Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2023-07-06 - 7:25 a.m.

I am haunted by the story told
of how awful it was
working at a low wage job
the night shift
where drunk frat boys rolled up to the drive through window
and insisting their tacos be perfectly made
for the drunken girls next to them in the car
who they hoped to be able to bring home
or at least to a remote spot

The terrifying part of the story heard
was of the trust
and belief that a friend was made
in a coworker

who suggested getting together
and the resultant sexual assault

no that is downplaying it


by some young
likely also frat boy
not yet grown but incubated in that mysogonistic culture

Who raped the daughter
that worked at the taco joint
because it was expected
you get a job at 18
or 20

worth measured by productivity in this captialist society
healing not enough
You can not just exist
as a disabled person
and be valued

So yes I am haunted by this story told
which was true

Of daughter raped
when slinging tacos for minimum wage in a rust belt city
trying to heal from trauma

And it haunts me as
My children don't need to EARN MY LOVE
or prove their worth through their labor

I am NOT enabling by allowing their existance
and offering space to heal

YES I am haunted by that image
but ALSO by the reality that when home alone
such isolation
has detrimental effects as profound as trauma of assaults
physical and mental

Our assailants can at times be our very selves.
We need not invite an assailant into our homes
to beat ourselves up
with disruption of our own health
though lacking sleep
and failure to eat food that nourishes

The protection of our selves is in company of others.
Bring the co worker home
For I am here.

Bring the friends home
For I am here

Cook the meals and eat together
and accept I am here
without resentment
or anger
or distrust of even me.

The mind plays tricks when in isolation

I want to offer a safe refuge
a langing place for rest and healing
and a space for you to come and go
out of this orbit
but back to it if needed.

I want this space to be the sancutary of safety
but also welcoming and joyful with open doors
which others may enter at any time

I want to welcome the friend
the stranger not yet known
who will become friend when seen
and welcomed

I am doing best to get this family out of the self imposed isolation which they are still stuck in. The mindset-
the NO to go to a pool party with the rationale "Covid is with us"
and I am not sure how to break through to them.

Their self imposed bad habits are self destrutive.

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!

Yeah. Going to join my boyfriend to actually rest tonight. - 2023-07-08


Book to look up - 2023-07-08


AH I can go sit poolside today while Rest! ALMOST forgot about that!! - 2023-07-08


West coast city has high rainfall. Hmmmm - 2023-07-08


Should get 2.5 hr of sleep now. 😴 - 2023-07-07