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2023-07-08 - 10:44 a.m.


when I was trying to schedule an appointment to have my leg looked at, I went into the My Chart system and answered some questions as to what the appointment was for-

and the suggestion of a SPORTS MEDICINE provider popped up.

I opted to just schedule an appointment with the local nurse practitioner first. I just couldn't see having to arrange the transportation -
and to go to the specialist

IF the Nurse Practitioner (NP) could look at my leg and validate it is just a torn muscle that needs time to rest, and heal and ice etc..
and if she could tell me what to do. I mean the NP set up as my primary care provider is GOOD and so close to where I live. I can walk there ( if my leg is not exasperated!)

I got the message "The office will contact you to schedule"
and then I got a message it was scheduled

For Monday 9:30 AM
unfortunately I am covering for the full time gal at the Assisted Living place on Monday at 7am. (or 7ish... ha whenever the bus gets me there. I worked Friday too. I missed the bus! First time I missed a bus in YEARS Of taking it! I just walked the dog too darn long as thought she was going to do her business but she had not. She kept smelling spots and seemed ABOUT I pushed it too close. Finally I brought the dog inside. And hustled to the bus stop and realized that the first run of the day is certainly NEVER LATE and they DO have a window so it may have run just a couple minutes early! The driver knows the regulars. I am not one of them NOW for that early run. They wait if they are early and KNOW a regular is coming. But they do have a 5 min window- I mean you HAVE to be there at least 5 minutes before the official scheduled time!)
I was on the main road walking like ONE minute after the scheduled time. Took the short walk to stop and was there three minutes after scheduled time to realize that the bus had to have already come. I waited 5 more minutes but then just went home to go get the things I FORGOT in my rush- nametags for jobs in the purse used the day before, ibuprofin- AND sensible shoes! I was wearing very soft sandles but the problem is they were stretched and I could not walk fast in them as they were falling of my feet! SUCH soft leather. Such soft cusion- a pretty pink flat sandle I thought would be comfrotable and my toes were being pushed throught the soft leather and they were falling off me! HA NOT WORKING AT ALL!
So it was a good thing I missed that bus and was not on it in those shoes. Heck it would have been a PIA- I can imagine the walk from the one job to the other in those! I would have been LATE I think ).

So I did not mind paying for the Lyft.
Work did not mind I was late-
as they honestly are happy if I show up anytime between 7 and 8.

BETTER to be there earlier as I am then a source of encouragement and help to the residents as they are getting up for breakfast, finding the dining room etc, reassured the paper has arrived! Of course some are worriers and if they wake and the newpaper not at their door it is a source of worry! HA HA

True though.
That is important to the few who read it each morning with coffee! It was a pet peeve of mine in the past when the newspaper delivery person would drop papers off and some employees on the weekends (Way in past) failed to deliver them to the right apts.

So I called to cancel the appointment for my knee.

It seemed to feel better yesterday
But once again today it hurts like hell.

I am icing it and have to stay off it again.

The days I work the two shifts and do all that walking on the one shift really do aggrevate it. By the end of the first shift yesterday where I walk alot the leg was sore and pain acute again. Putting weight on it hurt.

I had a great day however as I did get new consulting work in, and followed up on chasing down people who owe me things to finally wrap up lingering projects for the one client. I am embarassed at how long it is taking to finalize and close some paperwork loose ends.

The trouble is that when there are strong , good working relationships and there is work being done for long periods on a "Gentleman's Agreement", handshake, just do the work then send the invoice
there are always some who don't want to tighten up process and put things in writing.

Writing does create more accountability.

This is not the reason for it to be honest. In the space I am supporting they have such good work overall from vendors-
Its moreso that have to have the processes clear and DOCUMENTED to have confidence of OTHERS. For capital, for approval of systems, for audits, for certifications etc.

There is always someone in a space that seems to drag there feet in sharing information to have that happen. I just hope I am not making someone feel insecure or threatened and have to figure out how to forge ahead with change making while getting everyone on board. Its a leadership thing.
I need to be a proponent of change that is non threatening to the existing folks there long term who have done great work.

Just because I am introducing something different it does not imply there was a lack or deficiency in their work or leadership! It just means there is now knowledge of something seen that was not seen before. .And we ALL SEE things differently. I mean those folks see and understand things I don't
This is why I was brough on-
to elevate the team.

