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2021-12-18 - 1:05 p.m.

Happy to have found a good way to be productive while also catching up on the crazy soap opera show that pays my son's bills.

I cleaned all the bathrooms while watching a couple epidodes today. I have a couple good movies out from the library that I forgot about and discovered while looking at what video games my teens have in the middle of the night during last minute e-bay shopping a couple of nights ago.

The writing of the show is so terrible, yet funny.

One awful line used in all the writer's work "We're not doing this again, are we?"
is just awful.
It is repeated OVER and OVER again in the dialogue so figure it must be a family thing that is said in the writer's family! LOL

Not a good way to listen to your fam..
Disengage... shut them up
What is funny is that works on the show.

Try saying that to someone and see if they are going to go "OH OK I will let it drop" whenever you try to talk to them about something.

End of

Its campy telanova and not meant to be good. It is fun however; and it is paying the bills.

Now the challenge for my son is his agents don't want casting agents to be aware of that work when he walks in the room! LOL
They highlight his NYC break out role at a very respected venue where he was in an excellent Shakespeare play in NYC...
they highlight all his OTHER work but hope no one recognizes him from the soap!
The good thing is that unlike most shows that soap opera is filmed old school one take only!

So he has plenty of time to pick up other really good work. Doing great at auditions but not landing the roles- even though short listed; which is a really good sign as it is only a matter of time. Keep working diligently and he will land something great soon enough.
I tell him to enjoy this part of the journey and not be too quick to hit it big! He makes enough for a good quality of life and is HAPPY doing his thing! Life may become more stressful if A list.
For one thing his privacy will be out the window.
He doesn't actually have much fear of that to be honest! LOL I mean nothing he ever does would be anything he wouldn't want to share- he has nothing to feel shame about whatsoever. That is a good way to live! He seriously lives a way such that he is proud of all he does.
I am glad he is happy in his niche. There was no question he would be successful and I have no question he will be an A list actor soon enough. (I mean EVERY theater teacher and director he has ever worked with has believed in him as he has talent and hard work and is dedicated.)

My oldest is in Europe on a vacation! Glad they were able to go visit their partner who is in an MFA program there doing things like visiting Gothic castles!

I am pleased I got all the bathrooms ( four- three full and one parlor) cleaned this morning while watching the show. One more episode left in my binge and I will be caught up. Thing is that worked while cleaning bathrooms cause in one space
but trying to figure out what chore can do while wathching.. OH Laundry folding! That's it- I can do that for a bit now. I have to work this afternoon so my goal of Christmas decorations won't get done but I wanted to clean the house before I do that! I got an artificial tree assembled last weekend. Then this week I pulled out stuff from the attic but ran out of steam and therfore the living room which was already cluttered and in need of straightening is MORE cluttered.

My teens mantra is "Don't touch my stuff"

I respond that there is a place set up FOR EVERYTHING Coat racks, shoe racks. dishwasher... etc..
I mean HOW HARD is it to just USE the organizational tools and systems that I HAVE SET UP and TRIED TO TRAIN ALL TO USE since very little.

The resistance is ridiculous but its a losing battle for me. It deflates my energy as they don't help and are oppositionally defiant about maintaining any semblance of order in the home and I can't for the life of me figure out WHY.
I mean WHY is this the big battle in my family?
I don't understand where it comes from.


But being organized makes it EASIER to navigate life with that! SO I just don't get it-

I let it go when don't have energy to be the enforcer. But then when have energy I do clean the heck out of everything I can ( in spurts- sometimes big and sometimes a little, one job at a time.)
I KNOW I am not consistent! I know the plays into them KNOWING they didn't REALLY have to follow through.
But It has to be much more than that- the active defiant disrespect..

OH YEAH now that I keep writing I realize I DO KNOW where it comes from. Patterns of learned behavior of me being disresepected but I think the thing that baffles me is that years of living elsewhere and NOT AROUND That behavior
YEARS Of PEACE From the abuse-
then they kick up the abuse themselves and repeat the pattern.


Its so disappointing to me.

Sometimes I think maybe I was selfish in NOT marrying a man I didnt love who did love me AND MY KIDS

or I should say who I LOVED but was not physically attracted to. Just never had chemistry.

MAYBE there is some reason and merit in those who choose those kind of agreements/marriage more as a transaction of choice in life.

Maybe in long term those folks are HAPPIER and have more fulfilling lives-
AT least not ones where there are abusive patterns repeating.

Its so disappointing to me.

Well time to get ready for work and then if time left will fold laundry while wathing the last episode. When the gal called and asked me to pick up today's shift I honestly said YES as I enjoy going to my part time weekend receptionist job at the assisted living place. Its a BREAK for me.

