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2023-08-28 - 5:18 p.m.

Figures the one client that actually does text me to let me know when work is in my in box
sends me work the days my cell phone is out of commission.

I do check my email.

And fortunately have checked within the hour of him sending me work again today.

And reviewed and flipped it back an hour after opening the email.


Timing was just right of getting to work,

I love this west coast client as on Mondays that gives me a few more hours to rest and not be too late in the day by the time I am ready to work.

I LOVE the low wage work for the
a) consistency of a schedule
b) knowing there will be SOME fixed amt of income coming in each month ( that is helpful when consulting)
c) the Fun (for me) of service work helping others. ( Some get DEPLETED by interaction with too many people, or heck , any people for that matter! Ha Ha BUT I get energized by in person connections.)

BUT after exercising yesterday I was EXHAUSTED

My boyfriend and I took a nice walk and it was kinda hot out at the time. The heat typically does not bother me.

BUT It really felt opressive yesterday so I called the walk short. We only went a short loop around the neigborhood.

We did however go for a bike ride and I find that easier to do in the heat. Moving with the wind blowing by helps much.
We did enjoy the ride but it was honestly harder than I expected.

I have not ridden in a while, with the 10 week hiatus of healing post op.

So I figured out one thing: I believe my inability to sleep, being awoken at 2:30 to 3am the past few nights,
followed by absolutely excessive sweating ( very unusual for me even in heat! Remember I have No AC! I am acclimated to heat)
is absolutely hormonal,
Also affecting MOOD,
cause my body seems to be in MENOPAUSE!

I had not yet hit menopause pre hysterectomy.

I was still menstrating.
I had some funky very disturbing almost hemmoraging of excessive blood but that was due to the also funky weird excessive growing things in my body.

The body thinking and acting like it was pregnant when all it was growing was FIBROIDS

SO post hysterectomy I have now hit menopause.

Read of it and got some tips on how to encourage a good night's sleep.

Cause I was up much this week!

My boyfriend said he thought I slept about 4.5 hours the night I was with him (Sat night, after work . I mean I worked both Friday night and Sat night and normally would be tired and be able to sleep well)

I had anxiety that I thought was keeping me up and honestly it was a good thing that was abated the moment I was with him. (I take that to be a good thing)

I mean the albeit split SECONDS of anxious thoughts ( they are quick BuT don't underestimate just HOW quickly the body can go into the hyperkinetic stess state).

It was SO NICE to be in his presence and feel that tension and stress just melt away and then realize that it HAS BEEN THERE.

Darn I can feel the tension in my shoulders when think of it- like it is there as a BASELINE sometimes and only when conciously think of it and pay attention can I then conciously do something to relieve it
like exercise
a swim or bike ride or walk

BUT today my body is in recovery/rest needed mode. I did take the dog for two walks. One to the store to buy just a few essentials. Bread and Almond milk and some popcorn (microwave) and granola bars ( cause they were on the clearance rack) and toilet paper so we don't run out.

I actually intended to walk to the bank to get the car title out of the safe deposit box and was halfway there and realized I had forgotten the safe deposit key.

ADHD moment of today.
Yesterday's ADHD moments were two:

Putting a water bottle IN My purse. DUMB Of course it spilled.

THEN while at work I pulled everything out to dry, and was relieved the library book did not get soaked. Only my Sean Thomas Dourghety poetry book was really wet. That is OK as that book is a keeper and I don't mind its haceatus (or however your spell that word/concept- maybe it is multiple french words? Hace e tas? which I think should not become obselete, I know I googled to find that and think DID find it but forget its spelling...)

In pulling out everything to dry I did not want the desk as people approch me at work to look CLUTTERD and DISORGANIZED
so I kinda spread the stuff to dry where it would not be seen. Of course not all in the same place.

Two items doused with water were not one, but the TWO phone chargers I own.

