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2021-05-31 - 8:56 a.m.

Morning pages
I am suppose to write unabashedly, uncensored and unedited so I think this morning the paper journal, the old fashioned more private mode will suit best.

However just to say came here as I know I documented something some time ago...
a kind of foreshadowing

a dream

that , well,,,
became a reality.

The fantasy actualized.

It is both so remarkable and wonderful and surprising and unexpected

yet at the same time foreshadowed.

Anyone else ever have a vivid dream of something that later manifests?

Manifestation is definitely the word. Reality only happens when we make choices for the possibilities we then embrace.

The magical part is sometimes desires and choices seem almost beyond oneself, or rather they come from within without consciousness from our subconscious selves.

We tap into them only in times really of stillness.

Of rest
Of being YES just being which really is enough at times
Of creating
Of allowing the gift within us to manifest and emerge unblocked.

It is a remarkable thing this thing called a rest, called a vacation day, when we unplug from what I really see as the distractions of this business if really living. When we disengage from the necessary that is only necessary as at some point it was allowable for the decisioners, the influencers to create the world we are in.

So the rest were then in that created reality and need to respond to it, navigate it and succeed in it.

Yet when we are in touch with ourselves, our true selves we are happy and can find the alignment of both this world in and our innermost passions and desires. We can find joy in the gift of whatever responsibilities, whatever work we are given to be stewards of; only

When we allow the alchemy of trust to happen; To let ourselves be fully authentic wherever we are.

I just had an absolutely beautiful day yesterday. It was so beautiful, so full and complete actually in any moment. Like it could have ended a dozen times for me and have been enough.
Yet there was more ; the unexpected more as the day unfolded into beautiful surprises.

Morning started with church. I went in person, in the building for the first time since Covid.

I forgot the date of the official opening up, but knew if it was not yet the official date there would be only a handful of the vaccinated running the audio visual and singing and I would be welcomed.

I sang from the pew. Afterwards the tenor who sang invited me to come join them early next week. We had a lovely brief conversation in which I said I will as it is time to stop my avoidment of commitment!
Pastor told me they really need an alto since he is retiring ( this is a small church).

Nice visit with friends. Oh the full circle of it all. This is the irony- My friends just sold their place to downsize. I first met them when neighbors in the early years of my marriage when I first moved here to Virginia. Their kids are college age now (their youngest that is.) Life is so very, very funny as Pastor and I were there chatting with them. I had sent an email out to the folks I am deacon for inviting them to visit with Pastor and I before he retires. His wife is joining him on many of these visits but he asked me to do same for the folks I am deacon to. We have an organization system whereby each Deacon is given their community to specifically minister to.

This beautiful couple offered their space for a few to visit. They have a new place, with nice outdoor space to visit.

So we are intending one of the farewell gatherings to be there rather than have Pastor have to go to various homes at various times. Anyone not wanting to entertain can come to this lovely couple's home.

After church I took care of my family responsibilities: Grocery shopping where I had a nice chat with another old neighbor, the daughter of a lady who was a dear dear friend of mine for some years. Her mother and I actually exchanged a number of letter when I was in NY for the years when went back and forth from the farmstead and the NY homes. She was a grounding person for me, anchoring, supportive and so loving to be such a good friend. We became friends when I had met her with the Boy Scouts visiting neighbors asking for participation in their annual food drive and she was wildly drunk , enraged, beside herself with sadness and shock as just found out her husband had fallen in love with another and was leaving her. It was a dramatic mess of a scene-
and I quickly entrusted the scouts to venture to the next house alone and gave her compassion and kindness then came back at her request as she did have such need for a friend.

Those moments, when one is the one there when you need someone, really cement a friendship. She had been an acquaintance friend prior. We had gone to dinner, both couples. We had been social friends in the social world of the wealthy lets pretend we are British crowd.

It was the unmasking of the façade of it all. The getting to the real that resulted in the real friendship. She wrote a dissertation on Hannibal Lector.. LOL I always remember that!! LOL it was hilarious actually...

Expert on psychopathy.

She proved very helpful to me!! LOL

Life is #@%Ij7 funny! I mean I could not make up this stuff that has happened to me. I am a creative storyteller but it has all been beyond my wildest imaginings.

So after grocery shopping it was just a nice day to connect with family. Spoke to my kids and a brother. Had the best conversation with my oldest as we were both talking about The Artist's Way as she spent the day before as a DO NOTHING recharge day and found herself reading it cover to cover. She said she wanted to read it all before digging in and doing the work of it.

So there is this then:
I was happy to go spend time in my happy place. Me and my book, The Artist's Way, at the winery of my friend where I would buy a glass of wine then leave with the eggs for the family
And I was so thrilled to just enter the zone of that moment.
It was a beautiful Artist Date with self.

I really love going there for that as my friend is busy working and shooting the breeze with his customers. He wonderfully gives me no attention nor needs it from me when he is working. I am not like the other customers. He says hello of course, but no need to court me for me to come back. That is if I show up alone.. if I bring a group he is the ever attentive host. It is frankly really a different experience to hang there when he is working as I get in my zone and he is in his.

I had thought of trying to schedule my planned Artist Date for a particular restaurant I have always wanted to go to but have never been to.

The time just felt right.

I thought about it but put if off thinking I should pay all the bills first , take care of responsibilities. Then Friday night when absolutely exhausted I ordered in food for the whole family.

It seems like such a splurge to take myself, and only me out to a fancy restaurant.

But then I thought about the message of church this morning- really

and I thought about how this is the particular challenge I am working on overcoming- Not wanting to invest MONEY in the things that give me pleasure. just for me
and I thought about how I can do it when it comes to ART or going to live shows or music or making a donation to a worthy non profit doing good work in being a steward of this earth or its people caring for them,
and how I should just go to the darn restaurant in the stunningly beautiful location that I have always wanted to go to.

I left the winery at closing time ( 5pm), and decided that it was a beautiful night and I would take a drive, perhaps call and see if there is any chance of a table ( not at all likely- knew that!) but figured would at least drive to take in the georgous views and check out the area a bit more closely as I honestly have never been there before. It is a place on my bucket list but I never so much as drove down the road this restaurant was on.

No I did not get a table. I called and got the voicemail. They call back to make the reservations and need them in advance , especially during social distancing still underway. (YEAH the place honors mask wearing but for when eating. Not like a few other local restaurants I would not consider YET. When crowd immunity is higher.. yes... but not yet.)

It is a tiny place
among this majestic vistas of the mountains.

So I drove the back roads stunningly beautiful and stopped to take out my new phone with a nice camera and take some pictures.
I went for a walk at a georgous and empty part. It was cold but beautiful.

The sky was remarkable with indigo and mauve and just a sight to behold as I drove home. I stopped at a brewery with a breathtaking view just to capture that by walking on their grounds for a few minutes. (I had no intention of a drink or food) so was happy when told after I took photos that they were about to close, it was last call so it didn't seem as odd to take advantage of their view then leave!! LOL

This particular space, this mountain itself is also a happy place for me. I have hiked it many times.

So it was just a gorgeous day.
The stuff dreams are made of.
I felt the earth under my feet and looked at the sky and reveled in the beauty.

I am so glad I went for that ride.. And the pictures on my phone!!

just wow
completely unexpected to have these moments.

Its been a long time since I just enjoyed the loss of self when taking pictures of something beautiful. That was something I so enjoyed in the past.

Just to have the TIME to meander and be and see where one is led to go.

What a gift

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