2023-05-03 - 7:28 a.m.
AH I am happy with the bank I am using for my business. The only thing is that when I get PAID it is not INSTANT
NO, when I send a payment it takes a few days for the transfer from my business account to my personal account.
My tenant is really great. I mean she has been really great. This month she is late with rent.
When stressed I know she drinks. (I can smell it. Personality change just a bit- more direct. Can then be a bit passive aggressive. When had a drink in her she told me that YES I WALK HEAVY
It is something my old bestie told me- that my footfall is heavy.
She said something like "Wearing those heels walking around!"
I heard her concern and thanked her for telling me as said "If you did not tell me I would not know" (True as it turns out my bestie, the one who lived here as nanny for years who told me I was loud when walking also included the caveat that she is hypersensitive. It is really clear that she is indeed hypersensitive! She actually figures she is on the autism spectrum too... just never was diagnosed... and the more she reads and learns about it the more some of her aspects of herself make sense. I am not sure that is accurate, but it is her body and mind. Bipolar is very obvious for her and the challenge is her severe bouts with depression. I am relieved she is seeming to do better when I last spoke with her very recently after a period where I did not hear from her at all but did get a message, she found someone to finally help her and a place that was taking her ! The way she left the message it seemed clear it was in patient and finally FULL Medical care for a bit- not the nonsense of either doctors completely ignoring most of her symptoms and only looking at her sore shoulder with disregard for the rest; OR only looking at her mental health without careful diagnosis of the ACTUAL Pain of her shoulder and being dismissive of her aches and pains and saying it was only in her head. Part of the challenge I know is she refused treatment for her mental illness as she knows what did work ( to an extent) for her was just heading to the beach where she could wake and see the sunrise; or hiking in the mountains and get exercise and fresh air and forest bathing. For real her taking care of her mental health has been to refuse to live in a space that put demands on her that added stress and put a toll on her. Avoiding those spaces and I think also relationships with any sort of commitment that presented responsibilities and the challenges of such (that is after she raised her daughter who I will add is a remarkable awesome person as despite her challenges this lady did a fine job. I mean she was a GOOD MOTHER and a GOOD NANNY for many kids. That is the paradox. Often the most hurt, damages can be the healers and caretakers of others.
I remember a friend meeting her and saying she had strong healing energy. Its so interesting cause it is true in a real way-
Its like some cultures have a place for that kind of person
I feel like she could be that kind of energetic healer if she lived in that kind of indigenous culture.
AND she is from the mountains in Central America originally, so this makes sense. She never even wanted to wear shoes and wanted to feel the ground.
We now hear of feeling grounded. Before that was a pop culture thing to speak of, she just said she preferred to be barefoot and feel the ground under her as it made her think of her childhood and felt more comfortable for her.
So my current tenant was not as kind in letting me know that indeed it is not any hypersensitivity but yeah I walk loudly. So I have to be mindful of it.
I had not thought of this in a long time so appreciated the communication. My tenant and I have talked and she did let me know she things sometimes she finds it hard to confront uncomfortable situations and thinks she might be a bit passive aggressive. I think I was talking about ME about my family and how that is something I figured out was really common- in my mom, not ever talking about stuff but making faces etc...
But really my mother's anger expressed in non verbals was really benign.
I feel like my family honestly just don't get angry that easily. I mean it takes alot. My family really are ( parents and bros) not high on the anger emotion; but sure anxiety is definitely more the negative emotion that I can see was there. It presented very Quietly however. Non communication. Retreat. (I think of my autistic brother) Avoidance
I remember my bro saying how much he admired me for going out and just taking the plunge of life. He said he would think of all possibilities and do nothing cause he was indecisive and didn't know what was best-
The other one is making progress. I mean even taking the damn bus to go to their therapy appointment is progress.
Greater independence. Learning way around the public transportation system. That kid has gone into DC for medical care on own. ( Did that a couple years ago now). BUT there is a reluctance to believe they are capable of walking and hopping a bus to get to a JOB
If you think you can't do something you never will do it.
