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2022-10-21 - 2:27 p.m.

WFT?? My youngest wanted to see the eye dr and have an eye appointment and get new glasses.

A reasonable request.
I have ZERO Credit available and clearly do not have cash for this at this point.
I brought her to the appointment assuming she had already discussed with her Dad and he was intending to pay for her glasses. OR that she was paying for them herself.I know she called him from the appointment to discuss frame prices and know from having heard the conversation with sibling who said he had gvien the sibling a limit of "don't pcik out frames more than $100" or somethign like that in past.

My only comment was prices have gone up so maybe his threshold might be a bit higher as honesly it is hard to find a frame now with a tag under 100.

What kind of parent would tell their kid when they ask if the price is ok when finally get ahold of the parent- ( My kid went with the cheapest frames could find that they liked at Target optical) of I think $215 total- for a new set of glasses
" I pay $400 a month to have you on my insurance. Your mom can pay for this"

When the dude KNOWS I am out of work. WTF?

I already asked him for help just once this year for the one damn medical bill co pay for the allergist and my kid says to me

"Don't ask him to pay for htis cause you always do that."
What the fuck?
Why is my kid angry at ME at the idea of asking her Dad to buy her new glasses which she needs?

THat to me is truly fucked up.

She has some sense of unfairness? Like it is unfair to ask? (So she said) Cause he told her this?
I said
Why are you even talking to me about this? Did you not just ask your Dad to pay for your glasses?

Whether he says no is not related to his choice to carry you on the family plan he has.

Separate issue

The qyestion I heard you ask him was if the $215 was affordable for him to get glasses for you.
His yes or no has nothing to do with me.
I ALSO happen to NOT be able to do that for you now.

so ask him

Whether he chooses to or not has nothing to do with me.

I hate his deflection of his responsibility of his choices to be incluing any thing about my ability or inability to do same.

what the fuck difference does it make?

I mean if makes no fucking difference to me if he can afford to support the kids or not I don't fucking even ask him for help BUT FOR when I can't provide something.
My choice to support my kids in their needs is NOT Contingent on their father being involved or not.

That to me is what is fucked up.

Either you say yes to help your kid or you say no.

The answer is yours dude. Not related to whatever else you provided for the kid. Weather that is health insurance or other support. The answer is if you want to do this thing now.
uts either yes or no
and any discussion of other stuff is bull shit red herring deflection of taking accountabiliuty for you DECISION in THIS MOMENT

I mean either you can do it or not
either you CHOOSE to do this for your kid or not.

Don't fucking use BS Excuses about what I am able to do or not do or say NO out of some fucked up sense of "fairness".

What the fuck.

Who MEASURES what the other parent is doing when determining to meet a need of their child?
THat is what I find so very fucked up.

Look at your fucking kid's need.

Don't fucking be so ego self centered to feel some sense of ...I don't know what it is... Fucking taking it personally if the other parent is not in a position to meet your kids need so the kid has to ask you??

I just don't get it.

I mean I have never seen any other parent do that kinda shit. I swear I never have seen any other parent NOT be willing to help their kid cause they think it is the other parent's responsbility.

I am just so baffled by that.

So fucked up.

Damn if folks did that then the neediest kids would be left with LESS SUPPORT

What the fuck?
I am ANGRY Now and few things make me angry because my kid was ANGRY AT ME when got off the phone with her Dad !! WHAT??

HE says no and then the kid is angry AT ME?

Just makes no fucking sense.. Then my kid mentions they have the money in their bank account but no debit card. I said - so go to the bank and get a card and buy the glasses yourself if you have it.

What the helll.

