marvelous team player and well.... emotionally and financially stable. He is responsible.
He is giving to others. (One of the things he does is annually goes on a vacation with family. He is very close with all his family- father, brother, neices, nephews, cousins and an extensive network of close friends. It is so marvelous. He owns the river house with another couple that he has been friends with for 30 years. They bought it as this group of college friends and work friends from working restaunts when young used to go camping annually and at some point they decided to just buy their own place to do that. So they can host their friends and have the house as a center. They have everyone bring tents and camp at the river but if anyone needs the house they are welcome- and have had 10 people crashing at the house on occassion.

When young Gandalf was a gamer. So he GETS it - the 20 something brain that is caught in that. He was the neurodivergent genius student who just bailed on class to play pool !(HA HA), and would show up for the test. I get it. He said in large part it is because when young he just got caught up in the moment and lost track of time- the severe 2e brain challenged by the ADHD brain not even getting the concept of TIME like the rest of the world. He like me had to learn skills to be responsible and successful.

For years he lived lean as as he said he actively tried to get rich before 40. HA HA I mean this man had the incubated start ups- various things created
part of a company ( it still exists. He started with one guy and he hired the 12 who worked for them- and it did its thing for a while...etc...)

He had developed products and negotiated with some of the big tech companies but never closed the deal. It is just so familiar. We can geek out ( and have) about fin tech... I mean it is wild to see him do the work on stories and requirments for his team and some of the granular data analytics work which is actually FAMILIAR to me! (Cause I worked in that world a bit. I mean that anomoly of a job for me was so fun as it was novel and I learned so much).
As he said "I am usually not hands on but big picture"
but as he is going on vacation next week he just wanted to help the team out and not give them stress and extra work when he uncovered some things needing tending to-
so he just got it done.

Gandalf still has one game he does use for his relaxation. ONE Game still plays- 10 min perhaps every few days for the dailys. LOL That made me laugh so hard but also makes me less WORRIED about them as he is evidence "the kids will be OK" in the long run. He speaks the same langauge of Gamer as my kids. They like him. He cares about learning about my family. When he comes over he delights in walking my dog while I do whatever I need. He waits outside until invited in. The kids are receptive and welcome to him coming into our world a bit which has not happened with ANYONE I dated in years.
They have brought up the man THEY LOVED and in past told me I should have married as for them - this relationship is the first since then that they have welcomed for me and the first time they each are interested it seems in also developing a relationship with the man in my world.
This is everything to me.
My kids have come first.
A real deal breaker in the end, for all the men I dated, was that I had not found one that I loved who could love not only me but my whole family. I did not think that was too much to ask for. I mean not even love my family but ACCEPT my family AS IS without judgement. Without contention.
Without taking on issues that were not even their concern.
Gandalf has a clear, healthy understanding of boundaries-
despite this choice for actual immeshment this week. It is a concious choice.
I LOVE That he is not quick to judge anything in my past. Forget not quick to judge, rather he does not judge AT ALL and I think in past there were men in my life who WERE quick to judge- BE it quick to judge my ex as the all evil ( which no one is. Absolutes are never fair nor a healthy way to see anyone or anything).
Gandalf is thoughtful, discerning, yet also does not seem to have the inability to actually be decisive and act. I do not see the problems of analysis paralysis, or fear of commitment in him in the least, which were the blocks in some of the potential partners I had where we got stuck. Good men but they could not or would not commit. (I also had my blocks- more emotional and lack of trust based.)

The kids like interacting with him it seems. He will chat with them about games, etc.
He's got some of the tech toys that if they have interest he is quite welcoming of sharing with them. He has this marvelous river house right on the Shenandoah he brought me to on Sunday and it is a peaceful retreat.

Oh his hobbys include kayaking and hiking and biking.
I mean his GOALS list of what he wants to invest time in- and remain balanced outside of work looks like my MEETUP.COM profile made 15 years ago now of the things I was seeking companionship to do. I have ADDED to that list-

Oh he has a whole INDIA Room, full of beautiful things from India. He has spent time there and it is a peaceful calm space with tapestrys and cusions and this man actually does Yoga. I mean for real how could I have found a man who does all the same freaking things I love?

His best friend is a fun Latino man that goes Latin DANCING and it was on his bucket list. I mean for real on his GOALS list of thing to try. LOL ( One of his besties of course encouraging him.) Its actually a funny syncronicity one of besties is Latinex as is mine. (Heck he was out with him and I was out with June when we met them out the first time we met to just go walking around town with them.)
He walks both in the AM at sunrise, his bestie here meets him to walk in AMs or in the evening ( this actually the NEWEST Friend in his world- the fellow he walks with is a co worker for the past 10 years! AGAIN reminicent of my work friend who I meet to regularly walk with every couple weeks!)

I have not yet even described what his home looks like in detail but the mention of the India room was a hint. What I did not say is how it was so remarkable that when I walked in it was so
I mean in every freaking way

The level of cleanliness for example. SIMPATICO like the same kinda things that are important to him are the same ones important to me.

I mean for real I could not have dreamed to walk into this space and front and center, hanging on his living room wall is a tapestry from Senagal of the community gathering

We have listened to much music over the past week.
Last night I called out "Alexa, play Richie Havens"

as I laid in the comfort of his embrace,
as was so completely in my happy place
as Just Like a Woman and then Hear Comes the Sun played followed by, I don't even know what version but would love to see if there is any history to find it-
as I then heard the distinct, unique drumming.

It was Papa
My teacher
I mean I have tears when writing this now.

The unmistakable sound of his singularly unique playing. I have never been wrong before when hear a track and recognize Papa's playing.

It felt mystical and magical and like I was enveloped by the love of the universe in that moment.
What a blessing.

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