2023-11-09 - 9:12 p.m.

I am tired.
Off to bed.
Just a little vent.
I have a friend who makes plans and asks folks to do things; to get a yes;
then we always discover there is another agenda.

It is not really ever any BAD thing
just that it is never a simple thing,always somehow complicated, and it always adds unexpected stress and somehow a burden on others.

Not that mind too much helping a friend.
BUT it creates conflict when the expectations, which were not spoken clearly upfront-
but implied,
and some would say were hidden manipulatively,
are not realistic.

OR are something that if the person directly asked ahead of time they knew was a chance they would get a NO
or judgment
or friends saying "That is a bad idea"

And they want to just ask for HELP and forgiveness for putting their friend(s) out LATER
as their interest is in getting THEIR desires met.

It gets tiring.

Cause yeah I love my friend,
but the hidden agendas get tiring.

And the thing is
I often actually at this point can SEE the hidden agenda.
I can tell when the conversation is about one thing but the intent of the person is really another.

Kinda like when my boyfriend suggested maybe my kid would prefer not to have to go to his family for Thanksgiving,
when I heard loud and clearly HE might actually prefer that....

the hidden agenda.

To be honest he is actually I think not worried too much about Thankgiving ( I hope)

I am not worried in the least, for him or my kids or me AS honestly I am looking forward to meeting his family.
SURE they are old fashioned.

SURE they are Christian.
BUT SO AM I

He may forget that sometimes....we progressive Christians are received differently it seems BUT the thing is
the core values really are the same.

There is not much difference.

Truly

I know some think the religious right are so evil. I mean there is a caricature which I think can be viewed based only on the single issue.

But really, unless his family is like the few awful ...

oh wait... I am thinking of the awful priest who was so homophobic that he had to reiterate in EVERY darn sermon "Marriage is between a man and a woman" ...

yeah I guess I can understand the worry.

I get it.
I understand how he could be so very stressed.

Conservative Christains sometimes just don't GET IT when it comes to empathy for others who are different from themselves. They might not be able to wrap their mind around existance of trans Christians for example.

I bought this book and thought it was pretty good

https://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Bible-Lives-Transgender-Christians/dp/0664263100

I gave away the best book I read on raising a trans kid but can't find it--

OH wait it was on raising a trans AUTISIC kid...

found it!
THIS Was the best book !

https://www.grattonpsychotherapy.com/single-post/2019/07/05/pre-order-my-book

IT is SO Good that I felt compelled to donate it to the organization in my area that works with homeless teens.
Because face it- a large percentage of homeless teens just happen to be trans. Fact.
And a number are also autistic and trans. FACT

Certainly higher % among homeless teens than among the general population! And if just gay teens; on the LGBTQ spectrum; or nurodivergent but not autistic spectrum the book will also have some wisdom which still applys!

It was by far the most helpful book I came across in raising my teens.

AH So I have to understand the reason my boyfriend would be nervous about introducing me , his love, to his very conservative Christian traditional family.

I have anything BUT a traditional family.

But the thing is
Fear is most often just fear of the unknown.

To know my kids is to love them ( for the most part. One makes it hard to know them, but used to be lovable and I hope allows self to be lovable again. But for the one exception - the kid who pushes others away just now, that is...)

I am sure we will all really enjoy Thanksgiving! I really do look forward to it.

�

