Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2023-11-29 - 1:27 p.m.

I am not very efficient today, unfortunately.
In part because I am having connectivity issues when logging into my client's systems. I will have better luck tonight when working my part time reception role. The VPN works like a charm in those other enviroments; but when home it is very finicky as my internet basically is hit or miss. Some days FINE but other days not reliable.

I am reluctant to upgrade to a business account in addition to the home account until I know I am able to be profitable and afford that. BECAUSE to date, while a PIA the inconvienince has not impacted my ability to deliver on time, a quality product.

The biggest constraint to doing so are dependencies INTERNALLY within any org supporting of information I need to get the job done to completion.

It is frustrating that there are some slow to respond to requests they do their part.

GLAD HOWEVER that there are some who ROCK that! It is just a shame as I think at times it could be made to look like I don't deliver.

BUT I figure anyone with any common sense will realize I am consistent in delivery. I really am. I prioritize work based on when it comes in queue.

First in ; first out.

UNLESS there is a clear need for escalation. I ask "When do you need this by."

TRUE I have dropped the ball on occassion.
Once in the past few weeks there was an item that did not make it onto my TO DO list; or my weekly agenda of going over items.

The thing is; the person who asked for that ALSO did not make it to the recent meetings to review tasks. The point of the meetings is to be sure all expectations are clear: for me to communicate what I am working on; where at with each item AND for a chance for any correction of expectations: Any items forgotten not on the list? Any prioritization; or re-prioritization needed of the plan of working on items?

So it is great when folks make it to the meeting. It is not for my benefit but for theirs to be quite honest to have a weekly touch base.

I am managing up so to speak.

It is a good practice.

BUT frustrating when some get busy and don't attend as don't think the 15 minutes a good use of their time.

I suppose the disappointment is for me that the person who sends me work most of all is not available often. And he is the one I need to be sure is happy with my support of him. That is hard to do sometimes if not enough communication.

SO I know this is on me; to be sure I COMMUNICATE.

I actually like working in office to be honest. I like the relationship development that happens. I like the comradarie. I loved the repoire I had with my WHOLE TEAM

but for the one who fired me LOL
in past IN OFFICE roles.

That was unique however. I didn't dislike that person AT ALL. In fact I was the only one who I think really apprechiated and actually liked much about her. She was UBER TYPE A and a bit too much for my other co workers on my team.

BUT The real death of that job was that after a merger/acquisition there was a gal who came on board who was SO MANIPULATIVE and was talking shit about my boss.

I have a strict rule.


I don't validate
I don't repeate
I don't rat out

And in that case I think the boss misidentified who in her group ( four of us) creating discontent ; undermining her authority and respect. I think she pegged me as the ambitious one. Seriously as far as personality goes it was a logical guess.I am the more overtly , seemingly AMBITIOUS of the two of us. The other gal was in the same role for 10 years or more. Hell no, I would never do that. HA HA
I am being quite serious.
I get bored too easily is why. It has less to do with ambition than ADHD and nerodivergency.

2e if you will.

We bright folks can not be bored.

We fall asleep.



OH but we can't be too stressed either ! HA HA The flip side...
We hit anxiety/prograstination/perfectionism... and

We fall asleep.


I am quite convinced the narcolepsy in some, or idiopathic hypersonmina is really a dysautonomia-

yes a form of dysautonomia
when the nervous system has been in overdrive and then conks out.


I did some writing of this on a PDA forum today , primarily to help other nurodivergents perhaps.

So my day started out strong!
Slept in a bit late as was up late cleaning. TUE chores had to be done. Garbage pick up is Wed AM so on Tuesdays I like to clean all the bathrooms, clean the fridge out and the kitchen and then take out all the trash.

It is the best day to do it.

I got it done. BUT ONCE AGAIN it was too late in the day when cleaning to finish MY BEDROOM. I run out of steam, energy, and time and its 11 pmish and I have to go to sleep.

SO the pile in the middle of my bedroom is STILL THERE.
BUT I have motivation
since the computer is crashing on me and it seems the contract I intended to draft tonight will not get drafted until ... oops typo... YEAH Tonight ( meant to write above 'today'- but there you have it- it is perhaps not MEANT to be done til tonight? HA subliminal slip up... maybe I don't really want to do it yet?? IDK I am great at doing shit I don't want to do frankly. I overcame that hurdle LONG AGO

I was tired after the morning walk with dog, small bit of writing ( won't replicate now. I captured pretty well what I think happens in the ADHD brain when expected to write ON DEMAND when YOUNG . Maybe the PDA brain? not sure... at least what happened in MY BRAIN as I thought it might help parents struggling with kids who can't follow an assignment when TOLD to write! I think it is anxiety in those kids... lack of confidence they can get it done so easier to not try. MASKING)

Two hours before catch the bus to work. One last ditch effort to get on line and work for ONE HOUR. I have a simple draft Agreement I want to knock out.
Then one hour to continue on the bedroom floor pile- which is at this point laundry and various sundry misscellaneous things like socks, odd clothing items... etc... that were all either from a load or two of laundry or came out of the closet, drawers when all were emptied and not yet sorted to decide if keep, toss or donate.