YES my boyfriend even gave me a third one. A charging station. Cause he is super thoughful and knew that would come in handy when in an ADHD moment I lose my charger. He wanted to set me up with some redundany.

Of course it was early in the relationship ... and did I mention I have trust issues??

Did I mention that technology will trigger them ? And they are primarly lack of trust of technology being secure? OF ME BEING SECURE
I mean the whole having been stalked thing? The ubiquitousness of the ex husband who made it known he was able to know every move in this very nefacrious way during the divorce.

It is just ridiculous that how many years later?? I MEAN how many freaking years have passed and there can STILL be PTSD moments of that kind of fear bubble up?

SO yeah it was only a few split seconds perhaps OR a minute or two I SWEAR TOPS that the FEAR SHEER TERROR set in either as he handed me that device ( yeah it was as he handed it to me- that moment)
and it was so obviously RIDICULOUS to have any fear whatsoever

I mean how irraional is it to think:

Is this really just a charger?


BUT.... nonetheless

I brought that charger to leave in the desk at the one job where we are ALWAYS in need of a charger! It will certainly come in handy. In fact I have helped at least one co worker charge their phone there.


So yeah

Leaving both chargers at work when I left cause I was SO EXHAUSTED by then and just ready to leave. I was literally fighting sleep for a few of the hours at work last evening.
It was hard to even keep my eyes open.

So today I enjoyed straightening the house, getting dishes done, organizing and then just took an extra nap after the walk that was intended to be to the bank but ended up halfway turning around and just going to the store cause I realized I forgot the safety deposit box key.

Now in the ADHD world Iive in, it was not at all unsurprising that OnLY THEN, after home, did i also recall I really am supposed to have my liscense on me when go to the bank. No matter I know all the tellers. There might be a new person, so I then had to search my house until I found my drivers liscense. Because of course when I decided not to carry a wallet but only the essentials one day I took out just a few things but stored the wallet away and had NO IDEA where it was.

I eventually did find it, in the backpack I have not carried in a while ( since not biking! It is my go to when bike commuting everywhere.) I have two bikes my fav which is at home and the acquired one left by my son when he stored his stuff at my place which is now at my boyfriends so I can ride when there easily.

OK three actually. The bike my son rode is still in my living room foyer. Maybe someday he will be on the East coast and I can bring it to him.

The rest of his stuff has been given away.

He was great about that- just non attachment to things.

Oh the biggest accomplishment of the day is that THE PILE of the now 21 yr old who just moved to Asia to teach has been relocated Out of my basement

Back up to be added to the ORIGINAL two big boxes of his stuff that has to somehow make it to the attic storage.
There were these two massive boxes that were filled with things from the older son when he moved from NYC and I was proud to FINally get those out of my bedroom. No sooner were the two boxes emptied and some things mailed to that son and others given away, than the two empty boxes got filled with stuff from CHILD # 4 upon me having to displace that child from their bedroom when they went back to college and I had to rent my basement last year.

The goal for ME was that THIS SUMMER when that child was home after gradutation that THE BOXES driving me NUTS in the HALL would be cleared out!

In my mind the kid would come home and AHHH SUCH A HAPPY DAY , the kid would go through and decide that they really did not miss the items that they FORGOT about and don't use
and I really anticipated a bunch of bags to go to the thrift store.

That did not happen. The kid came home with a bigger pile, from the dorm room- and honestly this kid had no bedroom anymore so the pile has been in my living room ALL SUMMER until just this morning, It got smaller. One box of clothes ready to go to Asia. (OK the weekend ADHD moment was going to the post office to mail it and the postal worker laughing at me that I had the address all written out in the Asian Language. She said "We need it in English"

I really did say "If you send it to the country they can read it right? They will know how to route it. IS the price same for anywhere in the country?"

I am not wrong in that I think...

BUT it is not conventional

and my kind patient boyfriend very gently said "Don't you want to be sure it gets there?"
and also very gently pointed out I forgot one part of the address

He is a keeper as that actual child off in Asia said.

