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2024-02-11 - 1:08 p.m.

I went to church in person as once started listening realized it was just silly to be concerned about walking in late. My church is welcoming and graciously opens arms in joy, I mean no lie- literally joyful real smiles. It was good to see dome of the good church peeps.

Realized there was also a mtg I should attend for some community volunteer 🙋‍♀️ things upcoming anyway.

This group does try to be a meaningful community parter doing good in the world.
It's heartfelt and real.
Good peeps

Also apprechiate not only the spiritual shared prayer experience but the chance to get out of my own head.

So helpful to turn and look around to others to see how can show up for them.

Especially helpful to me, as when try to help my kid she get angry and does not want my help.

Her line, boundary is tightly held in a circle around her. She doesn't let me in it often. It's a small circle .
Not yet much room for others and that is quite OK and to be respected


Hard for parents sometimes to get it when thst shift happens as truly kids start as in our circle.

It the little things I'm inclined to want to do and sometimes FORGET to stop myself from doing that she used to either tolerate or let me and I did not know she didn't like for some time ( but sge has made known), so I KNOw but old habits die hard. It's just so natural and instinctive to want to be a caretaker at times, to want to be helper. Things I would do for say, some resident old persons in the work environments I am in or my boyfried or other kids in my family who would not find the action offensive. But each person different. I get it that some would never welcome me turning off their device. In past I did that for her.
I don't know when the shift happened -

Like if she fell asleep 😴 as a child or young person With light or electronics on I would shut them off if I awake in middle of night and she was snoring asleep.


So , Oops last night when awoke at 3am she was snoring and the light on a ( ipad?) was on and it was playing something....video...music

It was so bright.
She was snoring.

I shut it off and she woke angry I entered her room and touched it. Her door was open. I have to remember that open door is NOT an invitation. BUMMER as I shut it off thinking the bright light would interfere with sleep. I did not think she would wake up! And be mad!

As 3am I just was not thinking.

Mess up. Oh well.
Trying to spend time with her and not be considered nagging.

She is sensitive and it's a sore spot when I ask if she has plans or needs support to try the next step of her goals. I think if she doesn't have a goal or know the next step she should try something , ANYTHNG - just pick something. She can always quit, give it up and keep exploring possibilities. But if I say that she gets upset with me and feels nagged.

I need to just spend time with her and focus on the relationship. I know this.
I find it hard.

But I did enjoy just watching Lord of the Rings with her last night.

I just have to say yes when she welcomes me in her world where she is at.

That and nothing more until and if she asks. I know this is what can best help her as I tried other methods again to guide her and they were fruitless. I Sent her the info of the Doctors who take her new insurance. One is just a 5 minute walk at the office literally across the main street.

So Close! ( Carefully picked insurance plan)

But I can't force her to cross the street.

Can't force her to go to an appointment.


I can invest in the $100 possibility ( missed appt fee) but it will be throwing away money if I try to do what would be received as controlling and make an appt for her and encourage her to go if she doesn't go.


She has to want to treat her own health before she will do it.


This kinda breaks my heart.

And darn the website says " Not accepting new patients" when put in the Dr. She was assigned to.

Sigh

This is a problem. I SENT the link to her then saw that. I will keep trying....

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Very quiet night. - 2024-02-11

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