The kid is stuck in the past. I mean thinking of when walking to school WAS debilitating. AND YEAH I am not going to deny IT WAS at that point of time.
TRUE with POTS that there can be even a bit of exercise that is an extreme stress on the body. The heart will race like you just ran a marathon after walking two blocks.
YES Rest is important but the athlete knows if you rest TOO LONG you lose the gains and have to keep going.
The worst thing is to stop.
I mean even taking the dog for walks rather than runs messed up my flow. It is freaking HARD to get back to it. SO yeah I get it - how hard it is to get back to movement after too long of rest. The body is more inclined to then get hurt (especially when older)
OK so I get it there is pain.
BUT maybe that is OK for someone with chronic pain and I need to just get over that is the choice of these two who do have this condition.
I feel like the younger one is wondering what the point is of working so hard to run down their body and be in pain.
The older of the two DOES have aspiration of working as an engineer. They know they will have lots of medical bills and a low wage job is often PHYSICAL and hard on the body and the kid is smart and has a Dad as an computer engineer who started with an electical engineering degree.
So this kid is like either not working at all or working at a high paying role after college
Will not do the low wage jobs that are hard on the body. Period.
That is their plan- loans for an engineering degree with belief they will get the high enough paying job to be able to function well and pay them off and get by OK !
I mean the only financial aid given was work study.
This kid needs to adjust mindset.
SO now I have this new job a few evenings a week; and every other weekend.
They actually had a high school student working the job- but she was only available Fri, Sat Sun and the had another guy doing the evening shift during the week, and the older guy ( guessing age of my teens?) who kept headphones and was on his phone and had zero skill at greeting folks.
They were having trouble finding anyone else (as did not settle for those two apparently. I saw last month's schedule the guy called off a couple times. I think had he been at least reliable he would have been given direction and coached to be ok- but not reliable and not approachable to folks entering the building? NAH Good move to fire an start over) but most wanted full time that sent resumes in (and its part time).
Of course I know if the owner of company does not want to be cheap they could make it a full time role ! (HA There is a thought)
BUT regardless- it is part time, not may hours and there is NO REASON one of my two kids could not have taken me up on the offer to hand hold them through an introduction process, to come with me and just ACCEPT the help
and recognize sometimes, if you can't do what you wanted to achieve ALONE you just take the damn help
NO REASON when I was asked to come in and start IMMEDIATELY as their manager was stuck working nights after the full time gig
that neither of those two could come with me- find the energy and push through fear and walk in
I KNOW They would have hired two for one.
If the kid worked out well it could be their job.
THAT WAS THE REASON I SAID YES when I was recruited.
It is also a good fit for me just now anyway. But heck- it would have in my mind been a GREAT fit for either of my kids.
EVEN the autistic one who acts like "I don't like people"
Neither does the full time night receptionist at the Assisted Living where they DO pay more and where they DID make the evening person full time with benefits. They get it that people need such to live. NEED HEALTCARE and stability and a 401 K and if you want to keep employees NEED to give those things.
The gal that landed that job was hired into full time.
And I have no issue with this.The gal is so funny. I like her. She is no doubt ADHD but I swear so quirky and an introvert by nature who is not very social. YET she can MASK and be friendly for her job and does not mask when it is just co workers. Cause by now we ALL got to KNOW her. We LIKE and ACCEPT HER being herself. So she does not have to mask around just us- but the moment someone enters the front door and the moment she answers the phone her FAKE WORK PERSONALITY is on.
AND the weekend part time guy at that job is so obviously autistic. I mean it was obvious to me. He worked in the kitchen at first but there were some issue of getting along with his coworkers so he was moved to part time weekends reception. Cause he was a good worker, albiet as some said just "weird" .
HE cracked me up and I knew he was autistic but not everyone knows about autism. It was obvious to me as the things he got highly upset were in fact
OTHER CO WORKERS NOT DOING THE JOB Right
I swear few folks READ carefully
So this dude does. He worked there all through high school and college when home- part time.
