2023-08-25 - 11:40 a.m.
My ADHD just thought of one more thing on the TO DO
YEAH I tried therapy last year , not two years ago
The neighborhood dude never got back to me.
I can send one last email to see if he really doesn't want work or if he wants to try.
BUT I just remembered I THINK when picking the health plan that I intentionally always sign up for one MY Psychiatrist ( who I visit now like once every few years! ) is IN NETWORK for.
I just don't all the time cause Lithium hurts the kidneys long term.
So reserve it for when NEEDED and NOT all the time.
a new relationship is a trigger.
those intrusive thoughts that I KNOW Are BS and just an CPTSD inital response so they don't feel so bothersome
STILL are co-occurring with the ACTUAL physical sensations of terror
the tightening of chest
clear reactive body stress
I woke up the past FEW nights with adrenaline rushes 2:30 AM ish
I went back to sleep after a couple of hours
BUT It is related to stressors for sure
And yeah I have some
Still economic concerns
I have to say the Psycic DID hone in on the crucial real truth.
Maybe she was better than I WANTED ??
for a reading
ALL SHE TALKED ABOUT WAS MY KIDS WHO ARE HERE
I mean that was It.
ALL SHE SAID WAS that they need to be given ultimatums to
I believed she was a bit overdramatic about the danger of that not happening.
I was trying to get us ALL in the FAMiLY COUNSELING in the neigborhood...
they likely take my insurance!
KID ON PHONE Now
They kept calling.
My kid said that they heard from other disabled folks case management is very helpful. They said "Case managers are your friends. They advocate and bully the insurance companies for you to pay for essential care."
YUP A Good case manager indeed is very helpful to those who don't have the energy to be assertive in seeking coverage of their essential care.
OK so my kid clarified a few reasons WHY They chose their college all which make perfect sense to me.
I am feeling BETTER about their plan.
They do not intent to apply for private loans until AFTER working a job for at least a little bit PART TIME AND Establishing a credit rating
So they realistically know that they won't get a loan without a credit rating and working.
BUT the school is on a semester schedule as they have the kids take only THREE CLASSES At a time! That is considered full time as they are accellerated classes. More intense study. AH Like Columbia College in Chicago...
YES schools like that are often BETTER for neurodivergent
Courses being taken include CALCULUS which my kid already took.
SO YEAH it will be EASY for this kid to rock and get As for sure. I mean this kid was identified as gifted early on. At the middle school graduation had SIX awards for highest grades in areas. Rocked the Continental Math Exam. Won the Scholastic Writing award... OK 4 subject area awards for highest grades and those two awards.
It was like the kid was CLEANING UP at the graduation ceremony and was bitter and upset as had just been suspended weeks before for running out of the building when staged their own emancipation from the home of their abusive father.
I mean a brilliant kid. That runnin out of school was cause their Dad was not going to support going to find out about how to apply to TJ one of the most prestigiuos math science schools in the nation.
Can't change the past. But honestly I swear if he did not KNOW
HE slipped up and let it be known he blocked that from happening. The kid made it through the initial rounds was in the final pool of kids
BUT Heslipped up and BLURTED that the reason the kid did not get in was cause the school was made aware of the suspesion and he knows this as he talked with someone on the addmission team.
I just remember my kid hearing that blurt from him.
I mean the suspension was NOT ON THE RECORD
They suspended the kid for running out of the school for a few days BUT they did not put it on the record. (So they said)
* (This happens to be their best friend; who as an adult is the only friend who ever has come over here HA HA Ironic
OK this kid came down and we talked. See what happens when I am just HERE
I scrapped idea of work at all til laundry DONE. And I started to pack up the winter clothers to ship to the other kid teaching in ASIA. It is likely getting cool there at night and early AM. My kid will need their winter coat soon.
The taking WAS NICE
I told the kid I love him
I said he just HAS to recognize that when here he feels comfortable and does not mask or filter at ALL but that I feel like I am the safe place so he also deflects ALL ANGER onto me and uses me as a punching bag. I said "You can't do that!" He HAS to find another way to deal with emotion.
HE did say that I TRIGGER HIM but said "Make no mistake if I lived with Dad he would irritate me just as much and I would lose it as much there too, if not more."
BUT he said "DAD is better with boundaries! And that is BAD if I say DAD is better than you at that as we know how AWFUL HE IS"
was in HIS mind violated over and over again the times I inched over the threshold even - when in talking saw dirty dishes and said "let me just grab those" And I went in to pick them up ( YEAH did that last night. )
Its a different brain. I Get it.
Like the stupid strict liability
My kid notices EVERY Transgression and then gets angry and the experience for him is me not respecting him.
*Oh I get it
SO I packed up a box. This is where if I had a car I would go to the post office and mail one and find out about the ones that are fixed price. I might buy a box an MOVE this stuff into one of those. Have to price it. I got the address to send it to.
When thinking "what if I am being poisoned" Seriously only a flash sec
It should not be a fucking trigger
I think it is PTSD that makes my kid convinced this house has a serious mold problem. ( IT DOES NOT!!)
BUT years ago after the work on the wall we DID discover mold in the wall and THEN it DID get in the environment and since then I DO have to clean the bathrooms regularly and true if left too long there will be a rim of black gunk- yeah likely black mold in the bathrooms where water falls.
BUT I don't think this is a serious mold problem. Maybe a small presence?
MAYBE I AM WRONG
BUT the kid was yelling about this the other night, in the kitchen.
I freaking ordered mold tests and they got cancelled.
Just two days ago my tenant asked if I was going to give her a new renewal of lease which is up in OCT. I forgot it was up. I told her I am fine with month to month.
I said I am content to have folks rent from me as long as they like or move when they want.
BUT THEN yesterday she gave me the rent check and said "September is my last month here. I have to tell you I did not plan on moving but I just came across this place and it was available and I was so happy and just knew I have to move there. It is three bedrooms for $1600 and I can't pass it up! "
Honestly in this area that is a good rent. She can sublet the other two rooms even OR if things are good with her family maybe she and they can share it She had family in the area and some are also currently in transition so I think it a better choice. We all know some who are like that with family they do better if NOT together all the time but love each other and smaller doses or shorter term. But if in a jam and REALLY Needed the help I think she would PREFER of course to have a place to be able to offer to her young adult children to come crash with her a bit frankly.
Some parents want their kids out of the home! I think she would be delighted if her kids wanted to spend time with her.
In a way I think it has been good for my friend and neighbor to have his son and DIL living with him as he helps them out for about a year or maybe two. They are both working and saving money to buy a home.
I am going to move laundry then work. I have two projects One I want the multiple screens for but the other a simple contract to draft. OH Three,,,no four... BUT I need work for NEXT week too. It was busy a surge but slowed a bit and I want to pace the work I have. I have approval for 20 hrs but don't want to work 20 this week and 10 next if I can balance the time at work and have work life balance truthfully.