It's just a bummer as I am starting to notice a pattern. The one person who did not hand something over talked of handing over. The one person who cancelled meetings. The one person who then made themself available and requested a rescehdule the day I had already weeks before made it clear I was out of office.

I see the pattern.
So I have to really work on that relationship with that one person.

I support five director or execs in that space. Why is there always that ONE who does not want to play along?

I am keenly aware that what it could look like is that it looks like I am not efficient. It could look like I am holding up and not getting things done.

Hate to rat someone out- but a group touch base meeting to go over issues is a good idea as a preventative of intentional not playing nice. I set up a touch base with all the leaders

Just a stand up

and it could be that it is not ill intent or even reticence or feeling ambivalent or fear of change.It could be just overlooking and not that organized on the part of the person, or overwhelmed and this is not priority

But I am very motivated to wrap up the few lingering items that have been open for far too long!! SO I was VERY HAPPY To find answers to a few of my questions on Friday!

YEAH!!! I could move forward. I knew the right person to have review and approve.

That was one hold up.
I WILL NEVER have anyone sign and fully executed a technical contract until the ACTUAL folks Doing the work
be it an engineer
a software developer
a program manager


will NEVER let a contract be signed until the SME that knows what the hell is REALLY Going on
reviews and confirms that a Statement of WOrk is ACCURATE, Through and the dates for deliverables and actual delievrables themselves as well as acceptance critera are CRYSTAL CLEAR.

I hate loosy goosy Statements of work.

My real pet peeve.

SO being new in a company it takes a while to get the org chart. ( If it is a place that had not done an org chart that is key. I mean there are so many process improvement things that I could work on that would help many people)

This is the kind of stuff I enjoy. Its also the kind of stuff there is sometimes resistance to.


OK so I had no intention of talking about that- It just kinda cropped up as I think only now realize the pattern.

BUT the good news is that progress was made. I was efficient. I pinged or emailed asking for meetings AFTER done with the work at the Assisted Living and rocked the day.

I had a call right as got off and got answers. Got and email back. I had a few hours of resultant work to clean up a couple things and move them forward before the hand off to SME to approve.

I have more to do! MORE Answers given that will move other items forward! I will work on those Monday!

I AM VERY STRICT About NOT doing consulting work on weekends. I am keeping a healthy work life balance!
*OK but for now I don't even usually THINK about consulting work on weekends!
This TYPE A is never again going to be a workaholic.


problem is
I can't put weight on my left leg today.

I have a TO DO List I REALLY Wanted to tackle.

My boyfriend returns late tonight from his vacation with cousins. They went to Iceland!

It was a beautiful week of texting like teens.

I swear.
I hate texting.

Ya'll that have read this for years know my phone issues!
I mean I should write a cohesive piece someday about what it does to a person when they are stalked and electonically monitored. The effect of technological abuse is so real and the PTSD from it lingers for years for many. I am happy I feel finally FREE Of that stronghold.

I can text
I can not be fearful using technology.


like the SMALL moment of paranoia when my boyfriend offered for me to take one of the DOZENS of charging things to work with me for my phone. AH just looked up the lingo- according to amazon , the devices he has a plethera to choose from are portable charging power banks.

OK so he is a bit neurodivergent.. (wait scratch the bit) and he could not pass up some sales when they were super cheap so he had them on hand.
He had plastic bins organized with all sorts of tech stuff. LOL
A batchelor he never had to downsize that kind of hobbiest thing and he does stuff. He has live streamed some geeky thing HA HA

I mean he had some on line persona once. I see this as same as this diary. Some platform for creative outlet that very few actually see or read and I am thrilled he has fun with that. I was excited when he sent a picture of the cover of his old water bottle that said "Never Give Up" with an etching of a mountain on top and he wrote "Funny I forgot this water bottle had this on it- That was the name of my old blog 20 years ago"


YES he is a super geek!

Knicknamed by his first girlfriend Lazlo- which I did not get the reference of-
but from Real Genius.

SO...I am laying here with the TO DO:

Try my hand at the plumbing upgrade install which if successful will finally resolve the ongoing bathroom tub fixture leak.

That would save money in the long run.

ITs STUPID to not take care of DRIPS and leaks.

BUT I cant fathom the twisting-
and physicality of that job being manageable while in pain. My knee is also hurting from the thigh muscle pull ( tear I am rather sure.)

So I have been laying in the room, the room that the bratty kid who is heading west came into and joining her younger sibling in battle, said "Shut your windows it is getting hot now!" Then at my request DID do it for me- but also , in the battle move-
took my FAN from my room yet again, and brought it to plug in downstairs
saying "your room is the coolest in the house"

They are delusional.
Heat rises.