And had a biochemistry degree and works in a lab now full time M-F.
BUT keeps this job cause he too had an issue in his first full time job, cause he is just different
OK not JUST different. Nicest guy but AUTISTIC
Doesn't make eye contact
OK So that is one of our weekend receptionists. HA HA I mean he works every other weekend. It was a kindness to shift him and give him some hours. Cause he worked his ass off cleaning the dishes and serving and working the kitchen that is always short staffed, and prick or not was a good employee so they worked with him.
I appreciate that workplace.
OK, so the thoughts I started to write upon waking are that while I like the bank I am using, it take a few days for money to clear when transfer to my account.
I am not concerned about this as trust she is good for it and just late. I just should have paid more attention myself and moved money ( gotten paid ! ) myself before today.
I was paid on the 26th from one client. I could have paid myself then. BUT I am trying to just be paid consistently. And for now trying to be paid $1000 a month for my work. I am trying to be paid moderately to build up some capital in that business account so I have cash on hand to grow with. Cause if I DO find a perfect job for someone else I will have to PAY THEM to start. As a business I can't make them wait til I am paid to be paid.
LONG TERM PLANNING is really important for growth.
I am not looking to grow huge.
I am amazed at her.
She scrubbed Upwork and PAID FAIR WAGES to find really good capable people in this gig economy.
I mean if you can't beat it join it.
BUT even though she is doing that, and not paying benefits and relying on part timers for all sorts of things
I respect how she has done it. Within a few years she landed large gov contracts and then DID hire staff.
They are however in jobs that are outsourced
I think she had 84 employees now and started her company in 2014.
AND she is working from home. With an admin/operations crew located all over the U.S. working from home.
What is remarkable about this is she build her businss on this model BEFORE COVID
But the private sector had been for years. She saw the trend 15 years ago in private sector and she build a gov con support business doing same in a space it was unheard of.
SO all her OVERHEAD expenses are kept low.
She is just so smart.
And before I took this job not only did I look at anything I could find on Upwork. I looked at their PAST HISTORY
So I paid myself a bit early this month-
I finally finished the work for the local business I promised it to. I did not send it as going to give it one last read through. OH YEAH- the part time job is good for me.
Sure I took a Lyft or Uber there and back when the car is on the fritz
BUT I also, in the down time, got that done. I started at home and put in time Monday and heck should have tracked the time. I know it was likely well over 5 hrs that is what I auctioned as they needed some help getting an updated contract.
Some regulations in their space changed!
BUT I did not track time. They have other work and if want to hire me moving forward I will get work from them.
I think the owner did say I could track and bill her- she commented on the cost of a lawyer. So I will BACKTRACK and try to figure how how long it too,BUT THE THING IS
This was a professional development opportunity. I was thinking now literally in terms of my learning of the new industry ( construction). I loved digging in and doing the reseach and learning something new.
I also loved doing a free trial to pull one of those AI contracts
Honest to God, anyone running a business hire a damn lawyer and suck up the cost, or a contract manager if you can find one cause those forms out there ya'll are filled with stupid.
I mean I am not kidding.
I am serious.
I LAUGHED at using some service which says "YOU MAY NOT PURCHASE UNLESS A BAR CERTIFIED ATTORNEY"
What the fuck?
There is something so wrong about this.
So my almost autistic, almost lawyer brain of couse justifies the argument for a legal work around...
I mean the autism is the rule follower gene;
So yeah, of course my brain had to read that small print and then think:
"OK so I won't PURCHASE your legal forms, created by a paralegal, or most likely someone who went to law school but could not pass the BAR Exam...."
Cause I needed some starting point
This one ostensibly is custom for each state.
AND it was a helpful starting point.
BUT the template honestly missed any legislative regulatory changes in the past couple years. They were not reflected.
The contract also had a provision that made me LAUGH as it was VERBATUM and shitty one I saw in a client template and was like
What the hell does this even mean?
