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2023-09-05 - 4:11 p.m.

This had me in tears

Yes cause it was beauiful

But from the moment she sang

This young lady's voice is the one , I mean actually the only one, I have every heard which resembles the voice of my bereaving friends who lost her beautiful singer, songwriting daughter

I mean for real

It gave me chills then tears as I could hear the voice of that georgous but tourtured soul who was found with alcohol poisoning and an alcohol overdose in a car just a few months after her OLDER sister died as a result of her own heroin od, had detoxed, returned and the day returned from rehab was found dead
her heart given out

She tried SO hard to battle her addiction


The both fiercely loved their mother
and each other

DAMN I recall going out the one time had in like a year ( Seriously) in the closest town to me which actually now has a pretty vibrant night life.

And the younger girl sang.

It was just stunning.

She was drunk. I recorded her singing as she was so mesmerizing and I mean JUST ATOUNDING

The BAR stopped
and all else was silent
as she sang a jazz standard

with the old guys who used to practice there weekly to what in the past used to be an empty tavern but for the wives and couple of regulars.

She was with her boyfriend

She was talking of her older sister and of how she was so angry that her sister had relapsed again. FURIOUS
as she drank.

It was so hard to see her driking, but beautiful to see the boyfriend suggest she had enough and did not need another drink and her trusting assent and abilty to follow his lead.

I think I felt like she would be ok. She had such love and support and looked like she could trust and lean on him and perhaps be able to overcome her stronghold of addiction herself.

She was soon after really struggling but then checked HERSELF into the hospital and SHE WAS DOING BETTER.

It was so tragic
Her taking care of herself, I mean I think her hitting rock botten but then taking care of self MOTIVATED Her sister to try again to be accountable that she had lapsed in her sobriety and she helped her sister get back into rehab- through her encouragement.

YET THEN her sister did not make it.

And it was just too much for her.

This is not my children YET Watching the mother of them, my friend grieve yet loving her when I can and seeing the friends that love and support her as and when can

is a thing I just am

I don't know
The worst fear of a parent
I hope to never have to go through

other than as a support at the side of my friend

and it makes me feel blessed every day and know these moments of the kids at their worst might still be better than total loss of hope
of opportunity
or restoration of HAPPY DAYS in a relationship with each other

I mean I KNOW that at least when my friend let go of her daughters they had nothing but love and gratidude and hope to live up to the gifts and potential they held within each of them

they both WANTED To live

they both WANTED TO BE THERE FOR THEIR MOTHER AND for the one For her daughter ( She left behind a nine year old she loved deeply and a step son she was mothering as well and her partner and his parents who loved her in addition to her sister, mother and step father who is amazingly loving and supportive.)

I am so grateful for him in my friends life. He did not say "This is too much. I can't do it"

He just loved them all , and helped them all the best he could

through the years of NOT ENABLING when they were not allowed in that home of their mother
if using
or driking

through those touch times of estangment back to when sober and she did support them again as they tried to get it together.

I remember when she sold her home and the girls were on their own and she got married and I also recall Christmas with her when the kids were visiting her-
trying their best.


this just hit me.

Sorry to give the backstory of what it brought up for me.
Maybe I should not include the link

BUT I wish I never deleted that recording cause the daughter was drunk. I wanted her mom to see her georgous singing. I wanted her to see the joy

BUT she was also rather overtly drunk and I refrained as thought that might worry the mother. my friend-
and therefore I DELETED IT

I so regret that.

BUT SWEET S I will remember your song
as that whole BAR That night also will at times I am sure.

It was such a gift.

SO rare and incredible
and yes you also did not know how good you were.
But some of us will always remember.

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