2023-04-07 - 11:44 a.m.

So random and unimportant

BUT
I am awaiting the day which I predict will come (unless I missed something and it is already happened?)
when my fav Christian singer, Lauren Daigle, comes out as gay. Yeah I listen to the Christian radio as there are so many of them on the air here in VA. It's hard to avoid them, and you know, when scrolling and listening some of the music is actually good! I mean I love singer songwriters so when hear a good song leave it on.

I am just getting gay vibes from her social media.

Maybe I am wrong and she is just an ally, which frankly would be in a way even MORE AWESOME
as then she would make it more ok for those not gay and Chrisitan to speak up and support others.

But...I am just getting this thought. That she is herself going to come out some day.

I think this is such a great article on the value of discernment and how it is OK to NOT BE SURE about some things but take time to reflect. This should be true for one's gender identity as well. I don't think it is a bad thing that more teens are vocal about their years of discernment in figuring out who they are. I think it being a process is a reality for some- but that does not mean some are in a "questioning phase" that will PASS. That is a different mindset of not accepting the reality of who one is and thinking it is a phase and I find I quickly lose patience with those who have that mindset.

I got angry as when chatting with a friend they asked me "Is she still?"
I was irritated and said
"Do you mean are they still trans?" and said
"Yes and frankly I wish they could just have full medical transition- create the whole body of the gender identity they REALLY identify as and get beyond the THEY and become a he and then navigate life as no one would KNOW they are trans and it would be so much easier. They could just go into the world and it would be MUCH Easier to be accepted and move on with next phase of life."

I mean I think this IN BETWEEN Is where there is such hostility

but once someone has a full transition

( And I do think my kid has expressed they really would rather be a he but to them they seemed, just easier... but then again maybe I am resistant to the non binary? And that is really just as VALID of an identity and I just get frustrated at others' not accepting that? Maybe it is something I NEED to get better at accepting myself? Being more mindful of use of they all the time? YES I do with the world was read for they and it was not so darn hard. I DO Talk of my kids who use THEY in those terms most often. Sometimes I forget with my oldest- simply I suppose as had longer time using another pronoun. Also cause that adult child is not here all the time so I speak of/refer to/interact less with them. So more in habit of THEY for the "They" who lives with me. I get downright annoyed myself when someone who has known FOR YEARS NOW of the identity of that kid of mine when they insist on using the wrong pronoun!)

But I did say-
" If they would transition then NO ONE ELSE KNOWS
NO ONE ELSE CAN TELL,
I mean unless one wants to share
with those most intimate,
But the rest of the world would never know and one can just BE
I mean just freaking BE
without the challenges."

So yeah that was more about My desire for it to be less burdensome. NOT ALL TRANS PEOPLE WANT TO TRANSITION.

I don't even know if my kid wants to. I think I asked and they said YES once, but honestly I forget. I know they are just happy to have decent healthcare and basic hormonal care at least.

I did add in responding to what I reacted to as an insulting question, of my kids identity- regarding the ability to change one's body, that I do think it different when one is an adult rather than a child.
I personally think there should NOT be bans on parents allowing their kids to transition in instances where both parents are on board and I think in some cases it is really freaking obvious from VERY YOUNG when a child is born with an innate gender. (Whether it is the one born with biologically or other.)

I mean I know a couple children- little boys , male at birth who from a VERY YOUNG AGE
just wanted to be girls.

I know of three such individuals I can think of off the top of my head. Who insisted on girls clothing, girls names, interests were all more feminine. One transitioned. Two are actually still children. But I am telling you there interest is CONSISTENT and not ENCOURAGED.

Just IS
who they are. One is a child of a couple I know in my community, and I am telling you that child just is insistent and consistent in their self-expression and has two hetero parents, this is not learned behavior, but clearly just who that little kid is. The child has a brother, does not even have a sister at all interestingly, but has consistently gravitated toward the toys in school that have traditionally been for girls. Has interest in the dress up clothes for the girls, favorite color is pink etc. I mean the parents were trying to socialize this genetically born boy at birth as a typical boy and at every turn his preference is really clear it is of a different nature than they expected. But they love and accept this little boy and let him be himself and are navigating the insistence that is just not letting up as he grows.
There are some kids like that- yes rare, but they do exist. So if two parents of such a kid support a transition when young, I can back that and don't see harm in it. I see good in that! I mean I think the trans persons I know who DID undergo full medical transition would say they wish they could have done it sooner. School may have been bearable. Life may have been less painful. The ones I know who transitioned were HAPPIER AFTER The procedure.