I find this so baffling to me. I ,mean at 18 my mother was one of the younger siblings in a family with nine kids and an alcoholic father who by then was drinking and I am not sure able to work or had sprialed deep into alcoholism or still workign but drinking his wages. NOt sure which.
BUT My mother was alwasy somewhat resentful that despiet getting a college scholarhip it was never CONSIDERED for her to go to college as it was assumed she wuold remain home to care for her mother and younger siblings. The older ones went off to college or had gotten married. Some of the older girls were not, well , as responsbile by nature truth be told. The guys were off in college, the other siblinge a little older got away via getting married
and my mom stayed home and at 18 landed a very good job as the clerk of the local court and was PROUD she was able to earn money to pay the morgage and basic needs of her fmaily home

At 18 my mother was the provider along with help from one older brother. He was one of the older ones who remainded a batchelor and took a federal job and sent moey homet to support their mom nad youngest siblings.

So between that one uncle and my mom they maninained that household in Chardon, Ohio after alcoholism got the best of their Dad
AND the health of my granmother who had nine kids was truly such that she was in chronic pain herslef. I heard of her ailments which she never comp;ained of second hand. She had a lovely disposition but as was not unuaul at the time was a mother who stayed home to raise the kids and did not work outside of the home.

I guess I just think of this as times certainly have changed.

I think of my father and his siblings as well. Their father TOO was ALSO a lawyer alcoholic! I suppose that was what my Dad and Mom had in common! They both were raised by mothers technically married but who had alcoholic husbands that dropped the ball on provinding for family due to illness.

No one got divorced then! HA HA Or rather few Catholics did. They just separated and lived separate single lives.

So my father's mother was proud she WAS a working mother. Which was rare at the time She took the LIRR into Manhattan where she was very proud of her work as an Executive Admin.

( Funny I was just looking at a posting for an Administrative Assistant- basically a concierge reception position- as those jobs come to me due to my work at the retirement community and it said 0-1 yrs of expereince! Essentially a PERFECT entry level WELL PAID job in the city for some ambitious young high school grad who is open to hopping on the commuter bus or train and landing an excellent paying entry level job with a HS degree.!)

But boy times have changes. My parents and their parents would have JUMPED at such opportunity and looked for jobs and hustled and hopped on the train and pounded the pavement with their resume and being the best dressed possible to land a job TO SUPPORT their FAMILIES. Their mothers and siblings and yes even to give help to their alsoholic fathers -- Hell the addict is a person and frakly love and compassion is kind and no one is going to change the addict but family and friends CAN be sure the addict gets GOOD food and keeps a roof and that is compassionate and loving.

I just don't understand how in the generation NOW the kids are not inclined to helo their family. Seems to me not inclined to want to help themselves that much either, I just don't undersandt it.
My kid said she could pay for her glasses but asked iif I could save to pay her back.

I am so baffled by that mentality of ENTITLEMENT

It makes no fucking sense to me. When I was 16 I started buying my clothes or buing material and making some ( I loved to do that.) I hopped on the bus to go to the mall and was PROUD of the new clothing items I purchased. I still reacall how happy I was to work and earn my own paycheck and get my own clothing. I did not buy glasses until in college, but do recall going to the eye dr and taking care of that too.

I just recall the mentality was DIFFERENT. EVEN When living home all the teens I knew EXPECTED to be finanially independent AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

That was a GOAL. It was a GIVEN! It was not expected to have parents pay for your shit after you hit 18 but for the few wealthy kids who DID have parents hand them cars at 16. But even among those kids SOME were EXPECTED to take jobs! I worked with some kids from really wealthy families who were EXPECTED To get a job to learn how to work and provide for self and to learn life skills.

I recall a kid I worked with that lived on a HUGE estate and had a hiorse and was headed to medical school. He lived home to save money and get applications in for med school but worked at the Waldbaums supermarket with us locals when home. I alwasy admired him as he lived in Westbury NY on some massive estate and clearly his parents could have provided everything for him BUT THEY INSISTED he work. He was quite happy with this! He was an awesome down to earth cool co worker ( even if he had fancier clothes and some swanky nice car. We did not judge him... HA HA) I remeber being utterly confused at first why he would be dricing to work this job when his parents were weathy and could have supported him. I literally asked and we had some interesteing conversations about that as he was not at all put off my my direct inquiry after I had become friends with him! He was Asian and it was all about learning work ethic. OK To be fair- There was indeed a LACK of work ethic among some of the wealthier kids in the area I lived but I honestly did not know them! I just knew the folks I worked with who were an awesome cross section of people from various towns of various cultures.

