2023-08-16 - 10:16 p.m.
I wonder if when my oldest child so desparately wanted to ride horses, and loved doing so SOooo MUCH that she denied any discomfort from allergies to the horses, despite itchy red eyes, and labored breathing, with asthmatic wheezing and obvious sneezing,
To ignore the physical sensations she was experiencing and to listen solely to her plea "I really want to keep riding! I LOVE riding the horses"
and to believe it would be so, that she was and would be fine
Because I understood how it felt to want something so badly that you would make yourself uncomfortable;
OMG Funny that last line from "even " on was written WHEN ASLEEP.
Exhaused so not surprised.
Wanted to capture the thought before bed that perhaps, just perhaps
So maybe, my pretending I did not really KnOW just how allergic my kid was to the horses;
and BELIEF that this was important
VERY important that my kid gets to keep horseback riding
It was a dream for so long. It was the utterance of "I want a house like that and I want a horse"
It did not matter that it was in the middle of the city
It was the child utterance along with that attestatiojn "I want a horse"
and I think saying " I want to live in the country"
OR else the pointing and wanting a horse was enough for me to get that message;
that was one of the FIRST lessons in resiliancy
that learning that you will get what you want; not immediately, but if patient, it may manifest later
AND then learning that even if it is hard and you have discomfort- just push on if the dream is important to you.
You will find the energy for the things that you really love.