2022-04-10 - 4:08 p.m.

My senior graduating college used a credit card to pay the last $4500 of her Spring Tuition this year. She had four- yes FOUR different part time jobs she has been working this final semester to pay off that.

I am proud of how hard she works and that her health is good such that she CAN do so.

I wish she had consulted me BEFORE using a credit card as a short term loan fiscally would have been better... but she obviously did not want to burden me. She is Ms. Independent, and I am proud of her!

She also saved her money and bought a really nice used car CASH. So she heard my mantra on that- NEVER TAKE OUT A CAR LOAN. CAR LOANS Are THE WORST financial mistake people make.

I did so only ONCE and it was when I landed a job that doubled my income and I needed the car for the commute to get there. I had just not saved up cash to buy one. It is SO MUCH SMARTER when young and don't really need a high income yet- as not yet supporting others or a mortgage to just live in means. I mean even a low wage job- with hustling and looking, one can fine a room to rent. Just live in means- live with roommates- live in a tiny space for time being and don't live outside of means then SAVE to be able to buy a car is my mantra. Find a job on a bus line. Heck LIVE in walking distance to a bus line.. or get a bike and haul your ass every day if you need to until you have the cash for a car.

I think some people CAN'T DO ALL THAT as have bonafide disability and health issues- but for those who can it is much smarter to work your ass off when young and able and save to be able to then only buy what you can afford.

BUT I broke that rule today. In a way... the reality is I know I have the work and income and also income potential the moment I HAVE to work more- I am riding out working less to devote more time to family NOW while they are still here and I feel they still NEED my attention more than money to be very honest.... to a degree.

This kid is graduating with a dual degree. She could have graduated in DEC but decided to also finish an BS science degree in edition to a BA. It was a smart move on her part.

She has two job interviews coming up- one a summer position another full time.

In other good news she just won an essay contest with a $1500 prize! So proud of this hard working ambitious smart kid.

So I broke my rule and shopped beyond my means.
I just think these teens need to not have stress and they invent stress when it is not there by their worry- so PERHAPS if there is no POSSIBLE worry of not having enough...
they can get out of fight or flight or retreat and hide.

I swear the ones living here ( and the third in college) are still in that survival instinct mode ALL THE TIME and don't even know it.

SO I did use my credit card and stocked up on the food they LIKE to eat. We already had all the ingredients for me to make a healthy meal and eggs, oatmeal, pancake mix and fresh fruit and OJ for breakfast.

But were out of waffles and granola bars and bagels and the cereal they like. So yes they are spoiled in that way and picky-- but short of me cooking and preparing every meal ( Which I have been doing) I swear my youngest would not eat! Maybe it was dumb guilt and I should not have taken that on-
but I just want them to have peace of mind and me to have peace of mind.
I want the food wars to stop- I want them to STOP The complaining and acting like there is never food in the house.

So literally about 6 weeks ago I had stocked up at Walmart but that was gone in like a month.

So I did it again- we have more than enough and if anyone has issues binging they need to figure out how to manage that in time.
I think that is what happens when kids grow up food insecure- and it contributes to food disorders. I have a couple who DO THAT- just eat way to much of a thing in an anxiety driven obsessive manner
as if they will not get to eat this thing ever again if they don't do it now.

One is aware of this; one hides the behavior and seems to just see it in a sibling and there is projection of judging the sibling. Possible shame but possibly not even aware of this obsessive kind of binging done in the moment.

Its weird to see when it happens- I mean it has been observed. Or the bag of chips disappears fast- the whole thing gone and no one else had any super fast.

But not uncommon that food is a comfort.

So I just stocked up and hope these kids can get comfortable at SOME point with NOTHING To worry about. NOTHING To argue about. Its like there is no other problems in life so they find that one thing to make into an issue.

If literally NOTHING to complain about maybe their systems; their bodies really learn to actually relax and re-set. I do think the video gaming is a means of keeping the brain in that hyper kinetic state as they are so conditioned to be IN THat state that they don't really KNOW how to just relax and let their brains rest.

They will not agree to go on vacation! I tried to get them to go to the beach last summer and they said NO. I offered to go camping and they said "I hate camping". I asked the one if she wanted to travel to see her bro when I went-
and she had marching band and did not want to miss school.
Once financially caught up; and after the graduations- I will plan a trip to visit my Dad and family that live with and near him.

I hope to get these kids on a family vacation to actually relax.

Now I am focused on planning the graduation party. I booked a great restaraunt for my oldest's MFA celebration for her father and I to go the night after her graduation. The night of there is a dept party.
So I will find an Air BNB for that.

I am glad I did not yet book the place for the party as they are in the running for a scholarship to a workshop (SO HOPE They get to go!!! )

If you did not yet catch on I have a modern family, and as well educated in liberal colleges they are hip to the new language and have gotten me on board with the use of neopronouns et al that modern stuff.
It is interesting a friend I met yesterday went on a long rant about how all this new language stuff is so divicise and causeing problems-
we are all one
and how its mind control etc..
and how now kids are so confused...etc...

You know last I checked a kid reading a book about two penguins who grow up with two mommy penquigns doesn't suddenly DECIDE to be gay....

it doesn't really work like that. The reality of a person exists And reality of GAY people existed BEFORE we constructed the language to talk about this reality of some being different than others..

I mean folks being born intersex have existed and the science and biology studying those who are trans basically demonstates that there are literal DIFFERENCS in hormones and brain chemistry NATUALLY before anyone decides to further alter their chemistry and body to show more dominantly one presentaion or another....

Its just interesting to me some see this a so incendiary

I mean weird to me. When the rates of violence AGAINST TRANS are exponentially higher than against the rest of the population....
doesn't seem to me being trans and insisting on being called such is the act that is incendiary and causing division or violence...
seems the lack of acceptance of those who finally want to be seen for who they are is the cause of violence.

ITs so weird to me as still not sure why they heck anyone else would be so upset by a gay person or a trans person to be brought to anger and violence.

I agree it is a challenge to get used to "they/them" pronouns...
but I think it a small thing to make that shift in language even if uncomfortable compared to the discomfort of those who have been ostracized and worse- killed for their differences. If it makes this group of folks feel better about themselves and is important to them- so be it- I will do my best to use anyone's pronoun they designate for their self.

So yeah I have a couple kid that use they/them.

I just listened to my friend's perspective. Tried to understand how my friend sees this use of pronouns other than he or she as something so divicive. She did go on about how we are all one collective consciousness- we are all connected, spiritual understanding of the world.

Anyway... I am happy when shopping I stopped at Home Depot to pick up and ordered item. I had forgotten completely what I had ordered there- figured if I forgot it can't be that important! BUT it was pretty important as it turned out it was the outlet tester to plug into all my outlets to confirm they are wired correctly!

So I was glad to pick that up....and I did not resist the urge for tulips.

I did buy some bulbs and tulips. SHOOT I am wondering if I forgot a bag of bulbs...I hope I ended up with them. I didn't grab a bag and was carrying the few items and now that hope realize have no idea where those are.

I picked up some really pretty potted pink tulips. I will enjoy them indoors through Easter then put them in the front yard. I also bought a lovely small pink Azaela in a pot as there is a spot in my yard that can be planted where it will look lovely.
Oh and poppies-- yes a pot with many poppies and one blooming. (There will be many soon!)

They are so cheerful and I look forward to transplanting them in a couple of weeks. In other news today when I went out in my back yard I saw a half dozen white tulips came up! YES!! I Thought I had NONE but it was just too early for them.

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