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2021-10-07 - 4:04 p.m.


ADHD moment of the week
has to be that I once again have no idea where my bank cards are.
No worries as I KNOW they are HERE Somewhere

in a pocket; in a drawer; fallen on the floor behind a table , end table .. or somewhere.

I can't have LOST them for real...
just a temporary misplacement.

I know this in my gut.

(And there is also no weird concerning activity on my accounts.)

They have been MIA for a few weeks ( again).

I have a check I want to deposit that my Dad sent me for my birthday a month ago.

Come to think of it I have a savings account I made a call and ASKED them to send me statements by mail and send me new deposit slips as I don't see emails and locked myself out of the account...
AND for that account I then STARTED getting emails notifying me my statement is ready to view.

I Think the service rep got my request OPPOSITE.
Seems they updated my email address but nothing arrived in the mail. I forgot about this until now. As thinking of putting that check in that rainy day/emergency fund. The bank hard to access unless I GO THERE and its freaking far away...and a hassle... PERFECT for discipline of saving for an emergency fund.

Too hard to access that money.

It is the account I used for escrow for tenants when renting.

I was thinking of using it as a dedicated business account but I think for my business I will need a more ACCESSIBLE account. That will be best the savings account.

I am rambling... forget even what I was intending to write about...

OH YEAH the ADHD moment of the week.

NO, it was not the awful mistakes I sent out in an email with a simple mod with math errors ( As transposed from an excel where all the #s were accurate) where I forgot to transpose one of the columns...
because IT IS NOT MY JOB to do the pricing...
but no one else provided the #s...
after I asked for DAYS

so I got impatient and when a VP gave me the accurate # of hrs on the project I just ran the numbers

I mean it was SO SIMPLE it is EMBARASSING I messed up that mod.

BUT also I need to somehow develop a better relationship with the subcontract admin who should be doing the drafting. I should get HER To draft then I review HER WORK for mistakes and accuracy!



YES I can spot anyone else's errors to correct EASILY
But of course my brain NEVER sees the errors I JUST MADE.

and I suck and numbers.

My brain just somehow does not process them quickly or accurately.

NO That was not the ADHD Moment of the week . ( though it sucked it was how I STARTED my week off- as did not get the pricing by Friday of last week. I wanted to send that mod out ALL LAST WEEK and asked, and asked and finally got confirmation of the hours ....)

Ce la vie.

And NO the ADHD moment of the week WAS NOT then rushing as anxious this damn thing was not sent LAST WEEK and SKIPPING the internal review- ( I KNOW BETTER SHOULD HAVE HAD THE SUBK MANAGER PREVIEW DRAFT!!! PROMISED HER WILL DO SO IN FUTURE!!! Really promised MYSELF)

so not only did it have a mistake BUT THEN spell check did not catch typo in my email when sent out the CORRECTED version ( the one without math error in a column I failed to transcribe. Frustrating as the error could be avoided if I copy and past image from the excel- but it was an aesthetic thing.. I did that and it did not LOOK as nice as the transposed typed! See it did not FIT ON ONE PAGE when I did the copy and past of image from the excel. SO STUPID I worried more about the aesthetic and messed up ACCURACY!)

The email sent said

OH My My boss came over to my computer and asked to check something. She wanted to check my settings on my spell check.
She was so kind about it.

She wasn't even going to tell me why at first...
as it is mortifying.

Spell check works...

I could hear my mentor, drum teacher singing his song "Sweet thing for my Sweet thing.."
He actually didn't use the slang version... I think... Often.. but I do think he said "Sweet thang" once in a while...

It was a song he wrote and I distinctly recall him singing it live at the celebration of my oldest son's baptism with the musician friends and my family all together celebrating in the Buffalo Apt on Richmond Avenue my husband and I and our small family were so happy in.
Those were the best years!

Well I could not find any recording of Emile's song "Sweet thing" - but when my Boss saw the spell check worked I knew immediately why the typo did not show.

Thang indeed a word...

Here is evidence of that; and hey not only among Black folk:

I refrained from sending the Mary Bilge song I found this AM to my coworkers to kick up the day with some R&B. Looking for it now found the above Loretta Lynn...
point same.

But here it is if you need some R&B Today too as well as country

Neither quite hit the mark for me. I think I am going to pull out the old cassettes of Papa Emile before I will be satisfied today now that the tune is in my head of his.

NO even that embarrassing mess up typo was not the ADHD Moment of the week.

THE ADHD Moment of the week was THIS MORNING when my teen said "Oh you don't have $20 do you?" As I as driving her to school.

Just yesterday she told me she wanted to buy a ticket to go to homecoming. Her ADHD Moment was deciding last minute and not giving me notice to get it together to get the $20 I then said "Sure I can give you $20 for that."

My ADHD moment was not following through THEN the minute she asked

and NOT having a bank card on me when driving her to school so could not swing by the bank to get the cash for her.

I never carry cash. Like EVER.


I told her I could go get it and drop it off in an envelope for her to get at school before noon. She said NO. She also reiterated she did not want me to do that,

She said "Its not important" to which I said
"Dont; say that! YES IT IS IMPORTANT As you wanted to go. you WANT to go- you still can , I can take care of that before noon today"
(tickets on sale at lunchtime today apparently the last day to buy them).

I hope perhaps they WILL Sell a ticket tomorrow.

Off to the store after this rest. I can buy a few things we need and write a check $20 over to get change back to give to the teen.

I just was disappointed in myself that I was not prepared to help my kid out with one of the few things they have asked for.

My kids don't ask for much.
So it feels like a fail the few times they ask and I can't deliver in the moment,.

This is, I am sure, why when my kids ask for support of anything that is remotely reasonable I will always say YES.

I feel like when they were young there was this trained brain parent response that they ALWAYS GOT from their Dad of "NO" as a habit of a response NO MATTER WHAT they asked for.

Not kidding.
It was like ingrained and a habit.

So I have tried to be concious of the fact I picked up on that at some point ( years ago) and was so used to saying NO ( way back when) sometimes out of necessity but realized often it was HABIT. So years ago I tried to break that habit and try to get in a habit of YES whenever reasonable.

It is really not a hard shift
BUT It makes a huge difference in relationship with kids.
I don't care about those parents who say "YOUR JOB AS A PARENT IS NOT TO BE YOUR KID'S FREIND"


You can follow that to raise functional adults in the world who can take care of themselves and be independent

Sure- GO AHEAD if that is your parenting goal.

I am convinced I can provide love and support of my kids for who they are and their aspirations and actually ENJOY having them as the unique adults they grow into IN MY LIFE as MY FAMILY.

I am convinced I can still conscientiously create a WHOLE loving family not fractured by trauma so much it is not even cohesive.

But I think I can only create that, influence that, and hope for that reality with conscious saying of YES to who my kids are at to who they WANT TO BE,

Off to the store.. soon... just listening to music a few minutes more.
My guitar is in the shop being re-strung and getting a set up adjustment. So today I am listening to the song I have been learning.

Jewel perhaps has been underestimated.
OK, I feel like a product of the 90s...

I have to learn what I know on guitar.

The starting point,
BeforeI can create something new.
I LOVE This because she incorporates scat singing so well which I love.

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