I was joking when I said "But this box is finally out of my living room!" Very dramatically

HE said it did not sound like I was joking

I was being dramatic for the sake of any other parents who have had to store their kids stuff that might have been waiting in the long line at the post office. Come on now, I KNOW that if there was at least one parent there who has lived through this they got a chuckle and they really needed that chuckle while in a long post office line.

I also said it to make myself chuckle


I am just so happy to have PART of my living room floor visible again.

The other half has THE OTHER kid's pile. The one headed to college in a couple more weeks.

SO- after a rest, not really a nap cause after a decent nights sleep I am not as exausted as yesterday- but rather needed to give my knees time to recoup , well left knee in particular-
as after the walking and biking yesterday it is my left knee that has been talking to me.
It was noisy and loud and hot and smarting right after the bike ride and responded to the cold shower. It calmed a bit down and stop screaming..

I mean it really feels like it is yelling with the throbbing it does.

The knee benefitted from rest, and one ibuprofin.
And then Bellatrix and I ventured out and I did accomplish the ONE thing on today's task list:

I pulled the Kia title out of storage.

Tomorrow I will hop the bus and head to the dealer.... OH WAIT... NO I won't

FIRST I will call the # on the folks that run the warranty program that the Kia HQ recommend call. Sure it is not under warranty. But they spoke to some guy named Steve there and suggested I call him.

Not sure why but trying to read between the lines-

cause maybe someone knows he acutally knows something that can be possibly helpful.

Like where to get a cheap aftermarket engine perhaps?

That is not something that I think a great idea but not necessarily a bad idea

I mean it is clear to me the Kia HQ office was just keeping me hanging til after AUG 8th, the date by which anyone in the settlement pool had to REMOVE themself from the settlemtn class so they would preserve their own individual right to sue

That was what was going on

BUT what is not clear is that when Kia KNEW they were not going to honor my request to fix my car, and were not going to extend the warranty to it unless they had to - WHY they would advise I talk to the folks that handle the warranty repair at all

So I figure I should at least call that Steve dude and see what he has to say before I junk the car.

Maybe I will be surprised

The quote for the dealer to repalce the engine was $8,000 ( and some more..forget exact)

SO I have the title and ready to then call to SELL My crappy shell of a car to one of those autoinsurance auctioners.

That will be tomorrow's TO DO.

And I will work more tomorrow to. 4 hrs at least.

for the one client.

I have up to 20 hrs a week for that client and truth be told don't think I have 20 hrs of work YET this week once I finish all on my existing to do. If more things bubble up maybe...

But I feel like Mondays are my technical day off. I need one day actually off work and Monday's is often the day I take as it.

I just need to sleep in and rest and recover after working the three days in a row 2nd shift. It is not hard work but it STILL makes me tired for some reason!
Even without exercise! (Well more when had been biking back and forth a bit to get there I suppose).

Yesterday I think we biked about 1/3 of the amount that my bike commute is. We did not want to go to far. Just ramping up and getting used to it again. The good news is while my knee ached ( which I think is arthritis frankly) BOTH the former injurys- the muscles in legs, the left groin and the right groin-- I have matching injurys!! One from the overzealous running years ago, and the other from overdoing it biking..
are OK. Neither of those are hurting.

In fact last Tue I wanted to go swimming and found an AMAZING exercise class! IT was SO good and I did not hurt that I am going to go back. I mean I had the NORMAL sore musles but not pain from past injuries! The class is not meeting this week as the place is closed for annual deep cleaning but I was so pleased to find it and am going to try to make it my Tue AM routine.

My boyfriend is waiting for Sept for the annual sale at this gym. He bought me a drop in pass so I could go there with him. I am really excited for this! It is very motivating to have someone to exercise with. I am also happy I found this particular exercise class for me.
It will be fun to go play racketball with him, eventually. We have talked about doing that but have not gotten there yet but will.

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