Statistically there are very few who detransition and regret the choice. BUT EVEN IF THERE ARE SOME WHO DO -
they are the anomaly.
They have a right to their choice to change their mind and be respected. BUT they can only speak from their experience and for themselves.

What I disagree with is that anyone can understand fully what is best for another child and do think it has to be respected that parents be the ones to make a decision for their child. Criminalization of parents for the wrong decision does not make any sense to me at all related to this issue.

The thing is , if there is actual abuse of a child because they are NOT ACCEPTED
then the abuse will be verbal, emotional and present in ways other than a decision to support or not support medical care. We should be concerned about protecting children from child abuse. That is the issue we should focus on. Not focus on the issue of whether a parents can choose their child's medical care. I think the fact that has even become a question is really messed up frankly.

I can agree with not allowing a transition if there are two parents and one does not agree with the choice. I don't call that abuse on the part of the parents as I firmly believe a child who is trans will grow into an adult who is trans
will not outgrow WHO THEY ARE inherently and that they will be OK when go through the transition later IF THEY WANT. Sure it would be EASIER to not have to prolong the hell of puberty for such persons by going through it TWICE. BUT it won't be a challenge they cannot overcome, and I personally don't buy into it being such the life or death medical decision if not able to go through a physical medical transition with puberty blockers EARLIER. It think the reason for suicides has less to do with the support or lack thereof of actual MEDICAL transition but moreso the lack of support of ACCEPTING A TRANS PERSON AS THEY WANT TO REPRESENT AND BE in this world.

I mean I think some parents can be loving and accepting and still put off supporting a full medical transition til age 18 and I do not think that is transphobic.
Or abusive.

So my views are somewhere in the middle of the folks calling it abuse to not allow transition under age 18

and those calling it abuse to allow transition under age 18.

Both those views are not looking at all factors and the big picture. I think EACH individual kid's situation is unique and I think that each child needs to be given what THE CHILD NEEDS.

So yeah in some cases, if a kid is literally suicidal and transition will help them- it WOULD BE literally abuse to not support what they need. BUT I think those are anomalies. I do personally think there are other issues at play and depression can and should be treated by means other than going under a knife. (And I think it POSSIBLE it can be treated other ways.) But that does not invalidate the acceptance of a trans person's identity as ESSENTAIL to their mental health. I think it is a significant and essential part of mental health to be able to be in a safe space accepted for who you are. I think, considering that most trans people themselves don't immediately require a full medical transition (or want one, many never want one) That it is ridiculous to make that one aspect of trans person's reality such a big issue to fight over.

THAT IS WHY I THINK IT RIDICULOUS TO BAN such healthcare at all.

I am against the ban on children undergoing the knife when both parents and doctors and medical professionals, and psychologists and psychiatrists all agree it is the best course of action for a particular child in a particular moment/circumstance.

YET I also don't devalue some of the Detransitioners insight. We need to LISTEN To them. Some are genuine and do have concern. There may be some spaces that need evaluation to be sure there is not someone pushing their view without sound medical evaluation and sound discretion. Some of those voicing concerns may have valid concerns that should not be dismissed.

In short each kid should be able to get what they need. OVERALL
You can support your kids identity but still not want them to not go under a knife until fully grown.

To me that is not about not respecting the child's identity

BUT is about respecting that there are rights of parents, and until 18 a child is the child of two parents. I don't' give a crap how BAD a parent is , that parent still has a right to be a parent and involved in decisioning-
I still think you PROTECT kids from ABUSE
but can and should allow those same kids to maintain a relationship EVEN with an abusive parent once the threat of abuse has been addressed and is not a threat. (Sure if the threat is not able to be mitigated then the relationship will be severed but that is exceedingly rare that it is necessary!)

I say this from my own experience.

And from observing the experience of those in my community around me- my friend the winery owner as an example of an abusive parent who nonetheless, despite moments of abuse, still did SOME things right as a parent. I think of how at his daughter's graduation from engineering school she genuinely THANKED her father for his love and support. HE is now SO PROUD of her as she lives and works in Seattle as an engineer with her six figure kickin job and is truly happy and herself.

*I Also think he got over the anger at her transition- male to female. It was a process. I think he finally got beyond the dealing with his anger, his personalizing her choice. His feeling it was rejection of him- I mean he had to get over not having a son ( he has two children and both now are his daughters.)
It is hard for parents to give up the image of who they think their children WILL BE in the world and to love the children they have sometimes. But HE DID IT. Now I know he also would have done it if she ended up being an artist living in some bohemian city and not the engineer. That is all fact- it was the process he had to go through of accepting the child was not who he expected that was HIS ISSUE and he dealt with it and now can love who she is.