"Time is of the essence" (But the clause I struck has a whole long colorful beautifully written sentence given its own paragraph and number.) which,
I am sorry, but that is not legally going to mean a damn thing.
The really stupid time is of the essence clause that I have stricken before for a client
It cracked me up as I just did a google now and found a site with 27 thousand variations of that absolutely stupid provision that has ZERO VALUE in any contract.
You need to have clearly defined start dates and end dates; with clear consequences if a deadline is not met-
Clear actions that happen
It time to complete is essential they you define those parameters with particularity.
So hire a damn lawyer (or contract manager) cause if you go with the templates based on the aggregate of pop culture contracts out there
there will be some shitty provisions.
So yeah, I got the construction contract drafted for the good people who are so full of integrity that they have delt with handshake deals and a purchase order with specifications for the past 30 years.
I love clients like that.
But honestly the strongest foundation, the best contract is based on integrity, If everyone had that we perhaps would never need lawyers at all, and honestly would never even need to capture agreements in paper. BUT oversimplify as we know- sometimes EVEN WITH INTEGRITY if expectations are not clear they can't be met and communication problems get in the way. This is why that fam was telling me how they got fired even though that person if so honest and full of integrity and good intention. That is not enough. you also have to have CLARITY Of expectations.
That person was fired cause their boss gave verbal direction that was not clear. And that person was fired as they had a serious misunderstanding of the amount of freedom they were give in their role to do things the way they wanted to. It was a job where they were expected to follow a playbook exactly but there was never a clearly drafted playbook! And they did not understand the background that they are working for a whole host of other folks in the background... they did not, I think , understand you have to also be accountable to the investors-
whatever space you are in.
YEAH integrity can fall short in business when there are so many stakeholders. You need really clear communication and everyone on the same page. The contract is part of that process of codifying what the compromises for getting all ont he same page are. There is ALWASY Some negotiation once there are more than one person in a business!
So in other news, I am pleased I FINALLY found a Doctor willing to take care of the needs I have.
The hospital nurse called.
Technically supposed to take off the next coupld of days. I asked "What is REALLY REQUIRED for rest after"
So I figure I can sit at a desk and answer phones. I just won't do lifting. I will not run packages to apts. I will call maintenance and the CNAs to do that but will work the next day-
Cause the doctor had an opening for the surgical procedure-- simple surgery/biopsy.
She actually said the thickening of my uterine lining based on the report and imaging taken is pretty pronounced; along with the cyst and fibroids-
I laughed and said "That was what I asked the one office when they initially were acting like they were going to schedule me for the biopsy. Why not just remove everything if you have abnormal tissue growth already? "
I mean it makes sense to me. The person on the other end of the phone ( office manager) sounded appalled I would ask that! She said- oh we don't just do that!
That office bailed on me after they said the only surgery that Ob/GYN surgeon does is pelvic floor. They said he does not do this. (I think that was BS Its freaking removing an IUD and biopsy! I think he did not want to do the hysterectomy and fact is the office was avoiding that and figure it might be indicated if a positive biopsy and he was avoiding that.)
After six kids why the heck would you want to WAIT and have to test periodically to see what the hell is going on and if benign cell growth?
I mean i have freaking EXCESS tissue- lots of it
My weight gain is not unusual since not exercising- but I tell you after that is removed I expect to drop some pounds!
So the procedure for biopsy and IUD removal with finally get done and then will know if benign or cancerous.
I am rather sure must be benign since this has been ongoing for years now apparently.
I mean it was two summers ago that I had those initial bouts of such heavy bleeding. Something was off then.
So that is the good news! Getting MY medical needs taken care of.
My car had died- I mean full stop, IN TRAFFIC was driving its normal and then just sputtered out
I pulled it to the side of the road and added oil and drove just a little bit more- I mean sputtered out but was moving 5 MPH. I just wanted to get the oil in it, circulating a bit- so as to not seize the engine if that were the only problem just then of low oil.
