2023-03-04 - 7:30 a.m.
I did not bring my car in.
Maybe only a couple days of working? YEAH Truth be told
It is exhausting doing a careful read and analysis and not wanting to miss a thing that could present risk and any surprise down the road.
My job is kinda like playing chess.
I am not a good chess player truth be told!! HA So that is perhaps an awful analogy.
Chess requires excellent visualization skills. Seeing the Queen's Gambit helped me realize WHY I am not a good chess player.
I have trouble with visualization of things. I am not the visual artist.
I am the weaver of words
I think of a friend who said same of herself but then when I went to her house it looked like it could have been a Better Homes and Gardens model home. I mean her home made me want to WRITE a lovely article about it! HA HA
My bestie would tell me to describe it .
I think she would descibe in great details the colors, how upon driving up you see a cottage with popping of blue on porch trim and a yard just bursting with blooms in bright pinks yellows and blues. She would have the words for every shade of each
She is the real writer
Who can find the words
and sometimes with apasia finds the wrong word or it takes a while.
My best friend has been diagnosed with dementia.
This is not a surprise to me. I understand and know the symptoms and saw the symptoms
And I wish I could capture her words as she poeticlly shares them
But it is exausting. I can't type as quickly as she speaks in her quick and yes pressured speech bubbling over in anxiety at times but at other times in sheer exhuberant joy and appreachiation of the beauty she sees and shares
as she sits upon waking to take in the sunrise from the window on the California coast
A kite with Superman she was fixing and looking forward to fly in honor of a boy she helped raise
that sat in the car
I have documents capturing her words ( Some not all as some flew by too quickly and are like art created only for the moment of the witness)
Her life is theater at its finest
such depth and such emotive movements
both a pulling in
This is just the more dramatic playing out of what so many experience at smaller moments of their lives,
The friends/lovers who seek intimacy then pull back beause it is terrifying when one gets to close to seeing who they really are.
She has powerful healing energy
That same energy that can heal can also be destructive.
She is happiest and at her best when caretaker of others
YET they never fully trust her
BUT because she does not trust.
It is hard to trust someone who is so guarded
who is so independent and solitary and free and will never be contrained and relies on movement and flow of energy
She is like water that flows into lives and keeps moving
So I listen as she speaks and capture her words and have told her I would love to help her tell her story as I can type and spell and navigate some things of this world just a bit better than she.
But yet she is the poet
She also loves to paint and I remember one of my favorite things was that her home when she had her own space was such a beautful one
Which she let go of
I know her truth is she was trying to let go
I am glad she has not chosen to check out
Yet at the same time don't fear her choices
I am at peace with her being who she is and choosing her life on her terms
I think of The Glass Castle
I have this fantasy that my friend is not really destitute
It would be a good story
But it would offer a place to sleep other than WalMart parking lots across the country when traveling
to watch the sunrise.
So today I am grateful for my bed in my home and happy to just BE HERE as I awoke to take in the beautiful pink layers of clouds streaking across the baby blue of sky behind the grey brown trees with thinned winter evergreen leaves and just few deciduous rust colored, dried? or early blossoms? peeking out here and there
I went on a winter hike recently and the vista was remarkable
What struck me most on that hike was seeing a mountain range in the distance
It was a remarkable moment for me
It was like the mountains were calling
I have days
Just the compusion to climb
I took my car, Mx McGoo as so named by my friends and I
and my dog
for a drive, thinking I was going to drive but a few miles to find a hidden gem in my town. There is land owned by the town, near (or including) a water reseviour which I only heard of as there was discussion of whetehr they were going to open it to the public to make it a public park or not.
Apparently it has been the hidden, kind of secret park of adventuarous trespassers for years.
My kind of park....
I mean , I am not opposed to finding beautiful land that honestly in a bit of overt adverse possession the public has enjoyed without compliant of owner.
Maybe somoeon could go file suit to claim it IS a park via adverse possesion! That might be a fun use of the law
but not necesssary as the town is already considering it. It might have already BECOME A PARK
I drove to where I THINK it is but did not find an access point. I may have missed it. I am sure it is hidden in plain sight so to speak but one has to KNOW it is there.
So I then pulled out google maps app and looked at the surrounding area. I found a lake on the map
and just decided to try to go there
I wanted the water
Figured this small lake on the map might be nice.
It turned out to be private property. No access - but for the road clearly demarked PRIVATE
CLEARLY not an invitation and space with any welcome to strangers. More like don't drive up this country road unless you are ready to be shot at in self defense kinda country vibe there.....
But I was thoroughly enjoying the drive in the country and then I found a road nearby
APPALACHIAN TRAIL ROAD
YEAH!! and I took the slow ( oh very slow) winding drive following the road up the mountain, where I hiked up with my dog until we joined this georgous part of the Appalachian Trail.
I did not have energy to continue the hike ( and it was too late in the day) unti found the WVA line. ( That is always fun, and there is definately a feeling of accomplishment just seeing a border crossing into another state on a hiking trail. Another time...)
I mean itself is a work of art crafted on this mountain side.
yet the hand, design of minds behind them when you look at it carefully is really clear.
So increidbly done with such mastery. I wonder who made this trail, how long ago.
There is the Potomac Appalacian Trail Club that maintains these trails. Volunteers who lovingly tend to them.
I am grateful for their work.
I climbed up this lovely walk ( after the very slow drive grateful my car made it), and there is a rocky area to walk on- with an amazing view. Large rocks forming cliff over the side of the mountain that offer a georgous space to stop and take in the view. I don't know if anyone cleared trees on the other side to preserve the view or it is it just naturally there, how the growth has developed on that mountain leaving this spacious wind swept area that allows such vista.
I just tried to look up the right words-- perhaps a butte?? I don't know but this flat formation of large rocks which are a cliff and then below there are trees but it is a steep drop- a flat area high above the surrounding mountain side ( yet the mountain is still rising in gengle slopt up- its on the side of this mountain) s
So this was the remarkable thing to me. It felt so special and miraculous in a way
I looked out, to my left and the horizon was so georgous
and I was looking at the etching of a neighboring mountain range
The clear lines of the range off set by stark clear blue sky and the colors of the late afternoon sun on that bright day ( it was around 3:30 pm on a day the sun set around 5:40)
I had seen that outline of the mountain before
On the tattoo of my young lover
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Today's TO DO - 2023-03-04