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2023-08-14 - 12:13 p.m.

I asked my boyfriend for some input.

Hell if I am going actually have a chance at a functional and healthy relationship I have to let him into my world, even with some visibility into the wounded CPTSD brain of mine at times.

So rather than haul my ass all over town to get to a Best Buy to purchase a new charger ( I do have a full charge on the ONE work only computer)
I just decided to call him and get his take on the phenomena I experienced.

I tried to be very factual and just tell him what I saw. And ask if he thought it should be of concern.

He said "No - sounds like program updates. Programs run with shedule tasks and the cmd prompt regularly will pop up when those are run in the background."

I have never noticed this before on any of my other computers. BUT I also know I typically Configure for all updates to happen OUTSIDE of work hours. Cause yeah if you don't do so those prompts for system updates pop up. But they typically were with some UI TEXT POP UP msg, and on an internal system where I was not worried about security-
so they never freaked me when AT WORK in an actual office where SOMEONE ELSE is responsible for security.

When in my own office- for my company and I am the sole IT support (HA HA)
well... this is far more concerning
cause I have zero expertise.

I did hire the fix it guy who is a great resource. So I have a good resource in my corner. HECK at $75 hr ( what he charged me) I feel like the dude was seriously giving a kind discount for a local new business owner. I mean the guy clearly has been doing this kinda computer geeky dig deep work for 20 years...and the owner of the company he works for far longer... so they were a great resource. It was funny as when I found him I at first had this thought, and hope that MAYBE that geeky fix it dude was in fact the man who is now my boyfriend. Was not a crazy thought at the time-
just funny to think about as when I searched for a computer shop to get help to fix the wonky issues some months ago. ( Turned out the fan needed cleaning and was overheating)
I RECALLED my bestie here bringing me to her friend that was helping HER with computer issues and I had no idea if he did it as his job or did other techie stuff- but I recalled the HOUSE with all the STUFF I mean technology geek cave LOL

It is a geek cave.
The guy I ended up hiring has an office that is actually just a couple blocks from my boyfriend's home. Not exactly the same neighborhood but cross a main road then about 2 blocks in within a neighborhood less than a 5 minute walk door to door.
When we take walks together we pass that business with some frequency.

It is funny how life takes unexpected turns.
The thing is, after that random pop up window, I was going to go switch to the computer that is DEDICATED to my one -
however the power charger needed was MISSING. The last time I used that computer I put it away and honestly thought for sure BOTH Parts to the charger away with my computer( it has two parts- a cord that connects to the battery pack and the computer and then a 2nd that connects from the battery itself to the electrical outlet). When I took the computer out today there was only ONE part there.

BUT then I talked to my boyfriend, chose to TRUST his take
and just thought Screw it I am getting some work done and not running all over the place to find a new charger for the one computer, and finding a coffee shop to work etc...

I decided to trust
there is nothing wrong
no worry
Just a CPTSD small trigger moment

and move on with work in the comfort of my own home
with my own darn laptop
(on my own router)

wihthout the VPN ( as it does not work here with the VPN. The VPN works EVERYWHERE ELSE)
and decided not to worry about the fact the new router did not yet arrive.


just decided to trust but verify
(after working a bit. I worked for my new client to knock of the project to COMPLETION that I Hoped to get done LAST week).
Its done,
and found this article:,it%20in%20the%20Task%20Scheduler

I also remembered to LEDGER my actual hours worked friday night and this AM for this client. ( YES I WILL BILL THIS TIME for all hrs worked!)

My body needs a day of rest after morning exercise yesterday.

Damn Yoga can kick your butt.

It was just about 20 minutes on my BF's stationary bike; then a yoga stretching class while he rode the bike for the next 30 minutes or more.

IDK how long. He likes these mounatinous biking races that are recorded. So its like you are wathching the view from some dude going down mountains in Iceland, or New Hampshire etc... while riding on your stationary bike if you watch those while working out.

At the same time, in the Geek Cave, on the other MASSIVE TV oriented to my view I watched a dude on the top of some Indian Mountain who had the body and look of a Miliary Drill Sergeant leading in Yoga stretches.

Now come on, does me dude really watch miliary looking dudes when he ventures to try yoga?

He apologized as he set it up for me that it was not beginner- and was very demanding and I was no where in shape for it. I think he overestimated me.

He said he does the beginner classes... LOL

Man I swear it did not seem that hard BUT
I could not do the streches and had to modify
and did them for less time

AND needed a serious NAP before work in the mid afternoon

AND when got up my legs were tight and felt like I just ran a very long hard run that morning.

I am basically completely out of shape. 10 weeks rest from serious exercise will do that.

So I was glad I called to talk to him, and he was so calming and affirming and let me know it is of course ok for me to have those feelings when triggered...etc...
and validating
and comforting.
Got off the phone grateful for him and that I could work and actually take a DAY OF REST for my body.
I need to exercise TOMORROW.

MAYBE A swim later today would be good. I could do that surely. Just a bit not overdoing it- but getting nice swim with strech in. I have to be careful not to overdo it with the shoulder as that was what was hurting when I swam too hard.

I tend to do any exercise too hard after a break.
So intentionally will NOT do that this time.
20 minute warm up short rides on the exercise bike before taking the 1hr to 45 min ( as get in shape it gets faster) ride to work.

Getting rides and calling a Lyft until ramp back up.

OK BACK TO WORK. Now going to log into the 2nd client! I felt neglected the other last week so wanted to prioritze them first.

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Goodnight! - 2023-08-23


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