A clean, orderly space filled with people who are HAPPY TO SEE ME and NICE TO ME.
Its so funny as I dress up for work and it seems to for some reason give old people joy! (Perhaps as so many are casual)
To me that is a simple thing. So interesting the reaction from the old folks.

They get lonely. Pre Covid my kids did come with me and volunteered basically- they would play games and just sit and chat. On occassion one of them would sing or read their poetry in the cafe at the snack time. It was fun and apprechiated! They did this when young and grew up coming there.

There are residents that still ask about them. One of mine played lots of Rummycube

I reminded her as she was filling out college applications that can be written down as her volunteer work. She was like "Oh yeah" I mean they were there so often just hanging it didn't seem like volunteer work! Just part of the places they are in their normal routine- part of their lives really. I am glad I gave my kids that opportunity and it is in fact a #1 reason I kept that job all these years. I KNOW that it would offer a viable job option for any of them at any time. The kitchen manager used to BEG me to get any of them to come work for him!! I finally told him of their POTS and not being well enough to navigate work at this time.

I also inquired of the kitchen staff to find out how NICE the folks are that work there. There are some older folks and younger and I spoke with two really nice young adults there ( one late teens, one older in young 20s) and know if my kids ever wanted to work there the folks in the kitchen are nice.
I love the dishwasher! He is this quirky geeky guy that reminds me of my one kid actually. Socially awkward but smart and funny. There was another guy that worked in the kitchen I am positive is autistic- also smart and quirky and different from others. Its like half that kitchen staff are neurodivergent. I just wish one of my kids would be interested in trying to work there!
Its on the bus line- so if work M-F morning shift or day shift could easily get to work independently without a car. The kitchen ALWAYS Needs help so they could easily get full time very quickly with a good insurance policy.

Just good to know that option is always there if they wanted it.

So plan now is to decorate tomorrow after church. That was the plan LAST Sunday and I did not get it done. But tomorrow for sure will!
I also have to send cards out. I made a donation to GIFTS FOR GOOD from the Community Coalition of Hati. Hati is a mess and there are blockages from basically organized gangs who ambush supplies trucks- BUT This particular group is located in the mountains and managed to get pretty well stocked AND there are routes to them not on the main throughfare- GAS is a challenge for many but they are still running mobile health clinics.
I saw this and thought the gift of womens healt care- $20 for a Dr visit and Pap smear; after my rant about women's health would be a good alternative gift to give my family. Card and reminder to my adult kids- "OH eah - see your Dr. about that Gardisil vaccination. Cervical cancer may be avoidable" Love, MOM

Their Dad objected to the vaccine--- listened to the religious who somehow did not quite get it that the vaccine really protect youth in communities that don't talk about sex and don't provide sex education from RAPE and incest mores than any date rape etc.. CAUSE it is those repressive communities where no one talks of sex that that kinda of crazy dysfunction occurs MORESO Than communities where it is perfectly acceptable to have a sex life and use protection etc..

My teens actually said this to me when I brought then to a Dr. for a needed menaccocil vaccine for school and I thought of the Gardisil vac and then my 19 yr old got the first dose of it. It took me a while to understand what they were saying. They kept saying "Gardisil only needs to be given to kids because of incest"
I was like WTF???
NO its beacause if you get it early it protects from exposure later.

They really said it is needed most in the very communities where the adults act like it is unnecessary.
They may be right actually. The irony of that. ( Similar as how unmarried completed to term with a live birth or not, are highest among the communities WITHOUT sex education where abstinence is encouraged .)

Incest also happens in INSULAR FAMILIES WHO DO NOT LET THEIR MEMBERS SOCIALIZE WITH THE WORLD or in RELIGIOUS communities that are also insular.

YEAH- so I made donations and am giving my parents and family all a card with the alternative gift of a donation to help those in Haiti for Christmas gifts. I will also send each a book from a banned book list. Fairfax County parents encouraging the burning of this book motivated me for that idea.

Not sure who to give Gender Queer to as my teens were not interested in it. I might actually send it to my Dad to be honest. He might find it interesting and learn from it. He is pretty open minded and I think will apprechiate it. I read it and it was pretty good. The funny thing is it is about someone AESEXUAL who does not WANT To have sex at all! They tried and it did nothing for them so not sure why the conservatives find THAT so very offensive! (LOL) was on this AM agenda and for some reason I could not find my address book... LOL Life with ADHD...
I took it out for some reason recently. Must be in my bedroom SOMEWHERE other than the SPOT for it on my desk! That means next chore when home (maybe tonight if have energy or in AM) is finish straightening my bedroom until I find it!

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