I watched the relationship with him continue. She comes to see him and appreciates the father she has and has mourned the loss of the father she hoped he could be; and learned to love the one his was/is.

My younger kids are still going through this process with their father and each are on a different path in the process just a each relationship is unique.

BUT they ALL have a relationship with their father.

And yeah even if my kid sometimes says they hate me! (YES I HEAR THAT SOMETIMES)
and even if they at times said they hated their Dad...

this is not unusual for some kids-
and truth is I know that each of my kids still loves us both and have learned to navigate their own disappointment we are not the parents they WISH they had!

It is a process for both parents and children to go through.

SO yeah-

I think it is important for a child to learn to navigate a relationship even with a BAD parent. I have been consistent in this. I don't see how severing the relationship completely AS A CHILD is helpful.

I think that is a choice for an adult to make OR EVEN An older child, but there is still respect for the parent as the actual parent in having legal rights. Legal rights are not removed unless it is so egregious and harmful to a child and honestly I don't see not allowing a medical transition to fall into that category in most instances (not to say it could not, it could- but that seems rare to me that there are not other ways to support a child who is trans.)

One thing is clear to me: the ASSUMPTION that it is "trendy" to be on the LGBTQ spectrum is such nonsense. The fact of some needing to go through a process of discernment about their own gender identity is to me more about the fact some who ARE different need to find how to identify who they are and how they can navigate this world. This is not new. What is new is in fact that the social views have changed but this increase of kids identifying as on the LGBTQ spectrum does not mean it is just a trend. I think it means in the past there was not space for those kids to self-identify so they had to hide their actual identities. I don't think that there are MORE homosexual or non-binary folks than in past, but that we have come further in society overall such that kids today are not shut down when they express their reality if it is not heterosexual. Parents and teachers and communities are a bit more accepting than they were 30 years ago so sure the numbers who identify LGBTQ are increasing among youth. YES we can call this a trend, as that is true that this is the general direction of the change- that there are more identified LGBTQ youth. But the term "trendy" means in vogue, popular and suggest the reason is that kids are SWAYED by social pressure to follow a trend. That is where I disagree-
as a trend of a pattern of social movement does not equate
trendy as in group think that is influencing.

We are not there! There are not sufficient numbers and the LGBTQ student community does not hold enough power to be creating any TRENDY movements! Trendy to me implies fleeting, like styles that come and then go. I don't think the increase in LGBTQ identification is any trend that will wax and wane. I think the fact is there are various identified not before acknowledged, and once acknowledge those with these different identities ignored before but now recognized are not going to go back to being invisible.
The increase in LGBTQ identify is not going away.

I don't think inherently heterosexual people have that question of attraction to the other sex. So heterosexual folks have not had that experience of needing discernment, therefore it is hard for some to relate to. But its a matter of LISTENING And accepting OTHER'S reality that you have not experienced. This is so crucial! I mean it just doesn't happen for many of us that we would even have to discern! Many men never experienced attraction to a man and never will, and likewise many women just will never even have that question "what would it be like to kiss a girl?" -But there are so many OTHERS for whom this is normal. We need to not dismiss their reality and experience of the world. SO YES- as the article below mentions- we have to allow space for not being sure in both faith and in knowledge of self to allow for process of discernment. The other expressions of gender are realities for many and should not be dismissed and ignored just because they are not mainstream.

All this from seeing Lauryn Daigle post perhaps the most gay thing I have seen in a while which is also hilarious and fabulous-

A gay friend posted a hilarious parody by Randy Rainbow ( I never heard of him before- topic off topic of the point of my thoughts, other than to say it made me laugh) AND then my feed then showed this next! HA HA At first I thought FB actually showed a repost of the above by Lauren. (Maybe? Maybe my imagination! HA Ha )

https://www.facebook.com/laurendaiglemusic/videos/616512967180121/

then reading the below articles spurred my reaction of writing:

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2018/12/let-lauren-daigle-be-unsure-about-lgbt-relationships/577651/

Not my business at all- but somehow it is where my brain went this AM.

I think she is exceptionally talented and enjoy her music.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/news/christian-singer-lauren-daigle-holds-community-vigil-in-place-of-concert/ar-AA199kEm

I think today I am going to watch Godspell.

It is after all Easter season. I am going to enjoy the run I planned this AM. I just found myself writing after checking email and no work in queue and a day off after working at the retirement community past few days filling in for the full time gal. I love days where I can just write and go where led.

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