I think working along side my friend from the wealthy family, and alongside the gal who bussed in from Queens who stole cans of cat food, who told me about her meth experiences was truly a learning experience. I worked with and learnd from all sorts of different peiole. ( And was happy when she was telling me of her excersions in her neighborhood she was saying it was better to be working than home with nothing to do but that. She worried me at first- til it was clear she continued to come to work and was reliable and hard working. She took a few buses to make it our way where the pay was better and the streets not as rought! She said once that if really hungry could eat cat food and I didn't know if she was serious and trying to shock me or if in fact her home was so poor that she HAD been eating cat food until her first few paychecks came in.

But I listened and was very matter of fact and non reactive
and also took her to be totally honest when she told me that her family was so poor at times she did eat cat food.

The conversation ensued I think when I caught sight of her slipping a can in her smock. Hmmm.. turns out some do eat cat food !

I am pretty sure it was her first week on the job and frankly trusted it was sincere and she was hungry and we were working that aisle and it was what was easiest in the moment.
I also am sure that after workign there a few weeks if she had resorted to that , she would not have to continue to do so!

ONce got beyond her protective rough exterieor I got along fine with her and she was a good worker who did a good job I just overlooked the cat food... and moved on but had let her know not to let me see her do that again. I think I said soething like would let it go that one time...and let her know once paid the Deli Manager would sell really great $1 sandwiches. I think I said It would be really dumb to get fired over a can of cat food if anyone sees you and reports it.

I just hope for my kids to have some great first job experiences too where they work with and meet all sorts of people and listen and learn from them all.

I ended up not going swimming today and am just writing and resting in between job hunting. Recuiters are really active on Fridays! HA They must have quotas they try to meet.
The calls always come in on Fridays with job postings. I say yes to at least two recruiters each Friday to be submitted to some W2 job it seems.
So I ended up not swimming as was ready to go and decided to take the dog for another walk first.

I just heard the comments from my kid "Don't ask Dad to pay for my glasses" and it was so disappointing for me- that I took a walk.
And coming back I was looking down as we were walking down the sidewalk, and I was going at a good clip, and walked RIGHT INTO two pieces of metal from a truck parked a few houses away from me. The metal siding? or some parts- were overhanging the back end of the flatbed of the truck- sticking out
and I walked RIGHT into them-
and got TWO cuts under my eye where it smacked me right in the face.

I was looking down and had not seen it til it smacked me. I was looking at the ground and the dog.
Peeps keep sidewalks clear of hazards please!

I came inside and washed my smacked face to see the damage happy to see my eye itself was OK! ( I was not sure at first! IT smacked so close to my eye)

I just have a cut very close to my eye below it, and one on my face a good couple inches long actually,

I put on neosporin and iced it.
But I was not up tp going swimming! Not now!

I hope it is not an ugly bruise. The bandgages stuck well. I wanted to position one better but it is so stuck and hard to remove from face without hurting that I am leaving it where it is. I am just very glad I JUST took a bath before I had decided to go swimming! Cause now I won't want to get this part of my face wet for a couple days to help it heal.

The top cut is deeper than the lower cut, but only the one side of it a bit deep and even at that not too bad.. I likely will have a bit of a scar.

Likely on both spots.
But I am not going to go see a Dr. Honestly not needed.

Hell my days of modeling are over.
And I am not some actor who needs to maintain a pretty face for my income! It will not be anything pronounced or that bad,
Just a bummer.

I wanted to swim as I think exercise helps my joint pain and the past few days pain has been kicking up at night. I think it is because it is colder out- so that was another motivation to turn the heat on earlier than usual. At night my joints , right knee and shin as well have been aggrevated.

So today ended up being just a day of rest for the most part!

Just chilling and llisteing to my kids play their games and interact occassioanly and being present with them.

It is what it is.

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