There is a ridiculous amt of socks there. The sock BAG and the found sock bin... etc.. LOL
I am going to match and literally THROW OUT mismatches this time.

I love decluttering.

OH, did I mention however that JUST AFTER organizing my closet and putting back in it all the clothes opted to keep ( sans the last floor mountain to go through)- the SHELF which also hold the rod which holds the hangers
and all my clothes and contents of shelf-clothes and items newly organized and neatly folded and stacked
came tumbling down.
The jewelry box, the mirror, things like hat boxes, hats, purses, my camera in its case etc..

ALL tumbled down into a big pile IN THE CLOSET on the floor.


The rod with clothes got stuck half way down on another shelf. So the clothes are hanging - mid way down the closet (sorta)with a pile of things IN FRONT of them. So hard to get to, until I dig out and reorganize THAT Pile.

I am not even touching it. I therefore could not put AWAY what jewelry has been worn ( which I ususally do when clean my bathroom) and have a catch all tray ( BTW- very pretty piece of art bought from the lovely art teacher who teaches at the arts program I am involved on board of. It is a lovely blue with little fishies painted on it. It replaced a lovely white piece something dropped on and broke!)

OH and now to what motivated me to write. In my attempt to get my work on today- for my client; I realized I needed caffine.

I made a nice cup of this extra strong Miracle Tree brand "organic moringa superfood energy infusion " tea flavored Morniga cherry Chamomile

Some funky thing found on clearance. It has more caffine than coffee. I have been only drinking decalf, and ran out of my decal really good coffee (Kicking horse?) and was just draggin after the morning walk and breakfast and getting into flow. I spend some time with MY COMPANY work- looking at opportunities for data analysts (not for me really, but to support a lovely lady I know looking for work- mainly cause one came to my in box. If she wanted the job
I could work WITH HER. She is shy. I am not. I could essentailly help her project manage it and she could do the work if someone would hire MY COMPANY - if she wants. We have complementary skills- so want to pitch BOTH Of us rather than just me for just a short term project. IF SHE WANTS. I just figured consider this ask, just to give her work. It would be fun-
kinda like the work I did that I enjoyed a few years back in the financial sector. Same kinda thing" requirements review; gap analysis; and review of data /metadata to see what was there in a migration and see if any gaps. IT WOULD BE FUN. I worked on a build in the past- the actual original migration of systems, but this is a review of someone elses set up ( likely as they discovered a problem. Troubleshooting. Fixing . Checking current state and where they WANT to be. That is stuff I actually ENJOY)

Rather than mid morning nap figured would use that tea.

So it was the darndest thing. I knew I had a cup of tea,
but then I could not for the life of me figure out where the hell I had left it. I was looking all over-


I saw my mug.

In the drying rack!

It felt like a "poetic justice" moment!

My kids would complain I would do dishes and grab their cups ALL THE TIME. I never meant to-I assumed they were done with them,
as theyleft them EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME and it seemed never washed them.

Well, I have a new tenant. He likes to cook.
He has use of the stove and full kitchen- uses part of the bigger fridge and the pantry upstairs. (Some tenants have stayed only in the basement. Some like to cook and like to be more integrated in the household and are a bit more chatty- which he is- pleasant but not intrusive. A good, friendly roommate. )

Well, my new tenant cooked this AM. He left the dishes in the sink when he went down to his crib and ate his breakfast in his space down there.

Then he came back up and did his dishes

and also apparently grabbed and washed my cup of tea
that I recently had made! LOL

I came to write about it as I found it hilarious.

Karma, right??? HA HA HA

OK now last ditch effort to log in. If fails then clean room and just get my work for client done later.

This is why I LOVE working for myself!
No stress.
I can even nap if really need to. ( Still yawning. I have not taken a mid day nap in longer than can recall to be honest... but feel like could today. My boyfriend and I both had colds/ me then him, and I still have achy shoulders so honestly am suspicious of the negative covid tests we both had. We both used rapid tests. He visited his bestie in town, who just came down with COVID and I worry we/ meaning he., but then likely I brought it to him.. Then again I got the booster last week? Week Before? recently-- and it might be achy shoulders from the flu shot and that booster.

BUT I still feel like might be fighting something. Not exhausted tired; just a little; and just a little bit achy.

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!

Hey Jesse - 2023-12-04


Where did the KEEP private button go? USED To be on here. This entry really just for me as the writing was a relaxation process - 2023-12-03


How did you pick the date of a DATING anniversary? - 2023-12-02


AH time for on line shopping !! - December 1, 2023


Getting it done. JIT 4 bus!! - 2023-11-29