But I am too tired to argue, I don't choose to- even when bullied which I know is likely my OWN toxic trait! That I put up with abuse of me.

I feel like it is a dumb thing to fight over when I can order a new box fan that will be here tomorrow for I think it was $27? (maybe less? I think Wal mart beat that price at Amazon.... I forget final price point, but it will arrive tomorrow.)

Arriving today is the $200 worth of dried goods, food staples. And yes I ordered mostly healthy but did include a few indulgences for these oh so bratty young almost adulting of cheese its ( Which make every health guru's list of foods to never eat. Some funky chemical in them).

I honor the right to eat even crappy food once in a while.

Hell one of my first blog entries was about how I should have been left alone about having bought freaking cheese crackers. Goldfish? Why do I recall them being dolphin shaped off brand? Is my memory correct and that good or was that a fanciful detail imagines as I WANT them to be off brand dolphin shaped? (Without toxic chemicals I may add while imagining the perfect small cheese cracker snack.)

I mean who does NOT Like eating those once in a while?

So after my boyfriend is rested from travel, he will call and come by tomorrow.

I really would LIKE to be able to clean house! EVEN THE NORMAL SAT CHORES!
But this knee and thigh pain
is making that not a good idea.

Not if I want to be able to walk.

If I do clean and push myself I know I will hit that can't walk moment again.

So I have little choice but to lay her an occupy my time relaxing- another day of rest.

I DO have an invite to go swimming again at my friends incredible pool!! AAAAGGGG!!!!

I just thought of it. I thought of it this AM thinking I may not be up for it.

BUT....I can rest poolside. I mean really what we do there is rest. I just can't SWIM and strain.

Maybe go in the pool and chill.

It was so funny however. I went in the pool and I am compelled to actually swim. I stopped myself from overdoing it. I just swam a LITTLE BUT it was like my body did not know HOW to jump in a pool and NOT start to do the workout.

CAUSE I SWIM for my workout!

I do laps. I push myself most often when doing them. It was hard to just CHILL in a pool among the ladies with their floaties holding a mixed drink! It was that kind of party. FABULOUS women and men just chilling with a cocktail in this incredibly beautiful pool, with a georgous slide within a man made designed hill that is landcaped with plants my friend and his friends hand picked. He is an incredible gardener and designer. He was there as they wanted him to come and help DESIGN this amazing custom home.

The guy really did work for a major show in NYC as a designer. He is in the union for design! (Trained at the same conservator my son is alum of. Never landed and agent or a role but had worked on sets and costumes and hair and wigs and LOVED THAT- so much the acting dept told him he had to choose which major and they wanted hom to stop spending all his time in the shop! DUMB- he loved doing both- SO HE committed to acting and gave it up while in the method program that things boot camp breaking you to build you has merit- most think that nonsense as it BREAKS many and they drop out do only a few , likely who ALREADY Had trauma and were desensitizes and dissociative make it through the breaking period BUT THEN They are REBUILT and emotionally learn to be in touch and healthy - as have to be to play a role and not get lost , not get destroyed by it.

Seriously the artist losing self, DESTROYING Self in that act of creation is a risk. To Circle back again to my very first entries here! However the great artist learns somehow to destroy EGO and to see others and then represent somehow others
while being grounded in a clear sense of self.

It is interesting as I think it is really the process of FINDING SELF. Of self identification which somehow starts by stripping down -
by laying bare and being completely vulnerable and real, by deconstructing and picking apart and discarding that which you had picked up because others suggested but which are not really the core of who you are.

OK enough writing. Enough icing and laying still.

I am going to put on my bathing suit, and catch a lyft and sit by the pool with my friend and the few friends who show up.

I can't really DO anything more productive today!
I hope at least one of the shipments is on my doorstep so I can bring snacks! HA The only thing that arrived yet was canned chicken and tuna and almond butter and one box of jello! This is the weird thing about shopping on line when trying to stay off my feet and rest. They sent a package with JUST a box of jello! The packing materials and the shipping costs and contribution to the environment is ridiculous. Which is why I don't shop on line often- just now since I don't want to be hauling too heavy thing yet. I still feel the abdominal soreness and healing still happening there too.

So off to the pool that is a place that looks like a resort. Its about 10 minutes my house.
Kids invited, but of course they won't come.

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