2023-09-07 - 9:13 a.m.
Just to say
BUT then pour a cup and realize AS do it that used a coffee cup for water this AM and it was already HALF full of water
BUT take a sip
And the DAMN
I mean like legit good.
Damn those are rich grounds.
I just found out I can cut the amt of grounds I usually use for this coffee in half.
This aint Folgers.
Amazed as bought this on Clearance for something like $4.50 a bag.
Glad I actually stocked up. Folgers fine too. But this is GOOD coffee.
That's all for 5 min. Going to actually do the LONG HAND morning pages. practice guitar.
I heard some really good music and it put me in a mood of wanting to play a bit more rhythm guitar style.
I have to be disiplined.
Fiona Apple Criminal my pick to learn.
Love her stuff.
It can be kinda dark but I still really like her.
Thankfully I think her dark lyrics and melancoly very 20s angsty vibe is not a space I will EVER be in. So there will never be an EMOTIONALLY RESONANCE with moments where he song it the PERFECT FIT
NO that is why write OWN music
BUT her stuff will be a hella lota fun to play
and I can emote in PERFORMANCE
I can do that.
Art for Arts sake
Not my therapy
AH but the song I most enjoyed performing that I rocked ( I still recall the bar had a number of patrons up front who then left to come back where to music was to listen)
In the moment I cherish the memory of
BUT the next best thing was that he supported me with love in that moment
(OH and one other open mic hella fun. I was not as good then but it was still a hella fun and his BAND mate, the drummer JOHN ANTONELLI is his name and he is still kicking around somewhere out west I think playing drums for DANCERS... Indian music I think? Buddhist?
AH NO I just imagined his life like a hippy in an alternative world commune of peace and love and happiness on a mountaintop spiritaula community somewhere HA HA ...its cause last I saw were Georgous pics of the drumming for belly dancers...
Heck I share things about REAL people who are kinda six degrees connected, enough separation.. (OK this was two degrees.OH WAIT one degree really in time spent... BUT still... drummers make the rounds so not easy to tie to me ! HA HA)
OK so much for long hand. Gonna finish as this did evolve into morning pages. Maybe will still try that for a few more...
BUT As was saying before my ADHD brain went on a different story.
The best memory of my husband loving me really was him practicing with ME so I could go to open mic while he watch the babies.
Heck if I can literally sing it doesn't get better than that. (Even if I am not the best singer it brings me joy!)
I have had moments.
So interesting that song was not typical for my range. It was lower than I am really usually GOOD at... comfortable at. I am naturally a saprano. I HATE singing alto in chior . I sucked at it. Cause of years singing Saprano in church etc. I HEAR the Saprano and the descant and it is EASY but to try to sing Alto was downright painful in every way- to my actual vocal cords- it was HARD and uncomfortable as honestly too low, and to my ear. The chior director at my church ( Who is amazing and just left after years of a 90 minute freaking commute! I MEAN That is LOVE HE WAS SO GOOD and taught in MD at a school and his wife is amazing and they were so beautiful - she just visited once in a while for obvious reasons! It was his JOB , not hers!) Anyway he had me try to discover my range and what was best for my voice but kept me on alto only a couple of weeks and said "Yeah you are definately a saprano" I felt kinda bad I couldn't do it well at all cause we had 5 Sapranos and two altos only one of whom came regularaly. She also is my FAV person in the chior and I WANTED to be able to sing with her! AH...
I don't sing chior now and want to get back into it. The vocal training was so helpful. That chior director was SO GOOD. I learned so much from him in only the one year of singing under his direction. It was SO MUCH HARDER than I expected. I mean it was freaking WORK
I did not realize how when learning to sing with technique just how HARD IT IS. FOR REAL
I was right I would get As in those classes!
* PERSEVERENCE AND BELIEVE IN SELF PEEPS
Even as a young person I did not let others limit me based on their perceptions.
I try hard to get my kids to think like this but it must be a personality thing
not a thing that can be taught.
I never saw the limits.
Rules were never hard and fast/
they were just obstacles and if did not made sense then it was time to convince others WHY there should be an exception!
This makes me think of how some rag on AP classes and college board having a stonghold on people. Heck BS If a kid wants to learn they can get scholarships for the entrance exams if they can't afford to take them, if a kid is ambitious they can take those AP classes in the areas they will excel at.
It is another way of deflecting self responsibility for opportunities not taken.
To say one doesn't BELIEVE in them
Take the "Moral" high road
I just have to put that out there that when others do things like attack SySTEMS that exist
It is not because the system necessarily shut them out.
BUT HOW CAN ONE CHANGE THEM if DISENGAGED FROM THE SYSTEMS?
YOU HAVE TO ACTIVELY PARTICPATE AND WORK TO CHANGE THEM
I am sick of armchair coaches, critics etc who are not even involved.
YEAH give me the activists.
But notice the activists often also engaged in the systems that they care about changing.
Sure some LEAVE but they are not completely disengaged and critical without actual experience first.
So off to work now as morning pages done.
The biggest challenge is the ADHD block to be honest the past week.
WHY THE hell do I LOSE ALL GUITAR PICKS BUT ONE??
Try to be organized!
The one random one found days ago is the same one I have been relying on... until I misplace it and can't practice this song til found again!