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2023-10-07 - 2:34 p.m.

My gut (and what little I do believe I understand/think I know) from experiece is that
Ethical REIT is an oxymoron.

But there's this:

I think I really just care less about MONEY than other things in life.

(including my spiritual relationship- my sense of God, belief and Faith and think important to have TIME to invest in SELF and in your SPIRITUAL Health - no matter what that means for you. For me it is about a community that enjoys acts of prayer and worship. I like meditation and drumming as well, but the more esoteric spiritual arts are not as familiar to me as the good old fashioned church experience I grew up with, truth be told. The FAMILIARITY is comforting and helps one to let go of THINKING as i don't analyze- I can PRAY if that makes sense. At the Spiritualist centers I am too distracted by the other People. I care less I suppose about the peopl sitting in pews who seem conventional. I mean not that I care LESS, in fact I have developed FRIENDSHIPS, Relationships with some I care for and about, BUt what I mean is my curiosity is piqued more by the lovely ladies in the flowy robes with shells adorning ankles chanting who find their sprituality through drumming that go into trance like prayer states--- and I am DISTRACTED watching or wondring about them---there is always one in the midst. Usually a woman. Often just mesmerizing in the beauty of the fullness of her being so present she seems to forget the world around her. I can BE that person, that woman when I am drumming too. So yeah a decent drum circle does that for me too...
BUT I am seriously, admittedly a snob. If they are only strong is spirit but not strong musically ( you know what I mean? The ones who don't REALLY have good rhythm?) Well i get even MORE distracted and the chance of me entering the flow state of non awareness of others and simple zen like existence of drumming and in tune only which harmony and rhythm and my system re-setting into peace and NON Thought is highly diminished.
YES I find as I get older I get less judgmental, more open, and able to be presnet MORE in such situations. I think it sad when my one drummer friend still will only go drum with the masters. I mean really, there are few masters here where we live...
and he turns his nose up at these kinda hippy circles.

One circle is run by a really good master himself- but he opens himself up to teaching all, and his warmth is lovely.
His joy and happiness wonderful.
Somehow I am working every Fri night he hosts his circles.

OR sick.
It popped up onto my phone last night. Figures.

I don't have a car now anyway so can't just see it and hop in my car which is what I would do when I was not working and became aware of his circle just before it. (OK most often I showed up a bit late as saw a reminder and the location is 30 minutes away!)

I would leave work and head to the drum circle sometimes- work was a whole hour from where he hosted.

SO I stopped writing when the dog wanted a walk. I got myself dressed, got out of bed and enjoyed a really lovely walk. The weather is cool- perfect Fall weather today with a rustle of trees moving in the wind, birds chirping as the sun is shining. The trees here have just touches of orange intermittently showing through the branches, so that if you did not know it was Fall the color could be mistaken for blossoms.

Then back home to have enough energy to get the piles of laundry out of the basement, as it is going to be shown this afternoon to a prospective new tenant.

I can hardley believe HOW MUCH laundry I had done from just a few days camping. I mean, my clothes from the week before were also down there in the dryer truth be told.BUT just having done the wash from the camping trip ( which did not include my kids' clothes- she will do her own)- but the tablecloth ( yes I brought one), dishtowels, beach towels, clothes and bathing suit- I mean I could hardley believe the whole spare bed downstairs was filled with the folded laundry
I have far too many clothes. I mean I looked at the pile and thought "THIS IS ENOUGH!" I really don't NEED to own more than those ! I had in that pile a fancy skirt and blouse ( worn to RenFaire- this gorgeous lace actual vintage white blouse bought in San Francisco for about $100 almost 20 years ago now- at an antique shop actually- overpaid cause it was the big city of course. Maybe just a knock off reproduction made in Chinatown and sold for $20,,, ha ha but I bought it cause I loved it and cause my then husband to be was happy to indulge me. I think we had to have been dating. OR MAYBE it was one of the few things my then husband was willing to buy that I really wanted? I don't know. Truth be told it was not my $100. I did not have that to spend-- I remember being so happy
OH YEAH it was when DATING when we took that San Franciso trip That was why happy
it was before we were married.
before the Jeckly/Hyde switch flipped
When he was in love and kind to me

It was the 2nd San Fran trip when I was having my brother take pictures of my beat up shoulder and arm- the photos of the black and blue so if I needed evidence I had them.
They look like these horrific mug shots
like photos you see of some rough gal living on the streets
Damn I was wearing a plaid shirt and it really added to the rough look

YEAH my brain went to the San Fran visit and I was trying to reconcile how I possibly could have bought that gorgeous blouse and been happy when there

I had at first FORGOTTEN the FIRST San Fran trip.

OK Enough of that
is thinking about work all the time better?
or just a trauma response...

therapy.. one day... one day will find a therapist

but for now
did what I have energy for now and am resting again

Gilmore Girls
talk to my bf a bit..


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