Let it rest overnight. Doggie and I had a nice walk and I was able to then drive it home. It was DEFINATELY driving Better! Seemed normal at first the next day. BUT I was tentative to trust it.
So tried to drive it to work- ( Wanted to leave early so if could not make it could call AAA and get it to mechanic and then get to work)
I panicked and job hunted. Worry of pending death of car motivating. USA JOBS is no joke
[OMG I have to watch Rocky Horror... It might have all new meaning to me now... in many ways. I just thought it was bizarre and frankly a bit scary as a young person. I have a faint memory of going with my college boyfriend.
I left for work and my car made it partway. I called an uber. Left it at the side of the road. I was less than 10 min late thankfully! I called to say on the way. There was a driver out thank goodness.
SO on Monday I had the Dr. appointment scheduled with an Ob/GYN- notice I say AN OB/GYN
My car had just died. It was an ordeal to try to make it to the 9:30AM appointment.
I took the bus.
I got up at 5:30 AM and made my way. I also made a reservation for a rental car. There was however a significant price difference for a rental for a week between picking on up in town here and getting one at the airport. So I mapped out the bus route to my appointment, and then to go to the airport to get the rental. (Only one Lyft needed for the very end.. ostensibly)
In my ADHD I was there waiting for one bus connection at a transportation hub and only after the time the connection was to have come; did I see a person and ask him if I was in the right spot-
The side I was on was obviously a bus station depot.
Turns out on the other side there is only ONE small sign and one bus stop. Compared to the about 10 Bus BAYS- with nice seating , benchs and covers for bad weather- nicely designed at the metro station
Of course the bus I needed drove up to the ONE tiny sign on the curb at the other side of the large building. I mean nothing obvious about it.
So I started walking. The GPS said it was a 25 minute walk to the Dr. office.
The time kept adjusting. I mean the intial walk was started by me said I would be there on time.
I had left EARLY and the intial route would have gotten me to the office a full 30 minutes BEFORE the appointment.
SO after walking I looked at the mapping and called an Uber.
I watched the driver SPEED PAST ME- into the intersection
I have no idea how he missed me, I mean I was the only pedestrain WAVING wildly at him on an otherwise empty street- just down from the corner so he could safely stop as it is a Busy road that he had to then make a left onto- to get me to the Dr. The office was down the busy road not that far but no way I would make it walking. OF course he then hit that super busy two lane road and was in morning AM traffic.
He texts me "I'm HERE" from way across the other side of the street. And I texted back-
and he sees me and pulls this CRAZY U TURN I think at a red light? There was no one in the adjacetn intersction
The construction guys to the right of me empathized with my utterance
BUT the guy had mad city driving skills.
Must have moved here from some busier city-
I hop in , we make our way through rush hr traffic ( you know if my leg was not HURTING- I mean I was feeling the pain in that old injury, The damn running injury acting up. I can't go that far before it hurts.. and actually BOTH my legs were hurting. I mean pain- different from just sore.) One reason for the medical screening paid for-
OH Fuck I just had a panic attack of like "What time is that appotinment this AM?"
I have the Life Line screening that or all sorts of things- the kinda things they test for MOST OFTEN AFTER someone has a serious health issue... arteoscrolosis, etc..or some such- that is spelled wrong for sure.
SO I got to my 9:30 appointment with the OB/GYN it took me months to find- and schedule at 10 AM.
NO the doctor would not see me. BOOKED Fully.
I said "I don't want to stress you- but I am just going to sit and wait her as if ANYONE Calls to cancel today I will take that spot."
I said, "Listen, it took alot to get her. My car died and I had to leave at 5:30 AM to try to make it -
They had a nirse practicitoner available next week...
The nice gal got her office manger.
The office manager actually listened and I am sure just wanted to get rid of the pushy patient ( HA HA)
I said I would do what I needed to get there!
Hell If I journaled in the process and told some of this long story already forgive me.
I swear my short term memory is shot lately.
It is concerning.
So I got there early enough to visit the CVS and look for the vitamin B12 my dr. ordered me to find.
Also early enough to place the order at Walgreens closer to me ( cause that store did not have the form she wanted me to take. There are two forms.)
* I forgot to pick it up.Then the next day went to the CVS in town-- no order; til remembered it was the Walgreens!
Shit like that is concerning.
It just happens ALL THE TIME it seems of late.
But I was so grateful for the kindness of the receptionist and that office manager who called the other office AND That Dr. who did fit me in.
The ob/gyn I saw told me she had FOUR Cancellations that day!
* I Swear people must forget about Monday appointments! HA HA TIP IF you need to be fit in go to an office on a MONDAY MORNING
So my mechanic gave my car oil and was hopeful problem solved. It was not the guru who used to work on my car; but the mechanic working for him who serviced it with him the last couple times- so he KNOWS my car.
Unfortuantely when I drove it off it went two blocks then same thing- 10 mph.
I made a U turn and pulled into the KIA DEALER to have them diagnose
The guy there said
HE said "NO- its been a while now. I have one customer who has 230,000 miles on his Kia but he has had the engine replaced twice"
Now hopefully the fuckers who were liars are just not there anymore. Whomever looked at my car and would PRETEND it was not a problem; etc...
cause its obviously the fucking engine.
MAYBE it ran hot and burned the CAT Coverter AGAIN
So I told my story- succinctly I feel compelled to ad ( HA HA)
as they guy said my car service history only shows that they saw the CAT CONVERTER bad code and I did not replace it. I told him I did get the guys across the street to replace that- but the engine problems were evident and it was stuck in LIMP MODE
They were bummed my mechanic cleared the code.
without a code someone should be able to look at it an KNOw
Its the fucking engine.
Drives in limp mode- for the past 4 yrs.
SO will see what they come back with.
Now off to my lifeline screening in the rental car I can drive.
After all this, sure I missed one bus but that might not have been the clear ADHD Moment as I think ANyONE could have done that....
here is the ADHD moment of the week.
YESTERDAY I had to work at 5pm. BUT I also had to show up before 4 to get myself in the time clock. (fingerprint etc.)
I had INTENDED to go pick up my car. My mechanic said "Its good! Added oil and its running fine. Cleared codes"
I ALMOST took the bus earlier in day to pick it up. Then thought- wait- I have the rental to return. If my car is fine no need to pay for that. I ALMOST made my way out to airport to return the car; then hop the bus back to town to pick up my car- and then take care of things-
errands- blood work for pre op ordered
SO the ADHD Moment was a blessing in a way.
When I went to leave
I could not find the fucking car key ANYWHERE.
I somehow lost it in my house!
So plan scrapped. I hopped on the bus instead! To go to pick up my car and find it did not work. I was going to write about how the ADHD Moment cost me $20 in a lyft to get home . How ADHD is EXPENSIVE.
But realize had I found that key then- and returned the rental car I would have been really screwed.
So now off to the medical screening.
I actually have a contract to review in my in box. I wrote too long. Should have done that first. It is not long to get done. I will bring this laptop with me and get it done. I ALSO have an email from someone I worked with in the past as they have work for me!! YEAH
Will call her promptly as looks like have yet another client. One I LOVED working with/for in the past.
This is so good. And this lead is from a connection I first made with the work on the board of the Arts org.
Follow your heart and keep doing the things you value and love. Seriously , in the end it does work out.
Knock Sensor is the Code that comes up AGAIN and AGAIN Found the right article on this recall - 2023-05-04
Which comes first? VIN being on a recall list OR report of actual malfunction of the car part then ADDING VIN To recall list? - 2023-05-03
Whew ! - 2023-05-03
YEAH LOOKS LIKE THE LOCAL KIA DEALER is going to be accountable PROVIDED HQ is! - 2023-05-03
Medical Screening reminded me watch diet! - 2023-05-03